by Mike Leigh
BEVERLY: Yeah? Great.
[Enter Laurence.]
BEVERLY: What’s the matter?
LAURENCE: Nothing. Tony, I wonder if you could give me a hand for a moment, please?
BEVERLY: Won’t the car start?
LAURENCE: No.
ANGELA: Go on, Tony!
TONY: All right!
[Tony follows Laurence out.]
BEVERLY: Mind you don’t go getting dirt on your suit. All right, Tone? [She concludes pouring drinks.] Ang.
ANGELA: Thanks.
BEVERLY: Cheers.
ANGELA: Cheers.
BEVERLY: Ang: would you mind if I asked you a personal question?
ANGELA: No.
BEVERLY: Now, please don’t be offended when I say this, but, what colour lipstick are you wearing?
ANGELA: A pinky red.
BEVERLY: A pinky red! Now, can you take a little bit of criticism? Please don’t be offended when I say this, but, you’re wearing a very pretty dress, if I may say so; now, you see that pink ribbon down the front? If you’d chosen, Ang, a colour slightly nearer that pink, I think it would have blended more with your skin tones; d’you know what I mean?
ANGELA: A paler colour.
BEVERLY: A slightly paler colour. Now, can I give you a tip?
ANGELA: … yes.
BEVERLY: Now, okay. I can see what you’ve done: you’ve just sat down in front of your mirror, and you’ve put your lipstick on. Now, this is something I always used to tell my customers, and it always works … now, next time, just sit down in front of your mirror, and relax. And just say to yourself, ‘I’ve got very beautiful lips.’ Then take your lipstick and apply it, and you’ll see the difference, Ang. Because then you will be applying your lipstick to every single corner of your mouth, d’you know what I mean? Will you try it for me next time?
ANGELA: Yes.
BEVERLY: Just sit down in front of your mirror, and relax, and say to yourself –
ANGELA: ‘I’ve got very beautiful lips.’
BEVERLY: And I promise you you’ll see the difference, Ang! Okay?
ANGELA: Thanks.
[The front door bell chimes.]
BEVERLY: Would you excuse me just one minute, Ang?
[Beverly goes out. Angela helps herself to a cheese-pineapple savoury. Meanwhile, starting offstage:]
BEVERLY: Hi, Sue.
SUSAN: Hello, Beverly.
BEVERLY: Come in.
SUSAN: Thank you.
BEVERLY: All right, Sue?
SUSAN: Yes, thank you.
BEVERLY: Come through.
SUSAN: I’m sorry I’m a bit late.
BEVERLY: Now, don’t worry, Sue, that’s all right. Would you like to slip your jacket off?
SUSAN: Oh, thank you.
BEVERLY: Everything all right, Sue?
SUSAN: Yes, I think so. I hope so.
BEVERLY: Come through and say hello. Ang: this is Sue. Sue, this is Ang.
ANGELA: Hello.
SUSAN: How d’you do.
BEVERLY: Sue’s from Number 9.
ANGELA: Oh, we’ve just moved into Number 16.
SUSAN: Oh, really?
BEVERLY: Yeah, you know the Macdonalds’ old house, Sue?
SUSAN: Yes.
BEVERLY: Yeah. Sit down, Sue. I’ll just pop your coat in the hall. [Going] Won’t be a sec. Make yourself at home, Sue!
SUSAN: Thank you. [She puts a wrapped bottle on the bar, and proceeds to sit down.]
ANGELA: We’ve only been here a fortnight.
SUSAN: Oh, really?
[Beverly returns.]
BEVERLY: Did you bring that, Sue?
SUSAN: Yes.
BEVERLY: Is it for us?
SUSAN: Yes.
BEVERLY: Oh, thank you, Sue!
SUSAN: It’s nothing very special, I’m afraid.
BEVERLY: Ah. Isn’t that kind, Ang?
ANGELA: Yes.
SUSAN: Not at all.
BEVERLY [Unwrapping the bottle]: Oh, lovely! ’Cos Laurence likes a drop of wine, actually. Oh, it’s Beaujolais. Fantastic! Won’t be a sec, I’ll just pop it in the fridge. [She goes to kitchen.]
ANGELA: I’m so pleased to meet you. I want to meet all the neighbours.
SUSAN: Yes.
[Beverly returns.]
BEVERLY: Now, Sue: what would you like to drink?
SUSAN: I’ll have a glass of sherry, please.
BEVERLY: Sherry, are you sure?
SUSAN: Yes. Thank you.
