by JA Low
I stare down at my phone in disbelief.
Anger fills my veins as the realization that my boyfriend isn’t who I thought he was. Flicking through the apps on my phone, I head on over to Instagram. I click on Dan’s profile, and pictures of him in Vegas pop up. I don’t know why I didn’t look at it before. Because you were in a severe car crash, Stella, and you had more important things to worry about.
There are photographs of him having the time of his life with a bunch of people I don’t know. I click on some of the images that have been tagged and look at those people’s profiles, specifically the females. I flick and flick down the rabbit hole.
Dan’s in this one girl’s photographs a lot. They could be friends. Then there are some images of them together on holidays. I look at the date stamp, and it’s before we started dating, but it was while we were hooking up. But she’s still around. They could be just buddies. I go further and further down her profile, where I discover so many bikini shots that I think she’s an Insta-model. There is a lot of thirsty men commenting on her profile.
Nothing is going on. You’re paranoid. Maybe I am.
Not being able to go anywhere is making my brain go into overdrive. I’m sure Dan has a perfectly good explanation. Of course, he will. If he remembers to call you. Urgh. Stop it, brain.
“The party is here,” Chloe screams as she enters the apartment. Thank goodness I’m saved from my voracious thoughts.
“Momma is ready to party.” Lenna giggles.
Maybe they have started already.
“Did EJ organize food?” Chloe asks.
“Yeah, it should be here in ten,” I tell her when I hear a knock at the door, and Chloe opens it.
“Thanks for holding the door for me, bitches.” Ariana moans as she enters the apartment.
“You were on a phone call.” Chloe shakes her head.
“Stella,” Lenna squeals and rushes toward me. She wraps her arms around me and hugs me tightly.
“Hey, Leens.”
“You okay?” She studies my face as her eyes narrow on me.
“Yeah. Just a bit of pain.” It’s a lie, but I don’t want to get into the whole Dan thing, not until I’ve spoken to him.
Chloe is next to hug me, then Ariana. Lenna pops a bottle of champagne in the kitchen, and the girls all hoot over the sound. Chloe walks into the kitchen to help Lenna pour the glasses of champagne.
“Can you drink on your pain meds?” Ariana asks.
“Not really, but I’m sure one will be okay.” Ariana glares at me. “I’ll sip it slowly, okay.” She simply shakes her head.
“Here we go, girls.” Chloe grins as she hands us all a glass of champagne. “I want to make a toast.” She grins. “To Stella… for a quick recovery, so she doesn’t kill my brother.” Everyone chuckles as they raise their glasses in the air and cheers.
Moments later, there’s a knock at the door, and Chloe answers. The food has arrived. She motions for the dining table, where the staff set it out.
“Stella, oh my goodness…” Becky, one of the staff at EJ’s restaurant, notices me, “… we heard what happened. Everyone’s been worried.”
The other team members nod their heads in agreement.
“Thanks, guys. I promise I’ll be back soon,” I tell them.
They smile and wave goodbye, not saying anything else. My stomach grumbles right at that moment, and we all burst out laughing.
“Okay. Let me feed the broken one first.” Chloe laughs.
Once we all have full plates, everyone takes a seat in the living room and begins to dig into the meal.
“So, has anyone heard from Emma?” Ariana asks.
We all shake our heads solemnly.
“She texted me back asking how I was but didn’t mention how she was,” I tell the girls.
“You’re the first person she’s communicated with then,” Lenna adds.
“Anderson is beside himself. He doesn’t know what to do. She’s fallen into a deep depression,” Chloe adds. “I might see if we can do a catch up with her soon. She needs her girls around her if she isn’t going to lean on Anderson.”
“Don’t force anything, though,” I warn Chloe. “As you know, everyone processes things differently.” I carefully remind her about what happened after her ordeal with Tracey and Walker.
“You’re right,” she says softly. “I’m just worried.”
“Emma knows we all love her,” I remind her. Chloe gives me a smile in understanding.
