Beautifully Broken

by Christa Simpson

  “Yeah, I got you here, but if you want to stay here . . .”—he points toward the master bedroom like it’s a tropical destination—“I’d like to know that I’m going to be the only one.”

  Felicia tries to figure him out, but his eyes aren’t giving her anything. “I don’t get you. What are you asking for? A relationship? Exclusive sex? I’m not understanding.” Now her voice makes her sound like the hurt one.

  Everything had been going just right, dare she say perfectly? Why does he have to turn this into a heated inquiry?

  “I don’t know about you, but I’d say exclusive sex, whether in secret or not, means you’re in a relationship,” he tells her. “I’d say we’re even in a relationship, as it is, no matter how fucked up it might be.”

  She pushes him off of her and straightens her skirt. “You think this is fucked up? You don’t know fucked up.”

  He stares at her and his gaze cools. “I know fucked up. My life is the epitome of fucked up right now.”

  “Because of me?” she scoffs, hurt by the very idea.

  “No, it’s all my fault,” he insists.

  She can’t even tell where he’s going with this. “Just tell me what you want, Matty, because I’m over playing games. Is this about sex? Fear of commitment?” She’s standing there, exposing her heart to him, waiting for another blow.

  He curls to a sitting position again and his voice softens noticeably. “I’m not being intimate with anyone else. I feel like our relationship has become close—really close—this weekend. When you’re having sex with someone, something’s bound to form between a couple.”

  She nods, although the expression on her face remains unimpressed. “You’re calling us a couple now? Or just a couple of people?” She likes the sound of it, but he’s beating around the bush and that makes her angry.

  Matt and his highs and lows are driving her batty. He’s as bad as she is!

  “A mutual understanding.” He sighs as he collects his thoughts. “I just want us both to know where we are in this thing, call it whatever you want.”

  “Then that makes two of us.” She follows him into the bedroom.

  “But I don’t want to be left in the dark and I don’t want to hear about the men you’re screwing.” Just the thought of that seems to make him cringe.

  Felicia smirks, still not having a clue where they stand. “When you put it that way . . .”

  Matt closes the door and backs her into the bed until she falls backwards onto it. He pulls her top over her head and kisses her bare neck. Her head is spinning. She doesn’t know whether she’s coming or going. She parts her lips to take a breath as Matt works his lips on her skin.

  “Is that all you want?” she asks him. “A mutual understanding? Because I heard you calling it exclusivity before.”

  He delivers a meaningful stare that snares her heart unexpectedly. “I’d like to call it a few other things,” he admits, dropping a long, soft kiss on her lips. “But you’ve made it pretty clear without saying that it’s not what you want.” His hand skims under her skirt and tears her panties down to her knees. “It’s all good. I can stay detached.” His voice trails off as he releases her from his stare. “If that’s what you want.”

  Why hasn’t she seen this before? He’s already attached. He’s lying when he says he’s not. This is more than sex. It is to her, and it is to him. He wants exclusivity. There are no two ways about it.

  She has already suffered the addiction, knowing that one weekend a month with Matt could never cure this illness. She’s known that from the start. She continues to rack her brain for the right thing to do or say in this moment, but she’s scared. She doesn’t want to say the wrong thing and screw this up entirely. This weekend had started out all about secrets and fun. It had been going perfectly. They had another day—a full day—left to this weekend, before they had to complicate things with emotions and devotion, and yet here they are.

  “Let’s not get hung up on titles this weekend,” she decides. “I’ll be me and you can be you. We’ll just be ourselves and whatever happens, happens.”

  The “L” word looms over her head like a noose. She’s not said it to anyone outside of her immediate family, ever, and even they don’t have the word readily on their lips. She just doesn’t know. Once it’s out there, there’s no taking it back. Is that even what she’s feeling?

  Matt’s eyes reach hers again, but they’re filled with anxiety. She knows she’s not going to like what he has to say, but he’s determined to get through to her. Matt takes her hand and squeezes it until she pays close attention.

