by Toni Mari
He was still pretty stoned. I gave him just a small amount of hay, even though I didn’t expect him to eat it. My stomach grumbled. After freshening his water, I made my way toward the atrium where breakfast was available. Hot coffee and a sweet, decadent donut were in order. Crashing from a sugar high couldn’t feel any worse than this, and who cared if I ate well or not? I didn’t need to be in peak condition anymore.
The buffet table was covered with a red, white, and blue tablecloth and was pushed back against the wall, but it was empty. My heart sank even lower. I leaned back against the archway and closed my eyes.
“’Morning, Jane. Up early to get ready for the big class?” Robert was standing in front of me holding a steaming cup of coffee in one hand and an oversized muffin in the other.
I looked at the table. It had magically filled with trays of donuts, muffins, and fruit. Two large, shiny coffee urns sat side by side, one labeled decaf and one labeled regular. People were milling about, filling cups and picking out pastries. Was it possible to fall asleep standing up? How did I miss them setting this up four feet away from me?
Robert noisily sipped from his own cup, reminding me that he was waiting for an answer. I forgot about a donut and my stomach flipped over.
“I have to scratch. My horse was drugged.”
A piece of muffin fell out of Robert’s mouth. “You were sabotaged again?”
He had been involved in the last of the Alison incidents, when she had played tricks on me and Windsong to ruin my time on the Junior Riders team last summer.
Waving my hands, I rushed to explain. “No. No! Windsong was freaked out during the storm, and with his heart and all, I had the vet sedate him.”
“Geez, Jane. You scared me there for a second. I’m sorry to hear that. These things happen when you show horses, but there’s always next time.” Robert wiped his lip on the napkin that was wrapped around the muffin.
I shook my head. “I don’t think there will be a next time with Windsong. I won’t risk his health to show. I’m going to retire him.”
Robert frowned. “Oh, no. I’m sorry. Is that what the vet said?”
“No. I decided it myself.” I stood a little taller. “No one agreed with me, I mean, they all thought I should just let him settle down on his own last night so I wouldn’t have to scratch. But my show career isn’t worth testing the limits of Windsong’s heart. I am going to let him lead a quieter life at home.” I offered what I thought was a mature, though shaky, smile.
“What a shame! You were a brilliant pair,” Robert said thoughtfully.
I couldn’t take the sympathy in his eyes, proof that it really was the end. I mumbled an excuse and strode out of the atrium.
Once through the doors, I ran. I found a secluded spot among the trees and leaned my head against rough bark and let the tears flow. It was tiring, all this sobbing. Maybe I was a drama queen, maybe I had ruined my one shot to leap into the big leagues. Maybe I was immature and this whole moving out, leaving college, and defying my father was a series of bad, stupid choices.
I sank to the ground, pushing my back against the tree trunk. Rubbing my temples, I tried to shut out the echo of the announcer’s voice as he started the show. My head felt so heavy, I let my chin droop down to rest on my bent knees.
I watched a leaf drift down, swirling in the gentle, warm breeze as it fell. It landed softly next to me right on top of a tiny black ant busy with his daily chores. The leaf moved incrementally as the ant struggled to get it off his body. It was a hundred times his size, yet the ant continued to try. He moved this way and that and finally pushed the burden up and off. He immediately picked up the crumb he had been carrying and scuttled on his way, not letting hardship or an insurmountable obstacle interfere with his goals. What a brave little ant. He was much stronger than me. I closed my eyes, wishing to escape into sleep.
Dampness from the sodden ground seeped through my jeans, making my underwear and then my skin feel cold. I shook off the drowsiness and stood, twisting around to see how dirty my seat looked. Dark brown patches decorated each cheek. The ant was now climbing the tree with his crumb, and I marveled. He seemed to be traveling such a long way, working so hard. Then he ducked into a hole. He made it home with his crumb, probably an amazing accomplishment with all the risks and dangers he had to face. If the ant could carry on, I could, too. I could be as brave as an ant. Windsong and I would find a way on our own. If it took years, then I would keep working at it for years.
