I’m leaning against the cool brick of the building and I see Danny round the corner, visibly looking for something. When he finds me, he casually continues his journey until we’re standing face to face. I know something’s off, I can feel it. He looks miserable, like there’s something heavy weighing on his heart. I realize what’s coming before he says one word.
“Pea, you’re not happy. I can see it written all over your face. I can’t fix it, can I?” Yep. Exactly where I thought he was going to go.
Fighting back tears, I try to speak over the lump in my throat, “No, I don’t think you can.”
Danny doesn’t seem surprised by my answer but I know it’s affecting him. He runs his hands through his hair and takes a deep breath before talking again. When his eyes meet mine, I can see the pain behind them; his deep blue eyes are almost clouded over with sadness. "Mira, as much as I don't want to let you go, I understand. You're not the only one who changed during those weeks, I did too. I just didn't realize it. You said before that you mourned my loss, in a way I did the same.”
In a weird way, I understand him. It makes sense to me, but then again, Danny and I always seem to understand what the other one needs and thinks without having to talk about it. I want him to stop talking about everything because the hurt is almost too much.
Another drag of oxygen into his lungs and he explains further. “I thought you weren't coming back. I prepared for a life without you. It was horrible and tragic, but I did it. When you came back, I was so happy, but it wasn't the same. I hope I don't sound callous, but it's the truth. I understand why our love isn't the same as it was before. Maybe it is the same and we just didn't know any different.”
“Danny, please don’t. I know what you mean but we don’t have to talk about it. I don’t want to hurt you and I don’t want to be hurt. You’re a part of me. I love you, just not that all consuming love you should have when you’re committing to spend the rest of your life together.” I can’t fight the tears anymore; they start falling like a waterfall. Danny takes me in a hug and rubs my back trying to calm me. I don’t think anything will work right now. I think of losing Danny completely and I start to hyperventilate. Danny walks us to a nearby bench and we sit, my head on his shoulder. Danny’s caressing my arm and resting his lips on the top of my head.
“You're always going to be a part of my life and I never want to live without you, but I don't think I can marry you. You should explore the relationship you found in your dream with Skylar. Who knows? He might be your knight in shining armor, and that’s what you deserve, Mira."
Danny stands to get the car but I pull him back by his waist. I just need a minute. I know I’m probably making a scene here, when our friends should be celebrating finding something so rare, but I’m losing something and need a minute to process. I know this is what I wanted, but never thought it would hurt so deeply.
“Can we just sit here for a second, please?”
“We can do anything you want.” Danny pulls me back into his side, draping his arm around my shoulders. We both stare off in to the distance; pained, hurt and dying a little inside. A few minutes later, Skylar and Kylee come out of the venue expecting Danny and I to be waiting in the car. When they see us, they don’t approach, but let us have our moment.
“Mira, come on. We gotta get going. I’m sure everyone wants to just go home.”
“Can you please call me ‘Pea’. I love it when you do that.” It’s the truth. Danny was the first person to give me a nickname that wasn’t a variation of my name. It’s kind of his thing.
“I can’t,” Danny says, standing and taking my hands to help me up, “It’ll just hurt too much. I’m sorry.”
And there it is, ladies and gentlemen, I’ve lost him. My Danny wouldn’t stop calling me Pea for anything. Now I can’t beg him to say it.
I reluctantly allow him to walk me to the car. Instead of sitting up front with him, I sit in the back with Kylee who’s giving me a look that says “What the fuck happened? Do we need ice cream?” I’m sure she can tell by the look on my face that ice cream isn’t going to cut it, but that doesn’t stop her from making Danny stop at the market by our apartment.
Rocky Road can cure most problems. This problem? I’m not sure anything can help this.
For the first time since I was eighteen, I’m single.
The boys don’t follow us up to the apartment, not that I expected them to, but it would have been nice. I don’t bother changing out of my dress once I’m inside. Instead, I throw a hoodie over it and flop on the couch. Kylee looks at me sympathetically; wanting to talk but not knowing what to say, l pull a pillow from the back of the sofa and lay on the arm.
