“Yes.” She sat down in the chair across from me. “What things?”
“Amy’s clothes, for starters.” She sat up and I held up my hand. “I’ve listened to you enough about this. It’s your turn to listen to me.” She nodded and sat back. “Amy will have dresses. She will play dress up and she will pretend again. It will not make her unrealistic for the world.” I looked her square in the eye. “This is not negotiable.” I waited for her to nod before continuing. “I’ll discuss with Amy the importance of diversity in her clothing, but she will have dresses again and some of them will be elaborate.”
She spoke softly. “Okay.”
“Now, how you drive, what you listen to, and how loudly you listen to it is your business—except for when Amy is in the car. We’ve discussed this. It will not be discussed again.”
She lowered her eyes and nodded. I narrowed my eyes. It was going too easily. I had expected some resistance, but received none. “Is there anything you’d like to say? Now is the time to do it.”
She looked up and shook her head. “Not about this. Are those the only changes?”
“No, but the others are mostly related to schedules and hours since you’ll be expected at my home with Amy longer. I haven’t exactly worked all of that out yet.” I sat forward and placed my elbows on the desk. “What is it you want to say that doesn’t pertain to this?”
It was the first time I’d ever seen her nervous. She was always in control and in charge, but as she sat across from me, she seemed anxious and a little terrified of what she was about to say. “You just seem different this morning. I didn’t expect you to . . .” She looked away.
“Expect me to what? What is it that I’ve done to cause this reaction out of everyone?”
She looked back at me. “Stand up.” She stood and motioned with her hand to get me to stand. “Come on, come on. You’ve got a very busy day ahead of you.”
I reluctantly stood and allowed her to push me to the mirror. She stood close and a little behind me, placing her hands on my shoulders. “What are you doing?”
“What do you see?” She motioned for me to look in the mirror.
I shrugged. “A man tired of this game.” I started to turn to go back to my desk and she stopped me.
“Look again.” She pointed to my hair. “Hair products. I’m surprised they were still good to use it’s been so long since you’ve used them.” She placed her hand on my chest. “Your tie has color. It isn’t black or grey.” She said it a little slower as if she were talking to a child, “Color.” She shook her head and moved her hand down my arm. She laced her fingers with mine. “No ring.” She kissed my hand, kneeled at my feet, and lowered her head. “I’ve been waiting for you.”
“Waiting?” I pulled my hand out of her grasp and backed up. “Get up.” I glanced at the mirror before walking away. I sat behind my desk and looked at my hand where my ring should’ve been. I took it off when I was home. Amy didn’t need to be reminded, but I always put it on when I left. I wasn’t in a hurry that morning. How had I forgotten? I ran my hand through my hair and remembered reaching for the gel. I hadn’t reached for anything more than a towel and a comb in months. I started to yank the tie off. I had extra black ones I could change into.
“Don’t.” Cil put her hands over mine to stop me from removing the tie. “It’s okay that you’re moving on.” She tightened it again and sat in my lap. “Joyce would’ve wanted you to. In fact, she told me she wanted you to find someone again. She said it would take a special woman.” She kissed my cheek. “One who could obey you and do as you command.” She placed her lips to mine. “I can be that someone.”
Just as she started to kiss me, Rachael walked in. “Oh, sorry.” She turned to go.
I looked at Rachael and stood up, causing Cil to drop to the floor. “Carl!”
“Would you just—” I almost tripped over Cil trying to get to Rachael. “Wait!” Rachael stopped, but didn’t turn around. “Wait. It isn’t what you think.”
Rachael turned back to me and looked at Cil on the floor. The corners of her mouth were slightly curved. It was obvious she was trying to hold back her smile. “What you do is your business, Carl. We’re just friends.” She smiled, but it was a genuine smile. She held up her hand and wiggled a flash drive in her fingers. “I got an early start and finished another place before it got too busy.” She looked at Cil who was finally getting up off the floor. She looked back to me and raised an eyebrow. “I guess I’m not the only one getting an early start on the day.”
