Second Chances

by Nicole Andrews Moore

  “Come in, Sarah,” Mrs. Waite murmured. She was lying propped on her side in the king sized bed. Her bare scalp shone from the candles flickering on the nightstand. The shadows playing across her face gave her eyes a sunken appearance.

  Sarah tried to look happy and carefree as she made her way to the bed, but she was never good at hiding her emotions. And right now she was afraid. She feared that the end was closer than anyone had imagined. She worried that Mrs. Waite might not even last the night. A lump formed in her throat as she tried to picture Brian’s reaction when the inevitable happened. I’ll be there for him, she vowed.

  “I know you will, Sarah,” Mrs. Waite said smiling sleepily.

  Sarah inhaled sharply. “You know I will what?” She asked, even though she was certain that she knew the answer.

  “Brian will need you. He cares very deeply for you, and I can see why.” She motioned for Sarah to come sit on the bed. Once Sarah complied, she grabbed the young woman’s hands. “You have an energy surrounding you. You have a gift for taking what life dishes out and growing, no thriving from your experiences. You are strong in ways that you don’t even know.” She was getting excited now and it was zapping much of her strength. Sarah sat quietly, watching her with a furrowed brow. “Come get me tomorrow morning,” Mrs. Waite said. “We’ll watch the sunrise together. Just the two of us.” She tried to stifle a yawn.

  “So, you rest now. I’ll come get you a few minutes before dawn. I’ll make us some tea and popovers. They’re my specialty.” Mrs. Waite nodded slightly. Her eyes were closed and she wore a peaceful expression on her face. Sarah bent and kissed her forehead, just as she would Chloe.

  By the time she reached Brian’s side at the pool, her eyes were glistening. He had been watching her weave through the crowd to meet him. In anticipation he had set down his glass and turned to greet her with open arms. She walked into his chest and pressed her head against his heart, trying to quell the urge to cry.

  “I put Chloe to bed,” he said quietly. “Why don’t we go check on her?”

  Sarah nodded. She knew what he was doing. He was getting her away from everyone so that they could talk and she could cry if she needed to. He was so good with her.

  They reached the bedroom, and he closed the door behind them. They climbed onto the bed and she collapsed into his arms. “I’m so exhausted,” she said quietly. “I’m emotionally drained all the time.” She sighed then added. “And I think we need to talk.” She told him of all her fears, of her conversation with his mother, of her hopes for the following day.

  “Everyone will be here by ten in the morning,” he reminded her. “We’ll limit the ceremony portion to about two hours, I think. The bush has been purchased; the balloons will be blown up after breakfast. Everything will be splendid.” He held her close, inhaling the floral scent of her hair. “You know my family adores you,” he murmured into her hair.

  Sarah sat up instantly. “What makes you think so?” She asked eagerly, their endorsement suddenly very important to her.

  He sighed. “Where shall I begin?” He smiled at her. “Well, for one, you walked into this situation that would have made any outsider uncomfortable, but instead you gave comfort to those around you. They all have the utmost respect and admiration for you, Sarah. In one short week they’ve fallen in love with you.” And I love you all the more, Brian thought sadly. He watched her for a reaction.

  “They are all so easy to be around. I love them right back you know.” She gazed at Brian affectionately. “Would you mind if I went to bed early tonight?”

  “No,” he said quietly. “Would you mind if I joined you?”

  Sarah’s alarm went off around four in the morning. Brian stirred slightly. She gave him a quick hug and a peck on the cheek. “Go back to bed,” she whispered. “I have a date with your mother.” One eye perked open at that. “We’re watching the sunrise together,” she explained.

  She threw on her black bikini and a pair of beige shorts then padded downstairs barefoot. Once inside the kitchen she began preparing the popovers. She had never made such a large batch before, but the kitchen was well stocked. She boiled water and let the tea bags steep in the ceramic mugs. Sarah was so consumed with what she was doing that she was unaware that she was being watched. When she finally glanced up after pulling out her third tray of popovers, Mr. Waite was looking at her with a smile.

  “Was I too loud?” Sarah asked apologetically.

  “No, not at all,” he said. “I just knew you’d be coming for my love soon, so I decided to get up and go jogging. I’ll stay out of your way.”

  Sarah wiped her hands on the towel she wore over her shoulder and walked around the counter to him. “I want to thank you for having us, Mr. Waite. I hope Chloe and I weren’t too intrusive during this time.” She moved to shake his hand, but he gave her a warm hug instead.

  “I should be thanking you,” he said. “You swooped in here and helped us all. You gave us a sense of purpose when we were all at a loss. I’ll be forever grateful to you, Sarah. Brian’s lucky to have found you.”

  “He’s become my best friend,” Sarah admitted. She glanced out the window where the first hint of pink and orange were beginning to color the horizon. “Wow, excuse me. I have to go get your wife.” They hugged once more and parted.

  Sarah wheeled Brian’s mother out to her chaise on the patio. She handed her a hot tea and placed a warm popover on the table beside her. They watched the sunrise in silence, savoring the ever-changing colors of the sky and sun. It promised to be a relatively clear day, a bit on the warm side. The world was still, save for a few birds.

