‘Can you talk about it?’
‘Yes, it was a while ago.’
‘What happened?’
‘They were coming back from food shopping one night and a lorry driver ploughed through some red lights into them. He’d been drinking, was over the limit and his reactions were impaired.’
‘I’m sorry.’
‘Thank you.’
‘Did they suffer?’
‘I’m told not, they said that it was instant, but I think they’d tell you that to spare you the pain anyway,’ I replied as I subconsciously reached for my locket and caressed it in my finger and thumb.
‘How did you cope?’
‘I didn’t at first. I was coming up to twenty-two, you’d think I’d have had more emotional control, but we were so close,’ I wiped a tear from my eye. ‘I was angry for a long time at the lorry driver.’
‘What happened to him?’
‘He died as well, not at the scene, but later in hospital.’
‘You’re not angry with him now?’
‘No,’ I shrugged with a shake of my head.
‘How can you not be? He took your loved ones from you.’
‘I know that, you think I don’t know that?’ I winced as I realised how harsh I sounded. ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to snap.’
‘It’s ok. It’s a painful topic for you.’
‘It is,’ I nodded and wiped my eyes again. ‘Turns out he’d been drinking because he’d just found out that his wife had terminal cancer. It was a one off, he wasn’t really a drinker, but he needed something to take the edge off. It was just a horrible convergence of events.’
‘So you forgave him, just like that?’ he asked, looking at me with a puzzled frown.
‘Not just like that, no. He took everything from me, but he had a son. A six year old son who was left fatherless and within three months motherless too. Imagine being an orphan at that tender age? My heart ached for him, because I knew exactly how he was feeling, but I was mature enough to rationalise it, to try and cope with it better. He wasn’t.’ I covered my eyes as I started to cry, proper tears that I hadn’t shed in ages. I suddenly felt myself being lifted as Dan picked me up in his arms and sat down in my place with me on his lap and hugged me to him, stroking my hair as I cried.
‘Let it out Ellie, it’s going to be ok,’ he whispered as he soothed me.
‘I’m so sorry,’ I sobbed.
‘Don’t be. I get it.’
We sat in silence, with the exception of my sobs and his whispered ‘Sssshhhhs’ and I focused on the feeling of security I felt with his strong arms wrapped around me, that firm chest pressed up against my cheek and his smell, which was so comforting. I nuzzled my face into the curve of his neck and shoulder and he lay his head on top of mine as I sniffed and he rummaged one of his cotton handkerchiefs out for me. I wiped my eyes and looked down at it, it was a posh monogrammed one, with a fancy navy blue letter D, for Dan.
‘Thank you,’ I whispered as I stopped crying and lay there on him, unwilling to move.
‘You’re welcome.’
‘All part of the service?’
‘Definitely not. You get VIP treatment, Miss Baxter. Is your locket your mothers?’
‘Yes, how did you know?’
‘You touch it when you talk about them,’ he shrugged. I struggled upright, my back against the sofa arm, his arms still around my waist.
‘It was one of the few things I got when the house was cleared out.’
‘What’s inside?’
‘It has room for two small pictures. Do you want to see?’
‘Only if that’s ok with you?’
‘I wouldn’t offer if it wasn’t,’ I smiled as I opened it and held it up for him to look. He let go of me with his right arm and reached up, his fingers resting on mine as he angled it better.
‘You have a picture of the two of them together. Your mum was beautiful, I can see the family resemblance.’
‘Thanks,’ I blushed. ‘She was pregnant with me at the time and kept a small lock of my hair in there too.’
‘You haven’t put a photo in the second aperture.’
‘No, there was one of me, but I took it out. I wanted to put someone else that I loved just as much in there.’
‘But it’s empty.’
‘I know. I guess I already knew deep down that I didn’t love the arsehole enough,’ I smiled and he laughed.
‘I hope you find someone to put in there Ellie Baxter, someone worthy of being next to your parents,’ he said with a serious look on his face as he let go of my fingers and the locket and smudged the tears under my eyes with his thumb.
