Wheel With a Single Spoke

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Wheel With a Single Spoke Page 3

by Nichita Stanescu


  of determined shores, of nerves and bones.

  To Galatea

  I know your every hour, every movement, every scent,

  and your shadow, your silence, your breast,

  how they tremble and what colors precisely,

  and your gait, your melancholy, your eyebrows,

  and your blouse, your ring, and moment,

  and my patience runs out and I drive my knee against the stone

  and I beg you,

  give birth to me.

  I know everything that is far from you,

  who can say what exists that far away,

  after noon, after the horizon, beyond the sea . . .

  and all beyond all of them,

  who can say what something that far off is called.

  That’s why I bend my knee to meet

  the twin knee of stone.

  And I beg you,

  give birth to me.

  I know all you never knew,

  the heartbeat past the beat you hear,

  the end of the word when you spoke just a syllable,

  trees – wooden shadows of your veins,

  rivers – shifting shadows of your blood,

  and stones, stones – stone shadows

  of my knee,

  which I bend before you and I beg,

  give birth to me. Give birth to me.

  Old Soldier’s Song

  The moon is heavy on my face,

  my chest, and on my memory,

  it will weigh on me like platinum,

  until I drop the flag of glory.

  Until I bend my knee,

  and the tearing makes me scream,

  like a narrowing viaduct

  that batters trees with stony rain.

  Until I lift the heel

  I pressed upon your hour,

  until it tarnishes, the loneliness

  that covers me in silver.

  Sad Love Song

  Only my life will truly die for me,

  but who knows when.

  Only grass knows how earth tastes.

  Only my blood truly longs

  for my heart, as it moves on.

  Tall is air, tall is you,

  tall is my sadness.

  A time will come when horses die.

  A time will come when cars rust.

  A time will come when rain is cold

  and every woman has your head on

  and wears your dresses.

  A bird will come, large, white,

  and lay the egg of the moon.

  To Bend the Light

  I.

  I tried to string the light

  like Ulysses strung his bow in the stone hall

  of the suitors.

  I tried to bend the light

  like a branch whose only leaf

  was the sun.

  But the light, in cold vibration, pulled

  off my arms,

  and sometimes they grew back,

  other times, not.

  I tried to pull the light down,

  to break it over my knee like a sword,

  but the edge slipped from my hands,

  and cut off my fingers.

  Oh, they fell on the ground

  rapping

  like a wild spring rain, or

  rolling like drums that foretell evil.

  And I waited,

  and sometimes my fingers

  grew back,

  other times, not.

  And I took the light in my arms

  like a tree trunk

  and begged permission

  to bend it,

  but it would tilt just enough

  to throw my head against the rocks,

  my legs kicking toward the stars,

  like two Turkish warlords howling

  for a helmet knocked across a battlefield.

  II.

  I tried to bend the light.

  I hung on to it with both hands,

  and every evening,

  I dropped down to the stones, my head sparking

  on impact.

  The thick, black oil of nighttime dreams

  not blood

  spurted from my forehead

  and spread around me like a pool,

  like a lake rising

  against a single shore –

  the bone of my brow.

  Everything moved far from me,

  like the heart, before death.

  Everything was closer to me

  than a retina wounded by light.

  I was on the edge of a black lake

  with a single shore

  (the bone of my brow)

  and I could see through it, like

  through a magnifying glass.

  III.

  I looked through the black glass

  of nighttime dreams,

  deep into the earth,

  where the sun falls in flicks,

  and lindens over their shadows,

  my hands fell beside smooth stones,

  half in darkness, half in light.

  My eyelids fell battered

  by ancient skies never seen before.

  (Outside, a gaze broke

  and fell, floating alone.)

  The light fell in round spaces

  unraveled into shakes and waves,

  it hit the edges and unheard

  blacker and blacker hummed the sound.

  IV.

  But corpses fill the depths of the earth

  and there is no room, no room, no room

  for questions.

  Like roots, dead skeletons

  twist the quick of the earth, and wring

  the lava out, until it loses its mind.

  Here there is never room, no room, no room,

  even time must enter time

  like facing mirrors.

  Even memories must enter memories,

  and my childhood face

  has ten eyes squeezed together,

  ready to pile all their images together

  in a deadly mound.

  I was dizzy, I looked into the quick of the earth –

  from every age

  hung a body

  less and less filled out,

  less material,

  like a worm cut into bait

  to hook the years.