“Mira, can you please tell me what happened?” Kylee begs me with her eyes to answer but knows me well enough to know that I won’t be able to talk about it just yet.
“Soon, just not now.”
“Okay, well I’m here for you. Whatever you need, I’m all over it.”
“I know and I love you. When I’m ready, k?”
“Yeah, babe. I know.”
Kylee walks back to her bedroom leaving me alone in the living room to try to understand what happened. There’s no doubt that I don’t feel the connection that Danny and I had for so long, but knowing it’s over hits like a ton of bricks. I feel like a part of me is missing.
T o add to the stress, Danny knows how I feel about Skylar and might have just ended our relationship because of that. Adding the guilt to my fragile state isn’t helping. Danny wants me to try to be with Skylar, but how can I? How can I go to the one person that Danny has had almost his entire life and potentially ruin that relationship? Danny might forgive me for being with Skylar; I can’t see him forgiving Skylar.
Maybe at this fork in the road I need to choose myself like I thought before. Choose me; move on with my life, get a job, find a nice boy who will adore me but never have all of me, get married, have babies and live a mediocre life. Well, that doesn’t sound like much fun but what choice do I have? Unless Skylar has a change of heart, I’m doomed to either be alone or with someone else; someone that’s not the one I crave.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Mira
It’s funny when you’re living your life on auto pilot; time flies by and you don’t even realize it. Three weeks go by before I come up for air. Three weeks I’ve been living as a shell. How I managed to get a job and start is beyond me. Thank God for Kylee.
Ky and Jacoby haven’t talked much lately, but he was hiring a marketing assistant at his real estate firm. Talk about déjà vu. He was really nice and set me up in a private office. I guess Kylee told him what I was going through and Jacoby really is a nice guy. I don’t know why she doesn’t get her head out of her ass when it comes to him. There must be something going on there that Kylee’s not sharing.
Jacoby’s letting me start out with small duties until I get familiar with the company. So for now, instead of doing what my degree has set me up to do, I’m doing a lot of filing and working on listing new properties. It’s just enough to keep me busy so I’m not thinking about my life and not too much that I feel overwhelmed. I’m sure everyone thinks I’m a step away from –cracking—I can’t say that I’m not.
It’s been three weeks since I’ve seen Danny or Skylar. Danny’s called Kylee to check in on me, but never talks to me directly. Skylar’s sent a text or two, but nothing past that. I feel bad for locking myself away, but I have to try and mend, and seeing either one of them is likely to set me off. So, you can guess my surprise when I get home to find a very attractive Skylar sitting on my couch.
“What are you doing here?” My defenses go up and I’m not willing to let them down. If I let him in again, he’s just going to shatter me.
“I just wanted to check on you. Kylee texted me this morning that she’s worried about you. What’s going on, Mira?”
Well, how do I start to tell him that I’m broken in every way imaginable? Small tidbits here and there, nothing more.
“I’m just busy. I got that job at Jacoby’s firm and don’t have much time for anything else.” Hopefully that will be enough to satisfy him, but judging by the look on his face, he’s not buying it.
“Really, tell me what’s going on.”
Do not let him in, Mira. “That’s it.” I set my bag down on the end table and hang my jacket on the hanger by the door. With every move I make, Skylar’s eyes follow me. He’s going to keep pushing and not let it go. I can already tell.
“Huh, I thought you might be upset about your and Danny’s break up.”
“It’s been a long time coming. It really wasn’t a shock.” Keep up the walls, Mira. Don’t crumble.
Skylar moves from the couch and follows me into the kitchen. I pull a jug of orange juice from the fridge and a bottle of vodka from the freezer, shaking it in Skylar’s direction. He nods his head and I pour both of us a drink; mine stronger than his.
