If You Were Mine

by Jennifer Sucevic

  Which is a huge relief.

  It’s something I can definitely work with.

  My eyes arrow right to hers when she finally heads back into the family room again. After a silent moment, it becomes obvious that she isn’t going to mention the call. As much as I’d love to play this cool, the question is already out of my mouth before I can stop it.

  “Was that the boyfriend?”

  Too late, I realize that the course of our evening has been irreversibly derailed by those four little words. An invisible shield, one I’ve become all too familiar with over the last three years, instantly falls into place between us. I could seriously kick my own ass for opening my mouth.

  “Yeah… he was hoping I would be done babysitting by now.”

  Logically, in my head, I know I should just let this entire conversation drop, but it’s like I’ve suddenly got Tourette’s, and the words are practically exploding from my mouth.

  Holding them back feels impossible.

  I can’t-

  “Did you happen to mention that you’ve had company all night?”

  Something flares within her eyes before she quickly glances away. Pressing her lips together, she doesn’t say a word. Which tells me everything I need to know. Although I’m fairly confident that if she had indeed mentioned that I was here, he would already be on his way over so he could continue yapping my damn ear off.

  That guy is a real tool.

  “I’ll take that as a no.”

  She crosses her arms tightly against her chest before full out glaring at me from her spot on the couch. “You helped out with the kids. That’s it.”

  I point to the TV. “We just watched a movie together.”

  Fuck.

  I seriously don’t know when to shut my damn mouth. I really don’t.

  Her face fills with color, which is yet another sign that I’ve totally messed this night up. “You stopped by to see Liam and then stayed to help with the kids. We watched a movie and hung out.” Her voice is flat. “It was nothing more than that.”

  “You’re right,” I concede, “it was nothing more.” Because, contrary to what it looks like, I’m really not trying to start some kind of argument with her. Hell, the time we’ve spent together tonight is more than we’ve spent together collectively in the three years that I’ve known her. So I’m really not looking to undo all the painstaking progress I’ve made this evening. But I have a few points to make about Jackwad that she needs to hear.

  Whether she wants to or not.

  And it starts with this-

  “Why are you even with that guy? You can do so much better than him, Claire.”

  At first, she looks surprised before her expression quickly morphs into anger. “Excuse me? You don’t even know him.”

  I snort. “Trust me, I’ve seen more than enough to know exactly the type of guy he is.” And because I haven’t dug a deep enough grave for myself, I tack on, “All the guy does is talk about himself.”

  Face heating, her next words are practically gritted through clenched teeth. “He’s just nervous around you guys. He was trying a little too hard to impress you. That’s all.”

  I give her a flat, disbelieving look. I can’t tell if she actually believes the excuses she’s making for him or not. “He shouldn’t be worried about impressing anyone other than you.”

  For a long moment, she stares stonily at me before finally shaking her head as if to clear it. Exasperation colors every single word that rockets out of her mouth. “Look, my relationship with Ryan is none of your business. There’s no reason for you to involve yourself in it.” She tosses a hand up in the air before adding, “I certainly don’t involve myself in any of yours.”

  “I’m not having any relationships.”

  “Fine.” Looking defensive, she continues glaring at me with chips of gray ice from across the room. “You won’t hear anything from me regarding whoever it is you’re sleeping with.”

  “I’m not sleeping with anyone, Claire.” My eyes continue to pierce hers. I lean forward, wanting to somehow get closer. “In fact, I haven’t slept with anyone in months.”

  Everything about her stills. Her voice becomes eerily quiet. “Why are you telling me this?”

  I shrug, but there’s nothing casual about the gesture. “I want you to know.”

  Every muscle in her body tenses as if going on high alert. I wonder if she even realizes it. She looks like a startled animal whose fight or flight instinct has only now kicked in. “Why?”

