Identity of the Heart (A Hidden Hearts Novel Book 1)

by Mary Crawford

  After several more beats of silence, Rogue prompts, “Mama, are you okay. Do we need to get help?”

  “I’m fine. I’m just trying to figure out what to say. This all happened so very long ago. But, it’s not really all my story to tell. Bebita, you really need to talk to the woman you call your madre. She will be able to give you answers that I cannot.”

  “Mama!” Rogue barks with frustration. “Why can’t you just tell us? We drove all the way up here and we’re standing right in front of you. Clearly, you know more than you’re telling us.”

  “Because I want you to hear the story told from a place of joy, not pain. Right now, my heart is broken into a million pieces and I cannot be fair to the people who raised Ivy. You deserve to hear both sides.”

  “Speaking of hearing from all sides, where was daddy during all this? Why didn’t he check with the hospital to make sure that Ivy was okay or did he even care?”

  “Rogue Medea Cisneros Betancourt!” Rosa chides. “Of course your father cared. He cared very much. He even went to one of those medical supply stores and bought one of those special machines for listening to the baby’s heartbeat. He would listen to each of your heartbeats every day. He wrote them down and kept track of them in a tiny notebook that he carried with him. If there were more than a few beats difference, he would be calling the doctor asking for advice.”

  “If that’s true, where has he been my whole life?” Rogue demands, her voice cracking with emotion.

  “I have absolutely no idea. Don’t you think I want to know too? I was alone most of your childhood. There were times that we could have definitely used some help. All I know is that one day, he said he was working on a priority project and he never came home.”

  “Didn’t you call the police?”

  “Of course I called the police. But, they told me that he was an adult and free to leave home if he wished. They told me that he probably just wasn’t ready to be a father. So, they refused to even try to look for him.”

  “That’s it?” I ask incredulously.

  “Well, I asked all of his friends and family if they knew where he was and they said no. I made flyers and hung them in the neighborhood. But, I didn’t have money for a private investigator and there was no social media back then and even if there were, I didn’t even have money for a computer.”

  “I forget how far technology has come in the last few years. I can’t imagine how frustrating it would’ve been for no one to believe you. You must’ve been heartbroken.”

  “I was. Isaac Roguen was the absolute love of my life. I will never get over him.”

  “I was named after him?” Rogue asks in an astonished whisper. “I didn’t know that. This is the first time I’ve ever heard you say his name. All these years, I thought you hated him.”

  “Rogue, I could never hate him. He was my heart. He gave you life. You, and now Ivy, look just like his sister Selena. He would be so proud of you.”

  “Mama, I don’t even know what to think about all this. It’s like everything in my childhood is completely turned upside down and backwards. First, I thought I was an only child and it turns out that I have a sister. Then, I thought that my dad was some deadbeat that you hated with the very fiber of your soul, but he turns out to be the love of your life. You did marry Clive because you love him, right?”

  Rosa looks very uncomfortable as she replies, “At the time I thought I did, but I think I was more in love with the idea of being in love and so terribly lonely that I was willing to fall for anything. I’m so sorry I fell for his stupid lies and deceit.”

  “Oh Mama, what did he do—” Rogue asks, skepticism and fear clear in her voice.

  “Nothing that a million guys before him and after him haven’t tried to do. He just saw an opportunity to trade me in for a younger model and took it. He tried to take some of my money too, but your dad taught me how to protect myself from that kind of stuff, so the bank tipped me off. So, I hope that Clive is happy with the bimbo whose smarts are smaller than her shoe size.”

  “I’m sorry that happened to you mom. As you know, I was never that guy’s biggest fan. So, I can’t say it was a huge loss,” Rogue comments bitterly.

  “You know what Rogue? Neither can I,” Rosa responds laughing.

  I am so focused on my conversation with Rosa and Rogue that I miss the change in body language from Tristan. So far, aside from helping Rosa earlier, he’s pretty much been a silent observer to our family drama. However, he is now walking over to Rosa with purpose.

