Her smile grows. “What’s that, Warden Young?”
“I’d like to kiss you right now. Will that be all right? Just one last time. Let me kiss you, so I can take away with me the memory, burn it into my mind.”
Before she can answer, I part her lips with my own and gently put my tongue in her mouth, and she responds with her hands, fiercely clinging to the back of my neck.
My kiss deepens, growing dependent on her mouth, her touch. It’s causing my body to tremble.
I pull away because I need to say this to her before we go any further. “I promise I will always tell you the truth, no matter the consequences.”
I lean my forehead onto hers, staring into her dark brown eyes. She looks up.
“I love you, Eli. I have since the day I laid eyes on you. I would have eaten the lettuce long before you asked me to if I could have let go of my past. I know that now. I didn’t know that then. I didn’t know I was ready for you. Maybe I found excuses why I shouldn’t eat the lettuce. But I can’t hide anymore, Eli. I’m in love with you.”
“You need food, Alex,” I say as the limo driver pulls away from the curb. “Four Seasons, please.” As if I know where the Four Seasons is. As if I booked the hotel room. Merit did all that.
I have no idea what type of food they have in Los Angeles. Probably all vegan. Or vegetarian. Or something.
“We’ll do room service.” I kiss her on the head and get lost in the scent of her hair. “So, about Grace,” I say.
I feel her arms tighten around me as she waits for my words, her head on my chest.
“I know I told you in the letter. Bottom line, I wasn’t honest. I’m not going to hide behind any excuses. I wasn’t honest about my marriage. We’d been separated for years. But …” I pause and take a deep breath. “We slept together about five months ago. It was before you came along, Alex. I didn’t know you were coming—and, had I known, I would have prepared for a lifetime, waiting for you. I’d have done everything so differently.”
I kiss the top of her head again and then look down at her face. Alex looks up at me, toying with my T-shirt. It’s hot in LA. Even in the winter, it’s warm.
“What are you thinking about right now?”
She stops toying with my shirt. “I like you in this hat. Is it new?”
It’s a baseball cap.
“Bryce thought it might give me more of a disguise when I waited in line.”
Her perfect doe eyes and long eyelashes look back at me, and then she looks away.
“Hey …” I tilt her chin up toward me. “What? I know the hat isn’t what you wanted to say.”
Alex pushes herself off me, resting her shoulder against the seat. “This isn’t where I wanted to be. If you had asked me three years ago where I saw myself, it wouldn’t be here, sitting with you.” She pauses. “We all have our ways. We’re all damaged in some way, right? Because of trauma, past hurts, old wounds, dried love. We have three paths. One, we can stay stagnant, ungrow, retreat back into our shells, and shut the world out. Two, we can ignore everything. Put blinders on, play on a superficial playing field, and pretend like nothing happened, pushing everything down. Three, we can face facts. Feel the hurt and make a change.”
Her hand is hesitant at first, but then she takes her fingertips and puts them on my neck, gently gliding them back and forth. “I was stuck at one when I met you, Eli. Wore yoga pants every day and stared at a blank computer screen, terrified to write a single word, for fear I’d see the ugly side of me. The broken one. Then, after I met you, Granite Harbor was perfect. I was able to ignore my life, the shit, forget about my past, and live in the present—with you. But it wasn’t until I left for California that I began the third. I had to face facts. I had to see who I was, the person I’d ignored, pushed away, and I had to look at the hurts and the traumas in my life. Fear changes people. It wasn’t until after Clay that this all became so clear.”
This has nothing to do with me; it’s everything to do with her. This is her quest to freedom, and I sure as hell don’t want to get in the way of that.
Will it break me if she walks away? Most likely. But, just like Alex, I’ll get back again. One day. I’d have to.
