Beautifully Broken

by Christa Simpson

  Chapter 30: Not Today

  Matt had bared his heart to her. She had promised to talk it out with him at some point, but the truth is: she’s chicken. They’re almost home and still they haven’t discussed any future plans to get together. She fears that if she doesn’t speak up, he’ll leave her life and she’ll never see him again. She doesn’t want him to turn into the guy who gives her an awkward wave at the supermarket once in a blue moon.

  If he decides to forget about her, she wouldn’t blame him. She hasn’t really given him any good reason to stick around. Her heart aches at the thought.

  That’s not what I want at all.

  “Everything okay over there?” Matt asks her, noticing the cringe that has spread across her face.

  She quickly wipes her face clear of emotion. “Yep. I’m okay.”

  He nods, slowly. “Did you have a good time this weekend?” He’s obviously doing his best not to press her.

  “It was surprisingly relaxing. I had a really good time. Thank you for inviting me.”

  She sees how he sighs when he realizes she’s not going to say anything else. He believes she’s already thrown in the towel. She has to say something to tell him how she feels. Anything. Just pick out some nice words and say them. But what? She’s never been good with words. Yes, she likes to blab to her friends, but nothing poetic seems to ever come out of her mouth.

  Felicia clears her throat, but the anxiety doesn’t fade. “Spending this weekend with you has taught me something.”

  Matt smiles, looking happy to hear any words coming from her mouth. “Oh, yeah? What’s that?”

  “Being out in nature like that makes you realize that the stresses of life are self-made. I’m doing this to myself.” She comes to that conclusion as she says it. She pauses to rewind and think it through again.

  He nods his head.

  Is he agreeing with me?

  Now she feels like she has to explain how she’s come to this revelation. “Ever since your accident, I’ve felt like I’m sitting on the edge. It’s like my life’s been split into two: before the accident and after,” she admits. “It feels like I’ve lost all control.”

  Matt smiles softly, but not because it’s funny. “That explains me to a tee, darlin’.”

  “Right, but that’s not all. I’ve realized since your accident that I was so ignorant to the world before. I didn’t realize how quickly things could change, and it’s like I’m experiencing everything for the first time all over again.” She turns her head to glance out the window, but then closes her eyes. “I get these huge headaches now. I see the bad in everything. I’ve always been a bit of a pessimist, but now—” She sighs. “I almost wish I could go back to the way it was before.”

  Matt continues to focus on driving, but he must be reeling inside. “Almost?”

  “Once you’ve crossed that barrier, you can’t go back.” She can’t undo that weekend.

  “So what’s the problem exactly?” Matt’s trying to put the puzzle pieces together now that’s she’s finally opened up to him, and piece by piece he helps her figure out the answers to all her questions.

  “It’s just that, since your accident, I seem to suffer from more episodes of the same old crap.”

  He looks shocked. “You’ve been in other accidents?”

  “No. You don’t get it.” There's a pattern of attack, if she could only map it. “My nightmares . . . I think they’re what’s keeping me from moving on. It’s like I’m scared of living.”

  Matt smirks, making her wonder if he understands the importance of this conversation. “I don’t know, I feel like we did a lot of living this weekend,” he teases.

  “That’s exactly it. It’s different when I’m with you. You bring out the best in me.”

  There! I finally said it!

  Well, not “it”, but something.

  Matt smiles, but he doesn’t add anything to the conversation, and that’s just fine because she’s not done talking.

  “I need to know something.” This has been plaguing her most, ever since Matt started throwing around the “L” word.

  Matt stops at the red light and turns to face her. He takes her hand and brushes his thumb over her knuckles and it helps to calm her, ever so slightly.

  “Do you actually love me?” she blurts. “I know the most important thing to you is sex. I know that’s what you want most, but—” She feels like she might actually believe him.

  Matt looks completely stunned by that statement. “That's not what I want most.”

