“I got it. Where are you sitting?”
I nod my head in the direction of our table and nervously lead the way on shaky legs. I don’t know why, but I count to ten in my head to try and calm myself. I remember reading it in a magazine, and since I’m well past ten, I make a mental note never to read that one again. “So, what brings you here?” I ask, repeating my unanswered question.
“I’m spending the day with these two troublemakers,” he says, nudging the girl who appears to be older than the little boy that is in his arm.
“Hey! We’re not trouble, Uncle Silas,” the girl says, giggling.
“You’re right. I’m sorry, Ava.”
“It’s okay. Can we go jump now?” Holding on to her brother’s hand, swinging their arms back and forth, she waits for permission to take off.
“First, say hello to my friend, Lilly. Lilly, this is Ava and Owen.” They both say hello and make a mad dash for the inflatable houses.
“So, what are you doing here?” He sinks into the booth, lifting his leg on it, getting comfortable. Well, one of us might as well feel comfortable, and it’s definitely not going to be me.
Well it’s now or never, time to face my fears. “I’m here with my son.” His eyebrows immediately rise up and I can see the surprise in his face.
“Oh, wow. I didn’t even know you had a son. Out of all the times we talked, you never brought him up.” His leg falls to the floor as he straightens his posture. If I didn’t have his attention before, I sure do now. I can’t stop my leg from bouncing up and down, and my palms are sweating, so I wipe them on my jeans. “Wait, am I interrupting a family day? Are you here with his father?”
Wringing my fingers together, I mumble, “You could say that.”
Leaning his body across the table, he places his hand over mine, stopping me from wringing my fingers together. “I didn’t catch that.”
“Yeah, well it’s actually something I wanted to talk to you about. I was going to call you during the week and see if we could get together.” Before I can continue, I see Megan chasing after Ezra and they both are laughing. Megan is unaware of who is sitting at our table and I know Silas and Ezra’s lives are about to collide without any warning on my end. It isn’t until they reach the table that Megan notices who is sitting there with me. Her eyes widen and a small gasp leaves her mouth. The look on her face pretty much sums up how I’m feeling at the moment ... like I want to throw up.
Ezra wraps his arms around me, flashing a huge smile from all the fun he’s having, and tells me he missed me and is hungry. Silas is smiling until he see’s my son, our son, turn around in the booth to sit. There is no mistaking the fact that Silas is his father because they are identical. If the eyes weren’t a sure tell, they have the same exact nose along with a great smile they both were showcasing not even moments ago. I see the color drain from Silas’s face as the realization that he has a son sets in.
“Mommy, who’s this?”
Suddenly feeling a little parched, I clear my throat and take a sip of my drink. Before I can answer Silas holds his hand out, “Hey, buddy, my name is Silas. It’s very nice to meet you.” Although he is smiling at our son, his cold stare is directed at me.
“Hey, Ezra, why don’t we eat at this table over here and let Mommy and her friend talk for a minute.” Megan is holding her hand out for Ezra to take.
“It’s Megan, right?” Silas’s tone is sharp and his face is red, with his jaw clenched.
“Yeah.”
“I’m here with my niece and nephew. Would you mind watching them so I can talk to Lilly outside privately, please?”
“Sure, no problem.” Silas gets up to go find Owen and Ava, returning with them in no time. He introduces them to Megan and Ezra and gets up and takes off for the exit, not bothering to wait for me.
“What is he doing here?”
“Well Megan, I would think that is obvious,” I say, pointing to the two extra kids at our table.
“Right, well, good luck. It will be okay.” She has a half smile, trying to reassure me, but it doesn’t work.
