Walking into my house, I close the door and rest my head against it closing my eyes. I know Megan is here with Ezra, but I just need a minute to process what just happened. He said what I wanted to hear, but then reality set in as he brought up Kristin. What did I expect him to do? Dump her and play house with me and our son? I can’t even believe I let myself think for a minute that any of it could be a possibility.
“Mommy!” A very excited Ezra runs up crashing into my legs, hugging me and pulling me out of my thoughts. I open my eyes and bend down to give my little man a hug. Megan is right behind him, eyeing me. I know she is trying to see if I’m pissed at her. I shake my head back and forth, letting her know now isn’t the time to talk about it.
“Hey, buddy, how was your weekend? Did you have fun with Uncle Joe and Aunt Laura?”
“Yes, Mommy, they got me trains!”
“Did they? Well let’s go play with your new trains.” I thank Megan for picking up Ezra and spend the rest of the afternoon playing with my son and his toys. What else do you really need in life?
Chapter 8
Silas
Here I am, still sitting in the diner after Lilly took off, enjoying the hell out of her disco fries, oddly enough. I will never doubt anything she says regarding food again. That is, if I ever see her again. I know I can be a little intense around her, but she brings it out in me. The last thing I wanted to do was make her run off. I’m just trying to figure all this out. I don’t believe in coincidences, and there has to be a reason why the universe pulled us back together.
When I got out of the Army, I had no plans on where I would live. In fact, I hadn’t planned on getting out at all, until my mom got sick right around my re-enlistment window. After she passed, my dad was a wreck. My sister, Shannon, did the best she could trying to help him cope, but she has a family of her own and couldn’t be there twenty-four-seven; thus making my decision a no-brainer.
Once I was settled, Shannon and I worked out a schedule to check on my dad. We both knew we were coddling him, but he just wasn’t acting the same. He was barely eating or sleeping. He and my mother had been together since they were sixteen. They did everything together, always skipping to the same beat. Shannon brought her son, Oliver, around which always seemed to cheer him up. So I quickly enrolled in the Academy and knew this is where I needed to be. I missed the action that I’d experienced in the Army and knew a desk job wouldn’t cut it. I loved the rush of adrenaline that ran through me every time I was on a mission. I made a career for myself outside of being a soldier without having to settle for a job that would bore me. Never in a million years did I think I would be living so close to Lilly. My phone rings startling me from my thoughts, and I see Kristin flashing across the screen. After wiping the extra gravy off my hands, I answer.
“Hey you, how is your day going?” Although my voice is upbeat, I feel guilty that my thoughts are still of Lilly and not my girlfriend.
“Ugh.”
“That bad, huh?” Popping another fry in my mouth, I chew my food and listen to what’s bothering her.
“You have no idea. I just wanted to call and tell you I miss you. I will be home late tonight, so I’m probably just going to head to bed.” She lets out a yawn and her voice sounds tired.
“Can I get you anything else, darling?” the waitress asks, while I’m still on the phone.
“Oh, are you out?”
“Just the check, please.” The waitress nods and I continue our conversation. “Yeah, I just stopped to grab some lunch at a diner a couple towns over.”
“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to bother you while you’re eating. Are you with someone? I can let you go.”
“No, I’m alone, would you like me to drop you off something to eat?” I put the fry down suddenly feeling guilty. I lost my appetite.
“That’s okay, some of the other teachers and I are going to grab something as soon as our workshop is over. But thank you for the offer. You’re always taking care of me.”
“I try.”
“No, you do. It’s just part of who you are and another reason why I love you so much. I have to go; I’m getting the evil eye from old lady A.” Kristin laughs into the phone, and it never amazes me how she can go from glum to happy in an instant. It’s one of the things that drew me to her.
“You better watch out for that one, I bet she’s one of those old ladies who likes to hit people with her broom,” I joke along with her and am rewarded with her giggling.
“I’ll talk to you later, love you.”