“It really isn’t what it looked like.”
She put her hand inside my jacket and placed the flash drive in my shirt pocket. I wanted to hold her hand there against my chest, but she had asked I not touch her anymore. “Maybe not to you, but I think it is to her.” She looked up at my hair and smiled. “I like the do.” She nudged me. “It seems to be working already.” She winked and walked out.
I turned back to Cil after Rachael left. “Go home. We’ll talk about this tonight.”
“No. You’ll say you’re too busy. We’re talking about it now.”
I slammed the door. “I don’t know what game you’re playing, but I want no part of it.” I stormed over to her. “That will never happen again. You are the aunt and nanny for Amy and that is all.”
“So all of this,” she hissed as she motioned to my changes, “was for her?” She sounded so disgusted.
“It isn’t for anyone. Rachael and I are just friends. You could learn a few things from her.” I moved her out of my way so I could reach my desk.
She huffed as she caught her balance. “She can’t give you what you need, but I can. I know the lifestyle you need to live.”
I pulled my chair up to the desk. “There is no lifestyle. I work. I love my daughter. That’s all I need.”
“My sister—”
I stood and pounded my fist on the desk. “Is dead! I don’t know what you think the relationship between my wife and me was, but I can assure you it wasn’t any of . . .” I motioned around the room. “It wasn’t any of this. She didn’t bow down to me or speak quietly.” I stopped her before she could speak. “And she wasn’t a bossy bitch, either.”
Cil grabbed her purse. “It’s too soon. I’m sorry. I should’ve waited. I just thought the changes meant you were ready to move on.”
“If I ever decide I want to move on, it will not be with you. Any other scenes like this one and I will hire an actual nanny for Amy. Remind yourself that I am doing you a favor.” I went back to work as she walked out.
I reminded myself all the way home that we were friends. I couldn’t do anything if Carl decided to date Cil. I didn’t think she was right for him or for Amy, but it wasn’t my business. I had enjoyed seeing her drop to the floor, though. It was the only thing about catching them that made me smile.
I stopped smiling when I pulled into the driveway. Deb had asked me to go with her to her therapy appointment. It wasn’t something I was looking forward to, but I would go for her. I may not have gotten along with her, but she was my sister.
I walked into the large living room and Deb was sitting in her pajamas, flipping through the channels on the television. I looked at my watch. “What time is your appointment?”
“I’m not going today.” She kept flipping the channels.
“Are you sick?”
“Do you care?”
I rolled my eyes and walked over to her, snatching the remote out of her hand. I turned the television off then threw the remote on the other end of the sofa and crossed my arms as I looked at her. “Get dressed.”
“You aren’t my mother.”
“Good thing. Get dressed.” She started to protest, but I spoke louder. “I took the day off to go with you as you asked. You’re not going to fuck up my day. Get dressed!” I pointed to the stairs.
She huffed as she stomped up the stairs, but at least she went. I was sure she had mumbled something on her way out, but I didn’t care enough to ask her to rep
eat it. It probably wasn’t too favorable of me, anyway.
We weren’t late to the appointment, but we were cutting it close. We had only been in the lobby a few minutes when Joseph Hatcher had come out to get her. He was still as handsome as he was the first time I’d seen him. I wasn’t sure how old he was exactly, but the lines around his eyes and the grey in his temples gave a little hint that he was a little older than I was.
He had asked for a few minutes with Deb alone first. I hoped he could change her attitude before I was expected in there. The tension in the car on the way was thick. The way she fidgeted in her seat and kept looking out the window spoke of how nervous she was. It had started to make me nervous. I had no idea why I was there, but I was about to find out.
Joseph opened the door and smiled. He walked over to me and held out his hand. I stood and shook his offered hand, smiling back at him. “It’s nice to see you again, Rachael. How have you been?”
