Beautifully Broken

by Christa Simpson

  “You knew the deal last night. I didn’t realize what I was doing.” She’s whispering really loudly, like she’s afraid their neighbors might hear.

  “Hah!” He thinks this is funny. His voice is plenty loud. “You didn’t realize, my ass,” he mocks.

  He doesn’t believe that her cuddling with him was an accident? Why would he think that?

  “Look at you.” She points right at his johnson. Her voice spikes incredulously. “You’re enjoying this!”

  Matt’s expression remains unchanged. “I’m only human, Felicia. What man in his right mind wouldn’t enjoy having a warm, beautiful woman draping herself over him in the morning?” He gives her the most alluring glance she’s ever managed to snub. “It looks like you’re enjoying this too.” His eyes devour her chest.

  She blushes as she fights with the blankets, and finally fumbles to the floor, taking all of the sheets with her. She stands awkwardly in his t-shirt. “You should have told me.”

  Felicia fumbles with her smoky clothes like she’s in a hurry to go somewhere. That’s because she has to get out of here. There’s no saying what might happen if she doesn’t retreat fast.

  Matt curls to a sitting position and slides backward until he’s leaning against the large headboard. Her legs are trembling now with the thought of how hard they could have that headboard banging off that wall if she were to crawl onto the bed and tell him she’s ready for it.

  He clears his throat to help her recover from her daydream. “I didn’t realize sleeping over, quite literally, constituted some wrongdoing.”

  She drags on a pair of smelly pants and wonders if their lovemaking would be less ferocious this time around. Would he hang onto the headboard and take it slow?

  Matt works to steal her attention. “We didn’t have sex and you didn’t say anything I didn’t already know.”

  Why did he word it like that?

  Now she panics. She remembers having a horrible dream, but there’s no way he knows that.

  No! Did I say something in my sleep? Oh, God, please tell me he doesn’t know I have it bad for him.

  She hadn’t even learned about her sleep-talking issues until she’d moved in with Natalie. Apparently this is a nightly thing for her now. It has become significantly worse over the past few weeks, but no . . . it’s not possible he knows. Is it?

  She slips back into her memories to remember what had happened last night. Her nightmare had gone very differently from all her previous ones. Matt was usually very quiet in her dreams. It’s like she hasn’t memorized enough of his words to get him to talk for her.

  But last night . . . last night he’d talked. They’d both shared things she’d only dreamed of discussing with him, including life, love, and relationships.

  Even her dreams make her long to be with him again. She is just as broken as he. In her dreams he’s so sad. She starts to picture what she could do to please him, to make him feel good again, and in turn she would feel good too. In this moment, she feels as if sensually wrapping her lips around him would be enough to tell him that she enjoys his company without ever speaking a word.

  Matt seems to notice the desire in her eyes. “Felicia.” His voice spells trouble. “Keep looking at me like that and I’m going to drag you back into this bed until you’re thoroughly fucked.”

  The growl in his voice is enough to make her moan, but she manages to swallow it. She has to get out of here. She’ll already be getting an earful from Jensen.

  “Thank you for letting me stay and everything, but I think it’s time for me to go. Jensen’s probably worried sick.”

  She hates leaving him out on a limb like this, but it’s the only way she can live with herself. Felicia rushes out of Matt’s bedroom like it’s in flames, taking with her a memorable image of a very aroused man sitting there in nothing but a pair of very tight underwear.

  Lost in her own world, stuck between fantasy and a sweet reality that she can’t possibly act on, Felicia stumbles over a maid in the hall. It looks like Matt’s room is next on her list for cleaning.

  Good thing I didn’t initiate things the way I wanted to!

  “Do. Not. Go. In there!” Felicia states animatedly.

  The maid looks visibly anxious. “Is it a snake?”

  Felicia presses her lips together in a smirk. “You could say that.”

  “Is Mr. Knight gone for the morning as well?”

  Felicia slaps a hand to her forehead. “Mr. Knight is the snake I’m avoiding.”

