by Gracie Guy
“Hello.” She knew she was nervous but hoped it didn’t show in her voice. What if he was mad at her for interrupting him at work?
“Hey Kar, it’s me.”
She smiled broadly at John’s use of a pet name and his assumption she’d recognize his voice. Any possible worries vanished instantly.
“Hi John.”
“Sorry I was so abrupt before. But looking at a dead body while I’m trying to talk to a beautiful woman just doesn’t work.”
Kara felt herself blush. “Oh, well then, apology accepted.”
“So now that I’m sitting in my Jeep, what’s up?”
“But I thought you drove an un-marked troop car?”
He chuckled softly. “Usually, yes. But, I was home when I got the call and it was in the opposite direction from the barracks.”
Even though he didn’t have the sweet Oklahoma drawl that attracted her to Mark, she loved to hear John speak. His deep baritone conveyed strength and leadership; she wanted to walk straight into his arms.
“Oh, okay. So I got some great news from the contractor this morning. I wanted to share it.”
“Really, what’d he say?” His question conveyed genuine interest.
“He’s broken ground. If the weather holds out, he expects to have the foundation in by Christmas.” She paused a second. “And capped the following week. At this rate, he’ll be framing by time the dogs and I start classes.”
“Kara, that’s awesome. Some big steps for you.” His voice wavered just slightly.
“What’s wrong, John?”
“Just tired, that’s all.”
“Look, I know it’s none of my business, but when was the last time you took a break?” He didn’t respond so she forged ahead. “Got away from the dead bodies? Visited your family or listened to some music?”
He let out a long sigh before answering her. “Jeez, I don’t know. Maybe right before Saint Patty’s day.”
“John, that was nine months ago.” Kara couldn’t contain her surprise and concern. “You can’t save them. They’re already dead.”
“No. No I can’t.” His voice was so soft, she thought she’d hurt his feelings. “All I can do is find justice for them and their families.”
“Look, I didn’t mean to sound so flip. I know how important that justice is. To the survivors, and you.”
“But you’re right Kara. I need some time off.” She was pleased to hear his voice come up a few steps. “Maybe I’ll call my little sister and see if she’d like a house guest for Christmas.”
Kara smiled at his suggestion. “Good. I like the sound of that.”
“Listen, I’ve gotta get back to the investigation. There are four uniformed troopers turning to icicles in an abandoned warehouse. I’ll call you soon.”
“Okay, John. Bye.” She hung up the phone and returned to her baking project. This time when she reached to turn on the mixer, her face dimpled with a happy smile.
Chapter Thirty-three
Through the two hours she spent rolling cookie dough in cinnamon and sugar and moving trays in and out of the oven, Kara alternated between singing Christmas carols and deep thought. She was still haunted by the dream she’d had. All of my men. One’s dead, one wants me to jump off a cliff with him, and the third is… Honestly, she wasn’t sure the third one was really hers to think about. But she wanted him to be hers. And that’s when she knew she had to come clean with Mark.
Kara being Kara, whenever she felt indecisive or had a problem to work through, gravitated to her favorite panacea—the horses. Making short work of her baking clutter, she put the dogs in the truck and headed to Laurie’s farm to enjoy an afternoon of solace cleaning stalls and brushing her mares.
As she went through the physical ritual of shoveling manure, carrying water buckets and filling racks with hay, her mind volleyed back and forth through the pros and cons of both men. One of the most intriguing things about Mark, besides his long legs, tight ass and liquid sugar of a voice, was the fact he was a horseman. The nickname she’d given him wasn’t because he was from the southwest. She called him Cowboy because he grew up on a Quarter Horse ranch in Oklahoma. For the first time in her life, she could be in a relationship with a man who knew and loved horses. Isn’t that what you always wanted?