  Felicia is finally ready to hear the truth, no matter how much it hurts. “What do you want?”

  There is so much more to that statement than she even wants to admit, but her hope is tied right up there with her secret pining for true love.

  Matt growls. “You know what I want.”

  An extended silence ensues while they regard each other’s eyes with a yearning for more. The person in the car behind them wails on the horn. Their eyes remain locked together as panic crosses over hers. Felicia is shaken from reality, returning briefly to the scene of the accident. Pain fills her watery eyes. Her body begins to tremble.

  She hates this feeling and it’s only intensified when they’re together, like everything else. She’s suddenly unsure of herself. Today is not a day for decisions. She doesn’t know what she was thinking asking him such a personal question. If time can’t heal all the pain they’ve shared, then she’s not sure anything can.

  Matt faces forward and the car casually accelerates down the road. He drives the rest of the way to his house without commenting on her overreaction. She has issues that tie into his accident. So does he. One day she hopes to come around and discuss that with him. It looks like today is not going to be that day.

  Chapter 31: Can You Fix Us?

  Matt is lying on Skylar’s couch laughing when the phone call comes in.

  Skylar has a look at the call display. “I don’t have time for this, Matty. I think you should get it.”

  Having nothing better to do, while Skylar helps Destiny pack the last of her things in their getaway vehicle, Matt answers the phone without checking to see who it is.

  “Yup,” he answers.

  “Um, Skylar?”

  The woman on the other end knows it is not Skylar. She knows full well who she’s talking to, the man of her fucking dreams, that’s who. “No, I’m a whole lot sexier, sweetheart.”

  “Matty?”

  “Damn, you’re good,” he teases.

  “I didn’t mean . . . whatever. Is Skylar home? I’m having a bit of an emergency.”

  “Skylar’s busy. In about five minutes he and Destiny will be on their way to the airport. Is there something I can do you for?”

  He can hear her smirk through the phone from his word play. He can also hear an ungodly thumping noise.

  “Oh. My. God,” she yelps, as a loud splashing noise rushes across the phone. “This is seriously an emergency. Can you help?”

  “You’re asking me to come over?”

  “Please?” she begs urgently.

  “I’ll be there in a few.”

  “Hurry!” she pleads, before ending the call.

  He hangs up the phone and tosses it onto the couch. When his girl says hurry, he doesn’t lollygag. He only wonders why she hadn’t called him first.

  Less than forty eight hours have passed since they’d left each other’s company and she’s already called him twice. The first time was just to see what’s going on. This one, is it meant to be?

  He flies past Skylar and gets out to his car in less than two seconds. That’s the fastest he’s moved since the accident. He’s made some amazing progress over this past week and is feeling the benefits of the relaxing weekend they’d shared.

  “Where are you off to in such a hurry?” Skylar hollers toward the street.

  “Felicia needs me.” And he will not let her down.

  “A booty call?” Destiny asks from the doorway, looking completely
disgusted with him.

  “No, Destiny. If you must know, she needs me to look at her washer. Enjoy your belated honeymoon.” Matt holds his hand up for a wave at Destiny and slaps Skylar on the arm, now that he’s standing right next to him.

  “Any reason to get you over there.” Skylar tells him.

  Matt doesn’t even care. “I’ll take it.” He’s glad that she’s invited him over, whatever the reason. “I’d love to sit around and chat with you about how Felicia’s having an actual emergency, but . . .” He closes the door between them and gives the happy couple another wave before squealing off down the road.

  Matt hustles up Felicia’s front sidewalk and knocks twice on her front door.

  “Come in!” she shouts instantly. “I’m in here!”

  He follows the slopping sounds, until he finds Felicia with her pants rolled to her knees and her bare feet flooded in cold, soapy water. She wipes her forehead with her forearm to avoid the wetness of her hands. He licks his lips when he notices how thin the white tank top she’s wearing is.

