When we’re off the bike, I place my hand on the small of her back, maneuvering her to the doors of the club house. Her shirt has ridden up on her back from being crouched over for so long, and I’m actually touching her bare skin. I understand why she wanted to touch my stomach, the tingles that shoot up my spine and to other parts of my anatomy take me by surprise; a good surprise.
Inside the clubhouse, there isn’t anyone on the main level. The bikes outside must belong to members who are using the apartments upstairs or are in the kitchen. I grab two beers from behind the bar before taking Mira’s hand, pulling her up the stairs. She’s been to the clubhouse before, but never upstairs. This is a big deal for me, as I’ve never taken any girl up the stairs to my assigned apartment.
I don’t even know why it’s called an apartment; it’s more like a studio room. One queen sized bed, a night stand and an attached, private bathroom. It’s not much, but it’s mine. It’s the only space that I truly have to myself.
I open the door to my room, allowing Mira to walk in ahead of me. Now that we’re in the room, just me and her, and the tension is palpable. It’s resonating off our bodies; almost too much to bear. I should have just taken her home where I wouldn’t be tempted to touch her.
“This is nice. It looks kind of how I remember, but not exactly,” Mira says, putting her purse on the night stand and looking around the room.
“What do you mean? You’ve never been up here. How do you know what it looks like?” I know she’s going to say her dream, but I need to hear her say it. I need to know what happened in this room while she was sleeping.
“Oh, sorry. I was here while I was asleep. Okay, that sounds crazy, but you know what I mean. I came here one night after you were trashed and threatening to go riding. I stayed with you. It was quite an experience.” Her cheeks are as pink as the shirt she’s wearing. Embarrassed is a great look for Mira. She looks so innocent and it makes me want to rob her of that innocence. Mark her as mine. Get a fucking grip, dude. She’s not yours.
“I figured that’s what you were talking about, but I wasn’t sure. I just wanted to make sure. What kind of experience happened up here?” The more time I spend with her, I lose grip of who I am to her and lean more toward who I want to be. Domineering.
“Do we really have to talk about it? It’s kind of embarrassing, since it didn’t actually happen. But I will tell you that it was amazing. It was an experience that I’ll remember the rest of my life, even if it didn’t happen in real life.” I can tell she’s remembering details of her memory and the coy smile across her face, eyes drifting off into space, is turning me on so badly. I’m positive my cock will be bruised in the morning as hard as it’s straining against the cool metal zipper on the inside of my pants.
I probably should drop the subject, because God knows that if she keeps going I’m not going to be able to contain myself. I can’t stop, though. I want to know. I need to know.
“Can you just give me an idea? It’s not fair you have these memories that I can’t share. Spill it, Sweets.”
“Sky, we made love. Your cornered me in the shower. It was amazing and sexy. It still feels so real to me.” Mira looks lost in space again and her eyes look sad.
“Mi, what’s wrong? I was just screwing around. I didn’t mean to upset you.” I really should listen to myself more often. I should have stopped while I was ahead.
“You didn’t upset me, Sky. It’s really hard to explain. I have all of these memories, but they’re not really memories. I feel like I’m losing my grip on reality. You really didn’t do anything wrong though, I promise,” Mira says, looking sadly at her lap, “It was just a really special experience that we had. I never felt anything like it before. It wasn’t cheap, it was beautiful. There was no guilt.”
The way Mira is burying her face in her lap is ripping my heart apart. I don’t want her to be sad, especially since it revolves around me. I love my best friend; he’s my brother, but knowing she’s hurting because Mira can’t distinguish between reality and her reality, shatters me. I just want to make everything better, but I’m not sure I can. After Danny’s actions earlier, I’m not sure if I can walk away from her if I tried.
I squat down so our faces are level with each other. Mira’s face is still looking deep into her lap while she picks imaginary lint from the comforter she’s sitting on. I gently place one finger under her chin, slightly lifting her face so we’re looking eye to eye. Big mistake, Sky.