“I’ve also learned that I adore this man I left in Granite Harbor. That, no matter what, we’re not perfect, and maybe life is more about the imperfections. What would it be like if everything were perfect? We’d never appreciate it. Heartache is meant to be felt, not just talked about. Sadness is meant to be heard. Happiness is meant to be experienced. Forgiveness is meant to be given. And love is an instrumental part of all of these. It threads all these emotions together, making us whole.”
I take her free hand and intertwine my fingers in hers. I just need to feel her skin.
Alex leans in and whispers in my ear, “I can’t have love in my life if I don’t have you.”
“My turn?” I ask.
“Yeah, your turn.”
I pull her hand to my lips, kiss it softly, and then begin, “When I was thirteen, I came home and found Ryan on our porch. His dad had killed his dog. Ryan and Hero had been real close. They were so close, it was like God had handpicked and delivered Hero to him at a time he needed him most. When Hero died, Ryan never shed a tear. I know it killed him inside. His dad was a tough, old fisherman. A real asshole. Told Ryan to deal with it. Life happens. Called him a pussy if he cried. These are things I witnessed.” I stop. “I guess I’m trying to use the metaphor trick.” I laugh. “It isn’t working so well, is it?”
Her hand tightens around mine. “Keep going.”
“As much as I tried to talk to Ryan about Hero, he never wanted to. Shut down. And I told myself I never wanted to do that. Never wanted to push people away that I loved because I didn’t know how to do grief. I didn’t know how to do life on life’s terms.
“Then, you came along. Look, the only thing I have to give you is my heart. That’s the only thing that’s most important—so you’ve explained to me so beautifully. You made me see in color. Vividly. I haven’t been able to do that since my mother died.”
The limo driver pulls up in front of the hotel. I get out first and help Alex out as the limo driver grabs our bags.
Alex looks at the bag and then to me. “How far in detail did you go with this plan?”
“While I stood in line, Bryce and Merit moved your bags from her place to the limo.”
Alex shakes her head. “I should have known Bryce was up to something.” She looks to the limo driver. “Thank you.”
“It’s been a pleasure, Ms. Fisher and Mr. Young,” he says.
I hand him a twenty. “Thank you, Benny.”
“You’re most welcome, sir. Please, I hope you join us again on the West Coast.”
I look at Alex, who’s staring intently at me. “If she’ll keep me.” I say this not for Benny, but for Alex.
She tries to reach for her bag.
“Alexandra, I do doors, and I do bags.”
She laughs. “All right, all right.” She shrugs.
As she takes the lead into the hotel, I notice her white linen suit fits her so well in all the right places.
I set the bags down in the suite. Windows overlook the greater Los Angeles area. “God, I could never live here.”
“I’ve always been a small-town girl,” Alex says, hands on her hips, staring out the windows.
I watch as the sun illuminates her dark chocolate locks, how it makes her skin seem even brighter, and I walk to her, pull her to me. Gently, I lower my lips to hers, my hands pulling her closer as if she could get any closer, and I take her mouth. At first, it’s soft, allowing us to explore what we’ve missed. But she creates a more urgent twist with her tongue, and I know what she needs.
It’s only six at night, but I have a feeling it’s going to be a long night. She needs to be taken care of. Made love to.
She feels me because I hear her gasp.
“Come here.” She takes me by the hand, pulling the curtains shut and undr
esses as she makes her way back to the bed.
I’m standing at the edge of the bed. She’s on her knees in her bra and panties on the edge of the bed, and all I want to do is take her fully. I reach behind her, grab all of her, and pull her against me.
She undoes my jeans. Once they’re off, I pull my shirt and hat off and tell her to spread her legs while she’s on her knees. I’m still standing, but I need to know how wet she is. I tease her at first, sliding my hands up and down her thighs, and I feel them quiver. She puts both hands on my hips as she quietly moans against me.
“That’s it.” I gently take my finger and spread her middle, and she sighs, closing her eyes. “No,” I say. “Watch me.”
I ease my finger between her middle and push one finger inside.
She sighs my name. “Eli.”