I dusted off my pants, swiped at my face, and headed to the secretary’s office to officially scratch Windsong. My feet dragged, but I kept pushing one in front of the other until I reached the paper-strewn table. A woman tapped the keys on her laptop and then looked at me. I thought of the ant. Lifting my chin, I pushed the words out.
“Hi. I have to scratch my horse, Windsong, from the Intermediate I class today.”
The efficient-looking, short-haired lady smiled gently. “Jane?” When I nodded, she cocked her head sideways. “We heard. You had a heck of a night. I’m really sorry we’re not going to see you compete. But you did the right thing. More people should be like you.”
Her comment didn’t make any sense, and I wondered if she meant I did the right thing by coming to scratch instead of just not showing up at the class.
She flipped pages searching for my entry, and then tucked the top pages underneath when she found it. She smoothed the paper and crossed off Jane Mitchell with four hard strokes of a blue pen. Then she slid her fist over an inch and, using the same four lines, obliterated Windsong’s name—from the list, the show, and the rest of my career.
I couldn’t take my eyes off the pen, which she dropped to pick up her walkie-talkie. It rolled back and forth over Windsong’s name, like a magic wand trying to make the letters completely disappear. Like my career was disappearing.
“Jane. Jane!” Her voice pierced my brain fog. “I have a refund check for you.”
That didn’t make sense either. “But I’m canceling last minute, usually you keep the entry fees.”
She shuffled through some folders and pulled out an envelope with my name on it. “The show committee decided to refund your money because they admire your choice to withdraw instead of chancing your horse’s health. There you go.” She handed the envelope to me.
“Thanks.” At least I could give it back to Michelle for EMA Rescue. That might soften the blow of my cancellation.
Still thinking of what I would say to Michelle, I stepped out the office door and slammed right into a slender middle-aged woman in show clothes.
I grabbed her arms to steady her. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t paying attention. Are you okay?”
“Jane, no problem. After the night you had, I can imagine your mind is elsewhere. I’m sorry I won’t get to watch you ride, but good luck with Windsong. We are all hoping he’s okay.” She patted my hand and slipped past my haze of confusion and into the office.
Had we met? I didn’t remember ever seeing her before. I shrugged. Maybe she was a friend of Robert’s or something. I headed toward Windsong’s stall. Maybe it was warm enough to take off his cooler and brush the sweat from his coat. If he was a little more awake, I could take him out for a walk in the sunshine, although that might be pushing it; the doctor said he would be groggy for hours.
Along the path, I was stopped five more times by sympathetic competitors who offered encouraging words. Many others just called out to me. What had they done, made an announcement over the loudspeakers when I was napping? How did all of these people know how I spent my night?
Chapter 38
I turned down the aisle and Michelle was standing in front of Windsong’s stall. I groaned. Here we go. I felt in my pocket for the refund and braced my shoulders. Passing busy grooms tacking up horses and cleaning stalls, I tried to recall all of the brilliant arguments I had come up with.
Michelle hopped from one foot to the other, scanning the aisle. When her eyes locked on me, all the blood drai
ned from my limbs and I couldn’t remember a single thing that I was going to say.
I held out the envelope, waving it so she would look at it instead of at me. “I got a check.”
“So?” Michelle hugged a clipboard to her chest. “I have been trying to call you for an hour! Where have you been?”
I pulled out my phone. “I forgot it was dead. But the show refunded all of your money. This fiasco didn’t cost EMA hardly anything.”
She wasn’t buying my distraction technique, and I braced to hear another slew of angry accusations.
“Fiasco? Jane, I have to apologize to you. I could not have planned a better goodwill campaign if I had spent months designing it. You’re amazing!” She twirled a little circle. “As soon as it was a decent hour, I was on the phone with the EMA board members. Boy, did they make me feel like a jerk. On their instruction, I immediately posted an announcement about your withdrawal everywhere I could. The response was overwhelming. You’re a genuine hero, Jane!”
