by Tiana Cole
“You can if I say you can,” she pouted, taking a seat on the edge of the sofa. “You’re having a baby sweetheart, a baby!”
“I know,” she smiled and drew gentle circles over her belly. “I have to learn how to lean on myself Misty. You have Andy and soon you’ll have kids of your own. I’ll never survive as a single mother if I can’t rely on myself.”
“You’re not a damn single mum!” Alex’s voice roared in the mostly quiet room.
“I put on some of that tea Adrian made for you, drink it all and let me know if it helps.” He set the kettle down and knelt down before her, casting a suspicious glance up at Alex. “You don’t need more than a teaspoon and if it’s too bitter, add honey. I’m guessing you don’t need me and Adrian tonight?”
She shook her head. “I’m probably going to sleep most of the day, but thanks Baker. You’re the best. Adrian’s a lucky guy.”
“Be sure you tell him that tomorrow,” he winked and pressed a kiss to her forehead before standing.
“And who are you?” Misty unfolded her body, hands on hips, and gave him an assessing stare.
“I’m Baker Ellison, graphic novelist and bicycle expert.” He held out a hand with a wide smile.
“Baker Ellison? The graphic novelist?”
“One in the same, honey. Are you alright?”
“No, I am not. We need to have a serious conversation about your future.”
He took a wary step back and Amanda laughed. “She’s a junior agent at Carnahan and Davis.”
Tears sparkled in his eyes and he knelt down again, grabbing her hands and kissing them. “Oh Amanda you really are too sweet for words. Adrian and I will totally be your birthing coaches, well he will and I’ll be in charge of music and décor.” He stood and turned to Misty. “I’m all yours honey.”
Amanda watched them go, very aware that she was now alone with the last person she wanted to be left alone with. Leaning back with her eyes closed, she took a few deep breaths and slowly released them. “I guess you want to talk.”
Chapter 13
“You’re damn right I want to talk. I’ve only been trying for months to get in touch with you.” Alex could not believe the last fifteen minutes of his life had changed so irrevocably. Amanda was pregnant. Very pregnant. And he’d had no idea. “You’re pregnant.”
“Really? Thanks for letting me know.” Brown eyes seared through him, angry and disgusted all at once.
“It would have been nice to know I have a child on the way.” Walking across the spacious but sparsely decorated living room, Alex fell into a oversized lounger and crossed his legs at the ankle. “Do I Amanda, have a child on the way?” He knew the question was a mistake the moment it left his lips but it was too late.
Her face reddened and she turned her head away from him, focusing on her breathing. Lying on the sofa as she was, her belly seemed bigger than was possible, making this all very real. “No you don’t. I don’t know the father.”
Red flashed before his eyes, an anger more potent than anything he’d ever felt ripped through him. The baby wasn’t his. She hadn’t waited for him at all. “Then I guess I wasted a trip back here.” His gaze landed on hers, taking in the icy blandness emanating from her. She was angry, he knew that much despite the fact that she’d blanked it all from her face. Her posture. “Do you have anything to say to me?”
Those big brown eyes landed on him and slayed him, lancing him straight through the heart. “What could I possibly have to say to a man I don’t know?”
“You want me to go?”
She shrugged and when she spoke her voice was quiet and small. “I’ve never had any control over what you do Alex so what I want doesn’t really matter. Does it?”
“Dammit Amanda, I’m trying. I’m here, aren’t I?” He raked a hand through his air and blew out a frustrated breath.
“Obviously not for me so you can go back and do whatever you’ve been doing these past months.” Eyes closed once again, she sank into the sofa and her breathing slowed.
“That’s it? Unbelievable! I thought you were someone else Amanda.”
She laughed but it was bitter and without humor. “That’s rich coming from you.”
“How many times do I have to apologize?”
“None. You’re not sorry so please spare me another lie.”
