by Nancy Adams
“Ha! That would be awful. We’d go from sending fake letters, to staking out your folks’ place to intercept real ones! I don’t think we can handle anymore covert operations.”
“No,” Claire smiled. “I think that this year I’ll really get my head down. Plus, helping you pass—”
“You assisted me in study,” Paul corrected her with a sly grin. “You didn’t help me pass.”
“Of course—sorry! I assisted you in study!”
“That’s better!”
“Anyway, I feel much better now, like my life has just been handed back to me after being taken away.”
“Claire, we only have the future and the present. The past has been washed away from everything except our memories.”
Claire dazzled him with another smile, spreading light across the table and casting Paul in its warm glow. She sat up from her seat, leaned across the table, Paul instinctively doing the same, and the two kissed under the arch of the alcove.
When they sat back down, Paul observed a patch of darkness drift across Claire’s features and her former bright expression changed to one of dejection.
“What’s wrong?” he asked her.
“There’s just one thing that holds me back from being truly happy.”
“And what’s that?”
“The baby,” Claire said with resolution.
“Oh, Claire!” Paul uttered softly.
He reached his hand across the table and held her chin.
Looking directly across into her eyes, he said, “You did the right thing.”
“Did I?” Claire asked him, with tears slowly filling her sad eyes. “I was his mother and I gave him away. What type of mother would do that?”
“The type of mother who has his best interests at heart. That’s the sign of a real mom.”
“But even you wanted to keep him, but I stopped us.”
“It was a boy’s dream, Claire. I was wrong and you were right. Through the pregnancy, I’d developed a bond with both you and the baby. I wanted to be there not just for you, but for him too. But what sort of father would I be? A twenty-year-old kid who’s only lived away from his parents for two years. Who still relies on their financial support to live. Who has another six years of schooling before he qualifies in the one thing that he’s been geared to do since he played with his father’s stethoscope as a six-year-old. Like you, I would’ve lost all of that, so that we could raise the boy—you staying home to care for him and me working some shitty job to support us all, the constant bane of poverty barking at our doors.”
“But how do we know that he’s being cared for better than we could?” Claire asked him tearfully. “I mean, I’m his mother; who could care for him better than me?”
“The adoption agency was adamant that he would go to a well-off, professional family. I even checked them out online, checked them for any negative news stories or criminal investigations. They were clean. They deliver on their promise to rigorously check the people adopting. The boy is in good hands, Claire, I can assure you of that.”
Claire allowed herself to grin once more, the sprinkle of a few tears dropping onto the table from her long eyelashes. Paul instinctively took a paper napkin and handed it to her so that she could wipe her sadness away.
“If one day,” Paul began softly, gazing benevolently into his love’s eyes, “he comes to find you, you’ll be able to explain your reasons. You won’t turn him away. You’ll invite him into your home. You’ll invite him into your life. You’ll tell him the truth—who his father is, how young you were, how you’d have risked both his future and your own by keeping him. I’m sure if he does find you, he will have enjoyed the bounty of a happy life with people that showered him with love. He’ll understand and he’ll come to love you and you’ll become one once again.”
Once again, Claire rose up out of her seat and the two kissed. As they did, Claire took ahold of Paul’s face with her hands and squeezed it. She felt so cozy with him then. He was her savior; her guardian angel. In her darkest hour, when she was facing having to go through her pregnancy completely alone up in Maine—no Beth for support—there he was, emerging in the corridor outside the associate dean’s office that day. It was as if God himself had dropped him there for her.
“Paul,” she said as they parted, his face still in her hands, “I want you to move in with me.”
A sunbeam hit Paul’s soul in that moment and he grinned wider than he ever had before.
“Will you then?” Claire asked as he sat there unable to find the words.
“Of course,” he spluttered.
Claire smiled and the two kissed once more, both feeling so blessed in that moment under the dark alcove.
PART THREE
CHAPTER TWENTY
Sam was taking a conference call with the Techsoft board. He was sitting at his desk in the study of his Greek villa in front of a webcam, the image of the boardroom and its inhabitants on his computer screen. It was a vote on a venture that Sam had been busy trying to win support for since they’d arrived on the island two weeks ago. For most of that time, Sam had been locked away in his study and Jenna had felt a little left out, although the island offered her wonderful walks along its rocky shorelines and beautiful white beaches. But she missed his company on those walks. One week ago, Jess and Maud had arrived on the island and the little girl had also taken up much of her father’s time. Though Jenna didn’t begrudge the little girl sharing time with her father in the slightest, she did feel a little marginalized during their moments of affection. Throughout these moments, she’d taken a backseat and allowed them to share time together.
Jenna wasn’t naive, she realized that she couldn’t have all of Sam’s time, that she’d have to merge into the background every so often when he was busy; which would be often for someone like Sam, especially now that he’d sworn to take back his company from Bormann’s grip.
