“I really like Candy. I hope we’ll get to meet again.” Melissa returned the smile. “I’ll say just this as for children. They can be your greatest weakness and your greatest strength. And you won’t find another kind of love like it. Not even that of your soulmate.”
“I’ve seen it when you or Sam or Abby are holding Miss Alex.” Thelma envied the love. Not that she didn’t have enough with Jessie. But there was always room for love. “But before I even think of bringing this up with Jessie, I have to allow her to grieve. Just wish she wasn’t secluding herself.”
“We all grieve in our own way.” Melissa remembered losing her mother. She had been ill. It had been a trying time as she was on her own with three young children and had also been in charge of her mother’s care. Sadly, in some ways, it had come as a relief. And yet, she would give anything to hear her mother’s voice again.
“I’m just hoping she is grieving and not blaming herself.” Thelma wasn’t certain if it would be the same thing or not, but knew Kathy felt guilty about the circumstances surrounding her mother’s death.
“It can happen. But I think in Jessie’s case, she’ll be upset she didn’t have closure.” Melissa hoped she was reading Jessie correctly. “After all, I was there. Her mother never said a word. That has to eat at you.”
“It does.” The pair were so caught up in their conversation, they never heard the rustling of Jessie’s raincoat. “Yet, I know if I spoke to her, it wouldn’t have made one bit of difference. And that’s too bad for her, a supposed Christian woman.”
“I’ll just leave you two alone.” Melissa squeezed Thelma’s shoulder before making her way down the stairs. A little something to drink, perhaps hot, on the front porch would help calm her and hopefully help her to be ready to sleep. She wondered if it would be alone.
Thelma didn’t hesitate in hugging her wife. Jessie was soaked, even with the raincoat on. “Let’s get you into something dry and warm.”
Jessie wouldn’t admit it, but she was cold. Normally, she could handle any type of weather thrown at her. Well, she’d never been in The North during a winter, so she wasn’t certain she could handle that type of cold.
The former firefighter willingly was led to their bedroom. Jessie was shivering. If she were honest, it wasn’t from the rain or the outside temps. It was from emotions she hadn’t been prepared to deal with.
“You take off your wet clothes, while I start the fire.” Part of Thelma wanted to be the one stripping her wife. Later, she could warm Jessie that way. For now, it was time to start a fire, beginning with the kindling.
Jessie was methodical as she removed her wet clothing. She allowed each layer of clothing to fall to the floor. She stood with her arms at her side and her hand covering her womanhood.
It didn’t take Thelma long to start the fire. It was only a small fire that would burn for an hour or so. When she turned around, she stopped in midmotion. Her wife, dressed or naked, was the most beautiful woman in the world.
Thelma managed to shake off the lust. She closed the distance between them. The hand she took was icy cold. Hastily, Thelma retrieved Jessie’s nightclothes.
Deliberately, Thelma led a still shivering Jessie to the fire. There was a soft rug they would lay upon. Usually it was Jessie who supported Thelma. This time, it was Thelma who had her legs spread and Jessie had her body pressed against her chest.
The occasional sparks would flare as the couple watched the fire. Every so often, a crackle would startle Thelma. Jessie slowly relaxed in her arms.
Just when Thelma thought her wife was asleep, a familiar soft sound was heard over the crackling of the fire. Jessie was crying.
Thelma’s arms tightened around her wife. Even if Jessie never spoke of her emotions, Thelma knew how much her wife was hurting. How? Jessie was simply one of those people who rarely cried.
Would it matter exactly why Jessie was crying? Maybe. But to Thelma, it was for a childhood she could have had. For parents who loved her no matter what. For a mother who hadn’t judged her, even with her dying breath.
It was something Thelma knew all too well. And was why, if Jessie was incapable of ever speaking aloud her reasons behind the tears, Thelma would understand, at least at a basic level.
The hours flew by. The tears slowly dried up. The fire turned to ashes. Thelma was exhausted but wasn’t about to move. Her wife was asleep. It was what Jessie needed to heal.
Before Thelma realized what was happening, she was being carried to the bed. It was Jessie’s turn to take care of her wife.
The smaller woman was gently placed on the bed. The longer body snuggled up close. The covers were pulled tight to both their chins as they held onto one another.
The sun was just coming over the horizon when Thelma began to stir. Jessie was still holding her tight. It was how each day ended and how each day began.
With the dawning of a new day came the realization they were lucky. Not everyone was able to awaken to a new day. Not everyone was able to put yesterday behind them.
Thelma knew Jessie wouldn’t be able to simply place her mother’s death behind her. Not even when they had the answers to both asked and unasked questions.
But a new day meant a new start. Thelma only hoped that they weren’t the only ones that would take this new day and make the best of it.
Dallas was strong and would recover from the latest attack. Lucy, while appearing strong, held onto her mother as a crutch. Hopefully she was learning to walk on her own two feet. Allison was timid, but also a fighter. Would she be able to fight for what she deserved? And Geraldine was the weakest and strongest of all. Weakest because she was new to the world. Strongest because she was opening her heart to others.
