Death will be your friend, your lover, your final mercy.
Finn sighed heavily, his fingers tightening on her jacket. “Well, I guess the easy-goin' Dom you know will have to hang up his hat and don his extra-strict boots. Which means keeping you on edge until we get this under control. I'll spank the hell out of you in front of anyone in the vicinity at the first sign of you needing a fix. You won't leave my side, let alone my sight.”
“That seems a bit extreme, Sir,” she murmured.
“No, darlin', extreme is trying to stem catastrophic bleeding while waiting for medical assistance to arrive. We're a long drive from the nearest hospital, and even with the chopper, I don't know if we'd get you there in time.”
He painted a sorrowful picture. Her imagination was rich enough to see the scene he conjured in her mind's eye, and it wasn't nice. She could hear the panic in his voice as he tried to stop the bleeding, to keep her with him as she slipped in and out of consciousness. His hands, slippery with her blood, touching her face, her throat. Feeling for a pulse and finding nothing.
Her breath hitched. If she loved him, she couldn't carry the potential of hurting him like that, could she? She already bore the weight of putting Rosie through that nightmare. Two people, both in the precarious position of loving someone who danced with fate every time she set a knife to her wrist and cut. Two people whose worlds she would turn upside down with one wrong miscalculation.
How could she be selfish and run that risk, all because she was afraid to crack open the vault and show Finn how she'd reached this point in her life? It was dark and depraved, full of cruelty and abuse. How was she supposed to choose between exposing Finn to that ugliness or the heartbreak of watching her die? Neither option screamed I love you. Both of them put her in a position of deciding whether she was a good thing for him to have in his life.
Ava closed her eyes and, curled safe in his arms, breathed deep.
“Do what you have to, Finn.” The words tasted bitter in her mouth, tainted by the tang of fear. “I won't say I'm looking forward to it because you hate it when I lie to you, but I love you,” she said slowly, savoring the satisfaction of finally voicing the words, “and I don't want to cause you pain.”
Finn's breath huffed against her hair. “You love me, huh?”
Her body froze, balanced on the edge of rejection. “Y-Yes, Sir. I love you.”
Strong fingers gripped her chin, tilted her head back. The gray of his irises was dark, saturated with emotion. She saw into the heart of the man she adored and knew he was looking right back into the center of her. “I've waited too long to hear that from you, little dove. Seems like I've waited forever, actually I've been biting my tongue since Roulette night.” Noses rubbing together, he grinned. “I love you, Ava. Fuck, that sounds better aloud than it did in my head, and it sounded pretty fucking good there.”
A rift inside her healed. One of the tiny, constant aches in her heart eased, bringing a remarkable sense of peace. Almost purring, she lifted her mouth for a kiss and offered him all she had to give. Her pussy throbbed, eager to seal their vocal declarations with a physical one, and she moaned plaintively. “This is where we have really good sex for the rest of the day, right? Because I am totally down with that, Sir.”
His laugh rumbled into her mouth. “Tonight, my horny minx. You're all mine from dusk till dawn.”
She sighed, content. Resting her head on his shoulder, she smiled despite the dread creeping into her thoughts. Now she'd agreed to the unthinkable, she wondered if she could distract him from following through, if only for a few hours.
Procrastination, thy name is Ava.
“So we're going to the east station now?” she asked hopefully.
The look he gave her was amused, as though he understood her game and pitied her attempt to play it. “I need to make a call first and get some balls rolling. As soon as that's done, we're on the road. We should get there in time for lunch, but it might be worth taking some supplies for the trip. It'll be a long afternoon.”
“Supplies?”
“Food and drink. There's a couple of Thermos in the cupboard under the sink, bottles of juice in the refrigerator. Why don't you go pack up what you want to take, and by the time you're done, we should be ready to go.” He kissed her again, slowly, thoroughly, until her head went to mush. “Take your time and make sure you get something filling to eat. You're still on the lean side, darlin'.”
