by Nancy Adams
Joe gazed up at her from his hands, his eyes bloodshot and his face bedraggled.
“You tell me,” she continued, staring wildly into his eyes, flames burning brightly in her own, “if there’s ever been anyone else?”
Looking directly into her eyes, Joe said in a firm voice, “No one.”
Claire breathed a slight sigh of relief. She wanted to believe her father then and hoped that he was telling the truth.
“You swear it on Kyle’s life,” Claire pronounced with assertiveness.
“Come on, Claire,” Joe let out in a groan.
“You swear on your son’s life. On your firstborn son.”
Joe looked at her with a serious expression and uttered, “I swear on my boy’s life that I never done it again. Never.”
“Tell me another thing, Joe,” Claire insisted. “I’ve always wanted to know, why did you stop when I was thirteen?”
Joe’s face melted into a sad frown.
“Do we have to talk about it?” he whined.
“Yes. Yes we do.”
He let out a breath of air, before throwing his hands up in the air and muttering, “I don’t know.”
“No—you do know; tell me.”
“I guess, I always knew it was wrong,” he admitted in an enfeebled tone. “Believe me when I tell you that it always filled me with disgust. You see”—and here he looked her in the eyes—“you’re not the only one that’s been abused.”
“Please, if you’re about to bombard me with excuses, you’re wasting your breath.”
“The least you can do is hear me out,” Joe whimpered.
“Go on then.”
Joe took in a deep breath and began, “When I was young we used to play out by the creek. Out there used to be an old man—a kinda hermit—that lived by the river in an old shack. He used to let us play out there and sometimes he’d spend time with us. We just took him for some sweet old man and left it at that. But then some of the boys stopped coming out to the creek, never saying why, just refusing to play out there. It wasn’t until I was out there on my own one day and came across the old man that I got to know why them boys became scared of the creek. He invited me into his shack. I’d been in there countless times, but never on my own. But I was just a kid, so I just went on in there.” Joe paused for a moment and his bloodshot eyes gazed into space as he weighed up the next part. “Anyway,” he continued after a while, “the old man was drunk and he offered me whiskey. I was eleven and I thought why not. I wanted him to think that I was older than I was. So I drank some whiskey sitting on his bed and the next thing…he was beside me with his arm around my shoulder…and then…well, I guess…”
Joe’s mouth moved, but no words escaped his stricken throat.
“Well, he…mmm,” Joe finally mumbled, “he raped me, I guess you could say.”
“If you’re lying,” Claire spat at him, “I’ll find out.”
Joe looked back up into her eyes and pronounced, “You think I’m lying? I ain’t never told another goddamned soul about that in my life. Not even your mother knows this of me. No one does. I ran so fast from that old bastard’s shack the moment he’d finished with me, my ass bleeding in my shorts. I ran back home, pissing myself as I did. When I got in, I couldn’t eat my dinner and just went up to bed. I never even took my clothes off until the next day, because I was afraid to see the marks that he’d left on me.”
“This is no excuse,” Claire put to him. “Being abused doesn’t give you a right to go and become the abuser. In fact, it makes you worse. You knew how it felt and yet you repeated it.”
“I’m not giving excuses. It made me feel terrible to know that I was doing such awful things to you back then.” Joe pointed to his temple and added, “It was like worms eating away at me. But,” his voice softened, “I feel we can move on from this. I feel better, having talked to you. Can’t you see, Claire,” Joe got up out of his seat and approached her on the bed, holding his hand out to her. “Can’t you see,” he continued as she cringed away from him, “that you’re the only one I can talk to about this. We share something, Claire, can’t you see. Me and you—you’re the only one that truly knows me. We can move on from this.”
“Get away from me, Joe,” Claire growled as he offered her his hand.
“I’m offering you peace,” he said as he held his hand out.
“I don’t want your peace.”
“Well, what do you—”
Joe was interrupted by someone opening the door behind them. He flung his head around sharply and saw Paul poking in through the door.
“Sorry,” Paul said as they both turned to him, “I went to the bathroom and heard voices.”
Joe’s stern expression melted into a benevolent grin.
“I was just catching up with, Claire,” Joe said with a smile. “We didn’t get any time earlier on, so I was seeing her now. Sorry, if we disturbed you, son.”
“No,” Paul said, “I’m sorry that I interrupted. I’ll go back to bed.”
“No,” Joe replied. “We were just finishing. You say hello to Claire before you go back to bed. I’ll head off now.”
Joe walked out the room, patting Paul on the shoulder as he passed him at the door.
“Goodnight, son,” Joe muttered as he went away.
When he had, Paul came inside the room, shutting the door softly behind him, and sat down at the end of Claire’s bed, gazing benevolently at her.
“You okay?” he asked her.
“Sure,” she let out with a sad face, before adding, “Paul?”
“Yeah?”
“Can you come here and hold me?”
Paul moved along the bed so that he was lying behind Claire, wrapping her in his arms as they lay curled up on their sides.