“So, if nothing is wrong and you’re just tired from work, care to tell me why we’re drinking screwdrivers and we haven’t even had dinner yet?”
“Not hungry,” I say, slamming my drink. Little does Skylar know, this is part of my daily routine. Wake up, get ready, go to work, come home from work, have a few drinks, take a shower, read a book, go to bed. Nothing exciting, but it’s what keeps me sane and takes the bite away… just a little.
“I had a talk with Danny yesterday.”
“About what?” I don’t really want to hear about his and Danny’s friendship. It’s just a cold slap in the face why Skylar and I can’t be together. It’s a painful reminder of one of the closest people I have in my life that won’t talk to me. Not that I’ve tried, but he hasn’t made the effort to contact me, either.
“You.” Fuck. My. Life. I don’t want them talking about me.
“What about me? That I’m a hot fucking mess? That Danny broke off our engagement and ended our relationship at an engagement party? That I can’t even think about him without being sad? That I know that no matter what I feel for you, Danny will always be the hurdle you’re not willing to jump?” So much for not letting the walls down. I’m spewing my problems everywhere. The pity in Skylar’s eyes makes my stomach turn. I hate that he feels bad for me and looks down on me.
“Well, no. We talked about my feelings for you and he doesn’t mind that I’m here or if we go on a date.”
I literally can’t breathe. Did he just say what I think he said?
“Come again?”
“Danny knows you’ve been upset and knows about the feelings that you have for me. He thinks that it’s time we stop delaying the inevitable and go on a date.”
“Really? Where did this come from?”
“Do you want honesty?”
“That’s all I ever want.” And that’s the truth. I never want to be lied to. I would rather be hurt by the truth than be destroyed by a lie.
“Okay, well Danny didn’t actually say it exactly like that.” My heart stops and I feel the floor start to sway. This is exactly why I should have never let that wall down. Skylar just gave me false hope for a future that wouldn’t look so bleak and then ripped the rug out from under me.
“Mira, are you okay? You look like you’ve just seen a ghost.” Skylar takes my hand and walks me to sit in the living room.
“Yeah, I’m fine. Just tell the story, okay?” I say with no enthusiasm in my voice. I can’t make myself want to hear this story; I know it’s not going to end well.
“Danny and I were sitting around yesterday and we just started talking. We really haven’t talked since before I walked in on you guys in bed. I asked him if he heard from you. Danny said that he was trying to give you the space you needed and was checking in with Kylee. He knows you’ve been really upset and not acting like yourself. I told him that I had feelings for you, like the feelings you have for me. I kinda think he already knew.”
I know that Danny knew about my feelings for Skylar, but not vice versa. Had Skylar talked about me before?
“I told him I was going to come here today and talk to you. He seemed kind of upset but I didn’t care; I wanted him to know before I did it. Mira, I have loved you since the first day I saw you. I have always wanted to be with you. Danny and I are going to have to travel a rocky path to get back to the way we used to be, but that doesn’t matter to me. He’s my brother and I’ll always love him and I think that eventually he’ll get over it. I just can’t sit here knowing you’re sad and upset and there’s something I can do to change it. I can be the man you need me to be, if you’ll let me.”
What?!?
“What exactly are you saying, Skylar?” Those little butterflies of happiness are floating around in my stomach. I can feel my lips starting to turn upward and the color returns to my cheeks; like I’m being brought back to life.
“I’m saying that I would like to take you on a date, Mira.”
Sweet baby Jesus, it’s like music to my ears. This is the moment I’ve dreamed of since I woke up in that cold sterile hospital. This is all I’ve wanted since the moment Skylar came to me in my dream. This is all I’ve needed since I knew a love like this existed. The heavens have opened and the angels are singing.
I’m staring at Skylar with the dumbest grin on my face and I forget to talk; to answer. I know he’s waiting for a response from me but I’m too busy enjoying this moment. It could be a dream. I could wake up tomorrow and not have this. I need to engrave this memory into my brain.
