by Lara Lacombe
But Jillian wasn’t interested in careful. She wanted him to lose control, to really let go and unleash all that power. That was what she needed from him, and what he needed from her in return.
She raised her head and sank her teeth into his uninjured shoulder, biting down just hard enough to get his attention. He sucked in a breath, then dropped his head to the side of her neck and nipped her. The sting of it made her cry out and he pulled back, concern in his eyes.
“Don’t hold back,” she told him, raising her hands to frame his face. “I want all of you.”
The heat in his gaze intensified. Silently he wrapped his hand around her wrists and lifted them above her head. The position left her even more vulnerable to him, but she wasn’t afraid. She wanted this—craved it with an intensity that consumed her.
She was dimly aware of his fingers at the waistband of her pants, felt the wash of cool air strike her skin as the fabric was pulled away. Then she felt the heat of his mouth and she was reduced to a quivering mass of nerves.
Sensations flooded her, overwhelming her conscious thought. She couldn’t speak, could barely breathe. The upholstery of the sofa was rough against her palms and she focused on gripping the cushion tightly, using it as an anchor to keep herself from flying off. She tried to gather the shattered bits of her thoughts, but she couldn’t concentrate enough to put the pieces back together. Alex showed her no mercy, continuing his exquisite torture with deliberation and skill. Finally, Jillian gave up and surrendered to the waves of pleasure, no longer caring if she drowned.
Chapter 12
Alex knew the exact moment Jillian let herself go. It was the sexiest thing he’d ever seen, watching this woman who was normally so composed, so poised, fall apart in his arms. Every tiny moan, every soft whimper, fed his own desire, heightening his own need until his body shook with the strain of staying in control. Her surrender made the primal, instinctively male side of him want to roar in satisfaction, but he settled for stretching out alongside her, stroking her softly as she came back down to earth.
Gradually her breathing slowed and evened out. She turned to face him, snuggling against his chest and nuzzling his neck with her nose. “That was...” she said, her voice husky and raw.
“Amazing,” he finished for her. He kissed the tip of her nose and she opened her eyes to regard him with a dreamy, satiated look. Her mouth curved up in a sexy smile that shot straight to his groin, and he nearly groaned at the painful pleasure that accompanied the resurgence of his arousal.
“Amazing,” she echoed. “But what about you?” She reached between them, her fingers stroking. “Don’t you want to finish what we started?”
He clenched his jaw, trying hard not to give in to temptation. It would be so easy to roll on top of her, reach down and... “I can’t,” he said, forcing the words out with effort.
Jillian laughed softly as she caressed him. “I disagree. In my expert medical opinion, it would seem you can.” She punctuated the words with a gentle squeeze that made him see stars.
“No,” he gasped, trying hard to hold on to the thought before he gave up and gave in. “I mean I don’t have protection.”
“Oh.” Her hand stalled and he was caught between relief and dismay at this end to their festivities. “Damn,” she muttered, sounding almost as disappointed as he felt.
“I would have chosen a stronger word myself, but that about sums it up.”
They lay silent for a moment, limbs tangled in a promising embrace that could never be realized. Alex tried to ignore his growing disappointment by focusing on the woman in his arms, on the warm vanilla scent of her hair and skin. He was humbled by her earlier surrender, and he knew just how lucky he was to have been the one to share that moment with her.
He tightened his hold on her, wanting to prolong their embrace. The real world, with all its troubles and dangers, would intrude soon enough. Now, he just wanted to be with Jillian.
She relaxed, melting against him, but then she suddenly stiffened. “I just remembered,” she gasped. “I have—” She jumped off the couch and was out of the room before finishing her thought. Her footsteps pounded on the wood floor of the hall, and he heard her rummaging in the bedroom. He got up and started to follow her, picking up the pace when he heard her celebratory whoop of triumph.
He found her standing by the bed, the drawer to her bedside table open and the contents strewed across the comforter. She turned to look at him, her eyes shining.
“Look!” She thrust her hand toward him and he saw what had her so excited—three foil packets, glowing in the afternoon sunlight like small stars in her palm.
“Where did those come from?” He took the condoms from her and she turned to pile the other items back in the drawer, moving quickly to clear the bed.
“My friend Carla. I went on a date about three months ago—just dinner and a movie—and Carla dropped them in my coat pocket as a joke.”
Jealousy was a bright green flame that flared to life in his heart without warning. “And did you need them?”
He realized his mistake when Jillian turned to look at him, one brow arched. “Not that it’s any of your business,” she said coolly, “but no. I did not need them that night. Now, are you going to waste time thinking about what didn’t happen then, or shall we focus on what should be happening now?”
“I’m sorry,” he said, sounding sheepish. He stepped forward and cupped her face. “I didn’t mean to be that guy. I spoke without thinking, and I shouldn’t have asked.”
“It’s okay,” she said, rising to her toes to press a kiss to his forehead. “I know how you can make it up to me.” She gave him a sultry smile and leaned back, holding his hand so she pulled him onto the bed with her.
God, she’s incredible.