  The elderly maid smiles profusely. Her wrinkles morph into a pleasant smile. “I see. Perhaps while you’re avoiding Mr. Knight you might accept his offer to select a gown from the attic.”

  Felicia starts to walk away before completely registering what the old lady has said. “Wait. A gown?”

  “Yes. He said you might also require a few other garments to hold you over for the next few nights. We understand you lost everything in the fire.”

  She sighs. “Right. Of course. How silly of me.”

  Matt still manages to stun her, one trick at a time. She pushes on the door.

  “Mrs. Knight,” the woman calls down the hall.

  Felicia stops in her tracks. Had Destiny’s grandmother appeared down the hall? There were only so many Mrs. Knight’s in the place this weekend. Felicia turns around and stares at the smiling castle maid.

  She’s talking to me!

  “Once you’ve finished your breakfast, please come looking for me and I’ll show you the way.”

  Felicia is too stunned to respond.

  “To the dresses,” the woman adds, smiling.

  “Oh. Okay,” she answers hesitantly.

  Felicia decides to skip the part where she and Matt aren’t married. A woman of that age wouldn’t understand a young couple sharing a bed otherwise. She feels obligated to protect the woman from her contemporary beliefs.

  Felicia takes off before bursting into an unexplainable laughter. She doesn’t know why she’s in such a tizzy. It’s not like anything sexual happened in Matt’s bed last night, had it? No. She knows that for a fact. Matthew Knight could not have had her. She would feel the effects for days after if he had.

  Felicia hurries toward the kitchen, running the previous night’s events over in her mind again and again. She enters the empty dining room and instantly grabs a muffin from the buffet table. She stuffs her face and makes a half-decent attempt to forget about the aroused, shirtless man in the bed down the hall.

  She guzzles down half a glass of orange juice as she takes a seat at the table. She smears a sliver of butter onto the other half of her fresh-baked muffin. It seems to melt right into it. She takes a large bite, not having eaten anything quite like it.

  “Like heaven,” Destiny admits from the door.

  “Right?” Felicia answers, nodding her head with a mouthful.

  “I’m sorry about last night. I was upset. I shouldn’t have taken it out on you. It’s not your fault.”

  Felicia swallows another bite, cringing when she realizes it may be informally her fault. “It’s okay. I understand. But you won’t be so forgiving when I tell you something.”

  “What is it?”

  Felicia finally notices that Destiny is wearing clothes more than two sizes two big. Still, she groans. “Jensen. He had a whole pile of candles lit in our room. I think he was trying to romance me. I made him blow them out, but we were in a hurry to get to your party.”

  “You let Jensen romance you? That’s why you missed the rehearsal?”

  “No. Of course I didn’t. I mean,” she sighs, tired of telling so many lies to her friends. “I couldn’t face Matt. I’m sorry, Dee. I was being selfish.”

  Destiny smirks at her. “I know. I’m surprised you actually admitted it. But then you did spend the night with him, so I take it everything’s kosher again.”

  “I slept in his bed, that’s it,” Felicia snaps.

  Destiny crisscrosses her hands in front of her face. “You don’t have to e
xplain yourself to me.”

  “How did you even know?”

  “Jensen. Did you forget about him?”

  Felicia covers her face with her hands and cringes. “Jensen. I’m afraid he was the reason for the fire, which makes this whole mess my fault.”

  Destiny shakes her head. “It wasn’t you, Felicia. They’ve already found the faulty wires that caught fire in the room next to yours. The long drapes only intensified it. It’s an old castle and apparently the wing we were staying in hasn’t been updated since its installation. You see? It wasn’t Jensen. You’re not to blame.”

  “Oh.”

  Destiny smiles and nods.

  “But still, your dress is ruined. I know it cost you a fortune.”

  “It’s only money. Everyone is safe. I got to spend the night with Sky. My night couldn’t have gone any better, to be honest. And now I hear Matty’s come through for us.”

  “So I hear. When did he find the time to do that exactly?”

  “You mean, you don’t know? I thought you spent the entire night with him.”

  Felicia scowls, even while making her best attempt not to. “It’s not what you think.”