  His voice is low and growly. “I can’t pretend you’re only my friend. I’m afraid I’m falling in love with you, Felicia.” He pauses, his dark eyes amplifying the deep, soulful message. “How does that make you feel?”

  A car travels up the lane, serving as a well-timed distraction. She remains frozen in place, hoping it’s enough to grab his attention so she can breathe again.

  “Shit,” Matt answers instantly. He drops her hand.

  She swallows the lump from her throat. “I thought you said no one would come up here. I’ve been frolicking around in the nude!”

  “Shit,” he repeats, as he leaps from the bed and peers out the blinds.

  Matt quickly zips his fly and moves toward the door. “Stay here.” His voice is quiet but firm.

  Who’s she to argue? She tugs the blanket over her aroused body. She could use a break from all that intensity surrounding him, and honestly needs a second alone with her own thoughts.

  When Matt leaves the room, the door clicks shut between them. A rush of foreign emotions haunt her.

  Chapter 27: Interrupted

  Skylar and Destiny are both standing in the door, wearing guarded expressions, when Matt appears from the bedroom. He closes the door behind him, hoping they won’t notice he has company. Matt stares right back at them.

  Skylar breaks the silence first. “I’m surprised to find you here.”

  Matt’s voice is sharp. “Yeah well, first come, first serve. I needed some time alone and I didn’t think you’d be coming out here, so—”

  Skylar nods, but he doesn’t look like he’s buying it. “So, if I walked in that bedroom right now, I wouldn’t find Felicia naked in your bed?”

  “I’d rather you didn’t.”

  Destiny snickers, unable to keep it in, even though Skylar remains deadly serious.

  Matt is curious. “How did you know?”

  Skylar and Destiny both seem to glance beyond his shoulder. Clearly, Felicia has decided to join the conversation.

  “The cat’s out of the bag, Matty. My car is in the driveway.”

  Understanding finally hits him. He smiles and turns to Felicia. She is so adorable. She’s pulled her clothes back on, but she’s forgotten to check the mirror. Her hair is wild and messy. His smile grows infinitely when he notices the tuft of hair balled up on the side of her head.

  She wraps herself tighter in her sweater under his scrutiny. He moves closer to her, runs his hand over her hair and kisses his well-loved woman on the forehead. She looks awkward, like she’s suddenly uncomfortable doing that now that her friends are there, but then another smile from him has her giving up the stony front.

  Matt slowly lowers his mouth until it covers hers. He backs her into the wall and kisses her, forgetting about their company. She softens beneath his lips.

  Skylar clears his throat, but their kiss only grows hotter, as his body collides with hers.

  “Yeah, we’re gonna go.” Destiny grabs Skylar by the t-shirt and tugs him outside.

  “Lock it, will you?” Matt hollers, without glancing at them.

  Destiny peeks inside, wraps her arm around the door and locks the handle. “I’m happy to see you two are working out your differences. I’ve always told Sky you’re good for each other.”

  With that, she leaves them.

  He still has Felicia pressed against the wall, gazing into her eyes. It’s amazi
ng how quickly he’s forgotten about the serious conversation they were engaged in before they were interrupted. He decides to pick up right where he left off.

  “Remember what I said,” he states. “We don’t have to talk about it now, but I’ll need to know how you feel about that.”

  Normally he’d rub her the right way, or fill any unsureness with the pleasure of his lust, but not this time. This time he just watches her, looking for any sign that she wants this. The swelling look in her eyes becomes painful to watch.

  “Drop your defenses, will you? I’m not trying to take you home to my mother.”

  She shakes her head to stave off the tears. “I don’t’ know,” she gushes, escaping under his arm. She hurries to the bedroom to collect her things, clearly torn up about something.

  He stands in the door, with his arms folded over his chest. She’s in such a hurry. He’s not moving at all.

