“We’re all going to live with Brian now, right?” She grabbed Brian’s hand.
Sarah was flabbergasted and didn’t know how to respond. Maybe she should have been more willing to breach some of these uncomfortable subjects last night. “I…well, we haven’t talked about it,” she mumbled. She looked to Brian and noticed he was shaking his head. Her eyebrows knit together as she was hit with a wave of disappointment. Must be Brian wasn’t ready to live with them yet. Maybe his feelings for her had changed while they were apart. “Oh.”
“I’m thinking my place is going to be too small. We need to go house hunting,” he said squeezing Chloe’s hand. He glanced at Sarah to check her reaction.
Smiling approvingly, Anna reminded Sarah, “You are more than welcome to stay with me in the meantime. Somehow, I doubt that will happen though.” She gave a warm smile and knowing wink to Brian.
Sarah’s head was positively spinning and the highly emotionally charged atmosphere was taking its toll. At the same time, the solution to their housing dilemma seemed obvious.
“Why don’t we just kick Josh out of the farmhouse?”
Wincing, Brian could barely look at her. Anna shook her head. “You haven’t told her?” They stared at each other, neither wanting to be the one to break her heart. The farmhouse had been the realization of one of Sarah’s dreams. She had always longed to have space to live and plant her gardens. She had a bed of herbs just outside the kitchen door, a larger vegetable plot just beyond that. She had been gradually but purposefully landscaping the front yard. And what had once been a barren lifeless place had turned into a warm, lush home.
Even without powers, Jamie understood what was going on. Knowing that she was the one person who could get away with saying virtually anything without having to apologize for a lack of tact and sensitivity, finally, it was she who broke the confusion.
“Well, Josh moved Tessa in after you were abducted, with her baby, of course. They kind of pushed you two out. So, we packed your possessions and Chloe’s and took them to Brian’s.”
Immediately her jaw dropped in shock, then realizing how it must look, she snapped it shut and clenched it tightly. Rage threatened to engulf her, followed by hurt; quickly she was rushing through the many stages of the grieving process with an audience. Everything was happening too quickly for Sarah. She had never been one of those swooning women, but suddenly, she felt weak.
Since he noticed everything, Brian supported her elbow and helped her into the car. “Rest a minute,” he said quietly. Then to the remainder of the group he said, “Let’s go. We’ll have a welcome home party at my place.” It seemed silly, but he hoped secretly that the distraction might do her some good. And, in all honesty, celebrating her return made it more real for him. He needed desperately to feel alive again. Her absence had left him feeling hollow and alone. He had pushed nearly everyone and everything away. It was time that he break down the barriers and let life back in.
They piled in and even before the door closed Brian was on the cell phone inviting only a few important guests. Taking his cue, Jamie began dialing her phone as well. She called the bakery and ordered a cake and then phoned her favorite restaurant to throw together a buffet for twenty. At last she called the liquor and wine warehouse to prepare a veritable mini bar. Sarah sat in stunned silence as they made their way to the mill.
She wasn’t surprised when she arrived and found her car still parked there where she left it in August. “I’ve been starting it regularly so that it would be in working condition upon your return,” Brian said quietly when he noticed her attention was fixated on her vehicle. “I even had it winterized.” She nodded numbly and let him lead her into the loft.
Everyone was bustling around decorating and cleaning. Catering trucks were unloading. The activity and noise after so much quiet and solitude was a bit overwhelming. Suddenly she didn’t know where she belonged. All of the decisions she might have taken pleasure in making with Brian seemed to have been taken care of without her input. She had been moved from her beloved farmhouse. Chloe was expecting them to become a family. And although she wanted that more than anything, she was completely off-balance. It was all too much. Sarah was consumed with a need to leave, take a breather. She wanted a few minutes to figure everything out for herself. Plus, there were things she needed to do. Grabbing her keys off the counter, she snuck out to her car, wondering how long she had before she was missed.
Brian knew the instant she left. He felt that gnawing tug that meant the distance between them was growing. Without thinking, he rushed out the door in time to see her car speeding away. Panic gripped his chest. Where could she be going? And why would she want to leave him so soon after they were reunited? He sat heavily on the front steps and waited for her to contact him. He had to trust that she would come back of her own volition. He had to calm down and patiently wait. Hands folded together and eyes closed, he concentrated his energy to soothe his frazzled nerves.
How many times had she traveled this route since she had known Brian? She could have driven in her sleep. Sarah pulled into the driveway and stopped at the very end. She stepped out of the vehicle and stared up at the house that she had once loved and lived in. A curtain in the upstairs window dropped back in place. Josh’s car was in front of the house, or maybe Tessa had taken that over, too. Sighing, she headed for the porch.
All around, she saw signs of neglect. Her flowers were overgrown. By now she would have decorated the porch for fall, maybe with burgundy mums. She would have tied the corn stalks around the porch, piled some hay bales and created a focal point with some of the pumpkins and gourds. There would be a nice fall wreath on the door, and she would’ve changed the mat to something more befitting the season. She sighed as she looked around. The lawn was too long. That had been her job. Who was she kidding? Everything had been her job.
She opened the door without knocking. Technically, her name was still on the lease. Glancing around, she looked for any items that might have been missed when her belongings were relocated. So far nothing leapt out at her that she desperately had to have. They had done a very thorough job.
