That was a lie. She did know.
She was looking for him to look at her. That way. She had a terrible feeling that she was looking that exact same way at him. Like she wanted him. And she wanted him to want her.
Their gazes locked, his blue eyes almost black from the pupils blown wide. Jenna could almost feel herself being pulled into his orbit, a force far too great for her to be able to fight. Not that she was planning to.
What happened next was inevitable. They'd been dancing around it for days. His face came closer to her own, their lips mere millimeters apart. She could feel his warm breath, smell his heady scent. At that moment, she couldn't have said what day it was or where she was standing. Her world had narrowed down to the two of them and she could happily be like this, blocking out the universe. Reality was overrated.
She didn't know which one of them made the first move. Did it matter? Not much. Their lips touched briefly, a soft brush like the wings of a butterfly. Then more, her lips parting to allow his own to plunder and conquer. Her limbs were heavy and she had to hold onto his broad shoulders to keep her knees from turning to water and falling into a heap on the floor.
This man knew how to kiss.
She'd been in his arms before, of course. This wasn't their first embrace, but it shook her far more than the previous ones had. Maybe because she knew Knox so much better now. It meant more because they were more. Except that...they weren't.
He'd made his position clear more than once. He didn't want to be a couple. He didn't want to be in a relationship with her because he said he couldn't trust her anymore. She'd apologized but it wasn't enough. Now they were kissing. Not a friendly peck on the lips, either. This was a three-alarm inferno they had going here but had he changed his mind? Did he want her after all? Only hours ago he'd been adamant that they were only friends.
Of their own accord, her palms flattened against his chest, pushing him backwards. It certainly wasn't her heart initiating that action, so it could only be her brain. Or maybe it was some primitive self-survival instinct that had kicked in when under stress. Whatever it was, he immediately stepped back, his arms falling to his sides. His shoulders fell and rose rapidly with his breath and his color was high. He was as aroused as she was. If he was going to deny it, he was a lying liar who lied. She could easily see that their kiss had affected him. Now she needed to know what it meant.
"You can't do this."
Her voice came out hoarse and ragged, like broken glass on gravel. She had to suck oxygen into her lungs to be able to speak. With one kiss, he'd taken her breath away.
"You can't do this," she repeated, taking her own step away, putting more space between them. "You can't say that you only want to be friends and then kiss me when we're making dinner. It's not fair to me."
"I was only–"
She held up her hands and angrily shook her head. Now that her mind was clearing, she was beginning to get a little pissed off. Who the hell did he think he was?
"Have you changed your mind?"
Her tone was aggressive but she wasn't going to play games with him. She was far from in the mood.
He didn't reply right away; instead his head dropped so he was looking at the floor. She had her answer then. He didn't need to say anything.
"You haven't changed your mind," she said, wanting to reach out and give him a shove, or maybe kick his shin. Something to make him feel a quarter of the pain she was feeling at the moment. Her heart was breaking into tiny little shards that was currently slicing her guts into a million painful pieces. "But you kissed me anyway. That's bullshit, Knox. You don't get to use me that way–"
"I wasn't using you," he replied, straightening his shoulders. "I got carried away. I admit that. But I wasn't using you. I wouldn't do that."
She pointed at his chest, right where his cold heart resided. "You don't get to be carried away. You made these rules, and you have to stick to them. Unless you're ready to blow away the rules. Are you? Are you, Knox? I'll go out on a limb here. Why not? I'll say that I don't want these rules. Can you say it?"
She was literally shaking like a leaf, her entire body trembling with emotion. There was anger, for sure. Fear, as well. Terror that he didn't feel the same when she knew deep inside that he felt...something. Was it only lust? She'd seen that plenty of times in her life but this didn't feel the same. This felt like something she'd never experienced before. He had to be feeling it too. She'd seen it in his face.
He whirled on his heel and strode a few paces away before turning back.
"I don't know how this even happened," he said, scraping his fingers through his hair so it was almost standing on end. "We were having a perfectly normal conversation and fixing dinner. And you took that–"
"Don't you even go there," she said quietly. "I'm not taking the fall for this all on my own. We both wanted this. I didn't jump your bones or make you do anything that you weren't all on board for. Hell, Knox, if I hadn't stopped you, I have a feeling we'd be doing more than just kissing right now. This was a mutual decision. You don't get to wash your hands of it because it's inconvenient."
"I don't want to talk about this. You're not being reasonable."
"Because I won't let you blame me? Fuck you, Knox Owens."
He didn't say anything else, his jaw tight and his lips pressed together in a thin line. After a long moment, he turned and walked out of the kitchen, leaving Jenna standing there all alone. Just as she'd been less than thirty minutes ago. So much had changed in that small window of time.
All these emotions had been simmering between them and the moment they allowed the heat to turn up, they'd exploded. All over the place making a big, damn mess. She hadn't wanted this tonight, but she couldn't say that she was sorry either.
Her anger draining away, she leaned against the counter, letting her heart rate and breathing go back to normal. The realization of what had happened was penetrating her brain. This was a cluster fuck of gigantic proportions. She'd thought she'd been so clever, pushing her feelings aside and pretending that they didn't exist. She couldn't, however, deny them any longer. Where did that leave them? They had work to do still.