I shook my head, my hand dropping. “I don’t understand, I ruined everything, I’m not a hero.”
Michelle spoke slowly, putting her hands on my shoulders to keep me focused. “EMA rescues horses. We are all about giving the animals the best care possible. We preach that the horse’s welfare comes first. You just put Windsong’s welfare before a very good chance of winning this national, prestigious competition. You took our mission statement to the highest level.” She hugged me so tight my breath whooshed out with a squeak.
Numb and confused, I had to tell myself to suck air back in to my squashed lungs. “It’s still over. I won’t compete Windsong again.”
“Don’t you see? That’s the beauty of it. He’s already a celebrity, and you are the best representative we could ever have. You’re unfired. I’m sorry for, you know, all that before.” Her cheeks reddened and she shuffled her feet.
“I still have a job?” I raised an eyebrow. “You’ll still pay Windsong’s board?” I crossed my fingers.
She nodded enthusiastically. “For the rest of his life.”
I clapped my hands together, pressing my fingertips against my lips. Finally, the sunshine streaming through the door penetrated my body and I warmed all over. Grinning, I bounced on my toes, “You won’t regret it. I’ll work so hard for you! I even changed my major because I want to work for EMA.”
“I have no doubt,” she squeezed my shoulder.
Her phone rang and she broke eye contact to answer it. While I waited for her to finish her call, I looked in on Windsong. He lifted his nose to the bars and languorously blew air onto my hand. His eyelids drooped and he was chewing hay in slow motion.
Out of habit, I evaluated his stall. The shavings were still clean and fluffy, but a few piles of manure slumped along the back wall. The hay flake was tugged apart in the corner and Windsong had consumed about half of it. His muzzle was dripping, so he had taken a drink. All good signs that he was feeling better. Great signs, in fact, that he was out of danger. I chewed my knuckle, still processing Michelle’s change in attitude.
She promised that Windsong would be able to stay at Donna’s at EMA’s expense. He would be taken care of for life. Things would be different at Donna’s, especially with Santos gone. This certainly was a life-changing weekend—just not the changes I had imagined.
Santos would do incredibly well with Robert. I closed my eyes and allowed myself to savor the memory of passaging on Santos. I should be grateful I even had that memory and all the memories of showing Windsong. I should stop feeling melancholy over what was ended and look to the future now. EMA was my future, school was my future and someday, my future would include riding another horse at this event.
I needed to shake the disappointment. Things were going to be alright. I would follow Santos’s career with Robert like a doting parent keeps tabs on their child. I would ride Windsong without any pressure. I would get my degree and work for EMA. I scrubbed my hands over my face, rubbing off the dried tears.
My name blasted over the loudspeakers and my eyes snapped open. “Jane Mitchell, please report to the secretary’s office.”
I tightened my grip on the envelope. I hoped they didn’t want me to return the check. I glanced over to where Michelle was still on the phone. What would she do if I had to give it back?
Michelle keyed off her phone, smiling furtively. “You better get to the office. Didn’t you hear them calling you?”
“Well, yeah, I was waiting for you.”
“I’ve got to get back to the booth. I have a million things to do now—announcements, posts, that kind of thing. You go, have a good time.”
I lifted the corner of my lip. How was any of this a good time? I stuffed the check in my pocket. Maybe if the volunteer didn’t see it, she wouldn’t remember to ask for it back.
I passed shiny horses wearing brilliant white saddle pads and immaculate tack, their riders straightening shadbelly coat collars and buckling belts. I was overcome with melancholy. I knew I should be grateful that EMA was going to keep me, but it would have been great to ride in this Festival. The crème de la crème of dressage was mounting up and showing their stuff.
Misty-eyed, I imagined how breathtaking Windsong would have looked all decked out and full of himself, bristling with energy and spark.
I sighed and pulled the office door open. Kate, Robert, Mark, and Mandy were hovering around the reception table. Mandy was the first to see me and she launched herself at me. “I’m so sorry about Windsong. I loved him.” Somehow her demeanor didn’t match her words. She was smiling.