Ava rolled her eyes. “I'm always lean, Finn. My metabolism eats through calories.”
“You need to eat for there to be calories, little dove. You don't eat nearly enough, but that's an argument for another day.” Finn picked her up off his lap and set her on her feet between his spread thighs. “The woman I love is brave and beautiful, Ava. She is my world. Do you understand what that means?”
“Um...she makes your head spin?”
Finn's grin was crooked. “In all manner of ways, darlin'. But that wasn't quite what I was going for. It means I'm going to do anything and everything in my power to make her world somewhere she wants to stay for a long time.”
She melted. The man had a poet’s mouth sometimes, capable of leaving her shaking and moaning, quivering and wet. When he wasn’t using his voice to inspire her submission, that is.
Fuck, she really did love him.
Chapter 7
Finn
The door clicked shut behind his submissive and Finn leaned back in his chair with a groan.
Ava's innocence was so sweet, it hurt to think she was scared of opening up to him. His hands had been on her, inside her...there wasn't an inch of her he hadn't touched in their short time together. Except the vault in her head. As a man, he understood she had a past and that it influenced her life to date. As a Dom, it infuriated him not to be able to crack that vault. It was turning into a challenge, a puzzle, which he was definitely up to taking on, but what concerned him was what would come out of that Pandora's Box once he pried it open.
He couldn't risk it. Wouldn't risk her.
Hoping he was doing the right thing, Finn dug his phone from his pocket and weighed it in his palm. Once he got the ball rolling, he wasn't inclined to stop it. Ava needed help he couldn't give her, not the way she deserved. He could slap band aids on the wounds, keep her ticking along on the road they already traveled, but he couldn't fix her condition.
He clicked onto his contacts, scrolled down the screen to the one person he felt comfortable discussing this with. After pressing the call button, he set it onto loudspeaker and placed the phone on the desk. Propped his elbows on either side of it and rested his head in his hands as the room echoed with the long ringing bleats coming from the speakers.
“Who the hell is this?” a gruff voice, thick with distraction, barked.
Well, that was a sunny greeting. Finn hoped it wasn't an indicator as to how the rest of the conversation might go. “Sorry to bother you, Spencer. This is Finn McLeod, I don't know if you remember me or not. It's been a few weeks and I'm sure you've been busy since Roulette night.”
“Finn Mc-who?” Shit, was the Black Light manager seriously growling under his breath? “Boy, you'd best explain how the hell you got this number.”
Finn winced slightly, suddenly pleased he hadn't called when he'd originally planned to—at five this morning, just after breakfast. Carefully, he stepped around how he was calling the Dungeon Master of Black Light and got straight to the why. “Look, Spencer, I apologize for calling you out of the blue, but I really need a favor.”
“A favor?” Spence said dubiously, then made a suspicious noise in his throat. “Wait a second. McLeod. Roulette. Big fucker, ended up with the shy blonde. Billionaire rancher from Montana or some shit, right?”
Meh, close enough. “Yeah, let's roll with that.”
“I remember you. I’ll ask again: how did you get my private number?”
“Picked your business card up that night. Just in case. Didn't think I'd need it to be honest, but here we are. Trust
me, I wouldn't call you if I didn't need your help.”
Another disgruntled sigh. “Well, you have my attention so you might as well get whatever it is off your chest.”
“I need a shrink. A kink-friendly therapist experienced with cutting.”
“I'm thinking you haven't taken up self-harm since your night at the club.” Spencer huffed softly. “I know someone, a member of Black Light. I can't give you a name or number, McLeod, it goes against the confidentiality clause implemented by Jaxson. I'm going out on a limb here and assuming you're asking on behalf of the little blonde you hooked up with...Ariel? April?”
“Ava,” Finn responded. “You assume correctly.”
“Lucky me. Does she pose an immediate danger to herself?”
Finn lifted his head and pinched the bridge of his nose until he thought it might crack under the pressure. It was a question he'd asked himself a lot, and the answer was always no...with the possibility that today might just be the day no became yes. “I'm going to say she's borderline at the moment.”