She stopped in the middle of the aisle to put down the two five-gallon pails she was carrying. She wiggled her arms a second and then bent forward to stretch her back. As she stood upright, Kara looked down through the row of stalls, her gaze landing through the open back door on the paddock of horses milling around piles of hay. He’s too far way. I’ll have to wait weeks between visits.
Returning to work, she squatted slightly to lift the buckets. Her gloved hands wrapped around the handles with her mind still wrestling over men. John’s here. Well, not right here, but at least he’s in the same state. And he grew up in Albany. We have lots in common.
She left one container in front of Diva’s stall and moved in to hang the other for Maple. Using both hands, she slipped the steel support over the angled hook, leaning the flat side to the wall. “And he freakin’ knows how to pronounce the names of towns like Voorheesville, Coxsackie, and Rensselaer.”
Clear in her decision, she wasn’t waiting until Mark got home from work to call him. Without finishing her task, Kara made a beeline for the cab of her truck, where it would be warm and she’d left her cell phone charging.
“Hi beautiful. This is a surprise.” Kara groaned inwardly at his friendly greeting. “Did you call to schedule my flight for Christmas?”
“Um. Mark. There are a few things I need to tell you.”
“Okay. What’s up?”
She hated how happy he sounded. Why is he so pleased to hear from me? He should be guarded and standoffish. She wanted him to be angry with her, now, proving he earned the hammer she was about to drop.
“So look, we’ve been having a good time at the trade shows. And no doubt there’s some wicked chemistry between us.”
“But?” Now his voice carried a slight edge.
“But I don’t want you to come here for Christmas.”
“Why? What’s wrong? I can stay in a hotel until we get to know each other better.”
Kara shook her head. Apparently he wasn’t letting her off the hook yet. “I think you’re sexy, and funny and sweet. But you live too far away. I am never moving out of New York state.” She rattled on before he could interrupt her. “I think you’d be willing to travel back and forth a lot…”
“No Kara, I’d be willing to move there just to see you.” The longing in his voice was a slap in the face.
“Mark, please listen to me. I don’t want that responsibility. If you move, it should be for you, not me. I don’t want you to leave Oklahoma or Kansas. As a matter of fact, I don’t want you to come here at all.”
Kara was practically yelling by time she finished, but she still heard his sharp intake of breath.
“Oh. I see.”
“I’m sorry if I’ve hurt you. But this isn’t going anywhere. We’re not on the same wavelength. Be well Cowboy. It’s time to ride away.”
She heard the sad softness in his wonderful Okie drawl. “Goodbye beautiful.” Seconds later he severed the connection. Kara let out a deep sigh, sitting in her truck, watching the leading flurries of a new snowstorm move into view. If this is the right thing, then why do I feel so bad? With the echo of his sweet southern accent in her head, silent sadness rolled down her cheeks as she watched big, fat flakes take over and cover the windshield of her truck.
Chapter Thirty-four
For the next three days, the bluster and danger of a Nor’easter hammered the entire east coast, making Kara quite thankful she was already done with her Christmas shopping and didn’t have to drive to work, or to Laurie’s house to take care of the horses. Instead, she shuffled from the bedroom to the couch, to the kitchen and back to the couch, wrapped in sweats, scruffy sock-like slippers, and a fleece lined hoodie. Even though the heat
ing system in her house worked well, something about the storm chilled her mentally.
In between cups of tea, bags of cheap butter cookies, and watching sappy Christmas movies, Kara did manage to research the program she and the dogs would be starting in a few weeks. The boys weren’t young, but she was confident their maturity would be a bonus during the regimentation ahead, something she’d argued for when she applied to the program. She, on the other hand, might struggle a little. Based upon the descriptions of some of the remote areas where search and rescue missions happened, she better give up the cookie binges soon and find a gym.
The storm passed without Kara succumbing to a cookie-induced carbohydrate coma. The morning of Christmas Eve, she gloried in brilliant sunshine while shoveling her driveway. With her truck in four-wheel drive, she arrived at Laurie’s house and helped her friend shovel all the usual paths around the barn. The dogs raced in crazy circles, jumping in and out of the freshly fallen depths. They finished the shoveling by noon, allowing Kara to feel less guilty as she handed dog bowls and pillows to Laurie.
