“Oh,” she heaved a sigh, trying to control her stuttering heartbeat, though the exertion triggered her lingering cough again.
“You okay?” he asked when she was finished. “Can I get you something to drink? I have a cup of tea; I could make you one.”
“Sure. That sounds good. Thank you.” She settled on one of the stools as he worked in the dark, pouring a mug of tea and passing it across the counter to her. She liked the atmosphere of the kitchen at this hour, lit half by a wide swath of moonlight across the counter and floor, and half by the dancing orange glow of the dampened fire. Warm orange and white shapes danced on every surface, reflecting on the metal of the mugs in intricate patterns.
“What are you doing up in the middle of the night, anyway?” she asked. A leather-bound journal lay on the oiled wood of the counter next to Zander’s mug, and a discarded pencil wobbled half off the edge a few inches away.
“I’m on duty.” He saw the pencil, too; he picked it up and tucked it under the cover of the notebook. “I tend not to wake people up with the creaky floorboards or scare people as much if I stay in here to listen.”
She chuckled. “No, you just wait and pounce when they come in here.”
“I am sorry. I heard you coming, but I didn’t think calling out to you or towering over you in the hallway were much better options than sitting here trying to be small and unthreatening.”
“Probably not,” she laughed. “If you’d blocked my path in the hallway you might have needed that sword.”
His broad shoulders relaxed and he grinned. “You’re ready to knock me flat again? Sounds like you’re feeling better.”
“Finally.” She took a sip of the tea; the warm liquid soothed her still-scratchy throat. “It only took me a week. I slept through everything.”
“Oh, I think there will be plenty more to be awake through. Things are just getting interesting.”
“Yeah.” She shivered, pulling her dressing gown closed more tightly around her shoulders. Zander must have noticed; he went immediately to the low fire and stoked it a little before laying down another log to coax more heat into the room. When he reached for another, she said, “That’s perfect right there. Any more and you’ll remind me of being stuck in bed with a fever.”
“Got it.” He set the wood back in the pile and poked at the embers again.
“So, how did you know it was me, anyway – and not one of the soldiers creeping into the house to kill us all?”
He straightened and turned around. In the dim light, she could see just the shadow of one of his eyebrows lifting, changing the shape of his expression. “Well, you came out of one of the bedrooms, and nobody else has gone in there. Besides, if a soldier wanted to come in here and kill us, he’d probably wear boots and carry a sword. You’re in socks and walking much too softly to be carrying anything more than a small knife.”
She coughed again, but this time it had nothing to do with the protracted effects of pimaeum.
“What? You didn’t think I’d ever catch on to any of this guard stuff?”
“Someday, Sir Zander, you might learn to accept a compliment without leaping to the conclusion that someone doesn’t think you actually deserve it.”
“Mmm… Someday, Princess Linnea, you might learn to give an actual compliment.”
She regretted having taken a drink of her tea right then, as she nearly spit the entire mouthful across the counter. “All right. I’ll give you the checkmate on that one.”
“Just don’t choke, too.”
“Fine, then.” She rolled her eyes and wiped her mouth on her sleeve as he returned to the counter. “I’m impressed at the job you’ve done since you’ve begun training as a guard. You’ve earned the accolades you’ve received.”
He took a sip, too, avoiding answering her – making her smile as he proved her point that even if she could give a compliment, he couldn’t take it. “So why are you up at this hour?”
She chuckled softly, deciding she’d tortured him enough for the moment. She closed her hands over the bump again. “Someone decided I need practice not sleeping through the night.”
“Can you feel the baby moving already?” he asked, leaning in close, his tone a little awed – which made her smile.
“Yes, just in the last week or so. It’s not so obnoxious it wakes me up, though. Right now, it’s the trips to the washroom. And after the most recent one, I’m wide awake. I think I’ve been sleeping so much while I’ve been sick that I just can’t stay in bed anymore.”
“Sometimes I really can’t complain about the fact that I’m a guy.” Zander laughed.
She shrugged. “I don’t really mind. I like knowing she’s here.”
“Yeah…” Even from across the counter, she could hear him swallow. “Do you think it’s really a girl?”
“I don’t know. It’s not like he could have really known that. It’s a fifty-fifty chance, though, right? I figure I’ll humor him until I know for sure.” She heard the little catch in her voice, but that was as bad as it got this time.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I shouldn’t have…”
“Stop apologizing, Zander.”
“I just – I…”
“You just. I know. But it’s going to come up. He was my husband. I’m having his child. And he was your friend. We can’t never talk about that. Yes, it still hurts – but it’s worse when everyone avoids mentioning him like they think I might forget or something. Or like they’ve forgotten.”
This time he masked whatever his reaction was by pouring more water into his mug and setting the kettle back down with a muted clunk. After a moment, he leaned his elbows on the counter, his face closer to her, the firelight flickering across his features. “I haven’t forgotten.”
“I know.”
