My panting became worse, if I didn’t get out of here soon, I was going to pass out. I pulled myself together the best I could and tried to look hard. Not an easy feat when my lungs felt like they were going to explode.
“There’s nothing to share Reece, yeah we kissed once, and it was okay. But I don’t really like boys; I only date men,” I taunted. It killed me to lie to him; that kiss was amazing, but I needed to push him, hard.
Reece didn’t get angry; he didn’t let me go either. Instead, he dipped down and brushed those soft lips across mine. I felt my panic start to wane, just a bit, as I relaxed against his gentle kiss.
“Liar,” he whispered as he took my mouth again.
The clapping broke the magic that was happening. I pushed Reece away and felt the panic start all over again. “I’m saving you, Reece! T-t-trust me, maybe not now, because it’s exciting to chase me, to hunt me, but someday you’re gonna want me to fit into your life and when you realize I don’t know how, that I’m a liability; you'll bolt. Exactly like you did before! J-just like everyone does. I won’t do that to you, or to me! I wouldn’t survive it, Reece,” I wheezed out sounding like an asthmatic banshee.
I turned and ran out of the cafeteria, leaving Reece just staring after me. I fought the tears that wanted to fall. By the time I reached my dorm, I was in full-blown panic mode. I tried to calm down.
Beaches, mountains, sunsets, I ran the list through my head. I laid on my bed and tried to take deep breaths. Nothing worked; I felt like I couldn’t breathe, my chest ached, and I felt my head throb. Moments later, my vision blurred, and I blacked out.
Reece
I stood in the middle of the cafeteria. I just stared at the door. I didn’t think I could move. I had her, in my hands, and somehow she slipped away… again.
“Not to be an ass, but I think that ship has sailed my friend,” Ron remarked, clapping me on the shoulder.
Dazed, I followed him back to the table. I looked around at my friends; most wouldn’t even look at me. Ryan was the only one that smiled at me. Shit, even my friends, thought I was an idiot.
I had pursued Synclair for months with a single goal. Win her back, make her see I wasn’t going to leave. I thought for sure once she got the clue that I was serious; she would stop running, and we could move forward in our relationship. I had tried hard; even my friends had been giving me shit about how whipped I was. I didn’t care because I was sure it would all pay off. Synclair wasn’t going to be my ‘flavor of the week’ she was going to marry me someday; she just didn’t know it yet.
“Well, March Madness is tomorrow, so I’m thinking your toast on this bet anyway." I glared at Ron. I had already told him I didn’t give a fuck about the freaking bet.
“Screw off Ron, the guy’s heart is bleeding here. It was a fucked-up bet, anyway; I like the girl, and I think she’s a nice person. You shouldn’t give up Reece,” Ryan chimed in. Ryan was always the fair one in the group. Always the one to smooth over arguments, and this time was no exception.
I didn’t know where to go from here, I didn’t know how to reach her. I saw her pained face; I saw her fighting for her next breath, and nothing I did or said had gotten through that thick wall she had built. Maybe I just needed to face the facts. The walls around that woman’s heart were just too tall for anyone to climb.
Synclair
The insistent ringing of my phone pulled me awake. Without opening my eyes, I reached into my pocket and grudgingly pulled it out. I flipped it open and saw my mother’s name. Sighing, I rejected the call and rolled over. I was tired and didn’t feel like listening to my mother rant. Then I remembered what had happened. I sat up so fast, my head spun. Falling back against the pillows I groaned. Not only had I just walked away from the most amazing guy; I had gone and had a panic attack. Then I had run to me room and fainted! Damn! Passing out was sooooo, not okay. I was about to roll over and try to pretend today didn’t happen when my phone rang again.
Shit. Flipping open the phone I barked, “What is it, mom?” I threw my arm over my eyes.
“Syn, baby, I’m in trouble.” I sat up. I had never heard my mother’s voice shake before.
“You're always is trouble mom, what have you done now?” I was trying to stay calm. It could be nothing; mom was always melodramatic. I was not going to fall for her crap anymore.