“Alright you two, that’s enough.” Misty walked into the room with a smile and a wave to a retreating Baker, who dropped another kiss on her forehead and left. “What are you doing here Alex?”
Glaring at Amanda, he crossed his arms angrily. “I thought there was something here to come back to. Obviously I was wrong.”
“Good then you can get out of my house and don’t come back!”
“Amanda, really?” Hands fisted on her hips and a glare marring her pretty face, Misty made a terrifying figure looming over them both. “You plan to do this alone?”
She shrugged, the look she shot her friend nothing more than matter of fact. “I’ve always been alone, Misty. I can handle it.”
“But if you don’t have to, why would you?”
Alex watched the back and forth between the friends, amused to see their interactions. “I do have to. I can’t rely on anyone but me and I won’t. My baby will be well taken care of because I’m making plans for our future.”
“And what about Alex?”
She sent him a withering glare. “What about him?”
“He’s the father!”
“No he’s not! I don’t even know who that man is, other than a liar.” She winced and squirmed, searching for a comfortable position he guessed. “If you two don’t mind, I need to rest and you’re both just stressing me out.”
Alex stood and Misty glared at him until he fell back to his seat. “We’re not going anywhere.”
“I don’t care,” she yawned, “just shut up so I can sleep.” This time when her eyes closed, her breathing was slow and steady as she quickly fell asleep.
“Well what do you plan to do about this?” Misty’s look sent him scrambling to his feet as she nodded towards the back, where they both took seats facing the backyard.
“What can I do? She doesn’t want to see me and the kid isn’t mine. That’s a pretty clear indication of her feelings.” It still stung that she’d went to someone else in his absence.
“Are you seriously this stupid? Because Amanda said you were smart and right now you sound pretty damn dumb.” She looked at him and her green eyes saw down to his soul in that moment. “She’s in love with you and you lied to her and then forgot about her. How did you think she’d react to your reappearance?”
“I thought she’d at least hear me out.” Amanda was kind and gentle. The Amanda he’d fallen for would have listened to his explanation and understood.
“Because you gave her so much hope by not answering any of her calls or letters for months on end? Or was it because months later you finally remembered she existed?”
It sounded bad when she said it like that, but that’s not how it was. “I had a lot to deal with at home with my brother. My family.”
“So did she, in case you hadn’t noticed.”
“So I don’t deserve to know I have a child on the way?” She could have at least told him, let him decide if he wanted to be involved or not.
“She wrote you almost thirty letters Alex and you responded to how many? Oh right, none. Amanda did what she had to do and if you can’t understand that maybe you should just go.”
He should do exactly that. Leave Colorado and America behind and find some tropical locale to lick his wounds. But the thought of leaving Amanda behind made his chest ache. The idea of living without her was too much to take. “I can’t.”
“You can’t leave her because you love her or because she’s having your baby?”
He shook his head. “She’s n-,”
“Don’t say it because you know its not true. That child she’s carrying is yours and if you screw this up you’ll miss out on everything.
Is that what you want?”
“What should I do?”
Misty smiled. “Win her back.”
His laugh was sardonic and his tone sarcastic. “Oh is that all?”
~
Alex was back. He’d been back for, well she didn’t know exactly, only that almost a week had passed since he showed up on her doorstep. With Misty, who was also still hanging around. Stunned would be the best word to describe how she’d been feeling ever since. Gosh he still looked so good. Damn good, she amended. His blonde hair looked even whiter from time spent in the sun but it was entirely too long for any kind of professional setting. Those blue eyes were velvety and smooth, if angry and confused. That was all she would acknowledge as far as that was concerned.
He’d been an almost constant fixture at her house for the past four days and still, she barely said a word to him. She couldn’t. Every afternoon she gave herself a pep talk and a bit of tough love, telling herself to put on her big girl panties and talk to the man. She promised herself she would do it and then she would look at that scruffy beard, so sexy and appealing with that searing blue gaze and she would hear those words. “Do I Amanda, have a child on the way?” As though she were the bad person in this scenario, the one who’d lied, vanished without a word and left her alone. It would serve him right if I had gotten pregnant by another man.