  “I find that hard to believe, but I wasn’t going to say anything. I just figured you were with him when he sorted out the details with the castle staff.”

  Do I have to spell it out for her?

  “I’m not kidding you, Destiny. He never touched me.” She sighs, disappointedly, giving away too much information. “I must repulse him now.”

  “I really doubt that. Would he go to the trouble to find us dresses if he didn’t care about you?”

  “Again, I ask, when did he find the time to do this? I was in his room all night.”

  Destiny folds her arms across her chest and settles against the door frame with her right hip. “I guess he was walking the halls in the night and stopped to chat with one of the maids on your floor. Somehow he discovered that the attic is filled with old Victorian-style gowns that no one’s touched in ages.”

  “You can’t be serious.”

  Destiny nods her head, her own disbelief showing through. “Can you believe our luck? They’re going to let us use whatever we need to get through the weekend.”

  “That’s amazing.”

  “Matty really is, eh?”

  Felicia glances over at her friend. What is she up to?

  “Forget about it. Finish your muffin. Then we’ll get to it. We’ve been waiting for you.”

  Felicia pops the last bite of her muffin in her mouth and drops her garbage in the small trashcan near the door. She follows Destiny down the hall. She’s practically skipping with excitement. They find Kyla playing with her hair, waiting at the base of a narrow staircase that looks like it hasn’t been opened in a few hundred years. Cobwebs decorate the door frame and the steps themselves are a solid shade of dust.

  “Where’s Natalie?” Destiny asks her sister, as Laurina approaches them.

  Kyla points down the hall where Natalie is fumbling toward them with a smile.

  “Wait for me!” she hollers.

  “Right this way, ladies,” Laurina states, lighting a couple of candles and slowly climbing the stairs.

  “Candles?” Destiny asks, taking one from her hand.

  Laurina smiles and then turns to continue up the stairs. “There is no electricity in this part of the castle. It’d be awfully dark in the attic without them.” Her ancient voice glimmers with amusement.

  Felicia turns back to smile down at Destiny and catches Kyla swatting at a stretch of spider webs that everyone else has managed to avoid. She turns forward again, feeling even more intrigued, as they file up the stairs one by one.

  They climb for what feels like forever. She starts to feel claustrophobic just as Laurina twists a rusty door handle and pushes open a creaky wooden door.

  “This is it,” she informs them, as she enters the large room.

  The contoured ceiling is the first thing Felicia notices. It’s gorgeous. She’s never seen a castle from this perspective before and she takes it all in, appreciating every nuance.

  A wide brick archway greets them at the top of the stairs and extends across the interior wall of the room. After Felicia passes through it, she looks up at the tall, vaulted ceiling and sturdy old wooden beams that line up decoratively across the room.

  “So, is someone going to tell me what we’re doing?” Natalie chimes, making everyone laugh.

  Even Laurina chuckles as she approaches an old trunk pressed up against the only slanted wall in the spacious room. “We’re hoping to find you a dress for the wedding. It’s the least we can do. Go on, ladies. Help yourselves. I’ve done all I can. Take the candles down with you when you go. I think we can all agree, we don’t need a repeat of last night.”

  “Thank you so much, Laurina. Are you sure this is okay?” Destiny asks.

  Felicia agrees it feels like too much, but on the other hand it is incredibly cool.

  “As I said before, it’s the least we can do. You may borrow anything you like.” With that, she disappears, mysteriously fast, down the stairs.

  “Let’s do this then!” Kyla approaches a stack of old suitcases and cracks the top one open. She coughs from the dust swirling in the air and waves a hand to make it settle somewhere else. “Holy shit, guys! Look at this.” She pulls out a smaller chest and opens it on the floor. Inside is a collection of different sized velvet boxes. She opens the largest one first.

  Destiny drops to her knees to take a closer look at the exquisite necklace. “It’s stunning. I can’t believe they have all these jewels hiding up here.”

  Kyla cracks open another box, and then another. “They probably don’t even realize it’s here. Can you imagine how much this must be worth?” Kyla points out wickedly.