  “Because,” I say honestly, probably a hell of a lot more honest than I should be at the moment but I’m tired of holding back with her, “there’s only one woman I’m interested in sleeping with and half the time, I think she hates me.”

  With those words, if feels as if all of the oxygen in the room has been sucked from it. The silence that suddenly engulfs us becomes even more stifling before she whispers in a strangled voice, “It’s way more than half the time.”

  That has my lips bowing up at the corners. “Yeah, I figured. I was just hoping you’d be too polite to point it out.”

  The anger of moments ago seems to drain away leaving confusion to settle in its place. “You shouldn’t be telling me any of this. I have a boyfriend.”

  “He’s not right for you.”

  She scoffs. “And you are? Is that what you’re trying to tell me? The guy who has never had a relationship? Do you really think you can just sleep with me, get me out of your system before moving on to someone else? I mean, isn’t that how you usually operate, JT?”

  In the past?

  Yup… that’s exactly how it’s worked.

  I’ve never wanted the complication of a relationship to deal with.

  But there’s something about Claire. I’ve never had a woman stuck in my head for three damn years. And the funny thing is, I knew right from the start that she was unlike anyone I’d ever met before. I knew that I wanted to get closer to her. I’ve spent the last three years trying to do just that. But I kept going about it the wrong way. Even though I knew she was different, I kept approaching her as if she wasn’t.

  Instead of answering her questions, because there’s nothing I can say that she’s going to believe, I change the subject instead. “Have you slept with him yet?”

  Eyes flaring, her mouth tumbles open before practically hitting the floor. It wouldn’t surprise me in the least if she threw my ass right out of the house. But she doesn’t. In fact, she doesn’t move a single muscle. She just sits there staring at me in shock.

  I know she’s embarrassed by the question, but I don’t care.

  “That’s none of your business,” she finally whispers.

  It doesn’t stop me from digging deeper.

  My grave, that is.

  “Have you ever slept with anyone before?”

  Because after listening to what Liam had to say, although granted he doesn’t know everything about his sister’s personal life, I’m willing to bet that she’s still a virgin. At this point I want- no… I need to hear her say the words.

  Her teeth are back to being gritted. Color rides high on her cheekbones. She really does look beautiful all flushed and angry. But then again, Claire always looks beautiful. “I’m not answering that.”

  Feeling like a dick, I say softly, “It’s nothing to be ashamed of, Claire.”

  “I’m not,” she bites out, “it’s just none of your business whether I have or not.”

  Continuing to study her, I tilt my head just a bit to the side. “Is he pushing you to have sex with him?” Because I swear to god that I’ll beat the shit right out of that little punk if that’s the case. She shouldn’t even be considering sleeping with that douche. He doesn’t deserve her.

  My words have her suddenly jumping off the couch. Fists bunched together. Body whipcord tight. She’s practically shaking with anger. Even though I’m the one who’s upset her, all I want to do is take her in my arms and soothe her.

  “I’m not having this conve
rsation with you.” She jerks her chin towards the front entrance of the house. “I think you should leave now.”

  Within seconds, I’m on my feet, stalking towards her. Even though I don’t want to admit it, she’s probably right. I should walk my ass right out the door so I can salvage just a few remnants of this evening.

  But I can’t seem to stop myself.

  Even more than that, I don’t want to.

  For the first time in three years, it feels like everything between us is finally coming to a head. And there’s no way in hell I’m going to walk away from that.

  Or from her.

  Chapter Nine

  Claire

  It only takes him a few steps until he’s standing in front of me. Until there’s no more than a foot separating us. Even at this distance, I feel the thick waves of tension radiating off him. The barely suppressed power harnessed within.

  And I hate it.

  Hate just how much he’s able to affect me.

  It’s been like this from the very beginning. From the first moment he captured my fingers in his larger ones and shook my hand. His eyes piercing mine, staring unabashedly until my skin flushed with heat and color. Even though I’ve tried tamping it down, it continues to simmer between us. Just one look flicked in my direction breathes new life into it.