  Felicia stops at the door long enough for him to move out of the way. She rushes toward the front of the cabin and pulls on a pair of white sneakers.

  He follows her there and clutches onto the door. “Are you going to let me in on what’s going on here?”

  Felicia blows out a harsh breath. “Skylar and Destiny showed up. That has to be a sign." She bumps him with her bag as she passes, without turning back.

  Chapter 28: Miss The Bus?

  Felicia bursts out of the cabin and chases Skylar’s car down the driveway. She knows he sees her in his rear view mirror, but he turns his eyes forward and keeps driving. She waves erratically to get Destiny’s attention, but the car doesn’t slow.

  She drops her hands in defeat and stares at the rocky driveway. No more running. No matter how intense her relationship with Matt has become, she has to face it. She has to face Matt and all his unexpected questions.

  The second she realizes that she’s surrounded in trees and dirt and animals, her stomach tightens. Bears. She sprints back to the cabin, until she’s warm and breathless. She bends forward when she reaches the front porch and rests her hands on her bare knees.

  She hears the door open in front of her before she looks up.

  “I thought that was you.” Matt’s smart voice washes over her. “Miss the bus?”

  Felicia straightens her body and scowls at him. “Do I look like I’m laughing?”

  “So serious.” He shakes his head. “Maybe this is a sign.”

  She scowls at him, but she knows the look has already softened.

  “You do realize that’s your car parked right over there. If you really wanted to stick it to me, you could just take the car and leave me stranded out here. Would that make you feel better?”

  She considers it. It only makes her feel worse. He doesn’t deserve any of this. “That’s not what I’m trying to do here.” She sighs, unsure of what she is trying to do. “Can I come in?”

  Matt opens the door wider and offers for her to pass through.

  She brushes past him, careful not to land in a pair of strong arms.

  “You were running from me again,” he states, as she paces across the room, looking for a safe place to sit.

  She folds her arms across her chest, then finally props her hands on her hips. “I wasn’t running.”

  Matt lifts his eyebrows at her.

  She feels guilty for lying and he pries the truth out of her with a glance. “Alright, I was running.”

  He moves toward her with a soft masculine voice leading his way. “What are you so afraid of?”

  Felicia takes a step backwards. “This conversation, I think.” She’s amazed that she finds the courage to admit it.

  He stops in his tracks. “We won’t have it then.” He slowly comes closer and when he cups her cheek in his hand, her heart begins to race. “Have you ever known me to make you do anything you don’t want to do?”

  She closes her eyes, sinking into his palm. Still, her body shivers.

  “Thank you for understanding. Just give me some time to think. I promise we’ll talk about this again.”

  “Fair enough. No more questions.”

  Felicia rests her hand over his. “No, I never said that. Questions are okay. Just keep what’s happening between us out of it.” She hates to act so selfish, but she needs some time to work through this at her own speed.

  “Like I said before, I’m not planning on taking you home to my mother. That’s the last thing I need right now.” He seems to stop himself, when he realizes he’s started in on it again, then he mumbles something under his breath that she doesn’t think she’s supposed to hear.

  “It’s not like I’m next in line anyway.”

  It really piques her interest though. “Next in line for what?” Now she has to know.

  He smirks at her, but doesn’t have to think twice about it. “Eternal hell. Ball and chain. Trouble and strife. You know: marriage.”

  “Ah.” She tries not to frown but fails. They truly are a match made in heaven.

  He catches her chin. “I told you, you have nothing to worry about. You have a fear of commitment and I have a fear of marriage. We’re the perfect pair.”

  Chapter 29: Broken Butterfly Wings

  Matt wakes with a beautiful woman curled up next to him. He wraps her in his arms and holds her tightly. He’d given her the entire day and night to think. He quit with the tricks of seduction and they’d spent a good amount of time just talking and hiking and swimming. He had to keep busy to keep his mind straight after all. He has to face the facts. His heart is on the line. If this angel leaves him today, he fears he’ll be miserable for a long time to come.

