“I’m sorry if I’ve been making excuses for Sophia instead of standing up for you,” he said, walking up behind her.
She turned to face him. “I don’t blame you, Will. This is new for both of us. It’s not like you listened to her.” She smiled and nodded toward their bedroom, where Samuel was sleeping in a small cot right next to their bed, rather than in the elaborate cradle in the nursery. “Just because your mother has good advice for making things better doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate how you’ve tried.”
“I love you, Quinn.” He wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her close. “Sometimes I look at you and I think I’m the luckiest man in two worlds, but then I talk to you, and I know I am.”
Stretching up on her toes, she kissed him, long and slow. He held her tight, running his fingers through her hair and then down her back until he found the top button of her dress. When he started to unbutton it, though, she pulled back a little and shook her head.
“I’m still waiting for Marcus to report back to me about having Callum Haddon followed.”
“Ah.” He dropped his hand.
“Ready to re-think how lucky you actually are?”
“Definitely not.” He took her hand instead, leading her over toward one of the couches. “So you and Marcus decided to have him followed?”
“For now.” She nodded. “I want to arrest him, but I think this is safer until we understand more about what’s going on. I hope it is, anyway.”
“Does Marcus agree?”
“I think he feels the same way I do. We’d both happily lock him up forever for whatever role he played in Thomas’ kidnapping, but if he still has any connection to Tolliver, this could be the break we’ve been waiting for in finding him.”
“What about Charles? What are his thoughts?” William knew Quinn’s uncle had been included in a meeting earlier.
A shadow passed over Quinn’s expression. “Charles wasn’t exactly unsupportive, but he thinks I should concentrate more on winning over popular opinion in places like Brandleby than on pursuing justice for things that happened before I was queen.”
William felt a little sick to his stomach. “He thinks you should just let Callum get away with being an accomplice to Thomas being tortured?”
“He thinks that perhaps my emotional involvement is preventing me from seeing things in the most politically advantageous light – yeah, I had to take a few deep breaths at that, too.”
“Do you think he’s right?”
“I don’t know. I think there are a lot of reasons he’s right in that we shouldn’t arrest Callum right now. I want him held accountable for his crimes, though. Sooner than later, regardless of politics.”
“Do you still trust Charles?”
She sighed. “Yes. I trust that he wants what’s best for the kingdom and for my reign. I’m not sure he and I agree completely on what that is… But the fact is, as much as I loved spending all that time with your family – being gone for almost three moons and having our son born in Eirentheos has made things more complicated here. It’s not about whether I trust Charles. It’s about whether anyone trusts me.”
He rubbed her shoulder, but he didn’t argue. She wasn’t wrong. “We’ll get there, love. Today was good.”
“Yes. Today was pretty great. Samuel is exhausted. Maybe he’ll actually sleep.”
A knock at the door interrupted them.
“That’ll be Marcus.” William stood.
“I might be in meetings for a while.”
“I’ll wait up for you.”
“You don’t have to. It’s been a long day.”
He shrugged. “I’ll catch some snuggles with Samuel maybe. But there’s a certain topic I think I’d like to finish … um … discussing with you later.”
~ Five ~
Purpose
THE DAY AFTER THE Naming Ceremony was the last full day William’s family would be in town before returning to Eirentheos. Zander was hopeful this would mean a day he’d be left mostly to his own devices as everyone tried to make the most of their last minutes all together, so he was more than a little surprised when Stephen followed him to his room after breakfast.
“May I have a word with you, Zander?”
Zander fidgeted, but nodded, wondering if he was in trouble for something.
“You don’t have to look so nervous,” Stephen said once they were inside his room. “I’m only very lightly armed.”
“You’re armed inside the castle with your family?”
“It was supposed to be a joke. I’m really not intending to frighten you. Am I that intimidating?”
“Where I come from, a king asking to speak privately with me is about as intimidating as it gets.”
Stephen’s eyes crinkled in amusement. “I can concede that point. However, where you live now I expect it will be a commonplace event.”
“I don’t think I’ll ever get used to that.”
“People can get used to most anything, if they try. Adjusting to living in a castle with some friends with fancy titles doesn’t rate impossibly high on the difficulty scale.”
“Even if that castle is in an alternate universe you can’t escape from, and you might never see your family again, and the king you’ll be seeing every day is married to the first girl you ever loved?” He stopped talking and took several steps backward, putting a couch between himself and Stephen. He hadn’t meant to say all of that.
“If you weren’t so scared of me Zander, I’d want to give you a hug. You have certainly had your share of disruption and difficulty lately, particularly being ripped away from your family. I didn’t come in here to speak to you as a king. I came to visit with you because I hoped maybe you wouldn’t mind some conversation with a father.”
Zander stared at him.
“I’m not your father, I know. And I could never make up for how much you must be missing him, but I did think that perhaps you could use someone looking after you like one, at least a little.”