  Matt has to turn away to keep his wits about him. He quickly tugs off his socks, balls them up and plugs them into his shoes. He then rolls his own pants up before striding toward her.

  He notices a few urgent things right away. He swoops into the hallway and lifts Felicia into his arms, then he carries her across the room and plants her on dry ground.

  “What are you doing?” she asks him, looking flabbergasted.

  “Just taking a precaution. You wouldn’t want to get yourself electrocuted. I hear that can be pretty painful.”

  Her mouth puckers up in a beautiful “o” shape that drives vivid visuals of their time spent together to the front of his mind. He shakes that thought aside, knowing fighting a boner is the last thing he should be worrying about while trying to fix this mess Felicia finds herself in.

  Matt presses the power button on the washing machine, but nothing happens. Water continues to pour from behind the machine.

  “You don’t think I’ve already tried that?” Felicia has her hands pinned to her hips, standing a good ten feet away from him in those tight blue jeans.

  He ignores her and repeatedly presses the cancel button. Nothing will shut this thing down. He reaches across the shaking washing machine and pulls the plug. The machine instantly stops dispensing its constant flow of water and chugs to the position it settles in.

  “Hmm. I wish I would have thought of that idea ten minutes ago.”

  Matt’s smile is beaming from ear to ear. “But then why would you need me?”

  She doesn’t answer that and he doesn’t press her, because he’s just happy to be here. He is curious to know what’s rolling through her mind right now though.

  “Can you fix it?” she asks him.

  Matt inches the machine forward, shuffling it out of the crevice it’s packed into. “I’ll have a look, but I doubt it’s anything I can fix. If the board’s fried, you can buy a new one. Is this thing on warranty?”

  “I doubt it. It’s Natalie’s and I think she was just bragging the other day about how she’s had it for a good six years now.”

  Matt has a look, but there’s no explanation for the flood of water that had been gushing from the interior of the machine. “I’m sorry, but you need a service guy if you want to repair it. If you want my opinion though, it’ll probably be smarter just to buy a new washer. This thing is far from new and the parts won’t be cheap.”

  “You really think so? What should I do?”

  “First things first, you should grab a bucket.”

  It looks like she has already been absorbing as much water as she can with every piece of fabric she owns. Soggy towels and blankets litter the floor from the kitchen to the laundry room and water continues to flood toward the front of the house. When he walks toward her, a wave of water comes with him. She cringes as it passes over her hardwood floor.

  “Get to work, missy,” he teases. “This mess isn’t going to clean itself. If you need a hand, pass me the mop.”

  Felicia’s almost speechless. “You don’t mind?”

  “After we’re done cleaning up, I’ll call one of my buddies. He works at an appliance store.”

  She looks shocked that he would do such a thing, but quickly hands him the mop. She leaves the room momentarily but soon reappears with a wet vac.

  “Now you’re talking my language,” he says with a smile.

  She continues to sop up the excess water and strain it into the mop bucket while he sucks it up with the wet vac. Matt empties the dirtied water out the back door for Felicia and she brooms some of the water outside while the door’s open, until all that’s left is damp floors.

  After the puddles are gone, Felicia carries the saturated towels to the kitchen sink and begins to wring them out. Before too long, the place starts to look a good deal dryer.

  Matt sits to dry his feet while he calls in a favor. He dials a direct line to his friend.

  “Hey Steve! It’s Matt.”

  “Mad Dog! What’s up, buddy?”

  “I need a favor. My girl, Felicia, she’s in a bit of a bind. I was hoping you could steer us in the right direction.”

  After explaining the problem, Steve explains to him that the repairs would be costly and temporary. The washer was known for problems and there is no guarantee that it won’t happen again. After a full manual restart they manage to free her clothes from the locked door.

  When he pulls open the washer door, Felicia locks her arms around his neck. When she realizes what she’s done, she quickly backs away.

  “Sorry, I got a little excited. Thanks for doing that.”

