“Me too!” Please don’t ask again why I do this.
“I do it because it’s good for me,” he said.
“Running on a treadmill? Didn’t you use the phrase ‘soul sucking’ a minute ago?”
Slade shook his head. “Not running. I was talking about writing what some people would consider poetry. As far as this treadmill business, it’s needless agony. We should go hit a trail.”
Poppy had a stack of paperwork waiting for her back at the shelter. Not to mention the stacks of manure to shovel and the stacks of cash she had to find to pay the stacks of bills on her desk. Besides, Daria was alone and would be expecting her back in about twenty minutes.
“Okay,” said Poppy. Daria would kill her if she passed up the opportunity. “If you think you can keep up with me. I’m kind of a speedster.”
He smiled and his dark sapphire eyes glimmered. Poppy gulped, gripped the hand rail a little tighter and smiled back.
6
Jenni’s Trail was a bit soggy in places from a recent rain, but for the most part Slade was able to keep his shoes from getting muddy. It was one of Slade’s favorite trails in Summit County, but he hated the name. Just hearing or even thinking the name made his heart hurt and his gut get that empty feeling. He’d accepted long ago that Jenny—the formally his Jenny—would never get out of his head. The mix-tape CDs, holding hands 24-hours a day, and kissing until her face was raw from his stubble. But Jenni’s was the first trail that came to mind when Poppy agreed to ditch the gym. It was wide enough in most places to walk side by side, and walking with a girl whose smile was more inspiring than a full moon on a cloudless night, single file wouldn’t do.
Alta had winked conspiratorially when she saw the two of them leaving the gym together.
A steady walk kept Slade’s heart rate in the desired zone. Poppy was breathing heavy and sweating, but it was actually her that set the pace. He’d found out that she had only moved back to Park City less than three months ago, and had just started up an exercise routine. She proved much tougher than he’d expect for someone not used to exercising at altitude.
He peeked down at his watch, which served as his heart rate monitor. One forty-five. Comfortably below the limit of 160 he was supposed to stay under according to his own new training program.
“So what’s with the watch?” asked Poppy. “Got somewhere to be?”
“Not until five.” He tilted his wrist toward her. “I’m watching my heart rate.”
“Beating fast enough?” Her eyes got momentarily wide, as if scared he’d ask her to go faster.
“Slow enough, actually. I’ve been researching endurance training and there is a strong camp out there that says keeping it under a certain rate for longer stretches of time is more advantageous.”
“Sounds like the Atkin’s Diet. Eat all the fat and protein you want and lose weight.”
“Yeah, but without all the malnutrition and carb cravings.”
They were over a mile up the trail.
Poppy took a deep breath and said, “I think you’ve had enough and are ready to turn back. I guess I’ll let you call it a day.”
“Uncle,” he said. “You’re on to me. I had a great excuse about having a million things to do before heading to the fire station tonight.”
They slowed and turned downhill. “You guys start your shifts at night?”
“Normally we start at seven a.m. I’m covering for Pineapple for a few hours tonight.”
“I hope he’s paying you off in steak and shrimp.”
“I wish,” said Slade, trying to hide the fact that he was hiding the facts about covering the hours. “I owe him a favor.”
Poppy started jogging without warning. She didn’t wear stretchy pants like every other woman in the world, but her running shorts showed enough that he didn’t have to imagine everything. It was an enjoyable view. Poppy was compact and looked strong, but not muscled. He sensed it in her personality as much as in her appearance. Maybe strong was the wrong word. Firm. Reliable. Yet soft in just the right places. Maybe a single file trail wouldn’t have been so bad after all. Despite her jokes or comments about carrying a few extra LBs, Slade had no complaints. Her self-critical talk must just be standard woman objections to their own bodies.
Poppy looked over her shoulder to see if he was still following and caught him checking her out. Before he could tell if that made her smile, or roll her eyes, or what else, her face was forward again.
He picked up the pace and pulled alongside her, then picked a safe topic of conversation. “What brought you back to Park City?”