  Which is precisely why I go to such great lengths to avoid being anywhere in his vicinity. Because there’s just something about JT that pulls at me even though I don’t want it to. The man is ridiculously tall. Taller than most. He sticks out in a crowd. I never have any trouble unconsciously seeking him out when we’re thrown together for an event. Plus, he’s usually surrounded by females. They adore him.

  When he’s standing this close to me, invading my space, I have to tilt my neck just a bit to hold those seafoam colored eyes of his as they drill into me. Which they always seem to be doing.

  The sheer breadth of his shoulders is amazing. He gives new meaning to the words “well-defined” and “sculpted, sinewy muscle”. All those hard slabs of strength rippling and tensing. It makes my belly flutter just thinking about it.

  And don’t even get me started on that mop of tousled blond waves…

  I just want to sift my fingers through it. The thick strands look silky-soft but I’ve never dared touch him. I’m afraid of just where it would lead.

  I think every woman in America has had the same fantasy somersaulting through their heads regarding JT Higgins. But that’s all it is. That’s all it will ever be. I’m simply admiring something pretty. A gorgeous specimen. A handsome face. Amazing pectorals and biceps. Thick thigh muscles and tight glutes.

  I have zero intention of doing anything about these persistent thoughts.

  Getting involved with JT would be the very definition of insane. He’s a womanizer. A heartbreaker. The man doesn’t have relationships. He has sex before moving on to the next warm, willing woman. And so on and so forth. I’ve been around long enough to know that JT Higgins will never change.

  Why should he?

  Plus… the man completely rubs me the wrong way. He always has. Right from the start. He thinks he’s god’s gift to women and I just don’t have time for that. So when he tells me that he hasn’t slept with a woman in months and that he wants me, of course my heartbeat stutters and hitches at the very idea.

  What woman wouldn’t want to hear those very words falling from his full, sexy lips?

  The real question is- do I believe him?

  That would be a negative, Ghost Rider.

  So, for him to saunter in here tonight, lower all my defenses by helping out with the kids, be so damn cute about it before hitting me with all this is utter and total bullshit. It pisses me off.

  His deep voice breaks into my chaotic thoughts when he says, “You never answered my question.”

  Sucking in a deep breath, I slowly force it back out again all the while trying to get a firm handle on my emotions. “Actually, you asked me several questions, and I told you that I wasn’t going to answer any of them.”

  His hand comes up before settling under my chin. The gentle way he touches me is something of a surprise. You would expect someone with such large hands, someone who uses them to crush their opponents on a weekly basis, to be much rougher. Maybe a little unaware of just how much power and strength he possesses.

  But he’s not.

  His touch feels possessive yet tender. And I hate the way it makes my heart hammer with new awareness. I hate that my first impulse is to close my eyes before sinking into his touch. I should be pulling away, distancing myself, not thinking about getting closer.

  “My guess is that you’re still a virgin. I don’t like the idea that he might be pressuring you to do something you’re not ready for.”

  When I open my mouth to protest, he quickly cuts me off. “I’m not trying to embarrass you. I think you should be proud of the fact that you’ve waited. That you want it to be with the right person.”

  I can’t help but snort because it honestly doesn’t feel like some kind of amazing achievement. More like a hindrance. One I’m ready to relinquish. “And when did you lose your virginity?” I ask. “Hmmm?” Because I’m willing to bet that it was quite a while ago. Maybe when he was sixteen or seventeen?

  Or god forbid, younger.

  Saying nothing, his eyes simply skewer mine in place until it becomes almost impossible to breathe. “I wish I had waited for someone special. But I didn’t. There’s been a long string of nobody specials in my life.”

  Even though his words have something delicate fluttering to life within me, I squash it down before muttering, “So what you’re really saying is that all you’ve done is sleep around, and yet you’re now trying to tell me not to have sex with someone I’ve been going out with for two months?”