New decor had been added since she was last here. There were dusty silk flowers in vases scattered about and painted ceramic animals. It seemed less homey, and far tackier than it had ever been with her in residence. Sarah walked straight back to the kitchen. Her feet stuck to the floor in places where it seemed soft drinks or juices had been spilled. The scent of bacon grease and spoiled food filled the air. It was dirtier than it had ever been when she lived there. She ran a finger over the slimy counter and grimaced. She was so focused on her analysis of the place that she never heard the stairs creak, never heard the footsteps in the hall.
“Hello,” he said quietly.
Sarah turned instantly to find Josh staring at her. He was wearing jeans and a long sleeved t-shirt, but no shoes or socks. He probably just got out of bed, she thought.
“I just wanted to give you this,” she said quietly, pulling the key off the ring. “I guess it’s yours now.” She set it heavily on the kitchen counter.
He stared at her, didn’t seem to know what to say. Finally he spoke. “I’m sorry how things ended,” he began. He took a deep breath. “They don’t have to, if you don’t want.”
Frowning, Sarah asked, “What do you mean?”
He sighed and moved closer to her. “You could live here again if you want.”
Even more confused than before she asked, “And why would I want to do that?”
He shuffled his feet some before answering. “We could work things out.” He shrugged.
She laughed. “And why would we?” She studied him a minute. Instantly, it all became clear to her. Everything Brian had said to her that morning at Starbuck’s so long ago suddenly came flooding back. “Ah. Life with the tantalizing Tessa isn’t quite what you imagined. The baby requires a lot of time and attention. Tessa is needy to a fault. And you miss the peace and order that existed with me in r
esidence.” She raised an eyebrow. “So, is that everything?”
Josh shifted uncomfortably. “Pretty much.”
Sarah leaned back against the counter and crossed her arms over her chest. For reasons she didn’t understand, she revealed the truth of her condition. “I’m pregnant.”
His eyebrows shot up. “Well,” he swallowed. “You always wanted more kids. I…I could love it as my own.” Josh swallowed again. “That’s what I did with Tessa’s baby.”
Shaking her head, Sarah replied, “I might have taken you up on that offer once, but now?” She shrugged. “Now, I’ve tasted a better life, a truer love, and I could never be happy with you again.” She sighed. Things were so much different between them. She spoke plainly, without a hint of anger or pain. And she realized why. Losing him didn’t hurt like she thought it would. That he had cheated with Tessa had been humiliating, but it was in the past. She was over it. “And as much as you hurt me, Josh, I still believe that you deserve to be happy, too.” His shoulders slumped. “I hope you figure out what that will take, sooner rather than later. Chloe needs her Dad.” She walked across the room and patted him on the shoulder. “And I guess I’d like a divorce, preferably uncontested. Okay?” He nodded and she walked away. She felt…free.
Sarah paused for a moment on the porch. She had spent so much time here. This was where she finally imagined a relationship with Brian. She stretched and inhaled the fragrances of autumn, the decaying leaves, the brisk chill in the air, and the burning wood from neighboring chimneys. A realization slowly began to take form. She might have imagined the relationship here, but the loft was where she had built that relationship. This had been her home once. She had loved this place. Sarah knew that she and Brian and Chloe and whoever this new little person was growing inside her, together they would make a new home. They could find a place where she could have her gardens.
They could design a place for the children to play and grow. With Brian, she could have it all, everything she needed and wanted and dreamed of and hoped for. He was all she had been waiting for her entire life. Suddenly, everything that had felt so uncertain earlier was made clear. She knew what she had to do. She knew where she had to be.
Smiling and laughing, she bounded back to her car. I’m on my way back, she told Brian with all her heart.
I’m waiting, he replied.
Minutes later he met her outside. The instant she exited the vehicle, he rushed to her, lifted her in the air and whirled her around. “Well?” He asked against her lips as he kissed her tenderly.
“I gave him my key.” She brushed her lips against his.
Brian responded by kissing his way to her ever-sensitive ear. “And?” He breathed warmly as she shivered in response.
“I asked for a divorce.” She managed as she felt her blood heating in reaction to his affection.
He was beaming now. “Yes?” He drew back to stare into her sparkling emerald eyes.
“And,” Sarah sighed, “it will take at least three months.”
Brian shrugged as he gently deposited her back on the driveway. “So what? You, my love, are worth the wait…” She beamed. “…as long as I get forever with you.”
“Somehow,” Sarah said with absolute certainty, “I believe that can be arranged.”
Nicki has lived in Charlotte, North Carolina with her children for the past eleven years and her husband for the past three years. Her journey has barely begun and she’s loved every minute of it. Every day of her life seems to bring new adventures, some bigger, better, shinier and prettier than others. She's still getting used to that new life smell she's experiencing, a combination of hope, love, and happiness. (The perfect scents to build a new life on...)
For fun, she spends time with those she cares about, cooks, reads, writes, and especially lives to travel. The current travel goal: visit every Margaritaville. Two down! (Eleven to go?)
In addition to writing on Suddenly Single Journey, Nicki blogs at Project Underbloghttp://motherboard.yahoo.com/. Her writing can also be found on Shine, where she is a Shine Parenting Guru and an award winning Yahoo! Contributor on YourWisdom as the relationship and dating expert. And she has been published by McClatchy News in their syndicated papers.
Check her out on Facebook:
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Second Chances Page 84