While Sam finished off with the meeting, Jenna was outside walking along the beach of a small cove that sat at the back of the picturesque villa. She was with Jess and Maud and they’d found a little collection of shallow rock pools at the edge of the stony cove. Jenna was doing her best to bond with the little girl, but Jess wasn’t warming to her. In regards to her father and her au pair, the little girl was so joyful and Jenna would watch with a doleful heart sinking in her chest when she witnessed the little girl play with them. Because whenever the little girl shone her little green eyes onto Jenna, the joy appeared to evaporate from them, and Jess would clam up, simply nodding or shaking her head to anything that Jenna said. Watching Jess interact with other people, Jenna saw a bright and jolly little girl and she dreamed of being a part of that joviality. Even with the staff at the villa, Jess interacted with a cheery disposition and Jenna’s heart sunk even further.
“Do you know what that is, Jess?” Jenna asked the little girl as she pointed into the rock pool they stood next to.
“I don’t know,” the girl replied, walking immediately away.
Jenna simply remained by the rock pool and watched Jess as she skipped off to another rock pool a little farther along. Jenna’s first thought was to follow her, but then she realized that every attempt at contact that she’d made that morning had ended with the little girl merely shrugging her tiny shoulders and walking away. If the girl had any questions or wanted to say something to someone, she would simply run off to Maud, who stood at the beach, giving the two space. Maud would instantly reply to whatever it was that Jess had to say, before ushering her back to Jenna. Often Jenna would overhear the au pair scolding the little girl for her rudeness and telling her that she was to be nice to daddy’s friend.
Daddy’s friend! Jenna said aloud in her head when she had heard it.
“Hey, girls!” came Sam’s voice crying across the beach.
Jenna turned her head sharply toward the voice’s source. There he was, his white short-sleeved shirt and khakis glinting in the sunlight, strolling toward them across the sand, a big grin sta
nding out sharply on his face under his black Ray-Ban sunglasses, his usually brown hair sporting streaks of blond from the two months of constant sunlight radiating down upon him, his skin sporting a healthy tan.
“DADDY!” Jess let out the moment she saw him from some jagged rocks on which she stood.
She immediately hopped down and began running across the beach toward him. Soon she had launched herself into his arms and he lifted her up, swinging her around so that her little legs dangled out. Jenna, meanwhile, slowly made her way to him.
When she’d reached Sam and Jess, the father was holding the daughter in his arms. The moment Jenna was there, Sam smiled and craned his face forward to kiss her. But as Jenna got in close, she felt a little hand against her chest and realized that Jess was pushing her back. Jenna stood back and saw the scowling look on the little girl’s face, aimed solely at Jenna.
“Jess!” Sam exclaimed to the little girl as she nestled her face into his chest, hiding herself. “You can’t do that.”
“It’s okay, Sam,” Jenna said with a weak smile.
“It’s not okay,” Sam replied, before turning back to the little girl as she attempted to conceal herself. “Jess,” he said in a stern voice, “you apologize right away.”
“Sorry,” came the muffled voice of Jess from within her father’s chest.
“No. You say sorry to Jenna’s face.”
The little girl gingerly removed her face from her father’s chest and looked Jenna in the eyes.
“Sorry,” she repeated in a mumbled tone, one which Jenna could tell wasn’t sincere.
“There, that’s better,” Sam said to her. “Now go and join Maud.”
Sam placed Jess back down on the sand and the little girl ran off, but not before giving Jenna an angry look when Sam had turned his back to her. Jenna said nothing and let the girl go. It was only natural that Jess, so soon after the loss of her beloved mother, would find it difficult to see another woman coming into her father’s life. Jenna’s experiences with young ones were limited to her brother’s two children, whom she rarely saw because they lived all the way up in Rhode Island. A few of her friends had children, but again her time with them was no more than a collection of fleeting, transient moments. Nothing that could be summed up as real experience with children.
Regarding her own aspirations as a mother, she’d always been career driven, so it had never really been a part of her planning. She and Henry had briefly discussed it before he died, but since then Jenna hadn’t even had anything approaching a steady relationship, so had never resumed the thought. That is, until now. And, of course, at thirty-three she still had plenty of time to decide whether to have a child.
“I’m sorry about Jess,” Sam said to Jenna once the little girl was back with Maud.
“It’s okay, Sam. It’s to be expected.”
“She’ll come round.”
“I’m sure. Anyway, how did your meeting go?”
“Very well. Bormann’s being a little reserved of late so he even voted for it himself.”
“He’s preserving his strength like a starving snake,” Jenna remarked.
This made Sam grin.
“Those are my thoughts too,” he acknowledged. “But for now he’s holding back and I found complete support from the board. So it looks like Techsoft is going into smart pharmaceuticals.”
“Saving lives instead of ending them,” Jenna remarked, smiling.
“Exactly.”
Once again Sam craned his neck toward Jenna and the two kissed. As they did, he wrapped his arms around her body and brought her into him. She began slowly wrapping her arms around him as well, and the two gripped onto each other with febrile desire.
Meanwhile, about fifty feet along the beach, Jess stood with Maud watching the two kiss, an angered look on her little face.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
“Harry the caterpillar lived in the forest,” Juliette was reading out loud as she sat on the couch with baby David on her lap. “See,” she said, pointing with her finger to the book’s illustrated pages of a fat, green caterpillar with a cartoon face, crawling among some trees, “that’s Harry.”