BEVERLY: ’Cos we’ve got everything. There’s gin, whisky, vodka, brandy, whatever you’d like. Would you like a little gin-and-tonic, Sue? ’Cos me and Ang are drinking gin-and-tonic, actually.
SUSAN: All right – thank you.
BEVERLY: Ice and lemon?
SUSAN: Yes, please.
BEVERLY: Great.
ANGELA: It’s a nice drink, gin-and-tonic, isn’t it?
SUSAN: Yes, it is.
ANGELA: Refreshing. [Tony returns during:] Sometimes I drink lager-and-lime. Say I’m in a pub with my husband, I’ll drink that. But I prefer this.
TONY: Can I wash me hands, please?
BEVERLY: Yes, just one second, Tone, while I finish making Sue’s drink. Sorry: Sue – this is Tony.
ANGELA: My husband.
ANGELA: Did you push it all right?
TONY: Yeah. The battery was flat.
BEVERLY: Sue!
SUSAN: Thank you.
BEVERLY: Cheers.
SUSAN: Oh, cheers.
BEVERLY: Now. Tony, hands! Come through. (She takes him to kitchen.] Soap and towel there. Okay?
TONY: Ta.
ANGELA: D’you work?
SUSAN: No. No, I don’t.
ANGELA: I’m a nurse.
SUSAN: Oh.
ANGELA: At St Mary’s in Walthamstow.
SUSAN: Oh, yes.
ANGELA: Beverly says your daughter’s having a party. Is that right?
SUSAN: That’s right, yes.
ANGELA: Has it started yet?
SUSAN: Yes. Yes, it has.
BEVERLY: All right, Tone?
TONY: Yes, thank you.
BEVERLY: Come through.
[He comes through.]
Drink’s on there. Like to sit down?
TONY: Ta.
BEVERLY: Now then, Sue, let’s see … would you like a little cigarette?
SUSAN: Oh. No, thank you.
BEVERLY: Are you sure?
SUSAN: Yes. Thank you.
BEVERLY: Perhaps you’ll have one a little bit later on. And I know Angela doesn’t want one. Now, everybody all right?
TONY: Yes, thank you.
ANGELA: Yes, lovely, thanks.
SUSAN: Yes. Thank you.
BEVERLY: Yes? Great!
[Rock music starts at Number 9, not especially loud.]
BEVERLY: Aye aye! It’s started, Sue.
ANGELA: They’ve got the record-player going, haven’t they? They’re going to have fun, aren’t they?
BEVERLY: Sounds like it.
SUSAN: I hope so.
ANGELA: How old is she, your daughter?
SUSAN: Fifteen.
ANGELA: What does she look like? ’Cos I might have seen her.
SUSAN: Oh. Well, she’s quite tall, and she’s got fair hair, quite long fair hair.
ANGELA: She hasn’t got a pink streak in her hair, has she?
SUSAN: Yes.
BEVERLY: Yeah, that’s Abigail! And she wears those jeans, Ang, with patches on, and safety-pins right down the side, and scruffy bottoms.
ANGELA: Yes, I’ve seen her.
SUSAN: And plumber’s overalls.
BEVERLY: Yeah, plumber’s overalls. She makes me die, you know!
ANGELA: I’ve seen her: she was standing outside your gate with a friend. And you’ve seen her as well, haven’t you? Getting off that motorbike.
TONY: Yeah.
ANGELA: How many people are coming to the party?
BEVERLY: About fifteen, isn’t it, Sue?
&nbs
p; SUSAN: Well, it was fifteen. Then it went up to twenty, and last night I gathered it was twenty-five.
BEVERLY: It’s creeping up, Sue.
SUSAN: I’ve told her that’s the limit. Well, I think that’s enough. Don’t you?
BEVERLY: Definitely, Sue, yeah, definitely.
ANGELA: Yeah.
BEVERLY: But, this is it with teenagers: okay, they tell you twenty-five; but a friend invites a friend: that friend invites another friend; and it creeps up till you end up with about seventy or eighty. This is it. This is the danger!
TONY: I’ve just seen a couple of people arriving, actually.
SUSAN: Yes. Nice of them to help you with the car.
TONY: Oh, no – not them: a couple of coloured chaps and a girl roared up in a Ford Capri.
SUSAN: Oh, really? [Pause.] Well, there were only half a dozen there when I left … When I was asked to leave.
BEVERLY: Yeah, this is it, isn’t it? They don’t want Mum sitting there, casting a beady eye on all the goings-on, do they?
ANGELA: No. Not when they get to fifteen. When I was fifteen I really wanted a party of my own, and my Dad, he’d never let me. You see, I’ve got four sisters. Haven’t I, Tony?
