Table of Contents
Title Page
A Sense of Obligation
Dedication
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Coming Soon from Barbara Silkstone…
Also by Rose Fairbanks
Acknowledgments
About the Author
A Pride and Prejudice Variation
Rose Fairbanks
A Sense of Obligation
Published by Rose Fairbanks
©2015 Rose Fairbanks
Early drafts of this work were posted online.
All Rights Reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews, without permission in writing from its publisher and author.
Several passages in this novel are paraphrased from the works of Jane Austen.
This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to characters, whether living or dead, is not the intention of this author.
Dedication
To my husband, who never ceases to amaze me with his continued love, support and general Darcy-ness. To my children who keep me laughing. To my readers who always keep me writing. I love you all!
Chapter One
The first rays of sunlight filtered through the flimsy, but fashionable, curtains of Fitzwilliam Darcy’s bedchamber at Netherfield Park. Darcy groaned a little at the light and tried to ignore the signs of dawn in hopes of returning to his dream. It had been the most erotic and satisfying dream of his life; it nearly felt real.
“The best feeling ever,” he muttered to himself, only to have his sleep-addled mind reply, nothing could feel better than last night with Elizabeth Bennet.
The thought made him suddenly sit up in alarm, which made his head swell in pain. With a sinking feeling, he noticed his tangled bedclothes and felt a familiar sticky substance between his...bare...legs.
No, no, no. This is impossible, he thought. He was a gentleman; he did not importune innocent ladies, daughters of gentlemen, and Elizabeth Bennet had too much sense to succumb to any man’s seduction, let alone his. She did not seem to court his good opinion like most other ladies he knew. Darcy did not think she would attempt a scheme to entrap him, but neither did he think her in love with him or wanton.
He felt certain his earlier thought was the mark of a befuddled mind, caused by too much brandy from the night before if his headache was any sign. However, as he slowly disentangled himself from his bedclothes, he spied a red stain on the white bed linens.
Impossible! He told himself again. Surely, it was from an injury he unknowingly acquired. And then he saw it. A lady’s handkerchief embroidered with wildflowers, monogrammed ERB, with another blood stain.
He quickly checked himself for any sign of injury and found none. His senses became more alert as he recognised the lingering scent of lavender on his person.
“Dear Lord, forgive me!” he cried out in despair.
*****
At last, the birds were chirping, and Elizabeth felt it was a reasonable hour to begin her day. She had not slept, and her head pounded. Today she was to leave Netherfield after morning services. Not that I should walk into God’s house after last night.
Fortunately, she could claim the headache and a desire to stay with Jane as a means to miss the service. But she could not think of a way to avoid appearing at breakfast. If her headache were too intense to leave her room this morning, Mr. Bingley would likely demand she and Jane stay longer. Her mother would put up no fight at all, and then she would be residing under the same roof as Mr. Darcy even longer. And he was the last person in the world she desired to see, ever again!
No, he is not. As she looked at her stained mitt, the thought she had tried to keep locked away since last night came unbidden, and Elizabeth blushed in remembrance.
Last night, she had not been able to sleep and went to Netherfield’s library, hoping to find something dull and sleep-inducing. Instead, she found Mr. Darcy.
He had jumped up from his chair when she entered, and although she saw a glass of brandy in his hand, she had not considered him in his cups. Her eyes darted to the mostly-full decanter. He had stared at her, unspeaking, for a long minute before Elizabeth realised she was in her dressing gown and alone with him, her hair a wild mess and loose down her back.
She was turning to go when he grabbed her hand, bowed over it, and asked, “Miss Bennet, might I have the favour of this dance?”
Elizabeth looked at him as though he were fit for Bedlam, but he persisted. “I will not be denied your hand thrice. Now, come.”
Before she could be irritated at his high-handedness, he was singing “The Ash Grove” and leading her through the steps of a dance. She was quite surprised he chose the song she sang at Lucas Lodge and had to admit he sang and danced very well. He bade her join him in song, and all was well until they disagreed on the words for the last verse and dissolved into laughter. The sight of his handsome face lit up in a smile with dimples only added to her breathlessness. He seemed no less affected and nearly collapsed into his chair.
“In Derbyshire, my version is correct,” he insisted, unwilling to concede defeat.
She laughed and shook her head. “But you see we are not in Derbyshire, sir!” In truth, he had slipped into “Cease Your Funning” from The Beggar’s Opera, a song with a similar tune. Mr. Darcy’s ending was bitter about a woman’s charms, but it was more pleasant than a lover’s death. Elizabeth chose not to argue with him.
His eyes took on a look she could not make out, and he replied in a low voice, with sudden intensity, “Should you like to see Derbyshire, Miss Bennet?”
Elizabeth gulped but felt certain his meaning could not be what it seemed. He had only looked at her with disapproval and argued with everything she ever said, had he not? “Aye, sir, and perhaps one day I will. My Aunt Gardiner is from Lambton, and I frequently travel with my aunt and uncle in the summer. They speak often of visiting the northern counties and even the Lakes someday.”