She stirred at her own tea with the chain of the tea ball for over a minute, wondering if he was actually going to talk to her about this. So far, Ben had been a verboten topic between them, though she’d wished for a while now that he wasn’t. Zander had been there with Ben when it happened; he’d sacrificed everything to try to save him. She wanted to be able to tell him how much that meant to her – to share that with him, but she didn’t want to push him on it – she probably wouldn’t have been able to even if she did.
“I remember every detail of that night,” he finally muttered. “Every tree, the way the river looked… even what everything smelled like.”
She sighed, reaching across the counter toward him, unsure of what she was doing, really. It startled her when he actually took her hand – for a second anyway. As soon as they touched – his hands were warm from being wrapped around his steaming mug – they both jumped and pulled them back.
Immediately, she picked up her own mug and held it to her lips, pretending to take a much longer drink than she actually did.
“Don’t think I don’t know how this is hard on you, too, Zander,” she said once she’d finally set it down again. “I know everyone’s worried about me, including you, but I think in some ways you lost more that night than I did.”
“He wasn’t my husband.”
“And that’s the only kind of relationship that matters?”
“I’d only just met him. It’s not the same.”
“Of course it’s not the same, but so what? The first time Quinn came through the gate, I’d just met her, but if something had happened to her – even then, it wouldn’t have been okay. We were friends. It didn’t take cycles for that to happen, but it was very real – still is real. That’s how it was for you and Ben, too. I know it was for him – he told me. And you can’t pretend to me that it wasn’t that way for you, too. You never would have given up your way home for him if it wasn’t.”
“He told you that he considered me a friend?”
She took a deep breath and another sip of tea. “Yes, Zander, he did. He liked you right away, even that first night you came to the castle.”
“Really? I kind of thought he hated me.”
He was quiet, processing that for a minute. “I’m sorry I took that time from you.”
The exasperation that bubbled up in her then caused her to make a sound she’d never made before. “Don’t be stupid, Zander. What I wanted you to understand was that he wanted to spend the time he did with you. If I’m mad at you it’s because you’re drowning in all this weird guilt from stuff that’s not your fault. I don’t know if you think Ben would be mad at you for surviving that fight, or what, but if you think so, you’re wrong. He’d be glad that you’re okay, and even that you’re here. It made him sad, actually, that you were leaving and going back to your own world. He thought you fit in here; he wished you were coming to Philotheum with us. He wanted to get to know you better. I still do.”
She hadn’t meant for that last sentence to slip out, but she was too worked up to stop it.
“Well, I’m stuck here now, right?” he said quietly. “I couldn’t go back to my world if I wanted to.”
“Yeah.” She stared at the fire again for a minute before turning back to him. He still hunched over the counter, swirling his finger in his tea. “What would you do if we found a gate back to Bristlecone tomorrow?”
“You ask that like it’s a simple question.”
“On a purely hypothetical level – let’s say there was nothing dangerous about using the gate, and you knew exactly where it would take you and when.”
“I wasn’t even thinking about that part.”
“Oh?” That surprised her – and so did the other feeling that sprang up at the idea that he might not flee Deusterros at the first opportunity. She ignored that feeling, though. It didn’t make any sense.
“There’s also the part where I’m really not sure what it would be like to go home. I’ve been missing for a while now; things have got to be pretty crazy.”
She shrugged. “With the time difference it’s not that long.”
“Even a day is a long time to go missing when you have no explanation about where you went. And it’s been a lot longer than that.”
“I suppose that’s true.” It still seemed like a flimsy excuse, although that probably wasn’t a good thing to say. “It’s your family, though.”
“You’re that desperate to get rid of me, huh? You’re probably right. I might just be overthinking it so I don’t have to… Hang on.” He held his hand up, palm toward her, as he cocked his ear toward the door.
Linnea went silent immediately, reaching down toward the dagger concealed in a sheath strapped to her calf. She heard it too, now – footsteps in the hallway, approaching the kitchen. Whoever was coming was wearing boots.
Zander shook his head once. “It’s okay,” he mouthed, impressing her yet again with his ability to pay attention to two things at once. Despite his reassurance to her, his right hand hovered near his sword until James appeared in the doorway.
“Princess Linnea!” James hurried across the kitchen to her. “Is everything all right? How are you feeling?”
The flare of annoyance that made her fists clench involuntarily surprised her. She liked James, and his concern was sweet. It shouldn’t bother her. “I’m all right,” she said with a forced chuckle. “I’m feeling much better. I was just pestering poor Sir Zander here to fill me in on what I missed while I was sick.”
Zander raised an eyebrow at her – her purposeful use of his title might have been a bit too obvious.
“It’s chilly in here,” James continued, heading over to the fire.
Zander’s eyebrow crooked up even further when she didn’t say a word as James set two more logs in the flames, flooding the kitchen with bright orange heat.
“Are you hungry?” James asked. He didn’t wait for her answer before he pulled a plate down from one of the shelves and began digging around in the breadbox.
She wasn’t, but she accepted the snack with a quiet, “Thank you.”