“Sweets, you have to say something,” Skylar laughs nervously.
When I can make my brain form a coherent thought, I speak. “Skylar, are you sure? I know how important you and Danny are to each other. I will never come between that. I can’t say that I’m not thanking my fairy godmother right now, but I can’t help but feel like there’s something wrong here. Like I’m going to wake up and none of this will be real. It’s happened once.” I try to throw in a joke to lighten the mood.
The passion burning in Skylar’s crystal blue eyes almost torches my skin. He’s not looking at me, he’s looking through me. I’m not going to be able to withstand this too much longer if he doesn’t keep talking. This is that part in the movies when you see a couple in love, but they don’t know it yet. They stare into each other’s eyes and in the next scene, she’s pushed against the wall and clothes start flying.
Great, now I’m thinking about sex.
“Mira, I promise you one thing. This is as real as anything else. You’re not going to wake up tomorrow and have to start all over. This is not Groundhog Day. This is real. We are real and I would very much like to take you on a proper date, if you’ll say yes.”
“Yes,” I whisper. I’m not going to let the ‘what ifs’ scare me away from this. I don’t know if I’ve loved Skylar as long as he’s loved me, but I know that right now, in this moment, there isn’t anyone in this world that I love more. Skylar has the ability to consume me and I’m going to let him.
Skylar pulls me across the couch, into his lap, and hugs me so tightly I can barely breathe. This is exactly where I belong. The same electricity I felt in my dream is here. I lean backward so I can look Skylar in his eyes. He leans forward. I assume he’s going to kiss me and I’m so ready. I’ve been ready, but he doesn’t. Well, not like I want him to anyway. Skylar kisses my cheek and moves me to sit on the cushion next to his. He stands and moves toward the door.
“Wait, where are you going?” Panic sets in and I’m going to lose him again, but for real this time.
“Sweets, breathe, okay? I’m going home. I have a date to plan and I won’t kiss you like you want me to until I earn it. I’m going to earn every single kiss you give to me and since I got a few for free when you were in the hospital, I have some work to do to catch up. I’ll call you later. Don’t make plans for tomorrow night,” Skylar says, smirking. There really is nothing sexier in the world than when Skylar does his sly little grin and his eyes turn from passionate to smoldering. He has to leave right now before I don’t c
are about a date anymore.
If I’m being honest, I don’t even care about dating. Skylar could ask me to marry him right now and I’d probably say yes. I would move away and do whatever else he wants me to do, as long as it means we’d be together.
Skylar smiles once more before closing the door behind him. I lay across the entire couch, staring at the ceiling, wondering if this is really happening. Am I drunk? Did I imagine the entire conversation? I don’t think so, but we’ll see what happens in the morning.
The next morning, everything is confirmed. I wake up to a text message from Skylar telling me to be ready by seven for our date. Holy hell, it’s really happening!
I barely make it through work. Everyone around me notices the sudden change in my demeanor. I’m not slouching around the office doing the bare minimum to keep my job, but I’m actually interacting. I think the girl from the human resources department almost chokes on her sandwich when I sit at her table in the break room during lunch. I’ve never spoken more than the few words I said to her when I was hired. Okay, she’s actually the only person whose name I actually know.
“Hey Lyndsey. How’s your Friday looking?”
“It’s okay, Mira. How’s your day?” Lyndsey responds, skeptical of my intentions.
“It’s wonderful. I’m not too busy and I’m going to ask Jacoby if I can take off early. I just wanted to say hey before I went back to work.”
“Hey.” I’m sure I’ve shocked the shit out of her. Lyndsey hasn’t taken another bite of her sandwich since I sat down. It’s kind of weird to see the way people interact with me when I’m not damn near catatonic.
I walk down the hall toward my office that’s right next to Jacoby’s, and make a pit stop in his office to see if I’ll be able to sneak out early.
“Hey, Jacoby?” I ask, softly knocking on his door.
Awakening (Book 2) (The Destined Series) Page 13