“Indeed? What was her maiden name?”
“Clark. Her father was...”
“The vicar at Kympton. My father knew him well. Father was quite sorry when Mr. Clark had to relocate the family to Bath for his wife’s health. I have only recently been able to find a satisfactory replacement.” An odd expression passed across his eyes, but he continued, “What a curious connection.”
“Yes.”
“And do you often stay with them?”
“Jane and I frequently do. To my mother’s dismay, I admit I prefer the bookshops and theatre to balls and soirées. I would rather not go during the height of the Season.”
He gave her another odd look and grew quiet for a moment, and Elizabeth stood to leave, realising the impropriety of the entire tête-à-tête.
Mr. Darcy hastily stood to bow, but when he did, he knocked his brandy glass from the table. Elizabeth immediately knelt down to pick up the broken shards, and at the same time, her dressing gown slipped open. Realising she must be much too bare to Mr. Darcy’s eyes with her shift indecently low on her bosom, she wrenched her hand back and tried to stand.
She cried out at a sharp pain in
her hand, near her thumb. In her haste, she had cut herself on a piece of broken glass. In an instant, Mr. Darcy gathered her into his arms. Gently, he removed her lace mitt and produced a handkerchief from his pocket. Elizabeth was shocked to see it was her own. Where had he got it from? Earlier that very day, she had worked on one in the library. When he walked in, she set it aside, reading a book to discourage conversation. She must have left it behind when she finally went back to Jane, and Mr. Darcy must have pocketed it to return to her the next day.
The wound soon stopped bleeding, leaving a large blot on the handkerchief. As they inspected her hand, it was clear that stitches would not be required. Fortunately, it was her left, and she was right-handed; she could avoid using it until entirely healed. Elizabeth wondered why Mr. Darcy treated such a minor injury so seriously. He held her bare hand in his own, even caressing it while they stood looking into each other’s eyes. When Elizabeth discerned not disapproval but affection —and perhaps desire—in his blue eyes, she nearly swooned.
“Allow me to help you to your room.” He lifted her as though she weighed nothing and carried her to her room. Later she wondered how he knew which door was hers.
When they reached the door, he spoke softly. “I apologise that my actions were the cause of your pain.” He paused, and she almost believed he blushed, but the lighting was poor as only a small lamp lit the hallway, and she could not be sure. “And as for my display earlier, I fear the brandy may have gone to my head. Good night, Miss Elizabeth. Sleep well.” Then he turned and strode away.
She stumbled into her chamber and spent the hours until dawn in deep confusion. She was filled with shame to admit she found great comfort in his touch. She had seen a playful side of him she had never known before and confessed to herself he had always been handsome, but his smile and the disappearance of his arrogance made him captivating.
If he had not announced that any sign of regard she had seen him display for her was solely due to being half-drunk, she might have concluded he was in a fair way to being in love and think an offer was near. She could argue the sentiments she feared she now harboured, and the sensations she enjoyed, came naturally when in love. Instead, she was mortified, for she had thrilled to his touch, the touch only a husband should give. She could not even say she liked him, and they had no understanding. What did it say of her to allow him such liberty and enjoy it?
Never once did she reproach him or try to pull away. What must he think of me? She had conversed with him and danced with him late into the night, entirely alone. She arrived in only her night clothes, and when her dressing gown slipped open, her body was much too exposed to him. She allowed an embrace, caresses, and even acquiesced as he carried her to her bedchamber door. If they were seen, her reputation was ruined! She could even now still smell his scent, and the feel of his arms around her was seared into her memory and branded onto her flesh. Shame at her wantonness mingled with unrepentant enjoyment of the memory.
She shook her head to clear her thoughts and readied for the day before slipping silently into Jane’s room. She still slept. Taking a deep breath, Elizabeth descended the stairs and entered the breakfast room. At the sight of Mr. Darcy, who made no acknowledgement of her presence other than rising, her traitorous heart screamed out, never yours!
*****
Darcy did not need to look up from his coffee to know Elizabeth had entered the room. He already sensed her presence, felt it really, perhaps in his soul. How would she greet him? How could she greet him? He rose with Hurst as Elizabeth stood silent. He studiously avoided looking at her, not knowing how he could bear to see reproach and regret in her fine eyes.
That thought was exceedingly painful. Although he could not recollect their night together, the only thing more painful than having no actual memories of the encounter was the idea that she would repent being with him. She was a gentlewoman; no matter what he seduced her into doing last night, he knew she would be reproaching herself this morning and likely hated him. He knew from nearly the beginning of their acquaintance that Elizabeth Bennet was no fortune hunter. The blame of last night resided solely on his uncontrollable lust for her.
After Miss Bingley politely inquired about Miss Bennet’s health, silence filled the room. At last, Bingley entered, always the last riser. He asked after Jane, then inquired about Elizabeth’s state of health.