“Never better. And you?”
He smiled again. “I’m doing well, thank you. Are you ready to join us?”
“May I ask why I’m here?”
“We’ll discuss it all in there.” He motioned to the office with his head. “It’ll be okay.”
I nodded and followed him. Deb wouldn’t look at me when I entered the room, so I couldn’t gauge how she was doing, but she was bouncing her knee, which told me enough. I needed to make sure I listened before I reacted to whatever it was they were about to tell me.
“Deb, would you like to start?”
She shook her head and looked out the window. I looked from Deb to Joseph a few times.
“To be honest, Rachael, I’ve asked for you to be here today.” Joseph caught me off guard with that. “There have been some things that have come up recently that need to be addressed, but they can’t properly be addressed without you.”
“You’re making me nervous here, Dr. Joe.” I adjusted my posture. “Can we just cut to the chase here and spit it out?”
Deb finally spoke up. “I’m a mean and selfish bitch who’s taken away your life. I’ve heard you crying and on the phone with Lance, begging for your job back. If it hadn’t been for me, you’d still be out on the road.” She looked at me. “Try to deny it.”
I stood there stunned for a moment. I didn’t know she could feel guilty about anything, and I certainly didn’t know she could hear me at night. I cleared my throat. “I won’t deny that I am struggling getting my old job back, but I think it would’ve happened anyway. My problem with Lance doesn’t have anything to do with this.”
“But you can’t deny it’s my fault.”
I turned to Deb. “Why do you want it to be your fault? I’ve never told you I’ve felt that way.”
“You don’t have to. I hear the attitude in your voice when you talk to me. You’re disgusted with me and you hate me.” She looked out the window again.
“We’ve never gotten along. I think there’s just too much of an age difference between us that we’ve never connected, but I’ve never been disgusted with you. I’ve been frustrated, angry, and exasperated, but never disgusted.”
Joseph kept writing something on his notepad. “What is the age difference between you two?”
I answered when Deb showed no signs of being part of the conversation. “Six years. She was born first and when she was four, Rick was born. I was next, followed by our baby brother, Dennis.”
Joseph put his notepad down and looked at Deb. “Six years is a long time. It isn’t now, but it would’ve been growing up. Your interests would’ve been different. Do you think it would’ve helped if you were born closer together, Deb?”
She shrugged.
I looked between her and Joseph a few times and had enough. “What am I doing here? Why are we discussing the age difference and if we would’ve been closer? I’m sorry. I’m just not following how this is going to help her.”
“We’re just exploring relationships and family dynamics right now.” It was the perfect Joseph answer. He answered without answering.
“I’m still not following. What exactly is my role in this?”
Joseph leaned forward a little and looked at Deb. “I was hoping there would be more conversation between you two, but I was wrong in thinking Deb was ready for this.”
“Okay. I’ll just wait in the lobby and you can finish your session in peace. She’s obviously not going to talk with me in here.”
Joseph leaned back. “You could stay and support your sister.”
I liked Joseph, but he flipped the bitch switch. “Support my sister?” I stepped toward him. “I gave up a job I loved to stay and support my sister. I’m living at home with my parents to support my sister. I took the day off to come in here and be accused of not supporting my sister because I fucking support my sister!”
Deb stood to join the conversation after she got the reaction she wanted. “See?”
“Stop playing the victim, Deb. When have you ever supported me? When have you ever done anything that wasn’t selfish, that wasn’t guaranteed to have something in it for you?”
Deb looked at Joseph and turned to me when he nodded. “You’re right. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you when things fell apart with Lance. I’m sorry my poor choices have turned your life upside down.”
I looked at Joseph. He motioned for me to look at Deb.
“I want to be the big sister you’ve never had. I just don’t know how.” She sat down and put her face in her hands. “I’m the outcast. While you and the boys grew close, I felt pushed aside. I never felt as if I belonged in our family.”