“Whatever Emma needs, we are there for her,” Ariana adds, and we all nod in agreement.
“So, have you heard from Dan yet?” Chloe probes.
“Yes. But he was in the middle of a PT session when I called. So, he’s going to call me back later tonight.” Shoving food in my mouth, so I don’t have to answer any more questions I know will be coming, I am in avoidance territory.
“Little late for a session, isn’t it?” Ariana asks.
“Nope, I don’t think so.” Shrugging my shoulders, I concentrate on my food, and maybe then they will get the hint.
“How are things going with that hunk of a lumberjack, Ewan?” Lenna asks Ariana.
“Nowhere. He had to go back to Scotland for some kind of family emergency. It has pretty much faded out. We lived on two different schedules. It was never going to work,” she tells us.
Damn, that’s a shame. He was cute.
“And what about the detective who was on my case… what was his name? Smith?” Chloe questions. “He seemed interested?”
“We’ve chatted a couple of times, but I think the timing just wasn’t on our side, either.” She shrugs. “But don’t worry your pretty little monogamous heads. I have my fun.” She grins.
I want to be like Ariana when I grow up.
Chloe presses Ariana on her exploits as they live variously through her singledom. I’m a little jealous, too. She sounds like she’s having a blast being single.
Why didn’t I when I was single? Because you are a romantic at heart. There’s that. But being with Dan doesn’t feel romantic at the moment. Am I that desperate to have a partner that I’m tolerating things that most of my friends wouldn’t?
Wow! The champagne and painkillers mix is giving me a real perspective. Maybe this accident is making me rethink my life and what I want out of it. I mean, I’ve been given a second chance. I should do something with it, shouldn’t I?
“Earth to Stella,” Chloe calls my name.
“Sorry. I think the alcohol is going to my head.” I giggle, which makes everyone else chuckle.
The night goes by so quickly. My head’s a little fuzzy, and my cheeks are flushed.
“I’m sorry, Stell. We have to get going.” Lenna pouts. “Got to get back to the little one.” She gives me a big hug.
“Leens is my ride, so I have to go, too,” Chloe adds.
“Thanks, guys. This is exactly what I needed tonight.”
“I’m going to stay for a little bit longer,” Ariana tells the girls as she says goodbye to them. As soon as the front door closes, Ariana pounces on me. “Give me the dirt on you and EJ.” She grins.
Huh. What?
“There’s no dirt.” Her words have me feeling slightly flustered.
“Bullshit.” She grins. “The two of you all alone…”
“I have a boyfriend,” I remind her.
“Dan?” She rolls her eyes. “Don’t take this the wrong way…” Ariana starts, and I know I’m about to take it the wrong way, “… but you can do better than Douchebag Dan.”
My jaw falls wide open at her comments. I think the champagne has loosened her tongue a little. “You really don’t like him?” I’m a little hurt that this is the first I’ve heard her real thoughts about Dan.
“I thought he would be a good distraction regarding your feelings towards EJ,” Ariana explains.
“I don’t have any feelings for EJ. Well, not anymore, that is,” I tell her.
“Bullshit,” she curses again. “Stell
…” She raises a brow at me.
Urgh. She should work for the damn FBI with her interrogation skills.
“Fine. We made out last night, and it was the most amazing experience ever. You happy?” Raising my voice at her, I feel utterly flustered and mortified by my secret.
Ariana bursts out laughing.
I don’t think any of this is funny. At all. “Why are you laughing?”
“I knew it,” she says cockily.
“But I cheated on Dan. I’m a horrible person.” Trying to explain to her how what happened last night is not funny at all.
“Who gave you the best tingles?” Ariana questions.
“Tingles?”
“You know exactly what I mean.” Narrowing her eyes on me, she says, “And if you say, Dan, I’m going to hit you.” She grins.
“You can’t tell me how I feel.”
“No, but I can help you be true to yourself.” She raises a perfectly manicured brow at me.
“EJ,” I confess on a sigh. “EJ set my body on fire. No one has ever kissed me like that before.” Hanging my head in shame, I don’t look at her when I say the words.