“Baby it’s bad; I don’t think I’m going to make it.” I heard muffled voices then a crash. “No! Wait please!” She yelled at someone, and the call went dead.
I jumped up from the bed. I glanced at the wall clock; it was almost eleven. I had slept for hours. I changed out of my shorts and pulled on jeans and a tee shirt. Throwing my mess of curls back in a ponytail, I grabbed my keys and jetted out the door.
Running out to the busy street in front of campus, it didn’t take much to flag down a cab. When I told him where to go, he gave me a double take. I ignored him and went back to calling my mom. I had called her six times, and all six had gone straight to voicemail. Who had she been yelling at? What was that crash I heard? Was she even at the hotel by Freemont? What if she had moved? There were too many questions and no way to answer them. I was going to call Uncle Jack, but the cab pulled up to the ratty hotel mom lived in.
Giving the taxi driver his money, I turned to get out of the cab. “Hey, you want me to wait here for you? Just in case, no charge if you’re back in fifteen minutes, I’m going to eat my sandwich anyway,” the kind cabbie asked.
I smiled; I had gotten one of the few caring cabbies in Vegas. “That would be great, thanks.”
I climbed out of the cab and walked to my mother’s room and knocked. I knocked for about five minutes, but no one answered. Then suddenly, the door flew open, and there she was.
“Syn, baby, I knew you’d come.” She cried, flinging her bony arms around me. I hugged her back, grimacing at the ribs that were protruding from her frame. I pulled back and looked at her. Her hazel eyes were shallow and dim; she had to weigh under a hundred pounds, judging, by the way, her blouse and leggings were hanging off of her. Her cheeks were sunken, and her arms had fresh needle marks in them.
Separating myself from her, I asked, “What’s going on mom, are you hurt?” Other than the obvious, I didn’t see any bruises or welts. She smiled, and I could see where two of her teeth were now missing. Lovely, crack whore couture.
“Come in, come in, I want you to meet Marco.” Rolling my eyes as she tugged me into the room, I looked around.
There was a towel on the bed; it contained needles, a lighter, a spoon and two bags of heroin. Look! A DIY kit for losers!
The drugs weren’t what made me anxious. What made me nervous was the guy in the cheap suit, and gold-capped teeth leering at me. His greasy, slicked-back hair and gold chain made me want to laugh. He looked like came from a Scarface movie. I stopped just inside the room. Something in the air changed, whatever was going on; I wasn’t going to like it.
“Marco, this is my daughter Syn, I told you she was gorgeous right?” My mother crooned, playing with my hair.
Now I knew something was off; my mother had never called me gorgeous in my life, and she never touched me.
“You weren’t lying, Aggie, she's a knockout, with that rack and that ass…Damn. I’m telling you, good things will happen,” Marco boasted. My mother smiled.
My creep meter exploded, and I took a step back towards the door.
“Since you’re obviously okay mom, I’ll leave you and Rico Suave here alone.” I turned to go, but my mother grabbed my arm in a death grip. For skin and bones, she sure had a good grip.
“You can’t go yet baby, you need to greet Marco properly. He’s gonna help us out,” she pleaded. I could feel her hands shaking where she was holding my arm.
Deciding to hear this crazy notion out, I looked at Marco. He was standing by the bed, licking his lips. Ugh.
“Well, hello Marco, beat up any hookers today?” I asked in a fake, sweet voice.
My mother gasped,
apparently pimp humor was not appreciated it. Marco didn’t frown though. He smiled, showing all of his gold-capped teeth. His dark eyes narrowed, and I got the feeling I was in trouble.
“Baby, be a good girl. Marco’s gonna make it so that I am never without my medicine, I’ll never be sick again. You don’t want me to be sick, right?” She looked like a child begging for a cookie before dinner.
I had to smirk at her wording. Medicine. She had always called her drugs medicine as if she suffered from some ailment that needed constant medication to keep it under control. I shook of her death grip and glared at her.
“Advil is medicine; antibiotics are medicine, mom!” I shouted stomping past Marco to the bed. I picked up the two bags of heroin and flung them at the wall. “That is not medicine mom! It's a drug, an illegal one, a deadly one, it's not helping you! It's killing you!” I hated that I was right back where I said I would never be again. Having the same argument we have always had and never getting anywhere. Brick wall, meet head, I thought bitterly.
