by Kaylea Cross
Granted, she’d been sweaty and disgusting with not even a trace of makeup on. Maybe she’d imagined it. He went for model types, not people like her.
Clean, dry and dressed in dark jeans and three-quarter sleeve faux-wrap top that did wonders for her cleavage, she paused in front of the mirror for a moment to smooth her bangs to the side.
A nervous flutter stirred in the pit of her belly. Weird. This wasn’t a date, but it felt entirely different from when they’d shared a meal when they’d been neighbors. More intimate. It was like that parting hug the day before he’d moved out had changed things between them somehow.
Or maybe you’re nuts.
Yeah, okay, maybe. Her intensifying crush on him might be clouding her judgment.
She found Kai busy getting things prepped in the kitchen. He stood with his back to her, allowing her a moment’s privacy to admire the width of his shoulders, taut waist and the way he filled out those snug jeans.
“Need a hand with anything?” she asked.
She loved food. It was her solace and had been since she was a teenager living in her constantly tension-filled house. She loved to eat it, cook it, and share it with people she cared about. In the kitchen, she was in her element. There, she felt the freest, and in control. It was why she spent so much time there, cooking up big dishes she no longer had anyone across the hall to share them with. Without Kai, her place and life seemed a little empty.
He glanced over one muscular shoulder at her and shot her a smile that made her belly flip. “No, I’m okay. I’m not anywhere as good as you in the kitchen, but this I’ve got. Want some wine?”
“If you’ve got some.”
“I do, and it’s your favorite.”
It touched her that he’d remembered her favorite label and bought some for her. “Wow, you’re spoiling me.”
He tossed her another of those lazy, appreciative grins, and he turned back to pouring her a glass. “You always spoiled me. High time I returned the favor.” He handed it to her.
“Thank you.” She stood at the island and sipped at it as he got the salad together, savoring the delicate cherry notes to her favorite red wine. God, she’d missed him. “Your place is really great, Kai.” A loft-style space, open concept, with lots of old brick and great light. Big step up from the units in the building she lived in.
“You like it?” Kai asked.
“It’s gorgeous.” Urban without being too modern, masculine, and warm rather than cold the way industrial-style places so often were. “Suits you perfectly.”
She wandered into the open-concept living area. Goliath was safely ensconced in his tank in the living room portion of the loft. Framed pictures of Kai and his grandma or teammates lined a long shelf mounted on the brick wall separating the main living area from the master suite. She especially loved the ones of him in his Marine dress uniform. Hot.
“I lucked out. It had just come on the market the day before I got the word I needed to move.” He picked up the plate holding the steaks. “I’m gonna go grill these outside on the deck, if you wanna join me.”
“Sure.” She followed him through the far end of the loft and through a large sliding glass door out onto a private balcony, giving them a panoramic view of the city and river. Out here she could breathe easier, that undercurrent of sexual tension simmering between them less prevalent. “Wow, look at that view! No wonder you were so quick to get out of our building,” she teased.
He stopped in the process of lifting the lid to the grill, his eyes meeting hers. He had gorgeous eyes. At first glance they seemed dark as espresso. Up close in the light, they were studded with bits of dark amber and chocolate. “It’s a great place. But it doesn’t feel as homey as when I lived across from you.”
Something in his tone and expression gave his words a weight that told her he missed her. “No,” she agreed. “It’s not the same for me now either. Not gonna lie, I miss having you around. I felt safe with you there, and I liked being able to share my cooking with someone who appreciated it.”
“You’re still safe,” he told her, sliding the steaks onto the hot grill. “I had someone from the agency review the building’s security video surveillance. No sign whatsoever of anyone casing the place or following you to or from the building or parking garage.”
“When did you do that?”
“Last night. Called in a favor on the way home from the bar.”
“Oh.” Warmth glowed in her chest that he would go to such trouble, that he cared about her so much. “Well, thank you.”
“It’s nothing. After what you said about being followed and then Shelley showing up, I wanted to be sure.” He stepped back from the grill and leaned against the deck railing to fold his arms, giving her an eyeful of the muscles in his arms and shoulders. The swirling edge of a black tribal tattoo peeked out from beneath the bottom of his left sleeve. So many times she’d wondered where they started and ended, wanted to see the whole design.
And then trace it with her fingers and lips.
“So, any word on Maui yet?” he asked.
She shook away the mental image of her licking Kai’s muscular chest. “No. But I keep obsessively checking my phone to make sure I didn’t miss a call or message.” She took another sip of wine. “You were born in Maui, right? So that makes you a native Hawaiian?”
“Born there, yes, but I’m only half Hawaiian. Other half’s a mix of Samoan and a bit of Scottish, but there’s bound to be some Tahitian mixed in there as well.”
“Scottish? Really?” He looked all Pacific Islander to her.
He lifted a broad shoulder. “That’s what I’m told.”
“And you were raised by your grandma, I think you told me once?”
“Since I was three. Never knew my dad. He was a rugby player who came to the Islands. He and my mom hooked up during a music festival in Honolulu. Took off when I was a couple months old, never contacted her again.”