‘Me too,’ I whispered as I held his gaze, but he broke it.
‘I told you that you were brave. I couldn’t have forgiven that driver in your shoes.’
‘Hate’s a horrible thing to hold onto, Dan. It was a tragic accident, but at the end of the day everyone’s human. You can’t expect people to not screw up now and again, and where would we be if we never forgave each other for our mistakes?’
‘You’re too nice, Ellie.’
‘I’m realistic, I don’t want all that anger in me eating me up every day. I had to choose between holding onto it forever and it taking up a huge part of my life, or forgiving him and letting it go and trying to make the best of my life in spite of it.’
‘You’re amazing,’ he whispered as he looked back up at me and I took a sharp breath to see he had a tear in his eye. I reached over and kissed his cheek, then wiped the stray tear for him this time, but he quickly blinked and stiffened up, all of the soft emotion vanished from his face in an instant.
‘Let me help you,’ I whispered back. ‘Talk to me.’
‘I don’t want to talk.’
‘What can I do to help?’
‘Just sit here with me. This is nice,’ he nodded. I sighed and tucked myself back under his chin and listened to the crackle of the fire and his heartbeat. It was going too fast, but as we sat in silence it gently started to slow, and with his hand rubbing up and down my arm I drifted off into a contented sleep.
Day Eleven
Ellie
I woke up in bed, in just my knickers again and looked around to see if he was sitting watching me again, but he wasn’t.
‘Dan?’ I called, but there was no answer. I looked at my watch, it was half past nine and I could see it was snowing again. I dressed in fresh underwear and put on my lounging bottoms and a tracksuit top and headed down stairs and made a coffee. When I opened the fridge to get some eggs out I noticed that he’d taken his dinner with him. I picked up the phone and dialled him.
‘Miss Baxter,’ came his voice, but it was different, the warmth that had filled it yesterday had gone again.
‘Good morning,’ I breezed, determined not to let him get to me.
‘What can I do for you?’
‘Are you ok?’
‘I’m fine, thank you. What do you want?’
‘Stop being so cold for a start,’ I sighed, my determination failing me miserably.
‘Cold?’ How could he possibly sound so surprised? I wondered.
‘Yes. We had a really nice day yesterday and I fell asleep in your lap after sobbing my heart out and you put me to bed. Now you’re being all cold with me.’
‘We did have a nice day, but I have a lot to do today.’
‘What?’ I almost laughed. We were in the middle of nowhere, and other than chopping logs and increasingly aggravating me with his constantly changing moods, and yo-yoing sexual desire, I really didn’t know what occupied his time.
‘Is there something I can do for you?’
‘You didn’t answer my question of what you were doing. I thought we could go for another walk.’
‘I’m busy. I thought you came here to write in peace.’
‘So now you’re using logic with me?’
‘What do you want, Ellie?’ he snapped. I scowled at the phone.
‘Nothing. Sorry to trouble
your obviously hectic schedule, have a lovely day on your own, Stan.’ I hissed angrily. I didn’t mean to but I cut him off abruptly and banged the handset back in its cradle. I stood watching it for a minute, expecting him to ring and apologise, but he didn’t and I wasn’t about to, either. This man was going to drive me completely crazy and I had another damn twenty-one days of him to go. I distracted myself with more caffeine and scrambled eggs.
I groaned and stretched from my hunched up position over my laptop. Maybe Dan had done me a favour by staying away, I’d had nothing to do today but write and I’d done over eight thousand extra words, which I thought was pretty good. Word wise and content wise. It was dark outside and I was typing just by the light of the laptop again, no wonder I had a headache. I went to the bathroom, swallowed some tablets and headed downstairs, trying to remember how he’d shown me to light a fire. I stood back pleased with my efforts and put on the soft table lights and went and grabbed myself some water, skipping the wine this time. After eating I took my iPad and unfinished book back to the sofa and curled up. I had a couple of emails from Zac and an email from Brooke and went with hers first, smiling as I opened it.