“What brought me back?” She considered for a moment. Maybe it wasn’t a safe, easy question. “I guess it’s home.”
“You guess?”
“Yeah, my family’s here.”
“You have a big family?”
“An older brother and an older sister. Mother couldn’t have the perfect two-point-five children so she had to round up.”
“What do you do?”
“I’m a vet. I guess that’s the other thing that brought me back here. Had to set up somewhere and I like this place as good as any.”
A vet? She couldn’t mean veterinarian, could she? She was only twenty-five, same age as him. Besides that, she didn’t seem stuffy enough to be any kind of doctor. “Animal vet or gun vet?”
“Animal.”
“I’m a vet too. Gun kind.”
“Oh, you’re young.”
“Pretty sure we’re the same age. Graduated the same year anyway.”
“Well,” she started, then said, “never mind.”
“Are you old enough to be a vet? It takes a lot longer to become a doctor than a soldier.” Wait, she had been about to say something. “What were you going to say?”
“Nothing.”
“I told you my deepest secret.”
“Fine,” she said. “It’s nothing. I was a year ahead in school, so you got me by a year, old man. No wonder it’s so hard for you to keep up with me.”
“Hold it.” Slade put a hand on her arm and pulled them to a stop. The feel of her made little happy chemicals run through his bloodstream and the tiny evolution of her smile made the feeling buzz. “Great, I just forgot what I was going to say.” He wanted to take her hand and keep walking.
Her smile ramped up a couple notches. Man, if Slade was still capable of falling in love, he’d be in trouble with this one. He took his hand back and they walked slowly downhill.
“I believe you wanted to see my credentials,” said Poppy.
“That’s right. I was going to say,” Slade counted on his fingers, “you’re brilliant, educated, funny, and you unquestioningly have the best smile on the planet.”
Poppy looked down, and for the first time her smile was unreadable. Slade tilted his head for a better view of her face and said, “You could have told me earlier on that I was going to be the dumb, ugly, poor one in this friendship.”
Slade realized he was looking at the girl of a thousand smiles.
… thousand smiles, thought I could read every one …
… girl talks with her mouth, but not using words …
It would be weird if he pulled out his pen and scratch pad to catch the poetry of her smile right now, wouldn’t it?
If he could read the angles of her lips as well as he thought he could, Poppy was touched by the compliments, but also embarrassed. Together with that glint in her gorgeous dark eyes, there might be some physical attraction forming in her as well.
If her smile could make him feel so hopelessly giddy just by looking at it, what would it be like to kiss those lips? Could they be as magical to the touch as they were to the eyes?
This had to stop. Now. Jenni’s Trail, you idiot. You were asking for pain, bringing a girl up here. Friends. How did he keep this at just friends?
“Poppy, I hope it’s not too early to admit this, but I think I’m falling in serious like with you.”
She smiled the biggest closed-mouth
smile he’d ever seen. It was somehow even wider than the width of her face.
Oh no. That was the opposite of what he’d meant to say. What a dummy.
“Slade Powers.” She wrung her hands together and looked down at them. “I, I, oh this is so hard to say. Okay, just spit it out. I like you too, Slade Powers.”
It felt incredible to hear that from her, and he was even more tempted to kiss those perfect lips.
… extra credit lips that surpass even the ideal of flawlessness …
… higher, more exquisite, perfect to the nth degree …
But he couldn’t do it. He’d never, ever, under any circumstances open up his heart again. If he was to experience perfectly excruciating pain ever again, it would be from the outside. Never again from the inside.
The playful tactic hadn’t worked, might have just made things worse. Maybe honesty would help.
“I should tell you, Poppy, since we’re in like with each other now, I’m … not looking for a serious relationship. Any relationship beyond like, actually.”
Poppy’s smile turned instantly into a confused open mouth. After a few seconds, she raised her eyebrows and said, “You’re not joking. Wow.” With eyes still wide, Poppy turned and walked slowly down the path exhaling through her teeth. “I’ve never actually been dumped by someone I wasn’t even dating.”