I slide my finger in and out and in and out. “Lie down on the bed.”
She does, and I get to her side, sliding my hand back down to her hot spot. Without being told, she spreads her legs apart. My dick rubs against her thigh, and this feels unbelievably good, her skin touching my skin.
I take two fingers and slide them both inside her, feeling the hot, moist sensation. As I slide my fingers inside her, she pushes her hips up toward my hand. I pull them out, take her middle between my fingers, and rub.
“Eli,” she sighs in pure satisfaction.
She takes my length in her hand and tugs gently, sliding her hand up and down me.
“I wanted to make love to you first,” I whisper in her ear. “But I know what you need.” I get around her leg and position myself in front of her. I take the head of my shaft and rub it against the right spot.
I push and rub, and she’s wild.
“Oh my God, Eli.”
Now that I’m staring at her under me, I drop to my elbows, placing them on either side of her head. “Your cheeks are the best beautiful shade of red right now. I don’t know that I’ve ever seen them this shade, Peony Red.”
She smiles and tries to turn her head.
“God got it right when he created you, Alex. He got it all right.”
“I love you, Eli. I want to listen to your voice for the rest of my life.”
She pushes on the small of my back, and I fall into her.
Hard
Deep.
I push inside her again.
She reaches up and places her hand on my heart as I push into her again as she almost unravels before me. I can tell she wants to say something, but there’s a point when a man cannot choose between one of his heads. This is one of those times.
But, quickly, I pull out because I’m not finished with her. She’ll need to come first.
She’s panting, lying below me, fully exposed and beautiful. I lean down and give each breast my mouth, her nipple hardening. She squirms below me, and I look up.
“Tell me what you need, Alex.”
She’s holding her other breast, as if she’s waiting for the other one to be tugged on.
“Do you need my mouth on this one, Alex?”
“Yes,” she hisses.
I do, and she sighs.
I give her nipple one last tug and make my way down her stomach with a trail of kisses, my hands cupping her breasts, my thumbs brushing across her nipples.
“Do you want me here, Alex?”
She groans into the pillow. “Yesss.”
“No groaning into the pillow. I want to hear you.”
I reach her opening and use my finger to pull her lips apart, exposing the pink.
“You’re so beautiful, Alex. All of you.” I push my tongue between the folds of her soft middle.
“Oh God.” She holds the side of my face as she observes me.
My tongue reaches her spot, and I push and flick.
“Fuck, Eli.”
I use my hands to pull back her folds again, so I have access to her wetness. I look up at her. “I want to watch you come, Alex.”
“Not-not yet,” she pants. She closes her eyes and pulls me up to her mouth.
Twenty-Eight
Alex
January 22, 2018
I want him inside me so bad. I tell him my favorite position after taking his mouth in mine, “I need you to take me from behind.”
Eli all but comes unglued when I say this. I flip over on the bed and grab the headboard and bed to offer him what he needs.
I hear, “Fuck me,” escape his mouth as his hands slide over my behind.
He’s hard, and I feel him slide his length between my folds, moving back and forth before he enters me. Eli takes his other hand and brings it around to my front to guide himself in but not before giving me two fingers inside.
I lean my head back and call out his name.
He thrusts into me, and I make sure my back is arched, so he can get himself all the way in. Once we get into a rhythm, he reaches from behind me and pulls on my nipple.
“Touch yourself,” he whispers.
Before I do what I’m told, I take his sac in my hand.
“Oh, fuck, baby, you can’t do that.” I hear his breath catch. “Oh God.”
I stop and take the same hand and use my fingers to touch myself. I look back, biting my lower lip, my eyes hooded. “Like this?”
“Yes,” he hisses as he pushes into me, this time harder.
“Help me?”
I fall back to his chest as we both stroke me, and he pumps into me.
We explode together.
January 24, 2018
We stayed naked for two days.
Ignored calls.
Made love on the balcony at night while the city slept.