David gurgled slightly and took ahold of Juliette’s finger.
“My word, David,” Juliette gently exclaimed, “you’re getting so tough and strong. Soon you’ll be able to snap my finger off!”
The little boy looked up at her as he lay in the crest of her arm. She instinctively made an exaggerated smiley face down at him, resulting in the baby opening his toothless mouth wide and giggling out loud. Again a ray of sunshine spread from the boy’s cheery expression and doused Juliette in its warmth.
Just then, Jules walked into the room and Juliette looked up.
“Look David,” she said, pointing to Jules as he came and sat down next to her, “who’s that?”
“Hey, Davey,” Jules said as he landed on the couch next to them, peering down at the baby as he did.
Sitting next to them, Jules began wiggling his finger over David’s face, the boy instinctively following it with his eyes.
“Don’t, Jules,” Juliette complained gently. “You’ll make him go cross-eyed.”
Jules looked at his wife and frowned slightly.
“I won’t,” he informed her gruffly.
Claude and Margot were out for the night and the couple were at Margot’s Malibu beach house looking after David. At about eight, they both took the baby to his room and laid him out in his cot. They stood together then, Jules’s arm around his love, her head rested on his shoulder, gazing dreamily down at the little boy as he drifted off into sleep.
“He’s so beautiful, Jules,” Juliette whispered softly.
“He sure is,” Jules agreed.
Both of them remained there for some time, looking pensively down at the little bundle of pink flesh snoozing away, tucked up under his little blanket, so peaceful and so blissfully unaware of the dangers and turmoils that exist everywhere in the world outside.
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
Claire felt so light on her feet as she strolled confidently down the college corridor, her small denim rucksack over her shoulder. She’d just left her first tutorial of the year and was feeling confident. She’d been back at college for two weeks now and with each new lecture, each essay she’d read, each practical she’d taken part in, Claire felt more and more energized.
As she walked, a common theme played out: her mother called!
“Hey, ma,” Claire answered.
“How’s my girl?” June said in a smiley voice.
“I’m good. Just had a tutorial with Professor MacLeish. It went really well.”
“You gonna go study in the library now?”
“I’m meeting Paul now on the park. We’re gonna have some lunch and then go to the library to study.”
“That’s good, sweetie. Anyway, I won’t take up any more of your time. I just wanted to check in with my favorite girl.”
“I’m your only girl,” Claire remarked in a mock chiding tone.
“But you’re still the best. Anyway, I gotta get ready for work. I’m on the afternoon shift at the hospital, so I’ll call you later when I have my lunch break. So love you, honey.”
“Love you too, mom.”
Claire put the phone down just as she was entering the park and made her way to the large oak tree that stood in the middle of the green on a slight mound. When she reached it, she found Paul sitting underneath it with two other people, a girl and a boy.
“Hey, babe,” Paul said as he stood up to greet her, the two kissing affectionately on lips. Then he nodded in his friends’ direction and added, “You remember Gloria and Dan from the first year, don’t you?”
“Of course,” Claire said as she sat next to them.
She shook each of their hands individually as they all said hello. Soon the four were sitting together and chatting, an easiness to Claire that she hadn’t felt among other people for a long time. She found conversation with them so easy a
nd they laughed and joked the next hours away, until it was time for Gloria and Dan to leave. The two couples arranged to meet up that weekend; there was a big house party happening and the four had decided to go together. Claire hadn’t been to a house party for over a year and she sensed that this was the last piece of the jigsaw to finally slot into place, regarding the retrieval of her youth after such a tumultuous year.
When they were alone, Paul held Claire in his arms as he sat with his back to the large oak.
“You didn’t mind that I invited them to sit with us, did you?” he asked her as they gazed out across the lush, green park.
“Of course not. It felt good to socialize with people. In class lately I’ve gotten friendly with several of the other girls. It feels good to be able to talk to people and not feel like I have to hide anything.”
“It’s like I said: we’ve got our future now and nothing else.”
“We sure have,” Claire agreed, smiling.
She craned her head back and kissed him on the lips. Paul’s face fell into hers and they kissed for quite some time under the protective arms of the big oak tree.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
The night was cloudy and therefore a very dark one. Margot was driving her little Mercedes hatchback along the snaking mountain roads of Latigo Canyon, the roof rolled back and the wind in her hair. Claude was sitting in the passenger seat, forest racing past on either side of them, the two making their way down to the Pacific Coast Highway and then home to Malibu. They were on their way back from the party of a prestigious movie producer that Margot had known for many years, having invested in several of the man’s films. The party had been impressive, as all these Hollywood affairs are, and the couple had enjoyed it immensely. The movie man’s Mansion, which stood at the top of a large Hollywood hill, was huge and magnificent, built in the old Spanish villa style, with columns and tall windows all along its facade, allowing an incredible amount of light to enter the house. Inside, it was all archways and marble floors in black and white squares, so that you felt like a chess piece walking across it. It had twenty bedrooms, two billiard rooms, several bars dotted around inside, an indoor squash court, a stables with horses, several tennis courts, a gym, a dance floor and two swimming pools, one indoors and one outside, both put to use for the purposes of the party.