“Love you back,” I hang up and stare at my phone for a moment, wondering how two parts of my life collided so quickly.
Waiting for my check to arrive, I keep thinking about my answer when Kristin asked me if I was alone. Technically, I didn’t lie since I am here by myself, but had Lilly not run out, my answer would have been different. That’s twice now I find myself being deceiving. The waitress comes back with my check and I leave cash for her. Seeing Lilly’s money still sitting on the table, I take it and place it in my pocket. I invited her to lunch and there is no way she’s paying for it. Being a detective comes in handy; I’ll be able to find an address for her and mail it back. I take my phone out and shoot Lucas a quick text before leaving.
Me: Hey man, drinks later? 9 pm? Avoid the curfew issue.
Lucas: Depends asshole, you going 2 leave early 2 make a garden club meeting in the am?
Me: Very funny jackass. Do you want to meet or not?
Lucas: Whoa buddy, what crawled up your ass and died?
Me: See u at 9.
***
Sitting at the bar, waiting for Lucas to show, I’m picking at the label on my beer as the condensation drips down it. There is a game on, but I haven’t been paying much attention to it. All I can think about is Kristin and Lilly. I feel so guilty for going behind Kristin’s back when it comes to Lilly, but I can’t possibly tell her who Lilly is, especially after I pretended not to know her. Hands clamp down on my shoulders, pulling me out of my daydreaming slump.
“What’s up buddy?” Removing his hands from my shoulders, Lucas grabs a seat next to me and orders a drink.
“Not much man, just waiting on you, as usual.” My tone is sharp, but there’s nothing I can do about it. I’m so conflicted; I feel like my mind is in a ping-pong match. Kristin and Lilly are the paddles and I’m the ball being hit back and forth.
“Miss? Can we get two shots of whiskey please? I have a feeling I’m going to need it.” Lucas waits for the bartender to return with our drinks. “So tell me, what has got you in such a shitty mood, my friend?”
I glare at Lucas, which causes him to raise an eyebrow at me in return. Knowing he is right, I drop the attitude and decide just to go ahead and tell him. It’s not like he’s going to run to Kristin or his wife and tell them what we talk about. Letting out a big sigh of frustration, I begin to tell him about the greatest night of my life.
“About three years ago, I was on leave, headed back to finish my tour. I met this girl on my first flight that also had a layover. She was beautiful, with her long brown hair and dark brown eyes, and she couldn’t be more than about five foot.” I pause to take a swig of my beer and look over at Lucas, who is listening intently. I can tell by the way his brows are drawn together that he is confused as to where this is going. I explain the rest of the events that occurred that night, and how I felt after and every day since then. When I am finished, he takes his shot that has been sitting on the bar.
“So, you had great sex three years ago and never forgot about it.” He’s shrugging his shoulders like it’s no big deal. “Haven’t we all had that one-night-stand that stood out more than the rest?”
“But that’s the thing, I never let it hold me back, but she was always there in the back of my mind.”
“Sorry, but I’m not quite following you here, is this about Kristin? Are you having doubts about her?”
“No, yes, maybe. I don’t know.” In my state of confliction, I
down my shot and hope it will bring me some clarity. These chicks are fucking with my head.
“Here’s what I don’t get. If you didn’t exchange info and you haven’t seen her since, then why all of a sudden is she becoming a distraction to you?”
“That book signing I went to with Kristin last night, well it turns out that Lilly is the author of said book,” Lucas spits his beer out and I hand him a napkin. His eyes widen as he wipes the beer that’s dripping off his chin and the little bit that got on the bar.
“No shit dude, I would have loved to have seen that.”
“There was nothing to see,” I respond dryly.
“Bullshit. You just went on about her and how no one ever measured up to her, including Kristin I’m assuming, and you’re going to tell me there was nothing to see? I call bullshit.”
“I pretended like I didn’t know her and she did the same.” I shrug, turning my attention to the game on the television.