But today she had a plan. Instead of being angry about the flowers, the expensive baby furniture, the delicious takeout food and all the other things he’d done in an effort to romance her, she would simply be polite. There was no need to keep showing her anger to Alex because then he’d know the truth. The anger hid the hurt she refused to let him see. It wouldn’t do either of them any good to hope for something more. Recapturing what they’d had just wasn’t possible. Attempting to do so would just be dangerous.
“Are you going to stand out there staring at the doorknob all day or come inside?” Misty gripped the knob in one hand and her hip in the other, a concerned look crossed her face.
“I’m coming in, jeez, I was just taking a moment for myself. Is that alright with you?” As her waistline grew and her symptoms stuck around, Amanda felt herself grow grouchy and moody.
“Excuse me for caring.”
And now she felt guilty. “Sorry Misty but this is all a bit much and I’m guessing when I go inside Alex will be there.”
Her green eyes flashed guilt and quickly looked away before stepping back so Amanda could enter. “He’s trying Amanda.”
“Good for him.” She really hated that everyone thought it was okay that he just suddenly reappeared as though he hadn’t left and never looked back. Shaking her head she pushed inside, kicked off her shoes and climbed the stairs to her bedroom. Another night of awkward and stilted dinner conversation required a long hot shower and a glass of wine, but the wine would have to wait a while. A long while.
Fresh from the shower and wrapped in her favorite peach bath towel, Amanda wasn’t all that surprised to find Misty sitting on her bed with her face buried in an e-reader. “I thought you might drown yourself rather than coming downstairs.”
“Very funny.” She sighed and turned to Misty, dropping her towel to moisturize. “Working and being pregnant is hard enough but this pregnancy is taking a lot out of me and now I have to deal with him too. Excuse me if I need more time to myself.”
“I know and I’m sorry. But you know you’ll have to talk to him eventually.”
Amanda blew out a long breath. “I don’t see why, but fine. Maybe if I do he’ll go away.”
Misty laughed and shook her head. “I doubt that. The man has it bad for you. You seriously don’t feel anything for him?”
“I didn’t say that, but it doesn’t matter how I feel. I don’t trust him and he doesn’t trust me so how I feel, it doesn’t really matter.” She wished that she could erase the past few months from her memory, could simply wake up tomorrow ready to forgive Alex. Her life would be simpler. But she couldn’t.
“Oh Amanda, it’s all that matters.” Then she gave her that look Amanda hated. It was pity and sympathy that she didn’t realize what she was missing out on. Well now she knew.
“Not to me. I have a kid to worry about now so I can’t let myself go crazy over some man I can’t trust anyway. The only love that matters is what I have for my baby.” Slipping into sweats and a large sweater, Amanda slowly walked down the stairs. “Hello, Alex” See, easy.
Surprise shone in his eyes but he just smiled back. “Amanda, you’re looking well. How are you feeling?”
“As good as I’m going to, I suppose.” Absently she rubbed her belly and noticed his frown.
“Is everything alright?” He stood and she held up a hand to stop his movement. She had to deal with him but she couldn’t, wouldn’t let him touch her.
“I’m fine. Nothing for you to worry about.” She saw the dark look that crossed his handsome face but she wasn’t fazed. “I said I’m fine.”
Misty breezed into the kitchen holding two white paper bags. With grease stains! “I took care of dinner, it’s Chinese. I’m going to Baker’s to discuss a few things and get some more of that tea you love. You two…talk.”
“Real subtle Misty.”
“Subtlety wasn’t working. Chat. Behave. Eat. Bon appetite!” A few seconds later the front door quietly closed and they were alone for the first time since, well since he’d revealed his deception and broke her heart. That’s the past, she reminded herself. “Thank you for lunch today. It was nice.” In fact it was healthy and delicious, and having someone other than Misty worry about her felt nice. Even though she knew it wasn’t her he was worried about.