Eli and me.
We didn’t have a time schedule. An agenda. We just had the Golden Globes.
“Did you bring a suit?” I ask as I lie naked against his side.
He laughs his deep laugh that exists somewhere in his chest. “I was too scared to get my hopes up.”
I turn my head to look at this handsome, beautiful man lying before me. “You were?”
He takes his thumb and gently strokes my arm.
I settle into this feeling. “Well, at some point, Warden Young, we will need to leave this hotel room to buy you a suit before tomorrow night.”
He’s quiet.
“What?”
“You want me to go with you?”
I sit up and stare at him. “Of course. Is that all right?”
“I’m glad you said that.”
He gets up and walks to the bathroom, his nakedness sending chills through my body once more. I want him more than I did the day before.
He comes back out with a head of lettuce.
I laugh out loud.
Eli stops and watches me. He and his body and a head of lettuce. “What?”
“Nothing.”
He shakes his head. “I just want you for the rest of my life. I want to watch you grow old because we both will. We’ll grow old and get hemorrhoids and bed spots. And sit in our chairs on our porch and watch the world around us. We’ll watch our grandchildren play in the yard.” Eli sits down with the head of lettuce, which he placed on the tray provided by the hotel where the complimentary coffee used to sit. Eli hands me the tray. “Pull back the leaves,” he says.
I smirk at him. “You want me to pull back the leaves?” I sit up and cover my body with a sheet.
“Yeah.”
I pull back a leaf, and when I do, a note is tucked inside.
Life doesn’t scare me.
I pull back another one.
Living without you does.
I smile. Look at him. He urges me on with a nod. I pull back another leaf.
Just so you know, I prefer butter lettuce. It’s better for you than iceberg. ;)
I laugh. I pull back another.
I want to grow old with you, Alexandra. Until we can’t see and can’t hear because just knowing you’re next to me is like the world got it right this time. The universe put us in the same place at the same time to love each other foreve
r.
I look at Eli. “Me, too.” I pull back another leaf.
Promise me I’ll always get to drive. And not because I need to, but because I want you to enjoy the ride.
Promise me you’ll always allow me to open your door because you deserve a gentleman.
I promise to love you when love gets hard. Because it will.
I promise that, no matter what life throws at us, I’ll be there.
Eat the lettuce.
Marry me?
I cover my mouth, and the tears start to fall. I give in to everything that has kept me from this moment with Eli. I give in to all my doubts, all my fears, and fate because Eli is worth it and so much more.
“Yes. A thousand times yes, Eli.”
Eli reaches from under the bed to retrieve a little box. He opens it.
I nod, and before I allow him to put the ring on my finger, I pull him into me hard and whisper, “I will love you when it gets hard. I will talk to you when the weight of the world is on my shoulders because loving you forever isn’t just an option; it’s fate. Thank you for choosing me for the rest of our lives.” I don’t pull away because I’m shaking—from excitement and having him so close. It gives me some stability, and I like the way this feels.
He wraps both arms around my body, and I feel his warm air against my neck. “I’m so glad you said yes because I didn’t have a backup plan.” He chuckles and pulls back to look at me.
“Warden Young, you didn’t need one,” I say, looking into his deep green eyes.
I take my thumb and slide it against his lips. Then, I gently push my lips to his and let them linger for a moment. Yeah, I get to do this with this man for forever. Uniform. No uniform. Fate. Destiny.
Thinking back, there was no way I couldn’t have fallen in love with Eli. There wasn’t a way to escape the way this all has worked out. Avoid it. Because, as much as I tried to resist, fate always wins. Love always wins.
Eli grabs the box and slides the ring on my finger.
It isn’t that the ring is absolutely gorgeous—because it is. It’s because the ring fits perfectly, and because it fits perfectly, I think it’s a sign of the wonderful years to come.
Peony Red (The Granite Harbor Series Book 1) Page 26