I quickly make my way to the door and am met with a fuming Silas. He is pacing back and forth on the sidewalk with his hands tugging at his hair. His chest is rising and falling as his breathing quickens. I can’t even imagine what is running through his mind right now, but I’m pretty sure it isn’t good. My mind immediately goes to all the worst possibilities: is he going to hate me forever, is he going to resent his son? And then, the worst hits me like a sack of bricks. I suck in a huge breath. Oh, my God … is he going to try and take him away from me? Dampness fills my eyes at the thought of losing my son, and unable to hold in the hot tears prickling my eyes, one falls down my cheek. I wipe it away with my hand and tell myself I can cry later. I need to fix this because I can’t, I won’t lose my son. I clear my throat to get his attention and he immediately stops pacing and his head snaps in my direction.
“I’m pretty sure the answer is obvious since he looks just like me, but just in case I’m wrong, I’m going to ask anyway. Is he mine?”
“Yes.”
Chapter 16
Silas
“I fucking knew it,” I yell at Lilly. She flinches slightly at my words, but right now I don’t care. I’m so livid I could hit something. Never in my life have I ever resorted to violence, and now I want to shove my fist through a fucking brick wall.
“I was going to tell you--” she starts, but I cut her off.
“When? When were you going to tell me we have a son together?” Boring my eyes into hers, she needs to know that she isn’t going to get off easy with this one. She takes a step back from me, which pisses me the hell off. I may be seeing red, but I would never lay a hand on a woman.
“Are you done?” she screams, throwing her hands on her hips.
“Really? You’re really going to yell at me right now? I’m not the one who kept a child from you, and you have the audacity to ask me if I’m done? Well the answer to your question is no, I AM NOT DONE!” Striding toward her, I close the distance between us. Her body stiffens with each step I take.
“Let’s rewind things back a little, Silas, shall we? I had a one-night-stand with a soldier whom I knew nothing about. I didn’t have a last name or a phone number. Remember the whole ‘no strings attached’ agreement?” Her piercing eyes piss me off. I really can’t believe she is getting loud with me.
“I would say this is a pretty damn big string, don’t you think?” Throwing my hands in the air, I shake my head at how unbelievable all this is.
“Will you shut up and let me finish?! God, men can be so fucking annoying.” She walks away and sits on the bench that’s outside the building.
I stand in front of her and notice her hands are shaking. “I’m all ears,” I state while rolling my eyes. Sure, rolling my eyes may be childish, but I deserve answers and they aren’t coming as fast as I would like and her attitude is only pissing me off more.
“That’s not all you are right now. Anyway, as I was saying, we parted ways never to see each other again. When I found out I was pregnant, you were the last thing on my mind. I didn’t have your phone number, hell, I didn’t even know your last name. How was I supposed to find you? I had no idea where you were traveling to or if you were even still alive. I tried to look you up and you wouldn’t believe how many men named Silas there are in the world. So don’t come at me with your ‘how dare you’ bullshit. I did the best I could with the hand I was dealt. If anything, you should be thanking me for raising your son and doing a damn good job with it.” She stands up, so I block her path, not allowing her to go back inside; this conversation is far from over. But before I can continue, things go from bad to worse.
“Your kid?” Kristin says from behind me. Shit. In the midst of all that’s happened, I forgot Kristin was meeting me here to see the kids. Today is the first day I’ve seen her since the ball and was excited to finally have her come around again. Letting out a frustrated growl, I turn to face
a very pissed off Kristin. Her lips are tight in a firm line and her arms are crossed over her chest.
“Kristin--” I take a step toward her and she puts her hands out, stopping me in my tracks.
“Don’t ‘Kristin’ me, did I hear you right? Did you just say you two have a son together?” She’s looking back and forth between Lilly and me.
“Yes, but--”
“But nothing, Silas! I asked you the other day when you came clean about her if you had a love child, and you said no. You lied to me, again.”
“Technically he didn’t lie.” Lilly is standing up for me, which is a total surprise since I was just yelling at her not even ten minutes ago.
“I’m sorry, but this doesn’t concern you,” Kristin spits at Lilly. Lilly’s eyes protrude as anger washes across her face.
“Ezra is my son, so anything that has to do with him concerns me. Tell me, do you have any kids, Kristin?” As soon as Lilly asks the question, Kristin shifts on her feet, clearly uncomfortable with Lilly’s attack.
