by Hadley Quinn
“That’s not— God, Jude, it was a mistake, okay? I had too much to drink, she was…she was very…”
“Very what?”
“Very needy. Do I really have to spell it out? I don’t even fucking blame her, okay? She just wanted some attention. She wasn’t getting it from you, so what do you expect?”
I wasn’t even going to argue with him. He was right. Other than treating her respectfully, we were not affectionate with each other in public.
“Is that all you have to tell me, Howie? Because the only thing I want to do right now is go back upstairs to my family.”
His face softened somewhat. “I’m happy for you, man. I heard about the orphans you adopted and stuff. That’s cool. Giving them a good home.”
I barely nodded and turned for the exit.
“Jude, hang on.” Turning around, I waited for a good ten seconds before he said, “About the band… Give me another shot, okay? I swear to God I’ve learned from my fuckups. I swear, Jude. Please give me another chance. I will beg if I have to. You know all of this has destroyed my career, right? I mean I do small stuff here and there but…I just want the music back. Please, Jude.”
There wasn’t a cruel bone in my body, and I certainly felt bad because I knew what it was like to miss out on a good thing, but I also believed in protecting myself and my family, and allowing him back in my life was not an option right now.
“Sorry, Howie, but the answer is no. If I do another tour, Wes will play bass for me. End of story.”
He looked crushed. Devastated. I didn’t like anyone to feel that way, but I wasn’t about to stick my neck out there for him again. I just didn’t feel like the association would ever be a good thing.
“Look, I forgive you, man. For whatever it’s worth, it’s done. In the past. Buried. Okay? I can forgive and move on, but I’m moving on without you this time.”
His face darkened as he slowly shook his head. I could feel it building inside of him and I mentally braced myself. “Fuck you, Jude. Fuck you, you fucking selfish piece of shit!”
I shrugged. “Fine. Fuck me. Is that what this is? Your apology was only contingent on me letting you back in my life?”
“You’re an arrogant asshole.”
“I don’t care what you call me. I’m living my life the way I want to live it and I’m happy. So there is nothing you can say to me that will affect the way I sleep tonight.”
As I turned for the door he laughed. “She was a good fuck, you know that?”
I knew that was coming, to which I replied, “Good for you.” Lily and I also hadn’t been affectionate with each other in private for the last few months of her life, either, to which I also added, “Oh hey, Howie? Did you know she was pregnant when she died?” I turned around to face him. “And guess what, it wasn’t mine.”
His face paled and he swallowed.
“Who knows if it was yours or someone else’s,” I continued, “but maybe you can figure it out. She died December 11th, you had her October 28th, she was six weeks along… I’m sure you can do the math. I’ve gone through enough hell over it, so don’t ever bring your conditional pleas to my doorstep again.”
I walked away. There was nothing more to say, and frankly, I felt like I was wasting my time anyway. I was glad we met up face to face and words were exchanged, but I had no interest in rebuilding bridges with Howie. Forgiveness I can provide; more chances that could hurt my family down the road? Nope.
I had an image in my head as I entered our apartment, and I was thankful Ivory was still in with the kids so I could return to that happy picture. She’d just put Ella in her crib and Nicolai was sacked out on the chair where they’d been reading.
This was the only kind of success I needed in my life.
Smiling, Ree motioned for me to transfer our little guy to his bed. I gave him a kiss and tucked him in, and then gave Ella a kiss next. Taking my wife’s hand, we retired to our own room for the night and got ready for bed. I gave her a recap of Howie’s conversation with me and she was disappointed but not surprised.
Talk quickly turned to the kids and she told me how Nicolai was trying to read with her and Ella was repeating his words.
“She’s so in love with her big brother,” she sighed, cuddling up next to me.
Her hand grazed over my stomach and inched down, which instantly turned me on. I moved to my side to face her, tucking her into my chest so her body was entirely against mine. “And I’m so in love with you.”
“Mmm,” I could feel her smile against me. “Right back at you, piano man. It’s a good thing our kids have such awesome parents with so much love like that.”
I lightly laughed. “I totally agree. And it’s a good thing we have such awesome kids with all of that love to give back to us.”
“I totally agree. And it’s a good thing we both want more to love because that night of passion on the piano worked its magic.” She snuggled up to me even closer. “I’m pregnant, Jude.”
The End
“Ladies and Gentlemen, your piano man has arrived…”
Other books by Hadley Quinn
The McCallans series
Kiss This
Tame This
Only This
Maybe This
The Fighter’s Block series
Donovan
Cole
Level Up
Always Be the ONE
Acknowledgements
I would like to say thank you for taking the time to read this novel. This industry has changed so much in the past couple of years and I know that readers have many choices when it comes to what books they read. I’m very grateful that mine has been one of yours.
A huge thank you to the artists who bless us with their talent; those of you who put your heart and soul into your work with the hopes of bettering the lives around you. You give us opportunities to feel, ponder, believe, and smile. The world would be such an empty place without the love and passion you fill it with.
To the many people who think of me on a daily basis, your support means everything to me. For the family that believes in me and loves me no matter what, thank you. To the authors that have become dear friends to me and are there for anything I need, thank you. And to the readers who share my work, cheer me on during every project, and purchase my books as soon as they are available…thank you!
I’d like to send my gratitude to those who have influenced my life or been a daily part of my writing in the past few months: Karen Creeley, Lynne Garlick, Sara Fuller, Lisa Survillas, Elizabeth Clinton, Randy Sewell, Michelle Sewell, Kimberly Cote, Stephanie Gibson, Paris Hansen, Kelly Ownby, Bethany Castaneda, Jodi Bird; and to all the other readers who have stepped in to help when I needed your personal input and questions answered… THANK YOU!
I am indeed very blessed <3
~Hadley Quinn
For the music lovers:
Playlist for IVORY
“Shots” (piano)- Imagine Dragons
“These Times”- SafetySuit
“Flight”- Lifehouse
“Only the Good Die Young”- Billy Joel
“Hallelujah”- Jeff Buckley
“Blowin’ in the Wind”- Bob Dylan
“Wild World”- Cat Stevens
“I Am”- AWOLNATION
“City of Angels” (piano)- Thirty Seconds to Mars
“You Got What I Need”- Joshua Radin