  Destiny tilts her head pointedly at her sister. “It hardly matters, since it’s not ours. Laurina said borrow. Anything you take from here will be returned.”

  Kyla rolls her eyes, but acknowledges her sister. “I didn’t say I was going to steal anything. Give me a break.”

  Kyla slides the suitcase aside to open the rest of them, as Natalie takes a closer look at the ancient mannequin heads on a dust-covered desktop. Each mannequin is wearing an extravagant hat from another century. Natalie giggles as she poses wearing an elegant hat she finds.

  Destiny laughs at her. “You are totally wearing that.”

  Felicia gives in to her curiosity and follows the untreated floorboards to a mysterious door across the room. She takes the handle in her hand and twists. When she gives the door a gentle push, it slowly creaks open.

  A ray of light escapes from behind a tall, dark chest that immediately catches her attention. Felicia glances back at Destiny, but she’s so busy reprimanding Kyla that she doesn’t catch Felicia sneaking into the smaller room. Artwork leans against a pair of unused dining chairs. Their legs scrape against the floor when Felicia pushes them aside. She has to readjust the paintings so they don’t fall.

  Felicia regains her stance and approaches a gold-inlaid, trifold mirror with an intricate design on the main panel. She ignores her reflection and moves it aside, focusing on the real reason she’s wandered in here.

  Why is this massive chest blocking the window?

  She grabs ahold of the chest and tries to give it a push, but it doesn’t budge. It must weigh a ton. She finds a box filled with large, sturdy photo albums next to her and pushes it up against the side of the chest. With both hands clasped on the top of the chest, she goes onto her tippy toes to peer over it. She finds an aged, bronze skeleton key that instantly steals her glance. She reaches for it and drags it to the edge before flipping it into her fingers.

  Felicia jumps down from the box and stalks the tall dark chest, sliding her fingers over the intricate engravings until her fingers meet a cold, metal rectangle with a hole in the middle. She guides the old key into the hole and wiggles it. When it hits the sweet spot, she turns it over. Her heart begins to race
. She flips open the latch and pulls on one of the handles, eager to find what riches hide inside.

  The door won’t open.

  She yanks on it again, but nothing happens. With the latch now unlocked, she knows it’s only a matter of getting this baby open. She grabs onto the handles with two hands, flattens a foot against the base and yanks with all her might, falling backward on her ass as the double doors burst open.

  When she opens her eyes, she notices the large doors slowly growing closer to her face. She rolls to the side, just missing death-by-armoire by a hair. Destiny shouts and is suddenly kneeling next to her. She’s talking, but Felicia can’t hear anything over all the coughing. The crash has kicked up so much dust they both have to cover their faces to hide from the filth. She worries that the castle staff will be paying them a visit shortly, so she quickly gets to her feet to show Destiny that she’s alright.

  “What are you doing in here on your own? It’s obviously not safe,” Destiny says.

  “I’m fine. I was just trying to get this beast to open.”

  Light pours into the room like a rainbow. Strong, wooden beams flank the window, cut out from the slant of the upper wall. Felicia drops to her knees and presses a hand against the glass when she finally gets a look out the long narrow window that overlooks the gardens. Matt is sitting on a bench in quiet reflection. He looks so peaceful. She wonders what he’s thinking about.

  Without notice, Matt glances up at her. His eyes latch onto hers before she ducks behind the armoire.

  “Who are you hiding from?” Destiny steps closer to the window and waves at Matt with a smile. “Still hiding from your feelings, are you?”

  Felicia is too caught up in what she’s found to retort. Her fingers travel over the raised edges of the ancient furniture. She presses on the indentation she has only just discovered and it creaks open.

  “A secret door? You have got to be kidding me.” Destiny is now as intrigued as Felicia.

  Felicia smiles back at her. “Cool, right?” She pries the old door open and reaches inside for the garments spread thinly behind the hidden compartment. She pulls out a long ivory dress encrusted with crystals.

  “Oh, wow,” Destiny answers, with her hand pressed to her chest.