“Thanks a million for taking care of my critters.”
“Don’t worry. Pretty soon that new house of yours will be done and all of you will be living together again.”
Kara reached out to hug her friend before squatting to pet the dogs. “Okay you two. Be good. I’ll be back in two days. Gotta go see your Gram.” Leaving the driveway of Laurie’s farm, she grinned to herself over the idea of calling her prim mother Gram to a couple of hairy, slobbering dogs.
Later, driving to her mom’s home in Saratoga, Kara’s thoughts ricocheted. Her house, her job, her developing thing with John—what to tell her mother about any of it. Knowing she would insist upon hearing every last detail, Kara decided to stay with the safe topics: the house, work. Her mom was simply too old school to approve of her having a relationship during the first year since Dan’s death. In her mother’s generation, etiquette dictated you spend a year wearing black, mourning the loss of your spouse. Of course, Kara doubted that many of the husbands in her mother’s generation died under such compromising circumstances. On this particular topic, her mother’s opinion did not matter. Kara just wanted to move on with her life, but also have a peaceful visit. Hence, she would avoid the topic all together.
After her third pass around her mother’s block, she cursed at herself for only having a pickup truck because parking was at a premium in the gentrified, yet cosmopolitan city of Saratoga. “Now that you’re not living so far north chickie, you’re going to have to get a car.” She shook her head as she covered several blocks on slippery sidewalks to her mom’s home. “A car would have fit in the parking garage at her building. Dry and ice-free with no broken neck from falling on this concrete.”
When she let herself into the eighth floor condo where her mother lived, she was stunned to find an exuberant party going on. Winding her way through a sea of cheerful, yet unfamiliar faces, Kara located her mother near the massive windows overlooking Congress Park. From a few feet away, she watched her mom with interest, chatting with a handsome man in his sixties, tipping her glass of white wine to his chest in a flirtatious nod. Oh. Maybe she forgot I’d be here tonight. As if reading her mind, Kara’s mother turned to face her.
“Hello Kara.” Maureen Maloney crossed the few feet with her arms extended. “I’m so glad you’ve arrived safely.”
Breathing in the light bouquet of her mother’s perfume while in her embrace, Kara kissed her on the cheek and drew back. “Mom, I didn’t know you were having company.”
“Dear, it’s just a few friends. I hope you don’t mind.”
“Of course not.” She smiled internally because her mother’s company meant she wouldn’t be grilled on any topic. “I’ll put my stuff in the spare room. Then how about you introduce me to your other guests?”
She started toward the hallway, not waiting for her mother’s response, knowing the introductions would take well over an hour. Once she’d dropped her belongings, she armed herself with a Riesling and then started taking mental notes on names and faces as she toured the party with her mother. Interestingly, she wasn’t introduced to the man she’d found her mother flirting with. But Kara decided she’d leave her mother with whatever secrets she was hiding, even if they were in plain sight.
The next morning, the pealing of Christmas bells from the Catholic Church around the corner interrupted Kara’s sleep. Wow. We didn’t go to Mass last night. Has my mother turned over some sort of new religious leaf? Quietly she pulled on a running outfit and left the condo, gingerly trotting over the icy streets for an hour. On her return, she was greeted by the warm, delicious, and familiar aroma of her mother’s coffee and cooking.
She went directly to the kitchen. “Good morning, Mom.” She kissed her mother’s cheek. “Smells great in here.”
“Oh, honey. It’s so nice to have you with me this morning. We haven’t done this in years.”
Kara smiled at the glow on her mother’s face. “I know, Mom. I like it, too.”
“You’ve got about fifteen minutes until this is ready. Why don’t you take a shower?”