A pretty, female voice murmured softly, too quietly for Finn to catch the words. Spencer's voice was softer, not quite screaming asshole when he spoke again. “Okay. I know what it's like to have a submissive in distress, so I'll do what I can. Like I said, I can't give you any details, but if I have your permission, I can get in touch with the relevant person and hand over your number. That's about as much as I'm able to do without breaking confidentiality.”
Relief swamped him. The first step was the hardest, but fuck, it felt damned good to have someone side with him in his corner. “I'm grateful for your help, Spencer. Anything you can do is appreciated.”
“I guess that's my cue to ask if you're holding up okay.”
“Me? We don't worry about me.”
Spencer's scowl was almost audible. “That's fucking ridiculous, McLeod. Who do you think will look after your sub if you burn out? And don't tell me Doms don't reach breaking point—we're all human, regardless of how strong and invincible we think we are. My advice? Whether the shrink I have in mind takes Ava on or finds you someone who will, you join the party and do some venting of your own.”
“I don't—”
“Listen or don't, McLeod, that's up to you. But to my thinking, there's no point getting your girl back on her feet only for you to hit rock bottom.” That, apparently, was the end of discussion. “I'll pass this number along. Keep your phone on you. Good luck.”
“Thanks—” Finn blinked as the line went dead. “Spencer. Nice talking to you, buddy,” he muttered to himself.
Perhaps the asshole had a point. It was surprising how much stress worrying about Ava put him under. Not that he minded, or would ever complain about it, but he might find himself with a few new gray hairs before this was over. He could cope with that, deal with the strain stretching through his back and shoulders, as long as Ava was with him at the end.
They couldn't reach the end without starting. Finn wasn't prepared to wait around all day on the off chance the shrink would call at an opportune time. He had to trust Spencer was a man of his word and would make initial contact on Finn's behalf.
Scrubbing his hands over his face, Finn pushed to his feet and set aside D.C. and the shrink for now. He'd set things rolling in that direction; now he had to switch his focus and concentrate on what Thomas was hiding from him. Sneaky little bastard. If he'd done anything to jeopardize the ranch, Finn would bury his body so deep, they wouldn't find him for centuries.
He scooped his phone off the desk, pocketing it as he strode toward the door with purpose. Fury simmered in his veins, a welcome relief to the fear rooting into his blood. It was a long drive to the east station, all cross-country, so he hoped he'd have his anger under control by then. Leaping from the truck and throttling Thomas with his bare hands wouldn't give Ava the warm and fuzzies.
Under the circumstances, he couldn't leave her behind while he dealt with whatever shit storm waited for him across the boundary line. Not while she was suffering with the need to harm herself, not when he couldn't trust her not to pick up a knife and cave to temptation. He'd promised to keep her close, and in doing so, she would learn more, become involved with the running of the ranch.
Today's lesson? How to kick ass and fire someone without committing homicide.
Finn slammed through the door, then berated himself for jumping the gun. He should probably wait and assess the situation before condemning a man to life without a head. Thomas's behavior was certainly suspicious, but there was a chance he felt intimidated or even threatened by Ava's addition to the employee pool. People got nervous about that shit, right?
It had been a long, long time since Finn had felt that apprehension of being replaced, of being thrown aside for someone more experienced. He could understand why Thomas reacted the way he had...if Finn had told him Ava was coming in as a trainee station manager or a position that held any authority over the boy.
No, there was something underhanded going on, and if Finn's luck held, he'd get there before Thomas removed the evidence. If the proof was as monumental as Finn's gut warned him, Thomas wouldn't have the time to do a thorough sweep. Bad things had a tendency to slip into the cracks where even bleach couldn't reach.
As he walked around the corner of the building, muttering to himself, he heard Ash holler him. Collecting himself, Finn raised a hand, then waited for his right-hand man to jog across. “Morning, Ash.”