  His answer is swift and to the point. There’s just a bit of a growl to his voice. “That’s exactly what I’m telling you. That guy isn’t right for you. And he sure as hell doesn’t deserve something so special from you.”

  Feeling annoyed with this entire conversation, I snap, “It’s not special.”

  His face sobers. “It’s more precious than you know.”

  Frustrated that he’s managed to drag me unwillingly into a discussion regarding my sex life, I bite out, “It’s not your decision to make, JT. It’s mine.”

  “True.” Slowly his eyes drop to my lips. “But I can give you something to think about, can’t I?”

  Before I’m able to process the meaning of those words, his mouth is suddenly cruising over mine. Knowing that I’ll be lost if I give in to him, I press my lips firmly together not allowing him entrance. Pulling away just a bit, his low chuckle hits my ears before his mouth is back, exploring with a renewed energy. When that still doesn’t get him what he wants, he starts nipping and licking almost feverishly at my flesh. Devouring it. Devouring me until I can’t stand a single moment more of it. Until I’m opening for him so that his tongue can slip easily inside my mouth to mingle with my own.

  As I do, his other big hand snakes around me until he’s able to cradle the back of my head in the palm of his hand. Anchoring me to him. Any moment he’s going to start plundering my mouth. I wait for it, prepared to fight him, but it never happens.

  Instead, it’s all slow and sensual strokes of his velvety soft tongue against mine. Every once in a while he changes his position. Angling one way or the other as if he wants to taste me every possible way there is. I have no idea just how long we stand there like that. Our lips teasing and savoring one another.

  After a while, I realize that my arms are entwined around his neck, and I’m pressed up against him. My breasts are flattened against the wide hard muscles of his chest. Licking at my mouth one last time, he finally puts just a bit of distance between us before staring into my eyes.

  “Unless he can put that look on your face, Claire, he has no business being with you.”

  That being said, he untangles himself from me. Just as he’s about t
o step away, he mutters something under his breath before his lips are crashing back down on mine again.

  Remember what I said about being surprised that his kiss wasn’t more controlling, more forceful? Well, this one is exactly that. It’s precisely how I imagined JT would kiss. I feel as if I’m being plundered in the best sense of the word. This time, I don’t even pretend not to want it. Because I do.

  Good god, do I.

  I let his lips and teeth and tongue ravage me until every single thought flees from my head. Until it’s just me and him and nothing else. When he finally tears himself away again, I can’t help but bring my trembling fingers to my swollen lips.

  My wide eyes slowly rise to his.

  “Here’s my advice to you- when you finally give yourself to someone, make sure they’re completely worthy of you. And unless they can make you feel exactly like that, don’t even bother with them.”

  When I simply continue staring, he says in a perfectly conversational tone, “I’ll show myself out.”

  I hear the front door open before closing softly behind him. For long moments afterward, I stand there rooted in place as everything that just happened between us swirls madly through my head. It’s only when Max starts making noise through the baby monitor in the kitchen, does the spell JT wove around me dissipate and I’m finally able to release a shaky breath.

  Chapter Ten

  Claire

  Making my way to the counter, I don’t bother glancing at the black menu board written in chalk behind the counter. I stop in here most days and order the same exact thing each time. “I’ll have a latte with a shot of vanilla, please.”

  “Make that two- thanks.”

  Instantly recognizing the deep voice, I spin around, surprised to find JT standing next to me. Before I can do anything else, he’s handing a twenty to the barista who took our order.

  “Keep the change.”

  She stares at him for a long moment as recognition dawns across her face. Even though he’s wearing a ball cap pulled low over his forehead, those soft green eyes are almost impossible to conceal. Not to mention the blond waves. And he’s huge. Both broad and tall. Even if you’re not a football fan, just one look at him would have you suspecting that he was an athlete of some sort. He just has that look about him. His sheer size along with the way he carries himself.