“Will you stay with me for the rest of the night?” she tenderly asked from within his arms.
“Of course, I will,” he replied, kissing the nape of her neck as he did.
CHAPTER TWELVE
It was the day of baby David’s baptism and Margot and the others were standing on the beach listening to the praise band of the Bel Air Presbyterian Church going through a repertoire of church songs, the beach filled with followers, a mass of people, mostly children, waiting to be baptized in the Pacific Ocean. Juliette found the polyphony of everyone’s voices on the beach beautiful and many passersby had stopped to watch the giant procession of people being baptized in the ocean.
Claude was holding David, who was wrapped in a little white cotton blanket, and the big Frenchman was singing with all his heart. Jules stood next to him holding out the hymnbook for them both to read, also in full chorus. Juliette and Margot were standing beside them, holding their own hymnal.
“You never told me,” Juliette whispered to Margot.
“I never told you what?” her friend whispered back.
“Why the Bel Air Presbyterian Church?”
“I was walking along the beach once and I saw them all baptizing people in the sea. I stopped and watched them, just like these guys are doing now. Watching everyone singing, just like we used to when I was a girl in church, I felt so at peace. When I first considered having a child, I thought of that time and decided that I wanted to have David baptized in the ocean, the ocean that he’ll grow up alongside, an ocean that’s always been kind to me.”
“How sweet, Margot,” Juliette said with a smile, leaning her head on her friend’s shoulder.
Margot rested her own head on that of Juliette and the two resumed singing.
It wasn’t long before the baptisms started and the congregation moved en masse to the water, a line of them waiting to be baptized together, the elderly pastor speaking through a microphone, his pants rolled up to just below his knee.
Soon, Claude was standing in the water, handing David over to the pastor, before stepping back from him, Margot on the other side of the minister, Juliette beside her and Jules beside Claude.
Holding David in his arms, the pastor said aloud, the microphone
held to his mouth by an assistant, “Hear the words of our Lord Jesus: All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything that I have commanded you. And remember, I am with you always, to the end of the age. Obeying the word of our Lord Jesus, and confident of his promises, we baptize those whom God has called. In baptism God claims us, and seals us to show that we belong to God. God frees us from sin and death, uniting us with Jesus Christ in his death and resurrection. By water and the Holy Spirit, we are made members of the church, the body of Christ, and joined to Christ's ministry of love, peace, and justice. Let us remember with joy our own baptism, as we celebrate this sacrament.”
The pastor’s assistant took the mic away from his mouth and he leaned forward to Margot and whispered, “What is the child’s name?”
“David Christoph Dugarry,” she whispered back.
The mic was returned to his lips and he continued, “We are gathered here today to witness David Christoph Dugarry as he is presented on behalf of the Session for baptism.” He then turned to Margot and Claude and asked them, “Is David Christoph Dugarry to be the Christian name of your child?”
“Yes it is,” they both said together as they stood before him holding hands.
“Do you desire that your child be baptized?”
“Yes, we do.”
“Relying on God's grace, do you promise to live the Christian faith, and to teach that faith to your child?”
“Yes, we do.”
The pastor now turned to Jules and Juliette, who were also holding hands as they stood in the sea.
“As this child’s Godparents,” the pastor said to them, “do you promise, through prayer and example, to support and encourage this child to be a faithful Christian?”
“We do,” they said, Juliette with a wide, bright smile, Jules with a shrug.
The pastor then turned his eyes to the congregation and asked out loud, “Do you, as members of the church of Jesus Christ, promise to guide and nurture this child by word and deed, with love and prayer, encouraging this child to know and follow Christ and to be a faithful member of His church?”
The whole crowd cried out in unison that they would.
With that, the pastor dunked the slightly confused David into the sea and held him so that the top of his head was partially submerged, the pastor washing the water over him with his free hand. The infant began to struggle, kicking his legs out, and his little face screwed up. Margot, Claude, Juliette and Jules all looked down at him with beaming smiles cast across their sunny faces. As David threatened to burst into tears, the pastor brought him back up out of the water and handed him to Margot.
She took the boy off of him and beamed the biggest smile down to the bewildered child. On seeing her happy face, David’s furrowed little expression instantly softened and he let out a toothless smile, reaching his fingers out and touching Margot on the forehead as he did. The pastor’s assistant, having returned the mic to her boss, now guided them away.
“God goes with you,” the pastor said as they went away.
They now all went to a picnic area of benches and tables where a large In-and-Out Burger truck sat serving the congregation by the beach. Juliette and Margot, who was holding the slightly wet baby David, sat themselves down at a table while Jules and Claude went off to fetch them burgers. Everyone around them had the smiling looks of people finding themselves blessed on such a beautiful sunny day on the beach.
“So you plan on visiting the church much after this?” Juliette asked.
Margot looked up from David and declared, “I don't see why not. Claude and I were discussing it last night and it might be a good idea to be part of something.” Then, noticing Juliette’s look, she added, “You’re smiling.”
It was true, Juliette was smiling.