“Oh.” How had she never known this about him? “And so your mom raised you until you were three, and then…?”
“She left for the mainland.” He went back to the grill and flipped the steaks. “She always hated living on the island. Felt caged there. So she moved to Cali to look for a better job and sent money home to us. In my junior year of high school, she met a guy and remarried, moved to Nevada. I still see her once or twice a year, but I’m way closer with my grandma.”
“Oh. Sorry, I didn’t mean to be nosey.”
“You’re not.” He shrugged those broad shoulders, but she sensed an undercurrent of tension beneath the casual façade. “I’m what we call a hanai child in my culture. In the old days, and even now, it’s not uncommon for a child to be raised by someone other than his or her biological parents. Usually a grandparent.” He shifted the steaks to a cooler part of the grill. “My grandma raised two of us, me and my cousin Hani. He’s eighteen months younger than me, so we were like brothers.”
That made her smile. “I’ve never heard you talk about him before.”
His expression closed up a bit. “Yeah, well, we…aren’t in contact anymore.”
She wanted to ask what had happened, but held back. She’d pried enough already.
He set down his grill tongs and resumed his spot by the railing, studying her. “You still see your parents? I know they divorced when you were in high school.”
Abby sighed. It was a freaking family mystery how they’d ever gotten together in the first place, let alone made it that far together. Looking back, her pattern of tolerating unhealthy relationships had begun with them and their example, then born of her need to avoid conflict.
“It’s complicated, I guess you could say. I still see them both, but not much, and I’m a bit closer with my dad. I had to live with my mom right after they split, until I left for college. Neither of us were happy. They’re both remarried, with step kids. We’re on a rotating holiday schedule. Gets kind of messy sometimes, but it is what it is, right?”
One corner of his
mouth tipped up. “Yeah, true. And what about you? You said you’re not seeing anyone right now.”
The abrupt change in topic threw her for a moment. “Um, no, not right now. You?” Although how could he be, he’d just broken up with Shelley a few weeks ago and then been away for work most of that time.
“No.”
Why had he asked her? “You’re not ready to put yourself out there again anyway.”
He gave her an enigmatic smile that made her insides curl. “I might be. Depends.”
“On what?”
“On whether the right woman was interested.”
He can’t mean me. But the way he was looking at her made her think that maybe he did.
Unsure how to respond, she averted her gaze and tried to laugh it off. “I know you don’t mean me. We’d be a total disaster.”
“Why?”
Why? She forced herself to meet his gaze again, her heart beating faster. Part of her was elated that he might be interested in her that way, but the other… Would she risk starting something and maybe lose his friendship if things didn’t work out? Because based on their dating histories, the odds weren’t in their favor. And she didn’t want to get even more attached to him than she already was, only to have her heart broken later.
“Oh, come on,” she said with a laugh. “With our track records? Please. Neither one of us would know what a healthy relationship looked like if it hit us between the freaking eyes. And you just got out of a not so awesome long-term one. You need time to get over that before you get involved with anyone else.”
“No, I don’t. We’ve been officially split up for a while now, but for me it ended a long time before that day you saw me take my key back from her.”
Well, still. “You don’t think it would be a bad idea to jump into a new relationship right after getting out of a bad one?”
“Like I said, not if it was with the right woman.” That glint in his eyes stirred her insides. “We both know what a bad situation looks like well enough to recognize it. And I’ve never been friends with someone first. I hear friendship is the best foundation there is for a relationship. Maybe that’s what I’ve been missing.”
The unmistakable heat in his eyes shocked her. Made her mouth go dry in a way that had nothing to do with the tannins in her wine. “I…” She trailed off, not knowing what to say without making a fool of herself.
He shut off the grill. “Food’s done. You ready to eat?” he asked, changing the subject as though he hadn’t just tipped her world on its axis.
She breathed a sigh of relief. “Yes.”
He scooped the steaks up onto the platter and carried them back inside. They sat across the table from one another and ate. The salad was light and tangy, the steaks perfectly cooked and seasoned. But throughout the whole meal she couldn’t stop thinking about whether he’d been serious about them getting together. It was driving her crazy.
“The steak’s perfect,” she told him in between bites. And she was a bit of a food snob, so she wouldn’t say it if it wasn’t true.
“Good.” He took a sip of beer, eyeing her. “So I’m curious.”
The way he watched her had that stirring sensation starting up in her lower belly again. “About what?”
“None of the dates you’ve been on recently went anywhere?”
She was relieved he’d let the part about them go. “One got a second date. And he shouldn’t have.”
He winced. “Was it bad?”
“Not terrible. Far from the worst date I’ve been on. We met through an online site, whereas the others I was set up with. But there was no fire with any of them. I mean, zero, not even a spark. Not that fire is the be all, end all when it comes to a potential relationship. I know it’s not that important because it always burns out eventually, but—”
“What are you even saying?”
She stopped, surprised by the vehemence in his tone. “What?”
“Chemistry is everything, especially early on.”