  He kneels down in front of her and takes a tissue out of his pocket and hands it to her so that she can wipe her tears. After she tucks the tissue into her bra strap, Tristan takes one of her hands and covers it with his.

  “Mrs. Betancourt, I don’t want to make you any false promises, but finding people is what I do for a living. Would you like me to look for your first husband?”

  “How much would you charge me for the help? I had to retire from the school district and my pension is not much.”

  “I wouldn’t charge anything for my help, ma’am.”

  “Young man, I wasn’t born yesterday. Nobody does anything for free. What are you trying to pull?”

  Tristan chuckles as he responds, “You sound a lot like your daughter, ma’am. She asks me the same thing all the time. I could give you a long and complicated answer, but the short answer is that I’m falling in love with your daughter. Since you’re important to Rogue, you’re important to me too.”

  A stunned silence has fallen over the kitchen. I don’t think anyone expected Tristan to announce his feelings quite so publicly especially in front of someone he just met today. I glance over at Rogue. Her nostrils are flared as if she can’t quite get enough oxygen in her lungs.

  Rosa is watching her reaction with some amusement as she asks, “Mi hija, what’s wrong? Is he not suitable? Should I be chasing him out of here with your grandfather’s shotgun? Do you fear that you cannot grow to love him?”

  “No Mama, none of that’s true. He’s very suitable. He’s one of the nicest, most generous men I’ve ever met. But, it’s just all happening so fast. What if none of this is real? What if I wake up and it’s all a dream?”

  “Si, it is very real,” Rosa confirms, reaching out to grasp my hand and then Rogue’s. “I can now touch both of my daughters—something I only dreamed of. If God can bring my daughter back from the dead, he can help your heart find love, even if you don’t believe it’s possible.”

  Rogue buries her face in Rosa’s neck and sobs, “Oh, Mama, I want to be brave enough to believe.”

  “Then you must. Your heart will give you no choice.”

  WATCHING ROGUE LOSE IT IN her mom’s arms because of my ill-timed words was one of the most difficult things I’ve had to watch in a while. The intellectual side of me argues that her reaction isn’t entirely due to my statement but because of the stress of the day as a whole. But, let’s face it; I didn’t help matters much. Sometimes I have the social graces of a sewer rat.

  As the women disappear into the kitchen, Marcus lays a hand on my shoulder and remarks, “Believe it or not, this really isn’t as bad as it looks. Rogue is kinda like one of those old-fashioned pressure cookers. You never know what’s simmering under the surface. Everything can look fine until she needs to let off some pressure. It looks scary, but it can be done without harming anybody. She really has been stewing about this day for weeks. She’s been running every horror movie she’s ever seen through her head. At one point, she was so worried that she almost had herself convinced that some weird religious cult had abducted Ivy from the hospital where they were born.”

  “I wish she would’ve told me she was so worried, I could’ve shown her that some of that stuff couldn’t have possibly happened. Maybe I could’ve lessened her stress level.”

  Marcus chuckles as he responds, “Here’s one thing I’ve learned in five years of being Rogue’s best friend. She is going to worry about what she decides to stress out o
ver. There isn’t any rhyme or reason to her choice and there isn’t anything you can do to change her mind.”

  Thinking I must have misunderstood him I ask, “Really? She doesn’t seem all that scattered to me.”

  “Oh no. I’m the scattered one in the relationship. Rogue is extremely focused. It’s just that she can get mired down in the negative aspects of a problem. It’s like she always expects the worst outcomes.”

  “Now that I understand a little bit more of her background, I can understand where she’s coming from. I’m not sure that I would view the world any differently if I were in her shoes.”

  “So, I guess your challenge is going to be to change the glasses through which she sees the world and establish your own special identity in her heart.”

  “Marcus, who knew you were such a poet? But I like that concept ‘identity of the heart’. I’m definitely a very different person when I’m with her. She brings out things in me that I’ve never shown another person.”