“I don’t think you’d be very good at being my father. My father wouldn’t be wasting this opportunity to tell me what I have to do with my life. Just before I came here, he’d informed me that I had no choice but to go into business with him. I don’t see you saying that to William or Thomas.”
Stephen raised an eyebrow. “You might reassess my abilities if you talked to my oldest son. He was informed of his life’s work at his Naming Ceremony – I didn’t wait until he was eighteen.”
“Oh.” Zander had never thought about that. “He doesn’t seem to mind.”
“Simon? No. So far as I know he’s always been comfortable with the role he was born into. I suppose I can thank the Maker that my firstborn child is more like his mother than like me.”
“You didn’t want to be king?”
“When I was very young, I never thought much about it. I was the heir; I was going to be the king. In my mind, it wasn’t a question – until it was. Until I realized that my brothers and sisters all had choices about what they wanted to do and how they wanted to live, but I didn’t. I watched my father and saw how much responsibility he had – and I saw how much freedom my siblings would have.”
“What would happen if you refused to become king? Can you even do that?”
“The crown would have passed to the son of my father’s oldest brother – yes, there was a time I really thought about it. Especially after Samuel and Nathaniel came to live with us and then discovered the gate. In some ways I envied Samuel his circumstances – the thoughts of a teenage boy, I suppose – but the way things had gone in his kingdom gave him the chance to escape and have the kind of adventures I would never be able to have. And Nathaniel was free in every way. I visited them in your world a few times. At one point I even thought about following them there and not returning.”
“Whoa. What changed your mind?”
Stephen sighed, perching on the arm of a couch. “A combination of things, I think. The first was my father. I had a huge fight with him one
day – or I meant to, anyway. I told him that he couldn’t force me to be the king and that I was going go live in the other world and do what I wanted with my life.”
Zander let out a low whistle. “I bet that went over well.”
“The reaction you’re imagining is the one I expected – anger, yelling, demanding that I let go of my crazy ideas… That’s not what he did, though.”
“No?”
“No. He was calm – almost scary calm – and he told me it was my life, or it would be, once I was of age. He told me he loved me, and that I had until he died to change my mind, but that he had no intention of leaving his kingdom in the hands of someone who didn’t really want it, anyway. Then he wished me luck at finding the path I wanted to take.”
“And that set you straight?”
“It didn’t set me anything. It didn’t change my mind – mostly I was relieved that my father wasn’t furious with me. But it made me think. I spent a lot more time with Samuel and Nathaniel for a while. I learned, slowly, that everyone’s choices in life are limited – either by their circumstances, or by what they value, and usually by both. Making one choice always closes the door on other possibilities. Nobody has freedom from the consequences of their choices. In the end, we have to choose what’s really important to us.”
“And being the king was important to you.”
“Being the king? No, actually. But there were other things I was choosing along with accepting my birthright. I chose my kingdom, to continue the legacy of my father and grandfather. I realized that giving up any of it would be giving up all of it. I would gain one kind of freedom, but lose another. Of course, it didn’t hurt that I met Charlotte and then my priorities changed. It wasn’t just about me then, but about her and our family and our future children. Girls change everything.”
Zander chuckled. He paced back and forth in front of the fireplace as he considered Stephen’s words. “So you think my father was right. I should have just taken the opportunity he was offering me – he’d pay for college and then I’d join him in his business.”
“No. That isn’t what I mean at all. My choice was only the right one for me. My friend Samuel made a different one, you know. He met a girl and chose to stay in your world to be with her and protect her and their child rather than fighting for his crown. His circumstances were different. I didn’t come in here today to talk to you about your father, Zander. I came in here to talk to you about how your circumstances are different now.”
“You mean because I might never see my father again anyway.” He stared into the fire, not looking at Stephen.
“Yes. That’s exactly what I mean.”
Zander looked up in surprise.
“I’m not going to shy away from the topic, son. You have enough people around here to do that for you. I’m leaving tomorrow to go back to Eirentheos, so I came today to spend a few minutes discussing the issue nobody wants to discuss with you.”
“What difference does it make whether we discuss it or not? I’m still stuck here. It’s not like I have a choice.”
Stephen stood and took a few steps toward him, although he still kept his distance, not encroaching on the protective space Zander had established for himself. “You don’t have the choice of returning to your world right now, no. You don’t have the choices you thought you were facing at home. Much has been taken from you, and I realize how challenging that is for you. I would love if I knew how to make it easier for you. But you still have choices.”
“Like what? Looking for another gate to get back home?”
“That’s one.” Stephen’s voice was quiet and calm, even in response to Zander’s increasingly hostile tone. “We do know that it’s likely other gates exist. You could choose to spend your time here searching for one. Perhaps the fact that you come from the other world will give you a unique perspective when it comes to finding one. You may be able to do it.”
There was an undertone to Stephen’s words. “But you don’t think I should.”
“I don’t think you shouldn’t. There are, of course, many questions surrounding whether or not finding another gate would be beneficial to our world, but my feelings about both you and Quinn tend to override my worries about the danger of finding a gate – I can’t blame you for wanting to find a way back to your families.”