I had every intention of apologizing again and making her less sad, but now I’m just drowning in the depths of her deep green eyes. I can feel her breath on my face and it’s driving me crazy. Millimeters are the only thing separating us and I can’t look away. She truly has the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen; especially when she’s shocked and her eyes are wide. They’re so bright I swear I can see the light bounce off her irises and watch the natural moisture glisten.
I should be talking by now, but I’m mesmerized. Before I can utter a single word, Mira leans forward slightly and her lips graze mine. I quickly shut my eyes, relishing the feel of her mouth on mine. My tongue parts my lips to moisten the dryness; she notices. That’s all it takes before I move the remaining distance and place a sweet kiss on the corner of her mouth.
When I pull back some, I can see the need and want on her face. She almost looks disappointed. This distance is too much and I shouldn’t have gotten this close. I can’t help myself. Taking my thumb, I brush it slightly over her plump lower lip, losing myself. She’s lost, too. Mira closes her eyes, taking in my touch, and kisses the pad of my thumb.
“What are we doing?” I pray she has an answer for me. Something logical that I can, just for a moment, agree with.
“I don’t know, but I don’t want to stop,” Mira whispers. I can feel every word she says and my restraint buckles.
I push the hand she just kissed into her hair and slightly pull from underneath. The soft moan that escapes from her lips finishes the job. I crush my mouth to hers. With my tongue, I ask for permission to give her a kiss that she’ll never forget; and it will be a memory for both of us. She slightly parts her lips, allowing me access.
I gently massage her tongue with mine, still holding a grip on her hair, giving me control to angle her head exactly where I need it to consume her. I rise up and lean her onto the bed. Mira parts her legs, allowing me to nestle between her thighs. I can feel the heat radiating from her body and I know she can feel my erection pressing into her. It takes everything in me to not grind against her, even though that’s exactly what I want to do.
I take the hand that was in her hair and use it to prop myself up; keeping my weight off her. With my other hand, I run my fingers up her side. When I get to the swell of her breast, I wait until Mira arches into my hand; silently asking for me to touch her. From underneath, I take her in my hand, lightly rubbing my thumb over her nipple. When she moans into my mouth, I almost come on the spot.
She has no idea how sexy she is. Arching into my touch, moaning and panting into my mouth and raking her nails down my back; I’m almost to the point of no return. As my hand makes my way to her stomach and almost to the waist band of her jeans, I lay my land flat. Here’s the guilt. I pull away from her, immediately missing her taste and look her in the eyes.
To my surprise, it’s Mira that speaks; not me.
“We can’t, Sky. Not like this.”
“I know,” I whisper, resting my forehead against hers and trying to catch my breath. I’m going to need a cold shower after this.
“Sky, I really do love you, but that doesn’t take away anything I ever felt for Danny. He’s too important to both of us to do this to him. If we’re going to start something, I can’t be involved with Danny. That’s not fair to him and it starts us off on the wrong foot. He deserves better from both of us. No matter what happened earlier, he’s not a bad person. He’s as confused as I am.”
Wait, she’s confused again?
“What are you trying
to say, Mi? What are we?”
“I’m trying to say that this is wrong. Anyway you look at it, it’s wrong. We can’t do this to him. He would never do anything like this to either of us. We need to stop and go back to being friends. Who knows how this will all play out? All I know is I’m not willing to lose you in my life and I can’t be the person to rip you and Danny apart. You guys have too much history. No matter how much I want to be with you right now, I can’t do it.”
“I know what you mean,” I say, getting off her and rubbing my face harshly with my hands. I need to calm down. This is exactly what I didn’t want to happen. I didn’t want to act on these feelings I’ve kept hidden for so long, especially since she’s clearly still in love with Danny.
I pat Mira’s leg in the most platonic way before I get out of bed; getting both of us something to sleep in. I take my sleep pants and tee shirt into the bathroom and take an ice cold shower. When I come back into the room, Mira is laying on her side, facing the wall. I can’t tell if she’s asleep or not.