She shook her head, confused. “No, it’s not. Chemistry is like false advertising. It’s an illusion, and it doesn’t last. Relationships need a hell of a lot more than physical attraction if they’re going to get off the ground. Like friendship, as you pointed out. Respect. Trust.” Her friendship with him had those things. But they might not last if they muddied the waters with physical things.
“Chemistry is every bit as important as all those things.” Kai shook his head at her, almost in disappointment. “What the hell kind of guys have you been with, short stuff?”
Abby blinked at him, at a loss as to how she should answer. He seemed convinced about his opinion, passionate. But he was a guy. They thought differently than women did. Was she missing something? Was there something wrong with her that she’d never experienced that kind of intense chemistry with anyone?
Kai leaned a muscular forearm on the table, a frown drawing his black eyebrows together. “What about the guy you were living with before you moved into your apartment?”
Roger. Even his name made her mentally make a face. “What about him?”
“You must have had great chemistry with him, right? At least in the beginning. I mean, you were with him for years and you guys lived together.”
She frowned, thinking about it. “I guess so. I mean, sort of.” Not really. “It was more that…”
That he paid attention to me.
She stopped herself before those damning, pathetic words could come out. Looking back on it now, she could see that Roger had dazzled her simply by showing interest and paying attention to her as she’d come out of her awkward teenage years. How sad was that? Even at twenty-two-years-old, she’d still been struggling so much with self-esteem and self-image issues from her teen years that she’d blindly given her heart to a man who hadn’t appreciated it, let alone respected it.
Or her. She’d allowed herself to be bullied and emotionally abused simply to have someone to come home to at night.
That still pissed her off. But that was Old Abby, and thankfully she was long gone. She was New Abby now, thanks to a lot of work. Powerful. Confident—mostly. Hear her roar.
She played with the stem of her wineglass, not wanting to look at Kai as she spoke. Her relationship with Roger wasn’t something she was proud of. “I should have left him after the second year when things started going downhill, but I kept telling myself things would get better. That he was stressed, that I should try harder, whatever.”
“What finally made you leave?” he asked quietly.
“It took me crying myself to sleep on my mom’s couch on New Year’s Eve after he and I had been in a huge, public fight at a party, to realize it wasn’t going to get better. If he could treat me like that in front of a big group of people, then he didn’t love or respect me. I guess it was like a light bulb went off in my head. It had never occurred to me before then just how bad things had gotten, or that I deserved better. I finally decided I’d rather be alone than feel that lonely in a relationship.” She looked up.
Kai’s jaw was tight, annoyance stamped all over his face. “I get it.”
A measure of relief hit her. Yeah, Kai did get it. He’d been through it himself. “I know you do.” She cocked her head. “Why did you hang in there with Shelley for as long as you did?”
He sighed. “She was…fragile, I guess is the right word. I felt protective of her. Kept thinking that once she learned to trust me and our relationship, that she would stop being insecure and things would get better. But no matter how hard I tried to reassure her, it just never happened. If I didn’t text her back within thirty minutes she automatically assumed I was pissed at her about something. Or when I was away for work she thought I must be off cheating on her with someone else.” He shook his head at himself. “She just flat out didn’t trust me, is what it comes down to. Well, not just me. Every guy she’s dated.”
It was really sad, actually. Looking at her from the outside, Shelley had everything going for her. Looks, brains,
a killer body, money, a successful career. Yet she had sabotaged her own happiness with Kai because of her insecurities. “What finally turned the light bulb on for you, if you don’t mind me asking?”
“You.”
Abby blinked, surprised. “Me?”
“That night when you were at my place and Shelley barged in to throw more drama my way. You saw what it was like—she thought I was cheating on her with you.”
Yeah, Abby hadn’t appreciated the insult to her integrity, but she’d also felt bad for Kai, who hadn’t done anything wrong. It physically hurt to think of Kai being treated that way by someone he loved.
“It was what you said to me after she left. About how you’d enabled a toxic relationship before. I’d never thought about it like that until then, but it’s exactly what I’d been doing. What we had was totally dysfunctional, and I’d not only allowed it, I’d willingly participated in it. That hit home hard and woke me up, made me realize she was never going to change, that I had to be the one to end it once and for all. So thank you.”
She smiled at him, gratified that she’d been able to help him see all that. “You’re welcome. I hated seeing the way she treated you. Reminded me of what I’d gone through.” Having your partner chip away at your foundation as a human being until you forgot who you were was a pretty shitty way to live. “So no, in answer to your question, I guess there was never really any fire there at all between my ex and me, even at the start.” More like a pilot light instead of flames.
Kai shook his head slowly and set his fork down, staring at her. “Well, you deserve a hell of a lot better. You know that, right?”
“Yes.” She reminded herself of it every day. “And so do you.”
He nodded. “Yeah. But trust me, heat matters. I don’t ever want you to settle for someone without it again.” Taking a sip of beer, he lowered the bottle to his lap and regarded her. “You need a guy who will pick you up, pin you to the closest wall and kiss you until you can’t even think, because he can’t get enough of you.”