“Hey.” Ariana wraps her arm around my shoulder. “You don’t have anything to feel ashamed over.”
“I do. I’m dating Dan, and I’ve kissed someone else.” My emotions are getting the better of me.
“But it’s EJ. It’s not some random,” Ariana tries to reassure me.
“Exactly, it’s EJ.” Looking up at her face. “My heart has been broken for years while I watched him hook up with every single woman in New York right in front of me. All the while, he never saw me.”
“Men can be thick sometimes.” Ariana tries to argue on EJ’s behalf.
“It’s not real what he feels for me at the moment.” I try to explain my feelings to her. “He’s still in shock over the accident. I’m not going to throw away my happiness on someone who has the attention span of a goldfish when it comes to women.”
“Are you really happy with Dan?” Ariana asks.
“Probably not,” I answer honestly. “I can do better, deserve better than what Dan is giving me at the moment. But maybe he, too, is going through shock. A shock that I have chosen another man over him. Did anyone even think about that?”
“He never put his hand up to look after you, Stella. He chose to party all night in Vegas while EJ sat by your bedside the entire time.” Ariana raises her voice in frustration at me.
“I’ve been the one by EJ’s side for years, and what did I get. A pat on the head for being a good girl while he fucked women literally in front of me.” Tears well in my eyes. “Do you even know how many times I walked in on him screwing someone in his office or home or fucking hotel room over the years?” Tears start to fall down my cheeks. “Do you?”
“I had no idea, Stella,” Ariana says quietly.
“Of course, you don’t. Because I buried it deep down inside me, hoping one day, he may have seen what was right in front of him all along.” I feel ripped apart with emotion. “Dan may not be the person you all want for me, but he is who I’ve chosen,” I tell her. “And now… now that I have someone, EJ doesn’t get to choose that he wants me. I don’t care that his eyes are finally open, and he can see what has been right in front of him this entire time. He doesn’t get to decide on who I love. That’s on me.” I thump my chest, a little angry at the thoughts going through my mind and what EJ’s put me through over the years.
“I honestly had no idea, Stella.” Ariana hugs me. “I’m sorry I pushed it.”
“No. I needed to get it out,” I say with a small smile.
“This is your life, Stella. You can do whatever or whomever you want in it,” Ariana tells me.
“Thanks. I think I’ve just started to discover that.”
“It’s never too late, babe.” Ariana smiles.
14
EJ
The girls were so lost in their conversation that they never heard me open the door. Thankfully, because what I heard next shook me to the core. Stella, tearfully telling Ariana how much I fucked her over all these years. How my stupid pride and arrogance hurt her.
As I shut the door to my apartment behind me, and I begin to pace the hallway, I feel like Stella has ripped my heart out with her words. And I deserved every single one of them. Everything she said I did was true, but I had no idea how much my doing the stupid shit affected Stella.
Fuck! I pull my fingers through my hair in frustration.
My phone rings, making me jump. Looking down, I see it’s Anderson, and I pick it up.
“Hey man, how are you?”
“Not good.” He sighs, and I can hear how defeated he seems.
“You up for a drink? I kind of need to get out for a while,” I confess to him.
“Yeah. Me, too. See you at the sports bar in twenty?”
I agree and head back down. I’m going to give Stella her space. It’s the least I can do.
I grab a seat in one of the empty booths. Replays of football and baseball filter through the screens surrounding the bar. A couple of people hang out quietly, chatting away in the booths, but generally, it’s a quiet night. I grab us a couple of beers and wait for Anderson to join me. Slowly, I sip my beer while Stella’s words churn inside my mind like an angry sea.
“Hey,” Anderson greets me moments later, pulling me from my melancholy. He pats me on the shoulder and sits across from me in the booth. Anderson looks exhausted as if he hasn’t slept. He takes a large gulp of his beer and sighs. “Fuck, I needed that.”
“Things still not so good with Emma?” He shakes his head despondently. “What’s going on?”