He didn’t know what he’d done to merit having this woman in his bed, but he wasn’t about to question his good fortune. And he wasn’t about to waste any more time, either.
She arched into his touch with a sigh that made him feel like he was coming home. Then she reached out for him and he followed her into the abyss.
* * *
“He is in the hospital,” Dan said, enunciating each word carefully. “He is out of surgery and he is not dead.”
“He should be,” said the sullen voice on the other end of the line.
“On that, we are agreed. So here’s what we’re going to do. You’re going to meet me at the hospital and we’re going to pay him a little visit.”
“No way.” The denial was immediate, as was Dan’s anger. How dare this punk refuse him?
“Excuse me?”
“No way am I meeting you in person. For all I know, you could have the cops waiting just outside to arrest me. I’m not gonna walk into an ambush.”
Dan rubbed his brow, trying hard to keep a grip on his patience. “Why would I involve the police, when my goal is to handle this situation as quickly and quietly as possible?”
The line went silent as the other man considered his words. “How do I know I can trust you?”
“You don’t. Just like I can’t be sure I can trust you.” He hardened his voice, leaning forward while he tightened his grip on the phone. “But the fact remains there is a loose end that needs to be taken care of. It would be very damaging to both of us if he is left alive to testify.”
“I can’t just walk into a hospital and shoot him. The cops would be all over me!”
“You’re not going to shoot him. Or stab him, or do anything else that would make people realize he’s been murdered. We’re going to be a lot more subtle about it.”
“How come I gotta be there, then? Why can’t you do this yourself?” He sounded put-upon, like a child told to take out the trash.
“Because this is your mess,” Dan informed him. “And you will clean it up.”
There was a loud sigh, then a muttered, “Fine.”
“Meet me in the parking lot of Howard University Hospital in two hours. And for God’s sake, wear a suit.”
* * *
“Tell me about Jim.”
Jillian opened her eyes, the question cutting through her drowsy satisfaction like a surgeon’s scalpel. Guilt pricked her conscience as she realized she hadn’t spared a thought for the injured man since arriving home and finding Alex safe. Even though Jim wasn’t officially her patient, she had worked on him, and the fact that she’d put her own pleasure above her concern for him was mildly disconcerting. She’d never allowed herself to be so distracted before, and certainly not by a man.
But then again, she’d never met a man like Alex.
She rolled off his chest and onto her side, and he turned to face her. “Jim was shot twice in the gut. Right about here,” she said, reaching out to touch Alex just below the slope of his rib cage. “When I got to his side, the entrance wounds had pretty much stopped bleeding. His belly remained soft, which means he probably wasn’t bleeding into his abdomen. But I didn’t see any exit wounds when the paramedics moved him, so they’ll have to go in and find the bullets.”
Alex was silent for a moment, digesting her words. “Was he conscious?”
“Yes. He spoke to me. He knows you’re innocent. Said something about a man named Dan—do you know who he’s talking about?”
“I do.” His lips tightened at the mention of the name. “Dan is the traitor in the FBI. He’s the one I have to stop.”
“Ah.”
He waved his hand, dismissing the other man. “What are Jim’s chances?”
Jillian pursed her lips and exhaled slowly, considering his question. “It depends,” she said finally. “They took him to Howard, which is a Level 1 trauma facility—that fact alone improves his odds. We got him to the ER during the ‘golden hour,’ which is another point in his favor.”
Alex frowned at her. “‘Golden hour’?”
“It’s what we call the hour just after a traumatic event. If we can start treating a patient within that time, their chances of survival go up. In Jim’s case, the hospital was practically around the corner. I didn’t go into the ER with him, but they’ll have ordered scans to try to find the bullets, and they’ll have sent him to surgery.”
“I see.”
She reached out and placed her hand on the side of his face. “I think Jim’s chances are good, but you need to understand that abdominal injuries can be tricky. There are a lot of vital organs that can be damaged by a bullet. If the surgeons were able to find and repair the injuries, then I think he’ll pull through. But there’s always a chance...” She trailed off, knowing that she didn’t have to finish her thought. From the look on his face, Alex got the message loud and clear.
“I can call the hospital,” she offered. “I can tell them he’s one of my patients and get an update on his condition. Would that make you feel better?”
Alex shook his head slightly. “I think it’s better if I go to the hospital myself. I’ll say he’s my brother. They’ll let me see him if they think I’m family, right?”
“They should,” Jillian responded, alarm making her voice higher than usual. “But why do you need to go there in person? Won’t the place be crawling with FBI agents who think you’re the traitor?”
“It’s a chance I’m going to have to take. Once Dan realizes Jim is still alive, he’s going to send someone after him to finish the job. He can’t risk Jim waking up and telling the world what he knows. And since Jim is the only one who believes I’m innocent, I have to protect him.”
His words made a sick kind of sense, even though they flew in the face of her desires. She had just gotten him back and now he was going to put himself in harm’s way again. Part of her admired his dedication to his friend, but another part worried that he was tempting fate. He’d already had more narrow escapes than anyone had a right to—was this going to be the end of his lucky streak?