“Some milk? For the baby?”
The look on Zander’s face as James disappeared into the cold cellar made her want to smack him. “What?” she snapped, in a half-whisper that wasn’t as quiet as it should have been.
Zander pursed his lips and blinked. “Nothing. Nothing at all. What were you wondering about what’s been going on? I thought Thomas had been filling you in.”
“He has. Mostly anyway. So how many injured soldiers are here?”
“Fifteen.”
“Sixteen now,” James said, returning with a bucket of milk in one hand and a crate of vegetables cradled against his chest with the other. “They brought another one over from the camp yesterday evening when you were asleep. Not an injury, though. This one had a high fever.”
“That’s two of those then,” Zander sighed.
“Yes,” James said. “Don’t worry, though, milady, the ill soldiers are staying in one of Tobias’ smaller barns. They’re warm and have what they need, but Prince Nathaniel hopes to keep the infection away from the house and the other soldiers.”
“Which has been interesting, because some of the soldiers have never heard of germs before,” Zander said. “Apparently Nathaniel and William’s strange ideas about healing haven’t made it to all the areas of Philotheum.”
Linnea had to bite her lip to keep from snickering. Not over what Zander was telling her – she didn’t find that amusing at all – but over the not-accidental way he dropped William’s and Nathaniel’s first names without their titles in front of James. She contained her amusement when he glanced her way, though, and shot him a severe look.
“The good news is that there are now over a hundred soldiers at the camp,” James said, oblivious to their exchange. “And yesterday, they brought in a group from one of the Dovelnian border stations who managed to acquire a good number of supplies from somewhere – tents, extra cloaks, and even some food.”
“And how many here at Tobias’?” Linnea asked.
“Thirty-six, counting the injured ones, plus those of us who traveled here with you, milady.”
She nodded, taking a bite of the roll he’d put in front of her. “Have we heard anything from my father about how things are going on the Eirenthean front?”
“There have been some minor skirmishes along the border because King Stephen has closed it to travel while things are so unstable,” Zander said. “But Her Majesty has actually been worried about how little communication she’s received from Eirentheos in the last couple of days.”
“My father may just be worried about messages being intercepted.” She directed a surreptitious nod of approval at him while she had his attention.
“Probably,” Zander agreed, although he didn’t sound convinced.
“Is it true that Alvin was here?” she asked. She’d heard something about him days ago, but she’d been in the depths of her illness then.
“Yes, but he was weird as usual,” Zander said. “He was here the whole time I was telling Quinn about the camp of soldiers, but then he left without another word to anyone, and as far as I know, nobody’s heard from him since.”
“I would be lying if I said that surprised me.”
Zander chuckled.
“So what is the plan now?”
“Well, the plan for today is to take a group of men out to scout around the villages north of the capital city, searching for some known Friends of Philip safe houses,” James said. “We still haven’t had any word on the whereabouts of Princess Ellen or Prince Charles.”
Linnea wasn’t sure she liked the sound of that. “Who is going?”
“I am,” James said. “I’ll be leading the group, since I know where two of the houses are.”
She looked at Zander, wondering if her eyes were as wide as they felt. “I have to stay here,” he said. “Occupational hazard of night duty – I lose out on the next day’s adventure.”
Though she didn’t understand why – and she never would have admitted
it – she was relieved.
~ Twenty-Three ~
A Letter
“YOUR MAJESTY?”
Quinn looked up from watching Samuel’s eyelashes flutter against his tiny cheeks to see Tobias standing in the doorway. “Come in.”
When he came in he stood over her for a minute, peeking down at Samuel, then he sighed and sat down on the other end of the couch from where Linnea was sitting. “He’s always sleeping when I come around.”
“I could come find you when he wakes.”
“Actually, I’m not sure I’ll be around this afternoon – that was what I came in here to talk to you about.”
Even a moon ago, a statement like that would have set her heart racing, but after many days of constantly being bombarded with dramatic decisions, she was becoming accustomed to remaining calm. She ran her fingers through Samuel’s hair as she waited for whatever Tobias was going to tell her.
“Every moon around this time, I go into the village to trade supplies and take care of some business matters.”
“And if you don’t appear, you’ll be missed, I assume?”
“Yes. I can’t promise nobody will ever come looking for me even if I do go, but surely someone will check in on an old man if I don’t. It wouldn’t have been such an issue when there were only a few of you, but with the soldiers here now…”
“There’s no hiding it.”
“Correct.”
“Then of course you’ll have to go.”
“My crates are packed and ready to go already. But while we’re on the topic, I was wondering if you had a plan as regards your relationship with Valderwood?”
She frowned. “I thought the people who lived there were suspicious of any involvement with the capital and the royal family.”
“Yes. Most of them are.”
“Exactly. So my current plan as regards my relationship with them was to do my best to avoid making more enemies who want to kill me. I was going to leave them alone.”
“All right.” Tobias nodded and started to stand.
“Do you think I should have a different plan?”
Leaves of Revolution Page 19