“She’s sunk into a dark depression, and I can’t reach her.” He stares into his beer.
“I guess she’s working through her trauma,” I tell him. “Emma knows you love and support her.”
Anderson looks up at me, and never in my life have I ever seen him so lost. “I’m worried she’s going to leave me. That this is it for us.”
Oh, shit.
“No.” Shaking my head. “After everything you two have been through. She’s not going anywhere.”
“Your sister is popping over tomorrow. If she won’t talk to me, I just hope she will talk to someone else.” I feel for my friend so badly. “I love her, man. Like I’ve never loved anyone before. This can’t be the end of our story.”
“No way. Look at Chloe and Noah and the shit they went through after Tracey and Walker. If they can come back from that, you and Ems can, too.” He nods his head in agreement, but he doesn’t seem convinced. Then he shakes his head as if he’s trying to lift himself out of the fog that he’s found himself in.
“How are you and Stella doing?” Looking at me over the rim of his beer glass, I can see it in his eyes that he’s hopeful.
“You don’t need to hear about my shit.”
“Actually, I do.” He chuckles softly. “Need the distraction, man.”
“Shit has not gone to plan.” I sigh.
“Didn’t think it would.” He grins, and it’s good to see. If my bullshit makes him forget his troubles for a couple of moments, then I can do that for a friend. “What’s happened?”
“Well, you know I stupidly tried to kiss her in the hospital.” He nods in agreement. “Well, I kind of did it again.”
Anderson bursts out laughing and slaps his hand on the wooden table. “Goddamn, you’re an idiot.”
“I know.” Frowning at my friend, I continue, “She kissed me back this time. And things kind of escalated.”
Anderson’s eyes widen in surprise. “You didn’t sleep with her?”
“No, but I wanted to,” I add.
Anderson shakes his head. “Let me guess she freaked out because she’s dating Douchebag Dan, and now things are weird,” he explains.
“Yeah. That,” I agree, and he keeps shaking his head.
“You realize you’re playing this all wrong if you want a girl like Stella.”
“Do exp
lain… oh wise one,” I tease.
“Firstly, you need to get rid of Dan.”
Duh, of course, but she refuses to dump him.
“But you have to make sure it’s her choice. Otherwise, she is going to blame you, and that does not lead women to open their legs for you.” Glimpses of the old Anderson are surfacing right in front of me.
“I want more than just her legs to open.” I glare at my friend.
“I know that.” He rolls his eyes.
“Then what do you suggest?” Moving the glass to my mouth, I take another large sip of my beer.
“You need to show her all the things douchebag is not doing for her and that you are instead.” He adds, “Like maybe flowers. Watching her favorite TV show and listening to her. Cooking her favorite meal. Romance the shit out of her without actually romancing her.”
“That’s what I’ve been doing,” I answer, feeling somewhat frustrated.
“But you don’t make a move,” he adds. “You do it as a friend, nothing more. Reverse psychology.”
“Honestly, from what I heard tonight, I don’t think doing any of that is going to work.” Turing the beer glass around in my hand, I watch the condensation on the side slide down to the bottom.
“What did you hear?” he asks.
“Stella was telling Ariana that over the years, seeing my relationships thrown in her face broke her. That I’ve missed my chance.”
“Oh,” Anderson says quietly.
“That I’m too late. That I’ve waited too long to see her for more than being my assistant. And she’s right. I let my dick control me for far too long.” Raking my hand through my hair, I add, “And I don’t blame her. If the roles were reversed, I would be feeling the same.”
Anderson nods his head in understanding. “But do you love her?” Anderson asks seriously.
“Yes,” I reply without hesitation. “I just wasn’t ready.”
“Well, just because you are now doesn’t mean she is,” he tells me wisely, and he’s right.
“Guess I have a lot of work to show her I can be the right guy for her.”
“Yep. Time, man. It’s going to take time and getting rid of Dan.” He chuckles. “Once he’s gone, I don’t think she will be able to mask her true feelings.”