Thelma felt arms tighten around her as if Jessie was sensing her thoughts. Could Jessie sense the latest predicament flowing through Thelma’s head? One she never thought she would discover?
Chapter 15
Though there was little time to spend together, Allison was on her own. After their discussion of remaining friends becoming so emotional and her talk with Jackeline about expectations, she knew it was best to take a moment for herself.
Though there remained a threat, Allison wasn’t too worried. She had been armed with pepper spray by Sam once the security woman had noticed she was off on her own.
It wasn’t merely being armed with something that could possibly incapacitate someone. There was also the knowledge that those in Sam’s employ were lurking throughout the property, as well as the cameras were in place and working.
Allison hadn’t texted Rick back since receiving the news. It wasn’t very polite of her, but she had needed time to process everything.
As Allison walked in the crisp morning air, she knew now was as good a time as any. She decided one of the tall oak trees that was near the northern edge of the property was an ideal place to take a breather from her walk.
It wasn’t surprising Allison’s text was almost immediately returned. Since Rick was in upper management, he was allowed to have his cellphone upon him and answer calls and texts, if need be.
Rick was concerned about her. It wasn’t about being in Georgia by herself, though there was a small part of him worried because of that. It was because she would be unemployed. He wasn’t as worried about himself, as management experience added to his appeal as an employee.
Allison wasn’t about to lie to her friend. She was worried. Even after doing a little more research on places in Montana and other states, she wasn’t certain what was out there for her, other than working two or three part-time jobs.
There was also healthcare to think about. Not many employers offered healthcare immediately. Some employers made you work a year or two before becoming eligible.
It was something that worried Allison. Not for herself so much, as at the moment she was overall healthy. Yes, she had to watch for low blood sugar, but that could be avoided. She was worried for someone like Geraldine who could be denied access to healthcare beca
use she was transitioning.
The cashier also informed Rick of Lucy’s offer of employment. In other words, Allison had her options. They weren’t ideal, if only because everything was left in the air.
Allison left Rick with the promise she would text before she left the bed and breakfast. She placed the cellphone back in her pocket as she chose to continue with her exploration of the land and to think everything through.
The sun was bright. Allison witnessed this often back in Michigan. No matter the season, but after a thunderstorm, it always seemed the sun was brighter.
Was it the promise of a new beginning? Allison wasn’t certain. All she knew was she hated thunderstorms. Was it the raging waters? Was it the brightness of the lightning? Or was it the anger of the thunder?
One thing Allison had learned on this vacation was that she was stronger than she would have ever given herself credit for. While there was still a long way to go, she was on her way to becoming the woman she had always wanted to be.
One thing Allison vowed before she moved was to attempt once again to discover where she came from. Growing up in foster care, after being left at a local fire station, meant she had no family. No sense of who she truly was.
No one knew Allison had been abandoned. All she had told Rick was that her family lived too far away and had disowned her. It had kept him from asking.
The smell of fresh earth brought back memories. Allison remembered one of the field trips she had made with her kindergarten class. She had only been about five. It was her first experience being outside of the city.
It was in the spring, just as the fields were being plowed. They had allowed the children to run barefoot in the untilled soil. The smell of fresh earth was like nothing Allison had ever smelled before.
It had been years since Allison had remembered that field trip. Along with the running in the fields had been the cows, pigs, chickens and her first experience with horses. In some respects, she had felt at home.
In others, Allison had felt lost. Was it because she hadn’t had a parent or guardian with her? Her foster family had chosen not to attend, instead signing a piece of paper making the teacher fully responsible for her well-being.
Looking back, it was Allison’s first taste of nature. What life could be like when one was free. Even though the animals had been confined, they had been freer than she had felt and continued to feel.
But it was also the first time Allison had experienced the lack of family. Yes, she had had her best friend who had run hand in hand with her.
A best friend was an amazing thing. But it wasn’t the same thing as a sibling. Or even better yet, it wasn’t the same as having actual blood relatives.
At this point, Allison would settle for a true friend. In a way, she had it with Rick. But would that last once they no longer worked together?
That’s why Allison was fighting so hard to maintain her friendship with Geraldine. Yes, there was the sparkage between them. It was more than the potential for an intimate relationship.
To have a best friend would be the next best thing to having a sibling. At least, that’s what Allison’s train of thought was. But she was new to the entire best friend thing.
Allison’s stomach rumbled, alerting her to the fact she had been up before the sun had risen. It was time she headed back. Perhaps she could spend the remainder of the day with a certain raven-haired cowgirl.
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Geraldine had awakened without Allison once again. It was becoming a ritual. And soon, it would be how it was. In fact, the cowgirl would be on a bus day after tomorrow. Then she would be waking up in the loft of her father’s stable.
It wasn’t a pleasant thought. While Geraldine was desperate to see her mother, she never wanted to see her father or brothers again.