“No, I don’t.”
“Then I wouldn’t expect you to understand. Maybe before you go around yelling and screaming at people, you should hear what they have to say first.” She looks at me before continuing, “You already know about the situation between Silas and me, so obviously I had no way of contacting him to tell him about our ‘love child.’ So before you get your panties in a bunch, why don’t you get all your facts straight? Oh, and one more thing, call my son a love child again and you’re going to have more problems than Silas ‘lying’ to you.” Lilly storms off back into the building. I’ll have to remember to thank her for that, but right now I have to deal with Kristin.
“Do you want to sit?” I motion to the now empty bench. Kristin doesn’t answer but takes a seat on the bench. I’m grateful that she sat and didn’t run off, I try to fix this shitty mess. “I know this looks bad, believe me I do. But I honestly had no idea. I didn’t even know she had a son. When I ran into her here, I was surprised. And when her son came up to us, I was even more shocked. I felt like I was looking at myself when I was two, it was crazy. I’m just as shocked about this as you are, but I can’t walk away from him. He’s my son, Kristin. I have a son who needs his father.” I pray she understands. I cannot walk away from him, nor do I want to.
She dips her head and closes her eyes, letting out a long sigh, “I’m sorry, Silas, but I can’t be with you anymore.”
“Excuse me?” Her words come out so quietly, I’m not sure I hear her correctly.
“This is just all too much. You know I love children and that I want some of my own one day. But knowing you share a child with someone I can never measure up to is just something I can’t compete with. I thought, with time, you would be able to see past her, but now I know that isn’t going to happen. She just became a permanent fixture in your life. I need to walk away from you and you need to focus on getting to know your son. I really am sorry.” She gives me a kiss on the cheek before getting up and walking out of my life.
“Kristin, wait …” I yell out, but she continues to walk away.
I sit on the bench for a couple minutes trying to figure out how my world just blew up in my face. Again. I find out I have a son and get dumped all in one hour. Never when I woke up this morning did I think I would be bringing my niece and nephew to play and leaving with a son. Not wanting to be kept another minute from him, I get up and walk back into the building. My heart is trying to jump out of my chest as my pulse quickens. I’m a dad and I’m about to go spend time with my son. My stomach turns with each step I take. Who knew this would be so nerve wracking?
Reaching the table where the kids were last sitting, I see Megan talking with Lilly. She looks up when I reach the table and excuses herself to go play with the kids. I thank her for watching Owen and Ava and sit down next to Lilly, who has yet to make eye contact with me.
“Thank you for what you said to Kristin. You didn’t have to do that, especially after I yelled at you the way I did.”
“It’s fine. Like I told her, you had no idea. But I swear Silas, if she calls Ezra a ‘love child’ one more time, I will slap that bitch across her face,” she says, with a very serious expression on her face. I know she’s telling the truth, making me laugh a little. As much as I believe violence is not the answer, I would like to see what a five-foot-tall angry Lilly looks like.
“Do you think it would be okay if I properly meet my son now?” I’m hoping she won’t make me wait a minute longer to hear him call me dad.
“Yes, I would like that a lot. Let me go get him.” She walks off to go find him.
As I’m sitting at the table waiting for Lilly to come back, my nerves start to get the best of me. All these thoughts start running through my head, like what if he doesn’t like me? What if I’m not great dad material? What if I fail him as a father? Sure, I have had fears before, but they only ever affected me and not someone else’s life. As soon as I see Ezra running up to the table, all those fears immediately wash away as the little boy who I helped create comes crashing into me.
“Whoa there, buddy, you okay?” He’s climbing into the seat next to me.
“I’m okay,” he says, smiling up at me.
“Ezra, remember when we were talking about daddies earlier?” Lilly asks him. He nods his head up and down instead of saying yes. “Well, this is your daddy.” She pulls her lip into her mouth and I can tell she is nervous. I grab one of her hands to assure her this will be okay, that we will be okay.