“You’re welcome.” She could feel the weight of his stare on her and fought the urge to squirm. “I’m so sorry Amanda.”
She heard the anguish in his voice and felt the responding tug in her heart. “I know.”
His shoulders fell. “But that doesn’t matter, right?”
“It matters plenty because we can set all the emotional stuff aside and parent this kid properly. Together.”
“But not us, together?”
How could she not love this man with his big heart? It was her own girlish heart that was her problem, not Alex. Not really. “Alex your actions have told me time and again how you feel about me, or how you don’t feel. It doesn’t feel good to know I was falling in love with a man who doesn’t exist and it hurt like hell that you waited almost three months to remember I existed.” As humiliating as it was to admit aloud, she thought maybe they both needed to hear it.
“I never forgot you Amanda. You were on my mind constantly. Sitting by Stefan’s side, all I spoke about was you. The American girl who’d enchanted me.”
“There’s no need for any of that Alex. We both know the score now. I won’t keep you from our child but I don’t want anything from you either.” At least not anything he was willing to give her.
He nodded and she felt her body relax. “Well that’s too bad Amanda because I love you and I want you back. And now that I know just how dreadful life is without you, I won’t stop until you love me again.”
Her hand leapt out and snatched an eggroll then shoved it in her mouth in a very unladylike move that would’ve made Misty proud. So he knew she loved him, or had loved him so what? Big deal. He’d known and it still kept him away while their baby grew in her belly. “That’s not necessary Alex. I’ve just told you I won’t cut you out.”
“I know and I’m happy because it’ll give me time to win you back. But I want you and the baby.”
That was enough, she’d had it. Pushing back from the table she glared at him. “Stop saying that! You left Alex and you stayed gone without a word. I wrote you and told you all about the baby, my symptoms, all of it because for some reason I thought you would care. Only you didn’t. You never looked back, for either of us. So don’t lie. Not again.”
“I don’t know why I didn’t call, Amanda but I do know why I never responded to your calls or letters.
I didn’t know about them until two weeks before I came back.”
She sat glued to her chair and listened as he told her, with a pained voice, all about his mother’s complete rejection of her and his love for her. She’d forbidden him from seeing or talking to her. About her. Then the worst part of all, she’d burned the letters and disregarded her messages. When he was finished she felt the stinging behind her eyes and knew tears weren’t far off. They never were these days. With as much strength as she could muster she nodded and faced him. “Then I guess it’s a good thing we’re done.”
“Sorry sweetheart but we’re nowhere near done so you had better get used to it.”
Chapter 14
Goodness but Amanda had become stubborn with pregnancy. No matter what Alex tried to do for her or gave to her, she wouldn’t budge. There were no sweet smiles and no lingering looks, no soft touches and definitely no words of love or affection. All the things he’d come back for were so far out of his reach, he wondered if they’d ever get back to that place.
Luckily for him, Alex wasn’t a quitter when he really wanted something. And what he really wanted was Amanda and their baby. Baby. Just the word brought a smile to his face. Of all the dreams he’d had in his life—and there were many—the one he’d never thought he wanted was the one he’d get first. He never pictured himself as a father, or a family man since he had the freedom to choose if and when he was married. But now it was all he could think about.
“What are you doing here?” Amanda stood with the door clutched in one hand and the other hidden behind her back. Deep brown eyes looked at him warily, waiting for an answer.
“I came to feed you and the baby.” His smile beamed down on her and he held up two canvas grocery bags. He’d gotten up early to hit the supermarket after he’d spent the whole night reading up on taking care of a pregnant woman. This was step one in his new plan to romance the hell out of her.
“I am perfectly capable of feeding me and my baby.” Instinctively her hand went to her belly in a protective move. “Why are you really here?”