“I’m not being cynical,” Juliette said. “It’s just nice to see such a difference in you from when I first met you as a twenty-something girl all those years ago.”
“How do you mean?”
“You were so lost back then, Margot. You’d be the first to admit that.”
“Yes—you’re right. I was lost. My mother had just died. My father only knew his work and in the end it killed him when he collapsed during a board meeting one day after suffering a heart attack. My life had been so cold and lonely up until that point.”
“It’s just so nice to see that you’ve found yourself.”
“We’ve both found ourselves, Juliette. Me with Claude and now David. You finding Jules again.”
Juliette reached her hand across the table and placed it on Margot’s arm.
“And I have you to thank for that,” Juliette said, looking happily into her friend’s eyes.
Margot smiled at her and replied, “I simply knew what you needed and what you wanted. You were too stubborn and proud to do anything about it, so I merely pushed your fates back together.”
“You saved my life,” Juliette remarked softly.
“We save each other,” Margot informed her.
The two friends remained gazing at each other warmly for a moment, until Jules and Claude sat themselves down next to them with the food. After that, they were all tucking into burgers, Margot feeding David his bottle while simultaneously eating her own food.
As he was holding his hamburger in front of his mouth, Claude paused and turned to Margot.
“Have you asked her yet?” he asked his wife.
“Not yet,” Margot said, frowning at him a little.
“What were you going to ask?” Juliette inquired of Margot.
“Well,” Margot began in a soft tone while she fed David, “you know how you’re both the unofficial grandparents, as well as the official Godparents?”
“Yeah,” Juliette and Jules said in unison.
“And you know how neither myself nor Claude has any family around?”
“Yes.”
“And the last thing I want is David to go to either of my brothers and be brought up like some spoiled brat. So, anyway, Claude and I have been talking for some time and we wanted to ask you if you’d be willing to be David’s next of kin? God forbid anything happens to either of us, but just in case we have to be prepared; it’s not just our own lives anymore, it’s his. So would you? I know it’s pretty big, but the chances of anything happening are extremely remote.”
Juliette and Jules looked at each other for a moment, gazed into one another’s eyes and then, in unison, turned back to Margot and said, “Yes.”
This resulted in planting huge smiles on both Claude and Margot’s already-beaming faces.
“Thank you,” Margot said to them both. “We’re going to see my lawyer tomorrow and we’ll write everything up for you both to sign as soon as possible.”
“Okay,” they said.
“I want to kiss you both,” Margot let out.
And she would have, too, if David hadn’t been held in her arms.
“I’ll take him for a little while if you want, cheri,” Claude offered her. “So you can get your kisses.”
Margot handed David over to Claude and, while he finished feeding the boy, she came around the other side of the table and enveloped both Jules and Juliette in her arms, kissing them both on the forehead. After that she sat back down and they all chatted happily together, the sun glowing brightly in the background, the soft waves crashing against the shore, the salty breeze blowing through their hair and a general serenity running through each of them.
The foursome were so happy in that moment, and as much as it was a celebration of David’s birth, it was also a celebration of the love that existed between the friends.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Sam’s legs were much better now, and he felt ever-increasing strength in them. Today, he and Jenna were walking through the Colorado wilderness. They were moving steadily through a wet forest, an hour from the house. They�
�d set off at seven that morning and it was four o’clock now. Both of them were wet with perspiration and the light shower of rain that had trickled down from the cloudy sky almost all day. Their boots were coated with mud and they stomped on through the woods. That day they had traveled several miles out along the river before turning up through a forest that stood on a steep hillside. From there they’d made it along a ridge of rock and found a small ledge that overlooked part of the valley. There they had eaten some food that they’d brought with them and then cuddled up in the tepid rain.
Neither had said much as they walked, both deep in thought. It was now almost a month since the news broke of their affair, and Jenna had been busy giving interviews to prominent members of the country’s media, including the New York Times. Sam had also given several follow-up interviews in order to give everything a more rounded feel. A week before, under considerable pressure from Sam’s lawyers, both OK! magazine and the L.A Times were forced to print weeklong front page editorials apologizing to Jenna and Sam and stating that they had been misled. Various other newspapers and television news channels had also been forced to apologize for the misleading reports. For the past week, Jenna had been on her own in the Cliff Top with only Gary, his team of five assistants and Sam’s personal assistant Karl as company.
Sam, meanwhile, had been up in Massachusetts visiting Jess and Marya’s parents.
His in-laws hadn’t had much reaction to his relationship with Jenna. It wasn’t an affair and both of the Smiths were liberal enough to understand and forgive him if he’d found someone only six months after the death of their daughter. They were a little hurt with the swiftness that he had moved on, you could say, but didn’t begrudge him finding someone else. In fact, the rather respectful Smiths didn’t even mention it while he stayed with them. The press, having been shown to look a little crooked in the last weeks, had left him relatively alone while he was there and he had been able to enjoy his little girl in general peace and tranquility, only the odd paparazzi turning up while they went for days out, but being swiftly dealt with by his security team.