  “It’s weird isn’t it? It’s like they’re magicians, hypnotists or something and can convince us to reveal things about ourselves that we don’t tell any other living soul. Ivy has been more effective in getting me to open up than any of those paid shrinks that I had to go to. It’s too bad she doesn’t want to go into counseling or drug and alcohol treatment. She’s got the touch for sure.”

  “You’ve probably noticed that Rogue’s effective at getting me to say things I don’t intend to say out loud. After all, it was my clumsy attempt to reassure Rosa that sent her crying into the kitchen.”

  “I think you’re shouldering too much blame. Rogue learned lots of new, upsetting things today. I don’t think the fact that you admitted that you have an epic crush on her is the cause of her falling apart. Speaking of that, do you think you’re really going to be able to find Isaac Roguen? The story sounds so intentionally vague that you wonder what Mama Rosa is actually hiding.”

  “I thought so too. But just because her story is vague doesn’t mean that she wasn’t the victim of a crime. I can’t believe that the police department didn’t even care enough to file a basic police report. You can’t always assume that someone willingly walked away from their family. You have to at least do some sort of investigating. So, I’m going to start with the family unit. If we can’t get DNA off of some old clothes or belongings, I can always use the ladies’ DNA. It will take longer to trace the parental line and exclude theirs. But, it can be done. However, I think I’d like to start by interviewing all of Isaac’s former friends and colleagues to see if anyone recognizes him hanging around.”

  “I wonder if Rogue or Ivy have a picture of him?”

  “I doubt it. The way Rogue was raised, her dad was akin to the personification of evil in her eyes and I don’t know that she felt she should be looking for her dad. I doubt that Rosa made the adoption open, given her mysterious clues today.”

  “Those were strange and off-the-wall, that’s for sure. I don’t know what to make of them.”

  “I don’t know that we’ll have any answers until we meet with Lenore and Roger. Even then, they might not be forthcoming. I have a hunch that we may not get straight answers from everyone until we have the ability to get everyone in the same room together and talk it all out.”

  “I have a feeling there are more than a few secrets somewhere in the story. Now, Ivy and Rogue are going to have to decide whether they really want to know all the secrets. It may actually be better if they don’t know each and every secret. Anyway, I can’t make that judgment call for them because it’s not my life. They have to live with the decision and whatever fallout happens. But, there is no right and wrong decision. There is potential collateral damage from each and every choice we make.”

  Marcus makes a sound of frustration as he says, “I frickin’ hate that this is so complicated and painful for everyone involved. Do you think you’re actually going to find this Isaac guy for Rosa, or were you just trying to make Rogue feel better?”

  “Unless he’s in the witness protection program, I think I stand a pretty good chance of finding him. I’ve got a lot of experience skip tracing. When you combine that with my ability to track down identity fraud and comb through forensic accounting, there isn’t much people can hide from me unless they go completely off the grid. These days, it’s pretty impossible to go one hundred percent off grid without a completely concerted effort to do so. You pretty much have to dedicate your life to avoid leaving a digital footprint and when you do that, your behavior is so aberrant that it gets you noticed. So, it’s really not a great way to hide.”

  Marcus smirks at me as he responds, “So the short answer to that is yes, you can find him?”

  I nod and I smile for the first time in a couple of hours as I reply, “Yes. I think I can find him with relative ease.”

  Marcus gives me a casual shrug as he remarks, “I don’t know why you didn’t just say that to begin with. Some of us are just simple tattoo artists and not Super-Secret-Spy-Guys.”

  “Actually, I did say that. I just used Super-Secret-Spy-Guy words,” I quip.

  Rogue and Ivy are holding hands as they come out of the kitchen. Rosa is walking slightly behind them with her arms resting on their shoulders. Rosa nudges Rogue forward. Rogue walks toward me and gives me a warm hug before she says, “Look, I’m sorry I had a meltdown earlier. I’ve been really stressed out. What you said was incredibly sweet. I wasn’t really angry about that. It was more about life in general.”