  Here there is never room, no room, no room.

  The black lens of nighttime dreams

  will not reveal even one fissure

  where I could lay down

  and put a question to rest.

  The quick of the earth is full

  of homes of corpses,

  and there is no room, no room, no room,

  for questions.

  There are ten skulls in a skull.

  There are ten shanks in a shank.

  There are ten sockets in an eye socket.

  Everything ramifies downward,

  an uninterrupted root of bone

  that wrings out of itself

  black death, black lava,

  pits and cores, lost time.

  V.

  I was trying to string the light

  when the bow suddenly straightened

  and hurled me upward.

  And I found myself slowly at first, then

  faster

  and then

  flashing like thought alone

  can congeal into constellations of words –

  yes, I found myself sliding

  its long, shifting spears,

  their butts stuck in the sun,

  their points eternally running

  toward I-don’t-know-what, toward I-don’t-know-when.

  And as I flashed,

  as earth-free as the inside of a cloud,

  it seemed I was and was not

  toward the past, from the future,

  toward what was from what will be,

  a number going down,

  five,

  four,

  three,

  f
rom ten thousand, maybe thousands of thousands.

  VI.

  That’s how I caught up to them, and passed

  the spikes of light,

  ancient images torn from the earth.

  Like an iron plow that turns over

  and throws aside

  fat clods of earth,

  light cuts through chaos and fills it

  with faces, images, seeds

  drawn from the blue husk of the globe

  it plowed in time and

  left somewhere behind.

  So I found myself among images

  playing among spokes of light,

  as thick as sunrise over the ocean

  when fireflies are born.

  They slide and swarm into a mane

  of bitter, tumbling suns,

  then they dissipate and unravel

  into a whirlpool of cold colors,

  passionate but scared,

  lucid but innocent,

  recombined into meaning.

  Laugh, eye: shatter your horizon

  and observe and encapture, forever.

  Let the cascade of light flood

  the famished cave of my soul.

  O feet, quiet steps on a threshold.

  Adolescence – play it back to me again.

  I climb down my rediscovered bodies

  like a ladder,

  even memories have bodies, even time has spores.

  And look, my forgotten friends and first love

  and the seventh year of my life rediscovered,

  my first yes and first no,

  first surprise,

  and the air of that time

  impaled on a sunray.

  VII.

  I fell into my heart

  like sand through an hourglass.

  I fell into my child’s heart

  like a horse into winter snow.

  I fell into a heart that

  existed less from

  touching me

  and fell more quiet.

  Each beat was a further wave,

  and I swam, swam, and every blow

  of my arm pushed

  the shores

  further from my surroundings.

  I swam, I swam

  in the sea of innocence,

  loneliness of past radiance.

  I swam, in a hovering

  transparent ocean, I swam.

  VIII.

  What am I doing, I asked myself, what am I doing

  among the glimmers of old innocence

  these tips of light, rattling

  dead spectacles, unraveled

  in lonely spaces? . . .

  It is my present, more alive

  than reveling light,

  I sense the advent of even greater miracles

  more than the ordinary years

  of my life’s beginning: rhomboids, lines

  traveling the cold tips of light . . .

  So I pulled myself out of the gentle mirage

  rarefied like the air over great rocks

  when the vision of light decorated my eye

  with an extra brow.

  IX.

  Everything goes up from silver.

  The mysteries of icy winds had been abolished.

  I added air to air, green, to leaves,

  love, to hearts, sky, to grass,

  but more important, another presence

  to the present.

  Everything began from this fulfillment.

  Hope was thicker than light.

  That which conquered became real

  like a solemn preparation

  for a sunrise

  reflected in a newborn’s eye.

  Everything took shape from that scream

  pouring out of things, which,

  with them, became the things.

  I love you, I shouted, present moment of my life,

  and my shout

  shattered into comets.

  II ELEGIES

  (11 Elegii, 1966)

  The Second Elegy, in the Style of the Getes

  for Vasile Pârvan

  Every rotten tree trunk had a god.

  If a stone cracked open, fast

  they put a god in there.

  All it took was for a bridge to break

  and a god went in the gap,

  or for the street to have a pothole

  and a god went in there.

  Never cut your hand or foot,

  not by mistake or on purpose.