TONY: Yeah.
ANGELA: And I think he was a little bit worried that I’d invite all my friends, and they’d bring along a few of theirs, and we’d end up with a houseful.
BEVERLY: This is it.
ANGELA: And he was worried about people pinching things, and things getting broken.
BEVERLY: Have you locked your silver away, Sue?
SUSAN: No, I haven’t got any. Well, not much, anyway. I’ve put a few things upstairs; just in case of accidents.
ANGELA: Yes, well, it’s better to, isn’t it? ’Cos it can easily happen.
BEVERLY: Yeah.
ANGELA: Like that egg-timer. Tony was furious. It was a wedding present.
BEVERLY: Don’t get me wrong, Sue: I wasn’t meaning that any of Abigail’s friends are thieves – please don’t think that. But, you don’t know who you get at a party. And let’s face it: people are light-fingered.
ANGELA: Yes.
[Pause.]
BEVERLY: D’you leave your carpets down, Sue?
SUSAN: Er–yes.
ANGELA: Have you got fitted carpets?
SUSAN: Yes.
ANGELA: Yes … we’ve got fitted carpets. The Macdonalds left them all. They were inclusive in the price of the house.
SUSAN: Oh?
ANGELA: And we’re very lucky, because we got the price of the house down from twenty-two thousand to twenty-one thousand.
SUSAN: Really?
ANGELA: I don’t know what we’ll do about our carpets when we have a party. ’Cos we’re having a party soon, aren’t we?
TONY: Housewarming.
ANGELA: Yeah. You’ll have to come.
SUSAN: Thank you.
BEVERLY: This is it, though, isn’t it, with fitted carpets you don’t know what to do for the best. Particularly with teenagers. Because let’s face it, they’re not as careful as, say, we would be, d’you know what I mean, they don’t think; I mean, they’ve got a drink in one hand, a cigarette in the other, they’re having a bit of a dance, and the next thing you know is it’s cigarette on your carpet, and stubbed out.
ANGELA: Is it your daughter’s birthday?
SUSAN: No. She just wanted a party. No particular reason.
BEVERLY: Yeah, well, they don’t need a reason these days, do they? Any excuse for a bit of a rave-up – what do they call it, freak out? D’you get that beer, Sue?
SUSAN: Yes. I got four of those big tins, and some Pomagne.
ANGELA: Oh, that’s nice, isn’t it?
SUSAN: Yes, it is.
BEVERLY: It’s funny, at that age we used to drink Bulmer’s Cider. We used to say, ‘A glass of cider, and she’s anybody’s.’
ANGELA: I got very drunk on champagne at our wedding. D’you remember?
TONY: Yeah.
BEVERLY: Gives you a terrible headache, champagne, doesn’t it?
ANGELA: Yes. In the morning.
BEVERLY: Yeah, shocking. D’you get any spirits, Sue?
SUSAN: No. No, I didn’t.
BEVERLY: No. You’re very wise. ’Cos they’re so expensive, aren’t they? And let’s face it, if they want to drink spirits, they can bring their own. Particularly the older boys. ’Cos they’re working, aren’t they? I mean, there will be older boys at the party, won’t there?
SUSAN: Oh, yes.
BEVERLY: Yeah. Well, let’s face it, Ang, when you’re fifteen you don’t want to go out with a bloke who’s fifteen, do you?
ANGELA: No.
BEVERLY: ’Cos they’re babies, aren’t they? I mean, when I was fifteen, I was going out with a bloke who was twenty-one.
[Pause.]
How’s Abigail getting on with that bloke, by the way, Sue?
SUSAN: I’m not sure: I daren’t ask.
BEVERLY: Mind you, I reckon you’re better to let her go out with as many blokes as she wants to at that age, rather than sticking to the one. Don’t you agree with me, Ang?
ANGELA: Yes. How many boyfriends has she got?
SUSAN: I don’t know. I don’t think she really knows herself.
ANGELA: Footloose and fancy free!
BEVERLY: Actually, Sue, I was just thinking: it might be a good idea if a little bit later on, if Laurence and Tony pop down there. Now I don’t mean go in; but, just to check that everything’s all right; put your mind at rest. Don’t you agree with me, Ang?
ANGELA: Yes, it’s a good idea. You don’t mind do you?
TONY: No.
SUSAN: It’s very nice of you. But I don’t think it’ll be necessary.
TONY: Your husband’s away, then, is he?
SUSAN: No. We’ve split up, actually.
ANGELA: Are you separated, or divorced?
SUSAN: Divorced.
ANGELA: When did you get divorced?