  With a huge grin, Matt convinces Felicia to pick out a new washer.

  “It sounds like my only option,” Felicia admits.

  “He did say he could get you a good deal on a new one. He owes me.”

  “It’s okay. I don’t expect you to waste your favors on me.”

  He grabs her hand and squeezes it. “It wouldn’t be a waste. I want to help, if you’ll let me.”

  She sighs softly, staring at their connected hands. He quickly releases her, unsure what to make of it.

  “If you want me to go . . .” he starts.

  “No.”

  He taps his fingers on the kitchen counter. “Well, the place is clean. Did you want to go have a look at what they’ve got in store?” He’s suddenly feeling nervous about being alone in her home with her. He’s already been tempted, more than once, to ravish her. He can use the fresh air.

  “Would you? I mean, if I’m not putting you out. You didn’t exactly sign up for this.”

  “It’s not a problem. I told you I’d help. I want to help.”

  When she smiles coyly at him, it has his chest tightening.

  “Thank you for that. I don’t know what I would have done if you hadn’t stopped it from draining all over the floor.”

  “Don’t worry about it.” He turns away and is surprised when Felicia’s arms wrap around his body and squeeze him tightly.

  She gets him in a hug that has her breasts pressed into his back, with her nose pressed into the hollow between his shoulders. He doesn’t know what to do, so he just stands there and closes his eyes, taking it all in.

  “Thank you, Matty,” she whispers. “I mean it. I don’t know how I’ll ever repay you.” Her voice is suddenly thick with emotion.

  He’s never seen Felicia this emotional over something so unimportant before and it’s kind of freaking him out. When she pulls away from him, he glances over his shoulder.

  “I told you, don’t worry about it. You’ve repaid me in more ways than I can count already.”

  This time when she smiles he steals her hand and pulls her toward the door. He waits for her reaction, but he doesn’t get one. She holds his hand right back. He unlocks his truck and opens the passenger door for her.

  “Thank you.” She can’t seem to stop thanking him today.

  He kind of likes it.

  The t
own they live in is small. It only takes a matter of minutes to get to the appliance shop on the main street of town. Felicia hops down from his truck and meets up with him on the sidewalk. She looks a lot happier than she did an hour ago. When she reaches her hand out to him, he takes it. Public affection. This is new for him. Without thinking, he looks around to make sure no one’s watching.

  Matt pulls the front door open and they enter the spacious warehouse hand in hand. Steve notices them right away and approaches them from the front counter of the store.

  “Mad Dog.” He reaches his hand out for a shake.

  Matt takes his hand without ever releasing Felicia’s, then smiles at her. “This is my girl, Felicia.”

  Steve nods his head at her. “Hi. How are ya?”

  “Hi,” she answers, smiling. “I’m good, all things considered.”

  “So, what are we looking for today, guys?” Steve claps his hands together and leads them toward the laundry pairs, explaining the options.

  Matt looks to Felicia. “Do you know what you want?”

  She looks incredibly hesitant. “I can’t say I’ve had much time to think about it.”

  “Front load. Top load. They come in different colors now. Do you have a budget?” Steve spouts it out like she can make snappy decisions. She’s never shopped for appliances before. They were always included with her rent until now.

  Felicia shrugs her shoulders. “After what I saw that frontload do, I’m not so sure anymore.”

  “Nah, don’t let that be the deciding factor. Let me show you what we’ve got. But if you’re totally against the frontload, there is a really nice top-load that’s just come out and is pretty popular.” Steve points out the two machines that he thinks will suit her.

  “Which one would you recommend?” Felicia asks the salesman.

  Steve smirks at her. “My wife has the LG front load on pedestals with steam. The pedestals pull open for additional storage, which is great if you have the height but not a lot of space in your laundry room.”

  Felicia nods her head, content with his answer.

  “What do you think?” Matt asks her.

  They gaze into each other’s eyes for an extended second. “I think that’s the one,” she answers.