That right there should be the answer to the question constantly plaguing the cowgirl. Which was? Where did Geraldine want to be in the near and distant future?
Alongside Allison was one answer. But with Allison unsure of where she wanted to be, it placed Geraldine’s destiny in question.
In the near future, Geraldine could remain on the ranch. She could gain access to the information she needed. Perhaps, even begin the lengthy process to officially begin to transition.
Geraldine needed some coffee. Some would say she needed something stronger. It was something the cowgirl had never done. Alcohol was something she had never partaken of.
It wasn’t something Geraldine or her mother would admit to anyone. Her father was a drunk. He wasn’t merely a drunk. He was a mean and abusive drunk. And his sons were exactly like him.
It was another reason for moving on. Geraldine rose from the table. She had been staring out at the front entrance. There was activity in the driveway. It had to do with those from the security agency.
Perhaps Sam and her friends had discovered something. Perhaps they could all be safe, at least from whatever or whoever had been after the bed and breakfast. What if it went beyond the personal vendetta against Jessie or Thelma specifically? A deep breath was taken at the thought.
Geraldine stretched. It had been a long nearly week of vacation. So much had happened. No matter what happened or what the cowgirl chose to do, she was forever changed.
While Geraldine could hold onto the negatives, such as the burned skin, it wasn’t what she wanted to do anymore. There was so much negative in her life before coming to the bed and breakfast. Now was the time to hold onto the positive.
It was a new thought process for Geraldine. It was one she knew would not always be held onto. She knew relapses would be made.
What Geraldine would have to remember was she was human, first and foremost. What did that mean? That she could fail. That she could make mistakes. But the only true way to fail was to stop trying.
Geraldine paused at the door. She couldn’t help the small chuckle that escaped her. It was something her mother would tell her.
The soft chuckle immediately faded. Geraldine knew something. Without her mother, she would not be alive. There was the bullying she had endured during her entire time at school. None of her teachers, principals or school board would do anything about it.
The worst form of torture had come from home. Geraldine was feeling a bit green. In fact, the cowgirl rushed to the bathroom. She splashed water on her face.
The cool spray did little to take away the fiery feeling emblazoning her cheeks. Geraldine leaned on both hands as she stared at her reflection.
Geraldine had survived name calling. She had survived beatings. Never once did the cowgirl fight back. She never would fight back or stand up for herself.
There was a moment Geraldine had buried deep within. She wondered if her mother even knew about this particular event. If she did, how could her mother remain with her father?
The cowgirl barely made it to the toilet before becoming violently ill. Geraldine finally had wretched up her soul and was now leaning against the locked bathroom door.
How had Geraldine blocked out the images of her brothers taunting her? Not with the usual name calling that siblings normally do.
They had cornered Geraldine in her safe place. The names began. They were the normal. The most heinous. Were routine.
Her eldest brother threw a bucket of ice cold water on her. Geraldine had her arms wrapped around herself in attempt to shield herself from any more physical abuse.
When Geraldine had heard her father’s voice, she had thought she was saved. Why? Her father was normally the leader of the verbal assault. He had never, that she recalled, physically harmed her, other than a slap or two on the butt.
But that day, when she was only fifteen, things had changed. Geraldine knew she had scars upon her back. She had always assumed some type of incident had taken place during her youth.
The scars were fresher than that. Her father had roughly turned Geraldine around. He had two of his sons hold her arms at her side.
The sound was causing her to jump,
nearly become sick once again. Geraldine could hear the crack of the whip as it had hit her left ear.
Geraldine’s brother had let go. That’s when things turned worse. The brother holding her punched her in the stomach, causing her to collapse to the ground.
The normally comforting scent of hay was now a trigger for what had happened next. The whip had met its target. It had cut deep into her back.
Once. Twice. Three times. Geraldine had lost count on how many times the whip had dug into her back. She had been left in a heap and with the words, “No son of mine will be a queer. Be the man you were born to be.”
The cowgirl shivered at the sensation of the stinging. Of the feel of the ice cold water as it hit her once again. Her eldest brother had to add insult to injury.
What had happened after her brothers and father had left her bleeding and shivering? Geraldine couldn’t remember. Had she pulled herself together? Or had her mother aided her?
Now Geraldine realized something. It wasn’t only the fact she was uncomfortable with anyone seeing her body as it was now. It was the fact she had not wanted anyone to ask about the scars that adorned her back.
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Lucy was exhausted. It had been another night of lovemaking. So much for merely holding one another. She needed time to process everything. She needed time to speak with her mother.
For once, it wasn’t in regards to her feelings for Dallas. While Lucy hadn’t confided in her mother that she had become engaged to a practical stranger, her mother did know she was quite serious.
So why speak to her mother? Lucy had reality facing her. One full day left with Dallas and she would be forced to return home.
Dallas had wanted to escort her. Unfortunately, it wasn’t to be. Dallas’ mothers needed her. While they were strong and independent women, they were older. And they needed someone who could do the grunt work until someone they trusted could be hired.
Kindling Page 22