“I’m going with you.” She sat up, kicking the covers free of her legs so she could scoot to the edge of the bed.
“Jillian—” he began, clearly unhappy with her announcement.
“Don’t even start,” she said, moving toward the attached bathroom. “You need me in case they refuse to let you see him. If he’s in the recovery room, you can only stay for a minute. You won’t be allowed to spend any time with him until they assign him a room, and that could take a while.”
“And how will that change if you’re with me?”
“You’re going to pretend to be his brother, right?” He nodded. “Well, I’ll be his sister-in-law, the doctor. A lot of times, a hospital will allow a relative who is a doctor more access to a patient and their medical records as a professional courtesy.”
A muscle in his jaw flexed. “I don’t like it.”
Jillian shrugged, stepping onto the cool tile of the bathroom. “Face it—you need me. The way I see it, we became a team when you told me the truth in that crappy motel. You’re stuck with me now.”
“I never wanted this for you!”
She turned to face him then, and her heart thumped hard at the look of anguish on his face. “I know,” she said softly. “But here we are. Let’s make the best of it, okay?”
Chapter 13
Why was it, Alex mused while he and Jillian walked down the hall, that hospitals always smelled the same? It didn’t matter what hospital he walked into, they all shared a particular odor that was instantly recognizable. He’d smelled it on Jillian that first night, when she was fresh off her shift. It was a combination of disinfectant and soap, but with an underlying organic note that made it clear there were sick people inside.
It was a scent that was so strongly associated with illness he felt an instinctive revulsion, as if to be near the smell put him at risk of getting sick, too. He didn’t know how Jillian could stand it. He glanced at her from the corner of his eye. She was striding along, full of confidence and competence, seemingly unaffected by the pervasive stink of the place. Of course, she was probably used to it; she was, after all, constantly exposed to it. He’d had the same reaction to the scent of drugs at first, his initial disgust gradually replaced by acceptance and eventual dismissal as he’d spent more time with the gang and their wares. Now, the pungent stink so common to habitual meth users didn’t even register as foreign to his acclimated nose. It still reeked, though—a sharp combination of ammonia and body odor that was enough to make his eyes water. Some days the horrible smell seemed baked into his sinuses and he feared he’d never be able to take a normal breath again.
I am so tired of this.
When he’d first joined the Bureau, the prospect of undercover work had seemed so exciting, so glamorous. Raised on a steady diet of James Bond movies, Alex’s inner twelve-year-old had thrilled at the opportunity to infiltrate a dangerous street gang, to take them down from within. He had trained hard, and he’d had a good understanding of the risks involved. What had really knocked him for a loop, though, were the gray areas he encountered once he was living the life. No amount of classroom time, no amount of physical training or debriefings or seminars had prepared him for what it was really like to be confronted with a million tiny decisions every day, each one seemingly insignificant, but all of them holding the power to expose him if he made the wrong move.
Before he’d joined the Bureau, he had viewed the world in terms of black and white, right and wrong. Now, he recognized how naïve he’d been. Life was all about the gray.
Still, he’d fought hard to stay on the lighter side of that shade, trying to pick the lesser of two evils. For the past several years he’d been walking a tightrope, trying to fit in with some very bad men while still retaining his own humanity. It was a delicate balance, and one that had left him exhausted and drained.
At least I don’t have to try anymore. The thought made him smile grimly. If there was one good thing about this mess, it was that his cover had been blown sky-high. He would no longer have to associate with the gang, pretending to be friends with men who made his skin crawl. He didn’t have to fake enjoyment from ripping off tweakers, didn’t have to pretend to look the other way when an enforcer got rough with a user who couldn’t, or wouldn’t, pay. He was done with that life and he couldn’t be happier about it.
He cast another glance at Jillian as they made their way through the maze of hospital corridors. Was there a place for her in his new life? He shook his head—of course there was. There was no point in him denying the connection he felt anymore. Making love with her had cemented his feelings, and he knew that even if nothing came of their interlude, he would never forget it. Or her. A pang speared his chest at the thought of her walking away when this was over, but he brushed it aside. While he wanted very much to be a part of her life, the real question was, did she feel the same way about him?
“We should be coming up on the nurses’ station soon,” Jillian said, stepping aside to make room for a man in a wheelchair.
“How do you know?” Alex hadn’t seen any signs indicating where they were in the hospital, but then again, he hadn’t exactly been paying close attention.
She shot him a quick grin. “My medical spidey-sense is tingling,” she said dryly.
He shook his head, trying not to laugh. She winked at him. “I did a few rotations here when I was a resident. Most of the floors have the same basic layout.”
“I liked the idea of you having superpowers better.”
“Me, too.”
They rounded a corner and he could see the nurses’ station up ahead. A few women sat behind computer monitors, while a steady stream of people walked around, their movements brisk and businesslike. The atmosphere surrounding the place was very no-nonsense, and Alex got the feeling these people were used to saying no. He felt his stomach tighten as they approached and glanced at Jillian. “Are you sure we shouldn’t have called first?”