I walked over and sat next to her. I hesitated, but put my arm around her. It was unexpected when she turned and hugged me. To say I was surprised would’ve been an understatement. I put my arms around her, too shocked to do anything else. A few moments in, I started to get uncomfortable. “We can try, Deb.” I pulled back and looked at her. “I’m willing to try.”
She nodded and looked out the window again.
I was lying in bed, trying to take a nap. I wasn’t certain where my life was going anymore or if it was even my life at all. I’d gotten up early to take those photos for Carl and wanted to get some sleep, but my mind and my ringing phone wouldn’t allow me to.
I reached over and picked up my cell. “Hello?”
I sat straight up when I heard crying. “Rachael?” Amy was trying to control the tears, but it wasn’t working.
“Hey, sweets. Why the tears?”
“Cil sent my dress back. The pretty one my dad bought me. I don’t have anything for the princess pictures.” She started sobbing again.
Cil must’ve been upset about Carl’s reactions to her advances, but that was no reason to take it out on a child. “Oh, that’s because I’m taking care of it.”
“You are?”
I didn’t want to let that crazy bitch off the hook, but I needed Amy to calm down. I only hoped I could take care of it. “Of course I am. You don’t have to worry about it at all, okay?”
It was almost as if she was afraid to believe me. She still had a difficult time trying to stop the tears. “Okay.”
I made sure Amy was calm before I hung up, but I had no time to waste. I needed to call in a favor.
My mother met me at the bottom as I ran down the stairs. “What’s wrong? I thought you were taking a nap.”
“I got called out for another job.”
“Will you be home for dinner?”
I stopped at the door and turned. “Probably not, but I’ll fix something when I get back.”
I drove to the only place in town I knew to go to for elaborate dresses for children. Janelle Wright. She was the best designer for all of our models. She’d be busy, but she’d never say no if I showed up and begged. At least I’d hoped not.
I walked in and smiled. This place was still the hubbub of activity it was when I left over six months ago. It was nice to know some things never changed. I missed it.
Everyone stopped and looked at me as
Janelle yelled. “I think I just won the lottery!” She was across the room, but always watched the door. You had to if you were in the business of secrets.
I smiled and headed toward my friend. “Hi.”
“Get your ass over here and let me get my hands on you.” She grabbed me the second I was within reach and hugged me hard.
“It hasn’t been that long.” I hugged her back.
She pulled away, but held me by my shoulders. “It’s been too long.”
Tears came to my eyes, and I looked around trying to reel them back in. I used to be there at least once a week picking up clothes and makeup kits for the models I’d be shooting. It stung to come back and not have a shoot to go to. I guess that was why I had stayed away.
She rubbed my arms and spoke softly. “I know, doll. I know.” Her hand found mine and she started dragging me to her office. “Tommy! Watch the door.”
“If you’re still worried about people coming in to steal your design secrets, they have this new invention called a lock.”
She turned to me and held up her finger. “Hush it.”
I couldn’t help the smile once we were alone. She was one of my best friends, and I had stayed away too long. My eyes closed as I tried to keep the tears away. I took a deep breath trying to quell the sadness I was feeling, but also to take in the scents of the office. I had missed the place.
“What brings you here, doll?”
I opened my eyes and smiled again. “I do have a favor to ask.”
She nodded. “I thought so. Who is he?”
“What?” I shook my head. “No, it’s a girl. I have a princess shoot and she has nothing to wear.”
“Oh, so you are working. How did you get out of your contract?”
“I didn’t. It’s still for Hathaway, but at least I’m behind the camera again.”
Her smile was large and genuine. “I’m very happy to hear that. The world lost several months of your fantastic eye. You shouldn’t let us lose anymore because Lance is a douche.” She cleared the fabric swatches off the chair and motioned for me to sit. “Please, tell me about this little girl who needs my help.”
Striving for Perfection (Striving Series Book 2) Page 9