SUSAN: Three years ago.
ANGELA: Oh, well: that’s given you time to sort of get used to it, hasn’t it? We’ve been married three years – three years in September, isn’t it?
BEVERLY: Yeah, me and Laurence have been married three years, actually.
ANGELA: Oh, it’s funny – we were all getting married about the same time as you were getting divorced!
SUSAN: What a coincidence.
ANGELA: Yes! Where is he now? D’you know?
SUSAN: Yes. He lives quite near here, actually.
ANGELA: Oh, that’s nice. D’you keep in touch?
SUSAN: Yes.
BEVERLY: Yeah, he pops over to see the kids, doesn’t he, Sue?
SUSAN: Yes. He comes every Sunday.
ANGELA: Does he?
SUSAN: For lunch.
ANGELA: Ah, lovely. Is he coming tomorrow?
SUSAN: I expect so.
ANGELA: Ah, that’s nice – for the kids.
BEVERLY: Yeah, well, let’s face it, Sue, whatever you say about him, he is their father, isn’t he?
SUSAN: Yes.
BEVERLY: Mind you, I don’t believe in people sticking together for the sake of the kids. To me, that is wrong. I mean, take my parents, for example. Now, you might not believe this, Sue, but it’s the truth: my parents have not spoken to each other for twenty years, and as long as I can remember, my father has slept in the box-room on his own.
ANGELA: Yeah, well, that’s like my father: he’s terrible to my mother.
BEVERLY: Is he?
ANGELA: He hardly speaks to her.
BEVERLY: Yeah. You see, it’s not fair, is it, Ang? I mean, take my mum, right? She’s sixty and she’s ever so sweet – she wouldn’t hurt a fly. But, she’s really ill with her nerves. And why? It’s a result of all the rows that have been going on.
ANGELA: Yes, well, that’s like my mum. She’s been very ill for five years, seriously ill with a blood disease.
BEVERLY: Ah!
ANGELA: She might die at any moment
.
BEVERLY: Really?
ANGELA: But it doesn’t make any difference: my dad’s still as rotten to her as he’s always been.
BEVERLY: Is he? Yeah, you see, it’s not fair, is it! I mean, this is the truth: if my father was to drop dead tomorrow, I wouldn’t care. ’Cos I hate him. We all hate him. But, he’s the kind of bloke, he’ll live till he’s ninety. Whereas your Mum, bless her, she could do with her good health, and she hasn’t got it. Now to me, it’s all wrong. I mean, they say The Good Die Young, and I’m afraid it’s true.
ANGELA: Yeah, well, it’s like Tony’s dad: he just walked out and left Tony’s mum, and you were only about three, weren’t you?
TONY: You like living round here, do you?
SUSAN: Yes. It’s a very pleasant area.
[Pause.]
ANGELA: What did your husband do?
SUSAN: He’s an architect.
ANGELA: Oh, that’s a good job, isn’t it?
ANGELA: Well paid.
SUSAN: Yes, it can be. It’s quite a long training, though.
ANGELA: Yes.
BEVERLY: Has David married again, Sue?
SUSAN: Yes.
ANGELA: Oh, well: it’s a good job that he’s got a good job, then, isn’t it? I mean, if he’s got two families to support.
BEVERLY: Have they got any children, Sue?
SUSAN: No. But she wants some. So they’re trying. But they don’t seem to have had any success so far.
ANGELA: Does she come over on Sundays?
SUSAN: No, he comes on his own.
ANGELA: Oh, but I suppose like, when your kids go over there, it’s nice for her ’cos she’s got a little ready-made family.
SUSAN: Well, they don’t go over there, actually. Well, hardly ever.
ANGELA: Don’t you get on with her?
SUSAN: No. Well – I hardly know her, really.
ANGELA: Well, I mean … if your husband runs off with another woman, well …!
BEVERLY [going to bar]: Well, let’s face it, Ang, you can hardly be the best of mates, can you, d’you know what I mean?
ANGELA: No.
BEVERLY: Now, would anybody like another drink? Ang?
ANGELA: Thanks.
BEVERLY: Sue?
SUSAN: I still have some, thank you.
BEVERLY: Yeah, come on, Sue: I’ll just give you a little top-up. That’s it. Now, Tone: another drink?
TONY: Ta.
[Beverly pouring drinks.]
ANGELA: I think more and more people are getting divorced these days, though.
BEVERLY: Yeah, definitely, Ang. Mind you, I blame a lot of it on Women’s Lib. I do. And on permissiveness, and all this wife-swapping business. Don’t you, Tone?