The next time she saw Knox could she act as if nothing had happened?
She wasn't sure she was that good of an actress. And she was tired of lying to herself.
She wanted Knox. Did he want her?
16
After leaving the kitchen, Knox had gone upstairs to his room to lie down. He couldn't rest; he was far too agitated for that, so he ended up staring at the ceiling and replaying his conversation with Jenna over and over in his head.
Not a pretty picture.
Knox wasn't feeling all that proud of himself. In fact, he was ashamed of his behavior with Jenna. She'd called him out and for good reason. His actions weren't matching his words and he was acting like a giant hypocrite. And if there was one thing that he hated, that was a hypocritical person. He'd grown up with that shit so he didn't have any patience or pity for himself when he displayed that sort of crap. There wasn't any excuse that was good enough. He'd acted like a jerk and she'd rightly given him a big fuck you.
He'd walked out on her not because he thought she was being unreasonable. Far from it. He didn't have an argument in defense. Guilty as charged. He shouldn't have been kissing Jenna. He'd been the one that had put the rules in place and then first chance he'd broken them.
He should have had more control. But...he couldn't deny the heat that shimmered between them whenever they were together. He was attracted to Jenna. Fuck it, he really liked her as well. As a person. She was genuine and fun to be around. She was smart and witty and she made him laugh.
He'd been sure that he wanted to end their relationship. There hadn't been any doubt in his mind at the time. He'd been angry and hurt, disappointed too. But now that he was ass deep in this investigation, he understood how desperate Jenna had been. She'd been at the end of her rope, willing to do just about any outlandish thing to find out what
happened to her sister. Plus, he could tell that she wasn't a bad person. She didn't go around pretending and lying about shit. He trusted her.
So where did that leave him? And them? She'd kissed him back. She'd said that she had feelings, although she might not anymore after he'd walked out. If she was angry, he couldn't blame her. Neither of them had acted well since the beginning. What they needed was a fresh start. Put all of the past well and truly behind them. He'd say he was sorry. He'd tell her that he had feelings too.
Which was scary as hell because he didn't go around telling women that he had feelings for them. The last one had been a long time ago. Years, actually. He'd thought he'd been in love. Perhaps he had been but he'd been so young then. He hadn't really known what it meant. He was older, hopefully more mature, and love meant a shitload more now than it did then.
I might just be in love. Why aren't I scared? Why haven't I run?
Because I don't want to.
It was a sobering realization. He'd been avoiding "feelings" for a damn long time. He'd become a master at it. In and out of relationships without a second thought. He was always up front with the female about avoiding commitments - and he'd told Jenna the same - but now he wasn't trying to dodge anything. It had all happened while he was paying attention elsewhere, sneaking up on him from behind. Jenna was important to him. How much he couldn't say, but there was something there. He couldn't walk away from it, or from her.
His stomach growled with hunger, reminding him that he'd walked out on dinner before it had even been put on the table. He needed food and to apologize. He wasn't a man that enjoyed apologizing all that much. In fact, he kind of hated it, admitting that he was wrong. But it had to be done. He might as well cowboy up and do it. Then he and Jenna could move forward. If she still wanted to.
Taking a deep breath, he went downstairs and into the kitchen, following his nose. The delicious aroma of tomatoes and garlic filled the air making his stomach growl even louder than before. He found Jenna in the kitchen, sitting at the island with a plate of food in front of her. She turned when she heard him walk in.
"Are you done pouting?"
Inwardly, he chuckled at her greeting. She wasn't going to take any shit from him. Good for her. He liked that she didn't back down from a challenge.
"Yes, I am. I came down here to apologize and then hope that you'd take pity on me and feed me. I'm sorry about how I acted earlier."
No sense beating around the bush. Get that apology right out there first thing.
She was surprised. He could tell by the way her brows went up and her eyes went round. But then she tried to cover it up, acting all cool as if she'd expected him to apologize the entire time.
"Apology accepted. And yes, there's plenty of dinner. I can fill you a plate."
There was already a second plate on the counter and he assumed it was for him.
"I've got it. You go ahead and keep eating."
Knox made his plate and sat next to Jenna, both of them eating silently until their bellies were full and their plates were empty. She set her fork on the edge of hers and dabbed at the corners of her mouth with a napkin.
"Just a quick question. What exactly are you apologizing for? Kissing me? Or walking out when I asked you a question? Not that it matters because I've accepted the apology already."
"I am not apologizing for kissing you. I don't want to take that back. I am sorry that I acted like an ass afterwards. You were right. I made the rules and I was the first to break them."
"They were dumb rules," she replied with a roll of her eyes. "We both knew we were going to break them eventually. Or we should have known."
"I can't argue that fact. I'm sorry that I put us both in that position. Let's just say I was still angry about what you did."
She turned in her chair so they were eye to eye. "Are you mad now?"
"Only at myself. I get it. I really do. I see why you misled me."
She gave him a sideways look. "And you're not going to throw this back in my face down the road when we argue about something?"
"Are we going to fight?"