Lucas lets out a slow whistle, shaking his head. “Wow man, that’s low. Way to make a woman feel special.”
“I knew it was a bad idea talking to you about this.” Placing some money on the bar, I get ready to leave.
“Calm down, man, don’t get your panties in a twist.” Lucas pushes me back down into my seat. “If this girl--” He pauses, trying to remember her name.
“Lilly.”
“Right, Lilly. I know you don’t believe in them, but don’t you think this could all just be one big coincidence?”
“No, I don’t.”
“So, what are you going to do about it?” He orders us another round while waiting for my answer.
“Nothing. I’ve tried talking to her. I even took her to lunch today, but she always runs off.”
“Want me to pull her over and arrest her?”
I stare at him and shake my head, laughing; leave it to Lucas to actually think he could pull that off. “You can’t just go around arresting people, Lucas, you know that.”
“Psh.” Lucas waves his hand, dismissing me. “I can say she fits the description of a suspect in a murder case. I’ll put her in a cell for a little while, and you can swoop in and save the day. Knight in shining armor and all that shit. She will have no choice but to talk to you then.” He has a huge goofy grin on his face. You can tell he is really proud of this idea and actually thinks it’s a good one. Sometimes I wonder about him.
“I appreciate your … er … help? But I think I can manage on my own, thanks.” I give him a pat on the back.
“Let me give you some advice.”
“Here we go, should I order us another round for this one?” I’m being half sarcastic when I say this. Sometimes he gives great advice, but other times I wonder if he is sampling the weed we confiscate at work.
“Shut up, I give great advice and you know it. Now, can I continue?” Laughing, I nod. “I’m not telling you to go cheat on Kristin; I actually like her a lot and think she’s a good fit for you. I do, however, think you should be friends with Lilly -- get to know her and see if she is the person you remember.”
“And if she is?” I don’t know why I ask. I know what his answer is going to be.
“If she is, then you need to break things off with Kristin. It’s one thing to be friends with someone, but if, or once those lines start to get blurred, you need to walk away. It’s not fair to either of them. If anything, you will make a friend out of it all.”
Ending the topic, we drink and watch the games on television. Lucas is talking about the games and I just nod when appropriate. I have so much shit going through my head right now, I can’t focus on a game. I need to work something out and soon, because I can’t have this affecting me at work. My job is way too important to me and it needs my full attention. Lucas relies on me to watch his six and I can’t do that distracted. There are plenty of officers who would kill to have a position as a detective and I’m not going to let my personal life affect that. I’m going to go back to work, do my job, and on my next day off, I’m going to talk to Lilly and see if we can be friends.
Chapter 9
Lilly
It’s been a couple of days since I ran out on my lunch with Silas. And although they’ve been peaceful, I find myself missing him. Isn’t that something? I’m back to where I was three years ago. Although I’m thankful for the busy schedule we have this week, that also means I won’t have any time to write. I’m taking Ezra to the zoo this weekend with Joe and Laura, so my writing will just have to wait. I see Joe heading in with our coffees; he places mine on my desk.
“Hey, Lil, so I never got to ask, but how was the signing?” He takes a seat at my desk.
“It was a disaster; I actually have been meaning to talk to you and Laura about it.”
“How so?” He’s rubbing the stubble on his chin. It’s something he does when he’s really interested in something. I wonder if he knows that?
I turn the phone system on before telling Joe what happened this weekend. He knows all about Silas, and I know he is going to have questions. I would rather get them out of the way now than have this dragged out. I’m so tired of talking about it, but maybe he will have some advice on how to handle the situation.
“So you took off after lunch and that was it? You haven’t seen or heard from him since?”
I lower my head to avoid his shocked stare. Instead, I focus on the paper on my desk. “Nope, nothing. I ran out without getting his contact information. How could he contact me?”
“You seem kind of disappointed about that.”
Looking back up at Joe, I let out a heavy sigh. “In a way, I am.”