Ok, I’m pissed with you. You were supposed to email me morning and night. I got nothing yesterday and haven’t heard from you this morning and the news is saying how bad the snow is up there. Are you ok?
I’m so sorry Brooke, please don’t be mad with me. We went out walking and ended up spending an amazing day and evening together, but this morning he’s gone back to being all cold and distant. Every time I think I’m getting somewhere with him, he shuts down again, it’s so frustrating. Distract me. How’s Molly’s tongue? Hope you had an amazing Sunday too! I’ve done a load of writing today but I’m thinking that I still need a steady income, so I’m really considering taking the Captain’s offer. I’ve been looking at rentals in the City so hopefully you won’t have to put up with me in your spare room for long. LYMY xx
Morbid curiosity overtook me and I had to open Zac’s emails to see what he’d come up with to try and tempt be back this time.
Reason One – I love you. Zac xx
‘O, then all is forgiven, Zac,’ I muttered as I pressed delete and opened the second.
Reason Two – Your amazing heart. Zac xx
‘A heart you chose to squash and trample all over,’ I reminded him via the screen. If he thought a few sentimental words would make me forgive and forget everything, then he had another think coming.
I spent some more time browsing properties and bookmarked a few and then suddenly remembered that I hadn’t looked at the photos Dan and I had taken of each other yesterday. I flicked through them, there were so many of me, he’d just taken one after another and it made me smile to see how happy I looked, if not a bit bizarre in my black bra and knickers against the backdrop and the snow. I went and looked in my albums of Zac and I, and was amazed at the difference. I was smiling with him, but my eyes weren’t alive and sparkling like the pictures from yesterday and I could see from my body language that I wasn’t completely happy and relaxed. How had I not realised this at the time? I wondered. I went back to the photos from yesterday and flicked on until I stopped as I came to Dan’s and those butterflies started fluttering again.
‘O. My. God. Ellie. He’s sooooooo hot,’ I groaned. I was having trouble making up my mind which one I liked best, but went for the shower pose recreation and saved it as my wallpaper. Then attached it to another email to Brooke.
Do you forgive me for going incommunicado now? Xx
Seeing his body inspired me to one of two options, masturbate or write more of my saucy novel. I decided I could masturbate whenever I wanted, inspiration to write didn’t hit often and I needed to take advantage. I brought my laptop down and made another start and got another chapter under my belt before my stomach growled. I’d not eaten since my scrambled eggs this morning. I made a big lasagne from scratch and decided against ringing him to invite him over. Not after his attitude earlier, besides, it was easier for me to get on without him distracting me. I ate mine at the island with a small glass of wine, then set myself a plate aside for tomorrow and covered the square dish with the remaining large portion with cling film. I grabbed my boots and the ski jacket he’d left for me to use and headed down to the boathouse. I tried to walk quietly, but the frozen crunch of the snow made it nearly impossible, and as I stepped up onto the veranda he opened his front door.
‘Is everything all right?’
‘Fine, thank you,’ I replied as emotionless as I could. If he wanted to play detached, so would I. ‘Here’s some lasagne for your dinner.’ I stayed where I was and held it out and he paused for a second before stepping out and taking it from me.
‘Here’s your jumper from the first night as well, I’ve washed it for you.’
‘Thank you.’ He stood staring at me with a crease in his brow. ‘Ellie, I…’ he started.
‘Good night,’ I interrupted and turned and quickly walked away.
‘Ellie, wait,’ he yelled.
‘It’s Miss Baxter from now on, just how you always wanted it,’ I yelled back and locked myself in, leaving the key in the door.
Day Twelve
Ellie
I spent the morning writing with no interruptions, other than the occasional coffee. More snow was falling and it had got to the point where it was creeping up the wall of glass at the front of the house, it would be at knee height by tonight if it carried on. I took a break a two o’clock and put some chicken, bacon, button mushrooms and baby onions in the slow cooker with a nice stock, wine, herbs and garlic and left it to cook on low as I made myself some cheese on toast and another coffee before heading upstairs.