  I softly kiss her temple as I murmur, “It’s all right. I couldn’t have picked worse timing if I’d tried. I’m sorry for upsetting you.”

  “Tristan, would it be all right with you if we have a slight change in plans?” Rogue asks.

  “Sure, what did you have in mind?” I respond curious to hear what they cooked up in the other room.

  “It’s clear that were not going to get all of our answers here. We discovered, ironically, that Ivy’s parents only live about a half an hour away, just outside of Barton. We would like to go visit them for Thanksgiving. They are visiting a friend out of town until tomorrow, so it would add a day to our trip. Is that going to be an issue?”

  “No, that’s not a problem for me. What about your classes?”

  “One of Ivy’s classes has already been canceled. I won’t miss much in mine because it’s the day after vacation.”

  “I’ve got the shop closed that whole week because they’re updating the heating and air system,” Marcus adds.

  I pull out my phone. “Okay, let me find a hotel. Do you want to stay here or closer to the Monclairs’?”

  “Young man, there will be no hotel. You are in Mama Rosa’s neighborhood now. You will not sleep in a stranger’s bed.”

  “Mama, you may not approve of our relationships—” Rogue tries to warn.

  “Mia Amor, I may be old, but I am not too old to know that these boys are your dilectos. I’ve been lonely a really long time, but I still remember what that means.”

  “Dilecto!” Rogue sputters. “Really Mama? Don’t you think calling him my beloved is going a bit far?”

  Rosa just holds Rogue’s gaze. Finally, Rogue sighs. “You know, you’re right Mama. There really isn’t a better term. Beloved about sums it up because I really do cherish him and hold him in great esteem.”

  From the adoring gazes that Marcus and Ivy are exchanging, I guess they don’t have a problem with the term dilecto either.

  I wipe the sweat from my brow as I move another box for Rosa. It’s clear to me that no one has been in this attic for a couple of decades. The layers of dust are thick and undisturbed. However, for some reason she’s decided that she trusts me to help her retrieve some old pictures of Isaac.

  Marcus is accompanying Rogue and Ivy to the store. Rogue has decided that Ivy needs a lesson in proper Latina cooking. So, they plan to make tamales for dinner.

  I’ve been left behind to help try to rebuild the past. Finally, beneath several boxes of miscellaneous Christ
mas decorations I spot a box of leather bound books that look promising. My grandmother had some books that looked similar to these that were photo albums. I remember helping her painstakingly glue little white corner anchors for pictures against special acid-free black photo paper.

  As I open up one of the heavy leather bound books, I see a handsome man smiling up at me. There’s not much doubt that this is Rogue’s father. It’s something about the defiant stance and the quirk of the eyebrow. The wide smile and lanky build are familiar too.

  “Your husband was quite a handsome man. He looks like he could’ve walked off a studio lot.”

  “Yes, I always thought so too. I always teased him about being Mr. Hollywood. He thought that was a very funny joke because he was very shy. He would rather build things with his hands than be noticed in a crowded room.”

  I study the picture some more. “With these movie star looks, he must’ve found that difficult. I’m sure he got attention everywhere he went.”

  “Si, but he much preferred that people pay attention to me.”

  “How did you meet Isaac?”

  “Oh, my Isaac was a very big hero. I had just moved here from Arizona. I wasn’t used to driving in the snow and putting on tire chains. Apparently, I didn’t get the chain attached correctly. So, as I was driving, it came loose and got caught somewhere on my car. It caused my car to slide out of control and crash into another car partially flipping me over. I have never been so frightened in my whole life. Isaac was in a car a few vehicles back. He saw me hanging upside down and scared for my life. He did not wait for the paramedics to come. He had a pocket knife in his car so, he cut the seatbelt in my car and got me down. After we gave our statements to the police, Isaac asked me out for hot apple cider. I did not know what that was. I had never had it before. Yet, I was more than happy to try it because it would mean that I would spend more time with my dashing knight in shining armor who had rescued me. As they say, the rest was history—until he disappeared.”