"Probably," she sighed. "We're both hard-headed and convinced we're right. And you're stubborn as hell."
"Pot...this is kettle..."
"Okay, I'm stubborn too. What I'm saying here is that I think we're going to butt heads from time to time."
He waggled his eyebrows. "Can we kiss when we make up afterward?"
A smile tugged at her lips. "Yes, but that's not always going to get around me. Sometimes, I'm going to be mad because you deserve it."
"Can we kiss and make up right now? We did have an argument, after all."
Knox had leaned closer so that their breath mingled together. He didn't want to fight the urge inside of him that was screaming to kiss this woman.
"I suppose a kiss wouldn't hurt."
It would feel amazing. He already knew how good it could be and he was going to get to experience it again and again.
The first touch of their lips was tentative but it didn't stay that way for long. He slid out of his chair, pressing their bodies together and feeling the heat of her skin through his clothes. Her lips parted sweetly and he deepened the kiss, the heat in his body building along with the tempo of his heart. His fingers tangled in her honey-colored locks, loving the silky feel between his fingers. Her palms skimmed down his spine and it was all he could do not to sweep her up into his arms and carry her upstairs to ravish her some more.
We're in her family's home. This is not the time or place.
Reluctantly, he pulled away watching as her eyelids fluttered open. Her pupils were blown wide and he was relieved to see that she was as affected as he was. The desire and passion was mutual.
"I'm going to admit that I tend to walk away when I'm angry or frustrated," he found himself confessing softly, taking a step back. He needed to cool off. It was getting far too heated. "Arguing in my house growing up wasn't productive and no one listened to me anyway."
"I'll listen."
Two simple words. They'd punched him squarely in the gut so he had to concentrate to breathe in.
"I believe you."
Knox didn't know what else to say. He did believe her, but he wasn't ready to talk about maybe falling in love. Not yet.
Jenna slid off her chair and picked up both their empty plates. "After cleaning up, should we take a look at the files your firm sent?"
"We can. There's about two years of credit card data plus a year of Lori's phone records. Are you sure you're up for this?"
"Let's do it."
"Then I'll help with the dishes," he offered. "The sooner we start, the sooner we'll be done."
He could only hope that her financial records held a clue that would eventually lead to some answers.
It was almost four in the morning when Tom arrived back home. Jenna and Knox were heads down in the living room over the electronic files that had been sent over. She'd learned a great deal about her missing sister in the last few hours, not the least of which was that Lori had been spending a lot of money. Then it had abruptly stopped a few weeks before she'd disappeared. It didn't take a genius to figure out that she'd been spending that money on Callum Owens. There'd been expensive dinners, clothes, and trips.
Tom looked exhausted, the lines around his eyes deeper than they had been this morning.
"You look like you're ready to fall over," she said. "Did the meeting go well?"
"It did but I'm tired as hell. It seemed to go on forever. I'll probably fall asleep the moment my head hits the pillow," he declared with a grimace, stretching his arms over his head. "Of course, I still need to be up early tomorrow. We're in delicate negotiations right now."
"Then go ahead and go to bed," Jenna urged, elbowing Knox. "We'll be quiet down here."
Tom looked longingly up the stairs. "A bomb could go off and I'd sleep through it. Are you sure though? You two look like you're busy. I can help if you like."
"It's fine," Knox assu
red him. "We've got this. Honestly, we'll be done soon. Probably another half hour should do it."
"I'm not even going to argue," Tom said with a tired smile. "I'm just going to be grateful and go upstairs to bed."
"We'll see you in the morning," Jenna said to her brother's retreating figure. He grinned and waved before heading upstairs. "Tom works all the time but he loves it."
"If you're going to be working long hours, it helps to love what you do," Knox replied with a yawn. "Damn, hitting the sack sounds good. How much do you have left?"
"I'm done with the phone records. Are you finished with her finances?"
Knox had insisted on taking the more difficult records, saying that he was used to it.
"I have a few more months to go but as we've already talked about, the patterns are clear. She spent a whole lot of money after meeting Cal and then stopped when they broke up. I swear the next time I see my brother I'm going to punch him in the mouth. He's such a loser. He makes a decent living. There's no reason for this shit."
This was the second time that Knox had said he wanted to punch his brother. She was beginning to think that he just might do it too. At this point, she'd cheer him on.
"When are you going to talk to him?"
It was a loaded question. She'd asked it before but they'd found out quite a bit since then.
"Right after we talk to that Brett guy from Lori's work. Right now Cal and Brett are on my suspect list."
"I'm glad you're finally going to talk to him. I'm anxious to hear what he has to say for himself."
Knox tapped Jenna's iPad. "From what Lori's phone records tell us, he wouldn't leave her the fuck alone even after she ended things. Cal's never liked it when other people make decisions. He likes to control everything around him. When I ask him about it, he's just going to whine about how life isn't fair. That's his usual go-to."
"You'd think by now he would have realized that life usually isn't fair."
"Life has been more than fair to Cal," Knox ground out, his teeth gritted together. "He leaves messes in his wake and expects others to clean up after him."
Deceptive Truth: Cowboy Justice Association (Serials and Stalkers Book 4) Page 13