I watched my mom dive at the wall where I had thrown the drugs. She desperately pulled away the clothes and boxes to get to the two bags that had fallen behind everything. It was pitiful.
“We’re good... aren’t we good Marco? You meant it right? All I could have?” My mom rambled as she tugged the plastic baggies from behind a small box. I didn’t know what her rambling meant, but she reminded me of the kid who got the toy from the bottom of the Lucky Charms box.
“Sure babe, as long as Syn holds up her end of the bargain,” he sneered.
As long as Syn...What? My mind hurried to catch up; I didn’t want to believe it. Had my mother just traded me to this pimp for drugs?
“What the hell is he talking about mom?” I shouted, in a voice that gave away my rising panic. I took a step toward the door, but Marco blocked me.
“Mom!” I shouted. There was enough shrill to my voice that she looked up from the baggies in her hands and looked at me.
“You’re a good girl Syn; I know you are. You’re still a virgin, aren’t you Syn?” Of course, I was a virgin, but there was no way I was going to announce that to Mr. Creepy here. He had edged so close to me that I could smell his Walgreens aftershave and sweat. So gross, so very, very gross!
“What the hell did you do mom?” I yelled, not taking my eyes of Marco. My mother was behind me, but there was no way I was turning around; I wasn’t giving this man my back, for a second.
“It’s only one-time baby; it just hurts for a second, I promise,” she crooned from behind me. The horror of what she had done started to seep in when she continued, “Marco has a guy who’s willing to pay twenty grand for a virgin, then Marco will make sure I always have my medicine, for free baby, isn’t that wonderful?” From the sound of her happy voice, she certainly thought it was a deal.
My eyes widened in a mixture of horror and disbelief. I looked at my mother, who was greedily clutching the heroin bags like a lifeline, to Marco, who was licking his lips and staring at me with unchecked lust.
Some string inside me that had always held out hope for my mom, broke. In one second, images and dreams of her getting clean, getting a job or being the mom I needed were gone. It hurt; it hurt so much I felt like I might break from the pain. The only redeeming quality my mother ever had was that she’d protected me from all of these men, men who wanted to touch me, hurt me and scare me. She used bats, dishware, and even a knife once to make one guy leave me alone. Whoever my mother was before the drugs, whomever she was in my fantasies, either was no longer there or was never there to begin with.
Anger at all the years I had spent hoping and wishing came bubbling up.
“You,” I pointed to Marco. “Are about ten seconds away from embarrassing yourself, so get the fuck out of my way,” I ordered in a voice so cold; I didn’t recognize it.
“Aggie, your girl, wants to back out,” he called over my shoulder.
“What?” I laughed bitterly. “You think telling my mommy on me is going to make me a whore for you?” I laughed harder.
I heard my mother come up behind me. She put a hand on my shoulder, but I shook it off. I turned my head and glared at her.
“I’m your daughter, how can you ask me to whore for you? How can you choose heroin over your child?” I asked, already knowing the answer. I had always known; I just didn’t want to admit it. She had consistently chosen drugs when it came down to them or me, I was always the loser.
My mother actually reared back as if she’d been slapped. I found it ironic that the drug addict, prostitute, who was trying to pimp me off, looked hurt.
“I made Aggie a deal; baby, and now you belong to me. Now, we can do this the easy way, or the hard way,” he growled.
I turned back to face him. This was it; this would be the moment I would break from this part of my life forever. I would never again step foot in this place; I would never again come to the rescue of the woman who had done nothing but choose drugs over me for twenty years. Done, I was done. The only thing separating me from my new life was this asshole. Yeah, it was on. Bring it on Scarface!
“Well, what’s it gonna be baby? Easy or hard?” He asked again, rubbing his hands together in anticipation.
“Hard!” I yelled, spinning in a perfect roundhouse kick to his stomach. I watched as he fell backward and hit the back of his head on the in-room air conditioner, it knocked him out cold. Score one for kickboxing class! “And don’t ever call me Baby, asshole,” I spat as I stepped over him to the open door.