  They will put a god in the wound,

  like they do everywhere, in every place,

  they will put a god in there

  and tell us to bow, because he

  protects everything that leaves itself behind.

  Take care, O warrior, do not lose

  your eye,

  because they will come and put

  a god in the socket,

  and he will stay there, turned to stone, and we

  will move our souls to praise him . . .

  And even you will uproot your soul

  to praise him like you would a stranger.

  The Fourth Elegy

  The battle of the visceral and the real

  I.

  Once vanquished without,

  the Medieval Era withdrew into

  the red and white cells of my blood.

  Into a cathedral with pulsing walls it withdrew,

  where it constantly emits and absorbs believers

  in an absurd cycle

  through an absurd area,

  and feeds on pieces of the moon

  in its desire to exist

  it gnaws on them in secret, at night,

  while the eyes of the world sleep

  and

  only the teeth of those who talk in their sleep

  appear in the dark,

  like a meteor shower

  glistening,

  they rise and fall in rhythm.

  Once vanquished without,

  the Medieval Era withdrew into me

  and

  my own body does not

  understand me anymore

  and

  my own body hates me,

  so that it can continue to exist

  it hates me.

  Thus

  it hurries to fall

  asleep,

  one evening after the next;

  and in winter

  ever more powerful, it wraps itself

  in layers of ice,

  quaking and beating and

  drowning me deep in itself

  trying

  to kill me so it could be free

  and not-killing me,

  still be lived by someone.

  II.

  But pyres are stacked everywhere inside me,

  waiting,

  and long, shadowy processions

  wear auras of pain.

  Pain of a world torn in two

  so it can pass through my eyes, two.

  Pain of sounds of the world torn

  in two,

  so they can beat my eardrums, two.

  Pain of smells of the world

  torn in two,

  so they can reach my nostrils, two.

  And you, oh you, inner reshaping,

  you, paired halves, like

  the embrace of a man and his woman,

  oh you, and you, and you, and you,

  the solemn smack

  of halves torn apart,

  whose slow flame, so slow

  almost a lifetime of flame

  rises

  to light the pyres, the awaited

  foretold, the savior,

  the lighting of the pyres.

  The Fifth Elegy

  The temptation of the real

  I was never angry with apples

  for being apples, with leaves for being leaves,

  with shadow for being shadow, with birds for being birds.

  But apples, leaves, shadows, birds,

 
all of a sudden, were angry with me.

  See me taken before the court of leaves,

  the court of shadows, apples, birds,

  round courts, flying courts,

  courts cool and thin.

  See me condemned for ignorance,

  boredom, disquiet,

  stasis.

  Sentences written in the language of seeds.

  Indictments sealed

  with the innards of birds,

  cool, ashen atonements, chosen for me.

  I rise, head uncovered,

  and I try to understand what I deserve

  for stupidity . . .

  and I cannot, I cannot understand

  anything,

  and this state itself

  grows angry with me

  and condemns me, in a way impossible to understand,

  to perpetual waiting,

  to harmonize meanings with themselves

  until they take the form of apples, leaves,

  shadows,

  birds.

  The Eleventh Elegy

  Entry to the Labors of spring

  I.

  Heart larger than the body,

  leaping from all sides at once

  and collapsing from all sides,

  back over the body

  like a shower of lava,

  you, content larger than form, here’s

  self-knowledge, here’s

  why suffering matter takes birth from itself:

  so it can die.

  Only he dies who knows himself,

  only he is born who is

  his own witness.

  I need to run, I told myself,

  but to do that first I should

  pivot my soul

  toward my unmoving ancestors,

  who have withdrawn into the towers of their bones,

  like marrow,

  unmoved

  like all things taken to their end.

  I can run, because they are inside me.

  I will run, because only what is

  unmoved in itself

  can move,

  only he who is alone in himself

  has company and knows the unrevealed heart

  will collapse more powerfully toward its own

  center

  or,

  shattered into planets, will surrender

  to fauna and flora,

  or

  will lie beneath the pyramids,

  like the hidden stomach of a strange breast.

  II.

  Everything is simple, so simple that

  it becomes incomprehensible.

  Everything is so close, so

  close, that

  it slips behind the eyes

  and is seen no more.

  Everything is so perfect

  in spring,

  that only by surrounding it with myself

  can I mark it,

  like expanding grass marked

  by words for the speaking mouth,

  marked by the mouth of the heart,

 

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