  At last, after easing over the horizon for several minutes, the sun took its rightful place in the sky. Mrs. Waite turned to Sarah. “You have a deep appreciation for the natural world, don’t you, Sarah?”

  She nodded. “I like to think so. I have vegetable and flower gardens. I grow some herbs. I love the water and being outdoors in every season but winter.” She shrugged.

  “That’s enough,” Mrs. Waite said. “Thank you so much for everything. Thank you for being here and making breakfast and the magic you’ve worked with my family.” She closed her eyes. “I’m just going to rest a bit.”

  “You’re more than welcome. I’m just blessed to be around all of you.” She kissed the woman on the forehead, and then dropped her shorts before heading to the pool.

  As she walked to the end of the diving board, she glanced up to the second story balcony. Brian was there, watching her. He gave her a wistful smile, then turned and walked back into their room.

  By ten, nearly one hundred people had assembled in the backyard. Everywhere Sarah looked, people were sitting on blankets and chairs, standing, and leaning. She swallowed hard, took a swig of sweet tea, and opened the ceremony. “Hello, I would like to welcome all of you here to celebrate Emma Waite’s life.”

  Her children put together a version of “This is Your Life.” People she hadn’t seen in years had gladly come from far and wide to be with her. The grandchildren sang her favorite songs. A purple lilac bush was planted in her honor. They held a massive balloon release, and listened to music while the balloons soared out of sight. The remainder of the day was spent with everyone grazing happily on the buffet tables, telling stories, sharing memories, and explaining the impact Emma had on their lives. The day was a huge success. Everyone tried to thank Sarah, but she refused to take any credit.

  At the end of the day there was a marked difference between this night and those of the past week. Emma Waite refused to go to bed. She had been up since dawn, had only had the one brief catnap after watching the sunrise, and although she was visibly tired, she insisted that she stay up. “Midnight, maybe,” she said when her husband asked when she might consider joining him in their bed.

  Mr. Waite looked worried. He had spent the entire day hovering by her side. He waited on her hand and foot, refusing to let anyone else help him. “She’s taken care of me for over forty years,” he woul
d say. “I don’t have enough time left to repay all of that.”

  Gradually everyone left except the immediate family. Midnight arrived. Those remaining watched expectantly, hoping Emma would decide that she was ready for bed. When her husband leaned over her and asked quietly if it was time, she shook her head weakly, pulled him in closer, and whispered something in his ear. He nodded, stood up, and made an announcement.

  “Emma would like us to sleep out here tonight. And she’d like to spend some time alone with me. So, kiss her goodnight. We’ll be right here in the morning.” He tried to sound convincing, but he spoke with fear in his eyes. “Go on now,” he urged when no one moved.

  Brian was the first to walk over and kiss his mother. “I’ll like you forever. I’ll love you for always. As long as I’m living my mother you’ll be,” he whispered in her ear. Tears came to his mother’s eyes as she listened to him quote one of the books she had read to her grandchildren so often in recent years.

  “Good night,” Sarah said in a hushed voice as she gave the woman a light hug and kiss.

  One by one with teary eyes Emma’s children stepped forward, kissed her, walked slowly into the house, and up the stairs to bed. Brian was holding Sarah’s hand. They made a brief stop before going to their room. He opened the balcony door as silently as possible, so they could take one last look at his parents. His father had effortlessly lifted Emma onto his lap and was holding her in his arms. He was rocking her slightly, like one might rock a child, and singing to her. An occasional sniffle told them he was crying.

  Sarah squeezed Brian’s hand. He led her to bed. “I don’t think she’s going to make it through the night.”

  She made no comment. She was thinking the same. Tonight, when they climbed into bed, Brian tried to roll onto his side away from her. “Oh no you don’t,” she murmured. She reached out to him, pulled on his shoulder, and forced him to roll toward her. She knew he would be crying when he looked at her. She opened her arms to him.

  Brian laid his head on her chest, wrapped his arms around her, and closed his eyes. “I’m sorry you have to see me like this,” he whispered.

  “I’m just glad you’re letting it out. I was getting worried,” she replied. “I’m going to hold you like this all night, okay?”

  Brian nodded, his head brushing her chest. I love you, Sarah; he thought it as hard as he could, willing her to know what he wanted so desperately to tell her.

  I’ll always be there for you, she thought. And then, as she nodded off to sleep, something stirred in Sarah’s chest. It was a feeling she hadn’t felt in some time. She wasn’t ready for it. She refused to welcome it. So she simply shook it off.

  They were awakened too quickly. Just as the sun was rising in the sky, they heard Brian’s father crying out. They rushed to the balcony, as did all the rest of the siblings and mates. “Emma, no!” He cried. “Please don’t leave me. I’m not ready yet.”

  Everyone rushed to his side. Sarah would have remained where she was, but Brian grabbed her hand and pulled her with him. Reluctantly, she trailed behind him, not wanting to intrude on this family moment. When they reached the lounger, they found Emma lying there with her eyes closed, wearing a peaceful look on her face. She wasn’t breathing.