I ate and drank as I leaned back in the chair looking outside, I caught movement out of the corner of my eye and saw him leave the boathouse and I tensed up wondering if he was coming up here, but he went up the side of it towards the cabin up the hill. I assumed to go and work out as he couldn’t get the boat out for his usual mysterious afternoon routine. It was really bugging me not knowing what he did. I wiped my mouth and checked my emails and was surprised to see one from the boathouse’s email address, the one that had confirmed my reservation.
Miss Baxter. As discussed, a contact from an agency in London has looked into your rental requirements within the budget set. As you are aware your budget is low for central London, however one of their clients has left his property empty for many months, being unwilling to entrust his furnished property with someone he didn’t know. Given my relationship to the owner of the island, my opinion is held in high regard and I have recommended you as an ideal tenant without reservation. The property can therefore be yours on an initial two year lease agreement, which I have attached for your perusal, along with the property particulars. You would however have to stretch to your maximum budget of £2,500.00 per calendar month. I’m sure when you see the property, you will realise that he could fetch upwards of £10,000 per calendar month, so I would urge you to make a quick decision in case your interest considers him to rethink his options. Please contact the agents directly if you wish to proceed. Kind regards, Dan.
I sat back and looked out at the view again, not quite sure if I’d read that right, or if that had been Dan emailing me. It was so formal and cold. There again the way he’d been with me on the phone yesterday why should I be surprised? I read it again, surely no one who could get that much for a property would be willing to let me rent it for £2,500 per month. I opened the attached brochure and put my hands over my mouth as my eyes filled up. It was a delightful three storey mews house, set in a cobbled street, with brick to the lower part and painted white weatherboards covering the walls of the top two floors, the middle floor having sets of French doors that opened up with a white wrought iron railing. It was beautiful. I quickly scrolled down to look at the pictures and my heart soared. It was pretty much my taste all the way through.
I printed off the brochure and looked closely at the floor pla
ns. The ground floor had a garage for one car with a large utility and cloakroom at the back with a door to an inner lobby from which the stairs led up. On the other side of the stairs was a modern large kitchen diner, which you walked into from the front door. It looked like every chef’s dream kitchen and hardly used. As you doubled back on the stairs to the first floor it had a modern family bathroom on the right, a large double bedroom on the left and ahead was a lounge which stretched the whole width of the building. I shook my head and pinched myself, was this for real? I followed the plans up to the top floor and looked at the pictures again. The top floor was a complete master suite and had slightly sloping ceilings being in the eaves. On the right was a large open landing that had been set up as an office with a window overlooking the small decked garden full of pot plants outside. There was a large family bathroom above the double bedroom downstairs and the master bedroom was the same footprint as the lounge, with a walk in wardrobe. The whole top floor looked like it had so much space and light.
I looked at the property particulars more closely, reading the description and nearly died when I saw that it was in Pavilion Mews, Knightsbridge. That was a really affluent area and that mews house had to be worth over £5 million, at least. What the hell was the owner thinking agreeing to rent it out to me for £2,500 per calendar month? Dan’s opinion pulled some serious weight with his friend and I guessed having lots of money, he wouldn’t mind having a low regular income from a recommended tenant. I realised my heart was racing and my hands were trembling. It was a stone’s throw from the tube, walking distance to my office and all the shops of Knightsbridge, it couldn’t be more perfect unless it was physically plonked on top of my office building. I wanted to ring Dan and ask if this was a wind up, but I hadn’t seen him return yet. Instead, I opened a reply from Brooke and chuckled as I spotted another email from Zac, and wondered what he had to say this time. He could wait, Brooke’s was more important.
Fuck Molly’s tongue, I want a piece of that action. OMFG.WMKWC!!!! You HAVE to go all the way with him. Promise me or our friendship is over. Salacious details of your fun day Sunday and all will be forgiven. I think I’m in love with men again. xxx
31 Days of Winter (31 Days #1) Page 21