I looked over her head. They all were smiling. I knew it was just a show, but really, a little sympathy, please?
Kate threw up her hands. “Where have you been? We’ve been trying to find you for an hour. I must have called eight times.”
“Sorry, my phone battery died. I was walking around thinking.” Crying, but they didn’t need to know that. “I didn’t realize you had arrived.”
“We have a proposal for you,” Mark said tentatively. He looked for encouragement from the other two adults and actually threw his shoulders back, waiting for me to answer.
Gently pushing past Mandy, I stood in front of the three most confident, effective, powerful people I knew. They avoided my eyes, wrung their hands, and tapped their feet. My heart did a double flip, and I couldn’t speak. How bad could it be if these three were too nervous to tell me about it?
The worst had already happened, so whatever it was, I could handle it. Anyhow, I was emotionally spent and had no energy left to feel anything. “Go ahead, lay it on me.” Shoving my hands in my pockets, I clenched my jaw.
Robert stepped forward. “I know you recommended that Mark send Santos to me, but I think there is a better rider for him. So, I told him no, I would not accept the ride on Santos.”
My jaw dropped. I looked at Mark. “That’s stupid. Who else? He deserves the best.”
Mark’s Adam’s apple bobbed under my stare, and his eyes darted to Kate. She nodded encouragingly to him. “That’s right, he does. And we know of someone else, someone who cares about Santos, and whom Santos gets along with. We think we know who his perfect rider will be.”
I fixed him with a glare and he stopped talking abruptly. I stepped forward, pointing at his chest. “I know Santos. And he doesn’t like everyone. He may do what he’s supposed to because he’s such a good boy, but that won’t mean he’ll be happy. How could you do this to him, to Erica? He needs someone special.” I swiped at the tears I couldn’t hold back.
Mark took my hand, curling his fingers around mine. “You’re right,” he said softly. “He needs someone special. He needs you.”
I sniffed. “I’ll go with him to Robert’s, if that’s what you mean. As his groom, absolutely.” I looked at Robert. “You have to be the one to ride him. You understand him, right?”
Robert shook his head. “No, Jane. You understand him. You have to be the one to ride him. We all want you to ride him.”
&n
bsp; I looked at each one of them. There was no mockery, no amusement in their eyes. They were serious.
Mark shook my hand. “I pulled some strings and it has been approved. You can replace Windsong with Santos and ride him in your class today.”
Chapter 39
Although I didn’t think I had an ounce of energy left in my body, a wave of electricity zipped from my head to my toes, turning my limbs to jelly. “Can you repeat that?” My thumping heart must have been visible under my shirt.
Then they were all laughing, and Kate was hugging me. “You can show Santos today! It’s all arranged.”
Mark released my hand and clapped me on the shoulder. “And you can be the one to train and show him from now on. Mandy suggested it.”
I turned to her and her fair cheeks reddened. “I know you love him. And you looked good on him!”
I grabbed her and spun around with her. “You’re the best. Thank you.”
When I let her down, Mark put his hands on her shoulders. “And we think you two could be contenders for the Olympics.”
“Olympics?” I put both hands on my head.
Robert’s confident, steady brown gaze pierced my shock. “With my help, of course.” He smirked good-naturedly.
“Of course?” My brain felt like it was rotating in circles. Were they for real? My hands dropped down and covered my mouth, but the joy leaked out through my fingers. “I don’t know what to say.”
Kate turned me around. “Don’t talk; get to work. The horse needs to be washed, braided, and warmed up.” She checked her watch. “All in two hours.” She bustled me out the door with the rest following.
“Thank you,” I mumbled, swaying sideways. Kate’s hands caught me.
“Have you had anything to eat?”
“Thank you,” I repeated and shook my head.
“Will she be able to ride?” Mark asked, his brows drawn together.
“Yes.” I nodded vigorously. “I just need coffee.”