“Boss. Got your message last night about the trip east. We got a load due out at ten if you want to hitch a ride.”
Finn paused and cocked his head. “What else is on the schedule for today? Outgoings and coming in.”
“Let me double check.” Ash took out his phone, tipped his hat lower to peer at the screen. “Three loads of bulling heifers coming in from west. We'll get them penned and check the tags. You haven't given me a rota of bulls yet, so they'll stay penned until you get back. Two hundred weanlings headed east at ten, another two hundred due to leave at four.”
Four hundred calves heading east, Finn mused. He shook his head slowly and, knowing he was bringing the entire process to its knees with his decision, made a choice. “Cancel the transport for the calves. Nothing heads east today. Bring in the heifers, settle them down.”
“What the fuck? Did something happen at Thomas's end?”
It galled to lie to his second in command, but Finn didn't have the luxury of telling Ash his suspicions. Until he confirmed them or kicked himself in the ass for being paranoid, he wouldn't sully Thomas's name unnecessarily. The only time a man got his name dragged through the dirt should be when he deserved it, and that meant solid proof of wrongdoing. “Not that I'm aware of. There's going to be some changes around here, Ash. In the way we run things, in the way we're operating over four stations. I don't like how we're segregated from the others.”
Clever blue eyes goggled at him like he was wearing a rack of antlers on his head. “Finn, were you abducted by aliens last night? Maybe the sex was too rough and you hit your head on something? Because this doesn't sound like you at all. The way we run the ranch is the way we've run it for years. It works.”
“It did,” Finn agreed, movement catching his eye. Ava had listened to him, he noted with some amusement. She lugged a massive cooler through the gate, both hands on the handle as she waddled with it banging against her thighs. “Like everything, a system works effectively for so long before it starts to fray at the edges. We're fraying, Ash, and we haven't realized it yet. We're going to reevaluate before we unravel and can't salvage anything.”
Ash's hand rasped over the stubble on his jaw as his eyes slid over to Ava. “This have anything to do with her?”
Finn's back grew hackles. Prepared to rip into another fight to defend his woman, he barely held onto his temper. “Ava needs a job, something to make her feel included. I've decided to put her in charge of welfare. She's had some suggestions I think could be profitable, and I believe a fresh pair of eyes is good for us.�
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“Uh-huh.” Another stubbly rasp, then Ash's hand dropped to his side as his shoulders lifted in a shrug. “Change never hurt anyone, I guess. Gonna baulk us for the next few days if we don't get the calves shifted by the end of the week, but you know that without me telling you. I'll give the go-ahead for the bulling heifers, put a stop on the calves. Anything else?”
Surprised by Ash's lack of animosity, Finn relaxed a fraction. “You don't have a problem with Ava being here?”
The blond snorted and grinned. “Problem? Nah. You've been a miserable bastard for a long while now, boss, no offence. Not like one of our local grizzlies just woken up, sure, but you haven't been happy. Things got better when you came back from D.C. in February, then slid down that rocky hill again...until you brought your little stray home. I figure if she can bring a smile to this craggy excuse of a face,” Ash ran his tongue around his teeth, “then she's worth the inconvenience of having a greenhorn hanging around. The girl's learning, no doubt, and if you don't mind me stating my opinion...she has enough grit to make a go of it here. I'm all for her staying if she's the missing piece.”
“The missing piece?”
“Yeah, you know. The piece of us that flies away when we're born, the piece we need to find to be whole again.” Ash lifted an eyebrow. “What, you don't believe in soulmates, boss?”
“I do, I just wasn't aware my best friend was such a romantic.” Chuckling in disbelief, Finn glanced over toward Ava, scowled when he noticed she was trying to heft the cooler into the back of his Dodge. What the hell had she actually packed in that thing? A dead body by the way she was struggling to lift it onto the back ramp. “She's the piece, Ash. Look, I'll catch up with you when I get back this afternoon. She's going to put her back out if she's not careful with that cooler.”
Black Light: Branded Page 12