“Why?” I’m a little envious of him and his ability to act like this whole situation is no big deal.
“For one, there’s Ezra. How am I supposed to keep Silas in my life and have him not find out about our son? God forbid he meets Ezra and decides parenting just isn’t for him. And what about his girlfriend? I’m not a home wrecker, and I’m scared my feelings will make me too attached and give me false hope that he will eventually leave her. This is just scratching the top of the surface of all my what-ifs.” I lean back in my chair, letting out an exasperated sigh. All of this is so stressful; I don’t know how much more my sanity can take. My hands fly up to my head, cradling it to stop the pain that will find its way to the front of my scalp. I rub my temples to calm myself. I need to slow down before I have a panic attack.
“I don’t think you should tell him about Ezra.” I stiffen in my chair; my head flips up to meet his gaze. He is serious. I’m pretty sure my mouth is hanging open right now. I’m completely shocked that Joe is suggesting this, especially with everything he and Laura have been going through trying to have kids.
“I’m not going to lie, Joe. You threw me off with that one. Don’t get me wrong, I’m telling you all of this so I can get some advice.”
Joe gets up from his chair and is standing with his shoulders back; one hand holding his coffee and the other in his pocket. “I’m not saying you have to keep it a secret forever, but I am saying Ezra is still young. And even though he is young, he is old enough to understand what’s going on. If you tell him about his dad and he walks, he will be devastated. Honestly, you’re lucky he hasn’t asked any questions yet.”
Joe walks off to his office, leaving me with those words to think about. Ezra is very smart for his age, and amazes me more and more every day. There is no doubt in my mind that he wouldn’t understand who Silas is. I can’t just think of myself though, as much as I would like to protect and keep him to myself. Ezra has a right to know who his father is. If I run into him again, I’ll give him a chance, and eventually tell him about Ezra when the time is right. Glancing over at the photo on my desk, the one of me holding Ezra only a day old, makes me remember how scared I was to do this all alone.
Sitting on the cold paper on the table, I stare at the bland walls. This office is in some need of decorating. Aren’t there supposed to be pamphlets and posters all over the walls? There isn’t even one
poster of a pregnant woman on the wall. Every time I have come here for my annual exam, I have always seen those pictures, never paying them much attention. Now sitting here, I wish I did, since they are no longer in the rooms. It feels like it’s been hours since the nurse left and said the doctor would be right in. I’m about to grab my phone from my purse when there’s a knock on the door. My doctor walks in with his nurse behind him.
“Lilly, it’s a pleasure to see you again. I hear ‘congratulations’ are in order,” he says, placing his tablet down on the counter.
“Thank you, Dr. Clifton.” I’m feeling so uneasy that my nervousness breaks through my voice.
“Don’t be nervous,” he tells me, noticing my unease. “You’re a healthy young lady and should have no problems with your pregnancy. Since you’re still early, we will have to do a vaginal ultrasound. Now, just lay back on the table and inch down a little.” I lie back on the table and scoot down like I’m told. “Let’s take a look, shall we?”
As the doctor is moving the probe around, I stare at the ceiling. This isn’t the most comfortable feeling in the world and I’m not sure how long it’s going to take. He first takes measurements of the baby and prints out some pictures. Not being able to see the screen, I have no idea what he is printing. I can only hear the printer going off.
“Everything looks good with the measurements. Your size is matching to the same time as your last menstrual period, making your due date September 19th. Now let’s show you your little yolk sack” he says, turning the monitor so I can see it.
“I’m sorry, my what?” I turn my head to the screen.
“Your baby. Right now it looks like a yolk sack. It’s too early for the fetus to be developed. So you won’t see any arms or legs, or even a head. See this flutter right there?” he asks, pointing to the screen and I nod. “That is your baby’s heart beat.” He presses a couple of buttons on the ultrasound machine and the room comes to life with a pulsing sound.
“Is that noise coming from me?”
Twist of Fate Page 5