  His stomach twists with anxiety at the thought that she might not want to see him again. No, he can’t think that way. She has to want more. She is perfect for him.

  Matt drags his lips across her neck and presses kisses across her beautiful chest. Felicia’s eyelashes flutter open and she stretches an arm out to the sky with a yawn. She draws her arm back into her body and sinks into him.

  Her voice is soft and sleepy. "This is nice."

  Matt growls, drawing from his twisted thoughts. His lips trail down a flat abdomen. "Shut that pretty little mouth. Nice is never a word I want to hear coming out of it while I'm pleasing you.”

  He showers wet kisses all over her body. “Amazing. Stunning. Life-altering, fine. But nice?" His tongue dips into her belly button.

  She starts to giggle but he doesn't slow his sensual assault. His tongue dips lower yet.

  Felicia giggles again. “That tickles.”

  He teases her, with the solid edges of his body hovering over hers. “It’s been days since I’ve felt you from the inside out. I miss having all this woman wrapped around me.”

  “I don't think you can handle all this woman.” Felicia teases him, but she’s clearly aroused.

  Matt takes her rebuttal a little too seriously.

  "I'm afraid you might be right." He pulls away from her body and sits on the edge of the bed. He rests his elbows on his knees and settles his fingers over the perimeter of his face. He wonders if she even realizes what’s plaguing him. He feels like a total pussy right now. Feelings have never snuck their way into his bed before, but that was before an angel had torn up his sheets.

  “You know what today is, right?” he asks, without making eye contact.

  She presses her lips together. “I do.”

  It’s the last day they have together before it’s time to get back to reality.

  He drops his hands and nods his head as he lifts himself to his feet. “I’ll be right back.”

  Matt escapes to the bathroom. He feels like he’s having something of a nervous breakdown and she’s just lying in his bed looking all cute and innocent. He splashes a handful of water over his face. She says she knows what today is. It clearly isn’t affecting her the same way it is him. He is now going to have to leave it up in the air, until she says she’s ready to talk. No more forcing the issue.

  He doesn’t want her to date him out of peer pressure. He wants h
er to want it. He wants her to want him.

  After walking out of the bathroom Matt stops and stares at Felicia relaxing on the bed. This woman knows how to provoke him. He’s done his best not to ravage her every second of the day, but she makes it really difficult for him to resist doing so. Matt reaches for a clean pair of underwear and tosses them onto the dresser. Next he drops his day-old drawers to the floor.

  He’s feeling a little spunky and so he turns around to face her, completely naked. "Why, when I take off my underwear, do I feel the need to jump toward you?” He props both hands on the back of his head and humps toward her with a couple of lewd hops.

  Felicia can’t help but laugh. Score one for Matt.

  He pulls on a pair of silky boxers. “You love it.”

  She’s smiling really big. “Maybe I do.”

  He hates bringing it up, but he can’t help himself. “But then I’m not the one afraid of the word love.”

  She feigns a pout. “Maybe you throw the word around too easily.”

  “With you, Felicia, love is a word easily used.” He crawls onto the end of the bed. “There are a lot of things I feel for you right now that involve the word love.”

  Felicia looks speechless, but she manages to get two words out. “Like what?”

  “I love when you slip your cold hands in my pants, for one.” He crawls toward her, making his best attempt to look like a sexy, savage beast. “I love when your lips press kisses onto my bare chest.”

  She continues to gaze intently at him until he’s hovering over her. She’s clearly waiting for something more substantial.

  “I love when you look at me the way you are right now.”

  She lets him kiss her, but promptly turns off that starry-eyed look and scowls at him.

  “I love that look on you too,” he teases.

  “What are you saying?” She maintains a serious expression as she delivers a painfully fleeting glance.

  He cups her chin, but he doesn’t make her meet his eyes. “When you’re not around, I feel like a butterfly flying around with broken wings.”