“I fear I have a headache, sir, and would like to see to Jane when she awakens since we are to leave today. I pray you will forgive my absence at service this morning.”
Darcy could not help but look at her then, trying to examine her in earnest. Indeed, she looked as though she felt unwell and had slept poorly. Nothing but your own fault, you disgusting beast.
Even more pressing than continued self-recriminations, he needed to speak with her before she left. “Perhaps, Miss Elizabeth, a walk around the garden would revive you. I am already dressed for service and would be pleased to escort you.”
Elizabeth perceived a hint of demand and, surprisingly, pleading in his suggestion, and she had never felt more confused by him. She would rather forget everything from the night before, but there was something in his eyes that made her believe he was truly concerned about her welfare and did not intend to reproach her.
Once again, she felt an inexplicable pull to him. “Thank you, Mr. Darcy, that sounds wise.”
“Oh, but this morning is so cold. I am sure it would do you both much more good to stay indoors.” Caroline clearly did not like the idea of Darcy accompanying Elizabeth anywhere.
“I find it most invigorating,” Darcy replied.
“Indeed! Well, perhaps I ought to try it myself.”
Bingley saved his friend by interjecting. “Caroline, you know you will not have time for anything of the sort. You are not dressed for church. I put up with you making us late for every other event, but I will not make a mockery of God’s house.” Caroline had to give up her fight, and neither she nor her brother noticed Darcy and Elizabeth cringe at the mention of an all- knowing deity.
Darcy perceived with increasing anxiety that Elizabeth did not eat much at breakfast, and before too long, she announced she was going upstairs to change her shoes. Darcy agreed to meet her in the front hall momentarily. When he arrived, the footman was assisting her into her pelisse, and Darcy was a little surprised at the irrational jealousy he felt at any other man touching her. He had noted the feeling in milder forms before, but today he could barely contain his possessiveness. Everything was different now.
They walked in silence until slightly removed from the house. She leaned a little heavily on his arm and seemed resolute in not looking at him. He directed their steps towards a stone bench where they could sit with some privacy.
“Would you like to rest, Miss Bennet?”
“Thank you.” Darcy watched in horror as she winced a little and sat. She must have noticed his expression because she blushed. Darcy had heard that there might be soreness after a maiden’s first time and hoped he had at least been gentle.
He made to sit on the bench with her and attempted to hide a grimace, but Elizabeth saw. “Are you well?”
After realising what he must have done the night before, he had begun making plans. There was not much blood on the bed linens, but it would be noticed by the maids. He would not allow them to gossip. The only thing he could think of was to give himself a small cut about thigh level and blame it on clumsiness due to his drinking. His valet had nodded when asked to bring a salve for the wound, and he explained a broken glass had been found in the library. Darcy had no memory of that either but was happy to have a ready cause for his injury.
He replied to Elizabeth, “Yes, only a little sore.”
“Oh, no! You are hurt, too?” Darcy blushed deeply at the reference to her pain.
A brief memory emerged of carrying Elizabeth to his chamber door. She clutched his lapels and was pressed so delightfully against him. She must have believed he strained himself carrying her, but she felt like
nothing more than a dried leaf. His concern for her deepened, as did his disgust for himself. Carrying her through Netherfield’s hallways would have been enough to damage her reputation had they been seen! What could he have been thinking? And then to know indisputably that he had caused her pain was nearly more than he could bear.
As it happened, she had slightly twisted her ankle on her way down the stairs earlier. The footman who saw the incident explained that Miss Bingley had ordered a large chaise lounge to be moved from a drawing room to her private sitting room the previous day, and one of the footmen carrying it lost his grip. The chaise fell enough to do some damage to a step.
Elizabeth would not have stepped on the section damaged if she were descending through the middle as she had done at breakfast. Instead, she was coming down just as Caroline went up, and Elizabeth slid over to make way. The pain was just enough to be annoying. Few things could stop her from enjoying the outdoors, and she sensed Darcy believed this conversation urgent.
Elizabeth was confused to see what seemed like shame in Darcy’s eyes as he gazed at her for a long moment. Believing she should help him along, she began. “Mr. Darcy, last night…”
She stopped speaking when he squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head. He let out a short breath. When he opened his eyes, they met hers with a tortured expression.
“Miss Bennet, please accept my sincerest apologies for my behaviour last night. It was unpardonable, and I cannot think of it without abhorrence.”
Elizabeth was confused that he should reproach himself so much for his silly display of singing and dancing, but then she knew him to be a proud man who would normally disdain such actions. Or was it that he disdained touching her? She knew herself to be a woman he found only tolerable at first sight, and he had been drinking last night; otherwise he never would have touched her, let alone with desire in his eyes. Her cheeks burned scarlet at the mixture of anger she felt at his insult to her from weeks ago and her continued feelings of humiliation due to her actions.
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