Stephen took another step toward him, making eye contact and dropping his voice even lower. “I do hope that finding a gate and focusing on returning to your world doesn’t become an obsession for you, though, Zander.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean… Can I be very honest with you for just a moment?”
Zander shrugged, but took one step backward.
“I know you’re going through a difficult time. I can’t imagine what it’s like for you to lose your entire world and a good friend all in one night. You sacrificed everything for what must feel like nothing in return. You were left nearly alone in a world where the only person you really know is a girl you loved who chose another man. There’s a very soft part of me that wants to treat you the way everyone else is – to give you your space, to appreciate what you gave up for us, and ask you for nothing else. We don’t have any right to ask you for anything. But…” he looked at Zander, a silent warning that he wasn’t finished speaking, “there’s a bigger part of me that is a father. I see you the same way I see my own sons.”
He paused, looking at Zander again. The expression in his gray eyes was warm, but firm. He looked like a father – almost as much as he looked like a king. Zander couldn’t bring himself to speak.
“My greatest wish for all of my own children has always been that they would find purpose in their lives – that they would learn to give themselves over to others and to the world around them. Having purpose – and fulfilling that purpose – is the only real way to find happiness. In your world, I believe you would have found it. Perhaps you would have learned to eventually find purpose in working with your father, or maybe you would have found it somewhere else. I don’t want to see you lose that, too. You live here now, and I want you to have purpose here – not just be floundering and hoping to be ignored for the indefinite future.”
Zander sank down onto the arm of a chair. “I don’t think I can just ride to the market and pick up some purpose.”
Stephen chuckled. “I like you, Zander. More than you probably think I do. Enough that you’re already another reason I wish I wasn’t going to be so far away. You’re right in that it’s not so easy to find purpose. You can’t buy it, and I can’t give it to you, either. All I can offer you is a start – something productive to do with your time while you search.”
“Like what?”
“I would like you to consider training to be a guard.”
There were words, there had to be, but he couldn’t find them.
“It wouldn’t have to be a permanent decision, but it would be something. It would give you a chance to gain some new skills and meet some new people as well. I think it might be good for you to make some attachments here outside of Quinn’s inner circle.”
“Can I just do that? Just become a guard?”
“Yes. It’s normally a long process but you’re a special case – already a decorated hero. You’d start out in training – Dorian Blackwelder has agreed to take you on as an apprentice, if you’re willing. Truthfully, Zander – Quinn could use another guard she can trust implicitly.”
“Does Quinn know you’re asking me this?”
“Yes. Although I will admit this was my idea. While she agrees that you might enjoy it and that she would be honored to have you among her guards, she was very wary of asking you. She doesn’t want you to feel as though she expects it, or that you’re not welcome here without taking on such a role. As I said when I came in here, this entire conversation is me overstepping and acting as a father. I’m suggesting this because I want you to find a way to be happy here. Maybe even meet a girl.”
He raised an eyebrow. “I don’t think m
eeting a girl is a great idea when I’m lying about who I am and where I came from, and I might leave and go back to another world someday.”
“That, right there is exactly what I’m worried about,” Stephen said, sighing. “I’m worried that you’re going to put your entire life – your entire self – on hold while you wait for a possibility that may never come. You’re here, and you need to live like you’re here. If you have the chance to return to your world someday, and that’s what you choose, you can deal with the consequences then. As far as the lying, when you meet the right girl, you won’t have to. You’ll know she’s the right girl because you’ll be able to tell her everything about your real self.”
“I’m sure that will go over well. You can’t tell me you’d allow one of your daughters to marry someone claiming to be from another world.”
“I’ll let you think about that statement for a moment, son. But I will tell you that I never demanded William and Quinn live here in this world to be together. If Quinn hadn’t decided to pursue her throne, I’m nearly certain William would have stayed in the other world with her. I would have hated it, but I would have given them my blessing.”
“Oh, right.” Zander stood and walked over to the fire again, staring into the flames for a long moment. Finally, he turned to look at Stephen. “You know, the one thing I was supposed to get out of this whole mess was not having to worry about listening to a father.”
Stephen laughed out loud. “Life rarely gives us the things we think we’re supposed to have. More often, we have to learn how to use what we get.”
“I’m learning that.”
“You really are a wonderful young man, Zander. I do hope I get to know you better over time. Now… for more fun topics. We were planning on celebrating our last day all together with a game of crumple in the gymnasium, and would love for you to join us.”
~ Six ~
Crumple
“SEE, SAMUEL, THERE’S YOUR mother,” Thomas said, propping the infant against his chest, facing out. “She’s about to get the ball away from your father. He never sees her coming. Or maybe he just doesn’t look. There! She’s got it. Go Mama! Go!” He waved Samuel’s little fist as Quinn ran toward the goal, and lifted him into the air as she moved the ball past Max and scored.
Leaves of Revolution Page 4