I pulled the door wider and looked back at my mother. Her face was filled sadness and confusion. “I will never see you again, as far as I’m concerned, I no longer have a mother.” Maybe I never did.
With my face tilted toward the night sky, I left my mom behind. I walked downstairs, happy to see the cabbie was still there. Shaking, I opened the door and crawled in.
“You okay kid?” He asked, concern filling his aging features.
I gave him a tight smile. I wasn’t okay; I was far from okay. I had no one, except Uncle Jack. I thought about going there, but I just wasn’t ready for twenty questions. Why was I so hard to love? Was it a genetic thing? Was I destined to be alone? Sighing, I thanked the cabbie when he pulled up to campus. It was almost one in the morning, and every step felt like I was walking through quicksand. Crying was out of the question, I would not waste tears on that woman.
I reached my dorm and was so lost in my own thoughts that I almost tripped over something or someone laying in front of my door.
“What the hell?” I squealed as I grabbed the wall to keep from toppling over.
Reece stared at me from his perch on the ground. His green eyes looked sad; his dark hair was flat against his head as if he had showered recently.
“I thought you were gone! I've been sitting here forever, and I’m going to continue to sit here until you agree to let me in,” his voice was almost a whisper. I could tell by his stubborn expression that he meant more than just letting him in my room. Reece wanted in my heart and I was too tired to fight him or myself.
Sighing, I opened the door, stepped over him and walked inside. He followed me in before I could shut it. As if he sensed my need to bolt, he leaned back against the metal door, effectively trapping me.
For a moment, we just stared at each other. I wanted nothing more than to collapse in his arms, tell him all about my mom, beg him not to leave me. I didn’t do any of that. I couldn’t. Here was this good-looking man with a future, a family, and friends. I was just a girl whose mother tried to sell her virginity to a drug dealer!
I needed to make him understand that we could never be. “Reece I...” He sprang from the door, grabbed my face in his hands and lowered his lips to mine. Too weak to deny him, I threw my arms around his neck and kissed him back. All too soon, he pulled back. We were both breathing hard.
“I don’t want to hear about how terrible we are for each other; I don’t care how differently we grew up. I just want you to tell
me one thing, just one thing, okay?” he pleaded.
“Wait,” I practically shouted.
I let out an exasperated breath. Reece Hudson was standing in my dorm room, again trying to convince me to give us a shot. My mother had just attempted to barter me for drugs and here was this beautiful, handsome man, begging me for a chance. I didn’t want to think of my mother or what the creepy man had wanted from me. I just wanted someone to love me; I needed someone to make it all go away.
“Do you still want me, Reece?” My voice was small.
His green eyes gazed intensely into my mine. I noticed his hands were shaking as he cupped my face. “Yes, sweetheart, I want you, not just for a night; I want you for real. I want you forever!”
I smiled, relieved that I hadn’t totally blown things with him. “I want you too, Reece; I want you to make everything go away, can you do that? I know it sounds bad, but I just need you to love me tonight. I can’t feel anything, I'm so numb, please Reece, make me feel,” I begged. I couldn’t help it. If he turned me away, I was going to die. I needed him so much, I physically ached.
He didn’t make me wait long. He took a step back and pulled his tee shirt over his head. I almost gasped. My fantasy of Reece didn’t do him justice. I wanted to run my tongue along each muscled pec, down each chiseled ab; my panties were drenched with anticipation. He stepped forward, and I instinctively took a step back. His hurt expression tore at me.
“I would never hurt you Synclair, anytime you want to stop, you say the word.”
His gentle voice made me want him more. I grabbed the hem of my shirt, pulled it off, and tossed it behind me. My bra, jeans, and panties followed. If I was going to be all in, then I was going to give him everything. I stood there, waiting to see if he liked what he saw, or if I was disappointing.
Before The Dawn: Prequel to Back to You - Synclair and Reece! See Where It All Began! (A Hudson Family Series- PREQUEL to BACK TO YOU! Book 0) Page 7