“Sweets, are you awake?”
“Yeah, I am. Just thinking.”
“I’m going to go crash downstairs on the couch or something. If you need me, text me. I don’t want you walking around here by yourself. Nobody will touch you, but I don’t want them looking at you either.” Caveman is back?
“Sky, can you sleep in here with me? I have a feeling that this will be our last time alone together for a while and I really just want to sleep in your arms.” I see her shoulders start to shake; she’s about ready to start crying.
“Are you sure? I don’t want to make this any harder.” I really hope she has a change of heart and doesn’t fight me. I know what we both need to do, but I’m not sure I can be trusted sleeping in the same bed with her.
Mira rolls over to face me. She’s been crying; the mascara running down her face is a clear indication. She pulls the blankets from my side of the bed back, silently asking for me to join her. “The last time I went to sleep in your arms, I woke up in the hospital. I know it’s far-fetched, but maybe if I fall asleep in your arms again, I’ll wake up and the last few weeks will have been the dream.”
How can I tell her no? I just want to comfort her and make her happy. I slide into the bed and pull the blanket up over both of us. I’m anticipating her to roll back on her side and let me spoon her. I’m shocked when she crawls into my side, resting her head directly over my heart and curling her arm across my chest to rest on my shoulder. I rub small circles on her lower back until I feel her breath become even.
Mira gets a good night’s sleep, dreaming of possibilities I know won’t ever happen while I stay awake. If this is going to be the only time I have the girl of my dreams in my bed, I’m not going to waste time sleeping. I can sleep when I die. And tomorrow, when I take her back to Danny, that’s exactly what I’m going to be; dead inside.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Mira
I wake up the next morning, well rested and tangled in the sheets with Skylar. For just a minute, I forget all the drama waiting for us outside the walls of this room. I know that right here, in this second, I’m happier than I’ve been in weeks. The glow starts to fade when I hear my phone ringing.
I roll over to check the caller ID and see that it’s Danny. Reality check, Mira. You’re engaged. I press the key to silence the ringing and roll back to Skylar, who’s awake and staring at me.
“What?”
“Nothing, just always wondered what you looked like first thing in the morning.”
“And?”
“Breathtaking.” That’s all I get. One word. As I’m about to run my fingers through the scruff on his face, my phone starts ringing again.
“Fuck my life, what is so important?” I mutter, rolling back over. Danny again.
I debate answering the call. I feel the guilt like a ton of bricks. I don’t know if the guilt is because I just spent the night in my fiancé’s best friend’s bed or because I’m in bed with the man I love and answering another man’s call. Skylar makes the decision for me when he gets out of bed and goes into the bathroom hollering back, “Yeah, fuck your life.”
“Hey,” I casually say, answering Danny’s call.
“Hey, I didn’t hear from you last night. Sky said you were in an accident, are you okay? I’ve been calling for hours.” Danny’s voice sounds groggy, like he hasn’t slept. Awesome, more guilt.
“Yeah, I’m fine. Just a little fender bender… no biggie. I’m with Skylar at the clubhouse. Can we talk later?”
“Mira, please just answer one question. Did you sleep with him?” I can hear the hesitation in Danny’s voice. The fact that he has to question me sends mixed signals racing through my body. I can understand why he would ask, but then again, I’ve never given him a reason to question my fidelity before; he should trust me.
“No, Danny, I didn’t sleep with him. Well, we slept in the same bed but we didn’t have sex.”
“Okay, good. We need to talk really soon. I’m going to come get you, okay?”
“Yeah, that sounds good. Text me when you’re here and I’ll come out.” I know the more time I spend here with Skylar the less I’ll want to go back to real life. If it was only as easy as living here in this clubhouse forever.
“Alright, sounds good. I love you, Pea. Just please know that.”
“I know, me too.” I can’t even bring myself to tell him the words he’s so desperate to hear. I do love him. I really do. He’s my rock. I just don’t know if that love is strong enough to get back to where we were, but I have to at least try. I owe him that much.