  Brian and his siblings rushed to hug their father who was crying unashamedly. Tears rushed down his face, his nose was running, and he looked lost. He reached for Sarah as she stood back apart from the family. “At least we had yesterday,” he mumbled. He sat down on the ground next to Emma’s body.

  All of this was too much for Brian. He turned to Sarah and pulled her close. “I just need to hold on to you right now,” he murmured into her hair. “Please, let me.”

  Sarah nodded.

  The remainder of the day passed in a blur. The coroner had come to take her away. He had marveled at the number of people present. “She must have been very loved,” he had said to Mr. Waite in an attempt to offer the distraught man some form of comfort. “It is very difficult for people to be around death. She must have been a very special person to have so many people willing to stick it out.” Mr. Waite had nodded then wandered away wringing his hands as though he needed to find some task for them to accomplish.

  Funeral arrangements were made. Emma had asked just last night to be cremated then sprinkled around her new lilac bush. Still, the earliest date that could be set for the funeral was Monday. Brian and Sarah had gone up to their room late in the afternoon to talk.

  “I want to be here for you,” Sarah had said sadly, “but our classes start on Monday.”

  Brian had nodded numbly. “I know the Dean won’t expect you to be there, but I have to be.” He sat there blankly. “What if I take your classes on Monday and Tuesday so that you don’t have to worry about them?”

  At last he spoke. “That would be very helpful. Thank you.” His voice sounded mechanical.

  Sarah walked over to the window and gazed out at the vacant chaise lounger. For the first time all week the entire yard was empty of adults. The kids were the only ones outside, playing undisturbed on the swing set. “I’m going to fly home tomorrow. Can you take me and Chloe to the airport?”

  Brian had walked up behind her and set his hands on her shoulders. She knew he must have been thinking the same thoughts she had when he looked at the yard. “Of course.” He turned her to face him. “I just wish you didn’t have to go.”

  They stared at each other for a few moments before Brian made a move. He bent down until their lips were inches apart. Sarah stood firm, curious. And then his lips were upon hers. The kiss was gentle at first, soft and sweet. Then his hands found the back of her head. He held her still as he nibbled on her lower lip, kissed a path to her left ear, and whispered, “I need you, Sarah.”

  She gasped. Her stomach was a ball of emotions. On the one hand, Sarah felt that he was merely reacting to a difficult situation and reaching out to her for comfort, while on the other she felt as though he had overstepped an unspoken boundary. Instantly, she was torn between wanting to open up and let him continue to kiss and cuddle her, and pulling away. It had been a long time since she had been showered with affection, and it had been even longer since she felt that kind of heat. She shook her head, trying to clear it, to think sensibly.

  “I’ll always be here for you, Brian,” she said.

  Instantly he knew what that meant. He froze for a moment, the finally pulled back, and dropped his hands at his side. “As a friend, right?” He felt hollow, like the wind had been knocked out of him.

  “Of course,” she mumbled. “We’ll always be friends.”

  “I can’t do this right now,” he said, hurting now on a new level. He turned and stalked from the room.

  He just needs to cool down, she thought. He’s just going through a lot right now. He’s not thinking clearly.

  Leaning against the other side of the door, Brian shook his head. “I know what I’m doing, Sarah. I know what I want,” he said in disgust. Then he moved down the stairs to get something to eat.

  The next morning Sarah said her goodbyes to the family. She felt terrible for leaving now, but they understood. What they didn’t understand was what had happened between Sarah and Brian. Since the previous afternoon, they had been distant with each other. And no one could quite put his or her finger on why that was. At the same time, everyone was a little more consumed with the impending funeral to give it more than a passing thought.

  They rode to the airport in silence. Chloe watched them from the backseat. “Are you guys okay?” She asked quietly. Brian and Sarah looked at each other, but neither responded. Sarah didn’t know if they were okay or not. “I said,” Chloe began loudly.

  “We heard you,” Sarah said quickly. “And I don’t know.” She turned and looked out the window. In the past, Brian would have reached out to her, grabbed her hand reassuringly, messed up her hair, or made some sort of comment, but today he gave no indication as to how he felt. Sarah felt even worse than she had last night. And l
ast night, she hadn’t imagined she could ever feel worse than that.

  She had expected Brian to make up with her so that he could be close to her. Instead, when she went up to bed that night, she found Chloe in his spot. He had taken the cot and was turned away from her. She had crept over to him, knelt beside the cot and lightly touched his back. He hadn’t responded. “Brian,” she had said in a hushed voice. She continued prodding him until at last he gave in and answered.

  “Please come to bed. Let me snuggle with you. Let me be close to you tonight.” Sadly, she laid her forehead against his back while she awaited a response.

  He rolled over then. She thought she had gotten through to him that they could go back to where they had been, but the look on his face told her otherwise. “I can’t be close to you. I can only be your friend,” he spat, his eyes glistening a stormy blue.

  “Friends can be close,” she mumbled, but once again she found herself speaking to his back. She had sighed then and wandered back to bed alone feeling more desolate than she could ever believe possible.