Apparently her mother thought she was distinctly unpresentable covered in sweat. “Okay. Since you’re feeding me, I’ll do it.” Kara laughed her way to the bathroom.
The morning passed in a sweet embrace. After breakfast, they chatted about a whole host of topics—none of which were prying or personal—while they cleaned up the kitchen. When they exchanged gifts, the quality of several equestrian themed items from her mother mesmerized Kara. In turn, her mom appreciated the cooking and wine tasting goodies she received.
“Kara, are you going up to Lake Placid to see Robin?”
“Yes I am, Mom. Why?”
“I was just thinking about the driving. If you leave soon you’ll be there before it gets dark.”
Kara cocked her head. “Are you trying to get rid of me?”
“Heavens no, honey. I just don’t want you driving in the dark.”
She suppressed the urge to call her mother out on the lie. Clearly I’m in the way. Must be she’s got plans with Mr. Handsome that I never got introduced to. “You’re right, Mom. As soon as the sun goes down, the bridges start getting slippery.” She hugged her mother before going to pack her belongings, smiling over the top of her head. Who am I to block any fun she might have?
Travelling up the Northway, she placed the promised Christmas call to Dave, leaving a message of well wishes on his answering machine. Afterward, she found herself musing about her mother, grinning over the possibility of there being a relationship she knew nothing about. Maybe it’s the year of change for the Maloney women. The rest of her trip was spent singing along to the new Adele album and contemplating something more with John.
When she exited the highway, Kara pulled off to the side of the road. Whether it was the holiday or the miles of thinking about him, Kara didn’t know, but she needed to reach out to John. Pulling her phone from her purse, she jotted off a two word text before continuing on to her friend’s house.
Merry Christmas!
She hoped he’d wear a smile when he read it.
Dusk was nearly upon the mountains when she pulled into Robin’s driveway. It took less than a minute for her friend to come squealing out of the side door.
“What are you doing here?” Robin’s outstretched arms wrapped her in a tight hug.
“Merry Christmas.” Kara choked back tears of joy, reveling in the safety of being with her friend. There was simply no way to describe the differences in her friendships with Laurie and Robin. She knew Laurie was faithful and loyal to her, and very generous about the animals. But Robin was her safety zone. The one person who would always give it to her straight; never polishing the bullshit—if it was crap, Robin would say so; and never judgmental, even when Kara was being stupid.
“I cannot believe you came all the way up here.” Robin was busy dragging her in the house, carrying the duffle of clothing, while Kara carried
a bag of presents.
“Well, I wanted to see my family for Christmas.” Kara waved to Robin’s mom from the kitchen. “What’s for dinner?”
“Ham. In about an hour.” Robin pointed to a chair. “You want a drink?” She headed toward the refrigerator. “Wait. Wait a second. You are spending the night, right?”
“Yes, silly. It’s a long drive home after dinner.”
“Good.” She pulled a brown bottle from the door and passed it to Kara. “Then have one of these.”
“Awesome.” She recognized the Lake Placid microbrewery label. “All my mother served at her house last night was wine.”
The two friends babbled constantly while setting the table and putting the meal out. When Robin’s mother and two children walked in, the conversation reverberated throughout the room. Everyone laughing and talking at the same time, excited sentences bumped up against one another. As she listened, Kara realized how much she missed being near a family. And, just maybe, how much she wanted one of her own.
After dinner, there was a flurry of unwrapping presents. Oohs and ahs over dolls, clothing and toys. Books for Robin and her mother, jewelry for Kara. As evening settled in, the two friends remained alone in the kitchen, putting away food and catching up on life.
“I was able to make arrangements with the bank over the house you’re living in.”
Kara looked at Robin. “Did you get a good deal?”
“I think so. They only want $50,000.”
“In Columbia County, that’s an awesome deal. Besides, it’s got a new roof and fresh paint throughout the house.” They both chuckled over the paint remark, remembering the weekend they spent getting the house ready for Kara to move in.