“Mommy, you find my daddy?” he asks, excitedly wrapping his arms around my neck giving me a hug. “I’m so happy Mommy find you, Daddy, guess what?”
“What, buddy?” I’m getting choked up holding my son in my arms.
“I love you, Daddy.” I see tears fall from Lilly’s eyes as mine begin to water. I can’t explain it, but having this little boy in my arms fills me with a kind of love I’ve never felt before. I immediately know I would do anything to keep this little guy safe and happy, and shield him from all the ugly in the world. I mouth a ‘thank you’ to Lilly and hold on with dear life, to the amazing gift anyone could have ever given me.
Chapter 17
Lilly
I can’t even begin to explain how I feel sitting here watching Silas with his arms wrapped around our son. I always wondered what it would be like to have a father-figure for him, but never in my wildest dreams did I ever think it would be his biological dad.
The hot tears that are pooling from my eyes are starting to blur my vision. I really need to get a hold of myself. I grab a napkin and wipe away my tears as Megan walks up with Owen and Ava.
“Uncle Silas, can we have some ice cream, please?” they both beg. Silas pulls out of his hug but keeps his hand on Ezra’s shoulder.
“Sure guys, but first, I have some news. I know this is going to be a little confusing, but I just found out that Ezra is my son.” I’m not sure why Silas is telling the kids this. They seem a little young to understand, but the proud look on his face tells me all I need to know. He is excited to be a father and wants to share it with the world.
“That’s cool. So, can we have some ice cream?” Ava asks, causing all three of us adults to laugh.
“Absolutely,” Silas says as he smiles warmly at her.
“I know they have ice cream here, but why don’t we go to the shop a couple doors down. Their ice cream is much better.”
“And bigger!” Ezra shouts for the whole entire world to hear.
“Bigger and better ice cream it is.” Silas grabs both Ezra’s and Owen’s hands. I follow the boys and Ava is glued to Megan’s hip, asking if she can paint her nails and do her hair later. Megan agrees as she takes her hand, following us to the shop.
“So, is it safe to say that you both kissed and made up?” Megan questions, as we sit down to eat our ice cream.
“I think there is still a lot that needs to be discussed. I know I still have a lot of unanswered questions, and we’ll have to figure o
ut some type of schedule so I can see Ezra.” Silas is pushing the spoon around in his ice cream.
“Are you going to eat that?” I ask, pointing to his cup with my spoon, hoping to change the subject. This is a conversation for me and Silas, not Megan and Silas. “You just keep swirling it around, wasting the best ice cream in town.” A playful expression crosses over his face as he sticks his tongue out at me. Just then, Owen tells him that he’s going to get in trouble for sticking his tongue out, causing us to laugh. He immediately starts to eat his cookie dough as the kids continue to scarf down theirs.
We sit and eat and make general chit chat. I’m thankful there is no awkwardness in the air. With how everything played out today, it could have been much worse. Ezra is asking Silas a million questions a minute and his enthusiasm spikes with each one. He was ecstatic to hear his dad is a detective, just like the one on his cartoon show. I laughed when Silas tried to explain the difference between the cartoon character detective and his job. The poor guy has a lot to learn about trying to argue with a two-year-old. We finish our ice cream and I notice Silas check the time on his watch.
“Do you need to head out?”
“No, just checking the time. We probably should have fed the kids dinner before giving them dessert.” He is collecting the empty cups to throw away.
“They’re kids, and they just spent about two and a half hours running and jumping around. They will eat dinner,” I assure him.
“Great. I don’t think Lucas or Kim will be happy with me if I send home their kids on a sugar high, with no dinner at that.” I try to hide the smile that wants to appear on my face, but Silas is eyeing me in suspicion. “What?”
“Nothing. It’s just that you’re kind of cute when you don’t know what to do, especially with kids. It’s kind of like watching a lost sad little puppy,” I tease, no longer able to hold my laugh in.
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