Our call ends just before Skylar comes out of the bathroom. The combination of Skylar and bathrooms is a sore spot for me. A lot of our encounters in my dreams involved one or the other; sometimes both. Just looking at him sends desire straight to my core. I clench my thighs together to try to ease the ache that started last night.
“Was that Danny?” Skylar’s eyes turn sad as he asks. I want to tell him no and ask him to come back to bed, but lying won’t be good for anyone right now.
“Yeah, he’s coming to get me.”
“You’re leaving?”
“Yeah, I think so. I have to try.” I wish I could take his pain away. Shit, I wish I could take my pain away. –This—being torn between two amazing –men—is for the fucking birds. I used to love to read books about love triangles and angst, but now experiencing it first hand, I don’t think I can ever read a book like that again without getting sick to my stomach.
“I figured as much. Come on, get up. Let’s get some coffee before Danny gets here. You guys have a lot to hash out if you’re going to get back to where you were.” He’s trying to act cool, but I see right through him.
“Skylar …” He cuts me off before I can finish my sentence.
“Don’t worry about it, Mi. It was only a matter of time. I’m just glad we stopped ourselves last night. You’re always going to be my best friend; I’m always going to need you. I understand that I can’t come between you and Danny. This all just makes me wish I made my move when I wanted to. Maybe we wouldn’t be in this situation.”
“So you did have a thing for me back then?”
“Yeah, don’t act like you didn’t know. I wanted you so badly. At orientation Freshman year, I had my eye on you; Danny just beat me to the punch. The rest is history.”
“Maybe someday we’ll get our chance.”
“Yeah, Sweets. Maybe.”
Skylar and I have coffee in silence. Not uncomfortable, just somber. We both know this is the end of whatever we potentially started last night. I know it’s only a matter of time before Danny shows up to take me back. I need to prolong this as long as I can. I reach across the table and grab Skylar’s hand, pulling it closer toward the middle.
“Do you promise that we’ll be best friends no matter what?”
“Mi, that’s one thing you never have to worry about. You have been my best friend for years and I don’t want that to s
top now. A lot of times friends misinterpret feelings for each other. We got ahead of ourselves last night and there’s no reason for things to get weird. You’re always going to be my Sweets.” Skylar brushes his thumb over my knuckles and smiles. I know it’s fake, but he’s trying to be strong for me.
My phone starts buzzing on the table next to me, letting me know that Danny’s here. Skylar stands to walk me to the front door. I let him escort me downstairs to the front door but that’s where I stop him. I need to make this choice on my own and if he follows me any further, I’m bound to jump into Skylar’s arms, begging him to take me anywhere but here.
I reach up for Skylar, pulling him into me for a hug and I kiss his cheek. Skylar’s having a hard time letting go, too. He’s squeezing the breath out of me and I don’t want it to stop either. I push back and look into his eyes. When his eyes start to well with unshed tears, I know he’s rethinking this decision. I let him go and walk out of the bar before the tears spill; not from him but from me.
He’s just handed me over to Danny. He’s letting me go because he is a good man. He wants me to be happy and he can’t hurt his friend. If anyone is deserving of a happily ever after, it’s Skylar. I only wish it was with me.
On this day, I kiss that dream goodbye. Skylar will always own my soul. He’s my soul mate. You often hear of people that marry out of obligation; money, status or fame. I’m marrying out of obligation to another man; one that won’t hurt his oldest friend for anything in the world and has just shoved me out of his life. I’d be lying if I said my heart isn’t sad and it doesn’t weep for a love that will never amount to anything other than a dream and a moment of passion that was stopped too soon.
Here goes nothing.
I walk to Danny’s car. He’s waiting patiently for me to get in. He knows I’ve made my choice; knows I’m going to be with him. The smile on Danny’s face gives me little solace because I know Skylar is on the other side of the door hurting. Skylar just sacrificed himself for Danny.
Awakening (Book 2) (The Destined Series) Page 9