Uh oh. “Wait.” Slade jogged after her. She picked up her speed and Slade had to hurry to sneak past her and stop in front of her.
Tears rolled down both cheeks. He hadn’t been that harsh, had he?
“It’s not like that,” said Slade. “It’s nothing at all to do with you.”
“Oh, so you like me, but you want to make it clear that you don’t like me like me. You don’t like me like that. I’ve never heard that one before.”
“I just …” seeing the smile gone from her face and replaced by tears was more horrible than he could have imagined. How had everything gone so badly so fast? All he was trying to do was be upfront and honest. “I didn’t want things to, I don’t know, change or start to get physical for either of us, then have it blow up.”
Poppy chuffed, then closed her eyes and turned away from Slade. He saw her wiping them with her sleeves and after a few more breaths she turned back to him. As hard as she tried to put on a pretty face, there was a strong hint of hurt in that smile. Slade wanted to take away that hurt so badly, even if it meant taking the pain himself.
What happened? Two minutes ago I swore no one would ever, under any circumstances, hurt me again.
“I’m an idiot, Poppy. Let me explain.”
“Let me guess.” Her smile turned completely fake and patronizing. “It’s not me. It’s you.”
“It is! I—”
“Save it, Slade. Not all of us have a job where we get paid to develop the perfect physique, jerk.” Without waiting for a response, she started jogging down the trail again.
What had he done? What could he do?
“Poppy.” He ran after her. “I’m serious about this.”
“Give it up, Slade.” She didn’t turn around, just continued clomping down the trail. “As amazing as this first date has been, I’m ready to put this on pause. Better yet, just delete this whole experience. I don’t need you bashing my self-esteem like some fireman busting through a wall with a sledgehammer.”
Just like that, they were back in the parking lot and back at his truck. Poppy ran right up to the passenger side and tried the door but it was locked. She kept herself turned away from him as he approached, unlocked the door, and opened it for her.
As she climbed into the truck, Slade saw her smile-less face, and felt like crying himself.
… the muse is dead and it’s no one’s fault but mine …
… witness to travesty unspeakable …
He told himself to stop writing stupid poetry lines. He had defaced the Mona Lisa and deserved no payoff for it.
It was all just more proof that he was ruined for love forever.
7
Poppy stared out the window of Slade’s truck, trying with everything she had to keep it together. It was working so far, but if she uttered a single word, it would all come crashing down again. It wasn’t like she didn’t already know that she was good enough to like, but not good enough for more than that.
“You’re not going to give me a chance?” asked Slade.
It was the third time he’d asked a similar question, and every time Poppy just shook her head. She couldn’t explain that fifteen minutes ago, all she thought they had was an outside chance. She couldn’t tell him that she never asked for anything physical—wanted, sure, but never asked or expected. Or that him and his deep eyes and flat stomach and toned arms could just flex themselves right out of her life!
Holy cow how long had it been since she’d hurt this bad? Early days of college when she’d found herself on her own with no coping skills for dealing with the complete self-esteem void in her life? It hadn’t taken her long to find a guy to make her feel good about herself, for a little while anyway. But today, for possibly the first time in her adult life, she actually cared.
Getting kicked to the curb by someone she didn’t care about, it hurt, but not like this. It had always been easy to find another guy she didn’t care about to treat her like a goddess for a few hours or a few days, maybe even a month, then repeat the process. For the upstanding institutions that they were, neither Stanford nor Cornell had a shortage of frat boys willing to help Poppy boost her repeatedly decimated self-esteem. Oh, some of the choices she made and some of the losers who had served as self-esteem buoys. Every one of them just proved her mother’s evaluation that Poppy would never be good enough, not just for Mother, but for anyone.
With all of those poor choices with users, losers, and boozers, none of them had ever come close to the cruelty of a man who seemed so perfect—too good to be true, actually—building her up and making her feel like, like she might not only be good enough, but with a little to spare besides, then jamming a knife in to deflate everything he’d built and bringing her crashing to the ground. Crashing hard enough that any sane person would shatter, much less someone so fragile to begin with.
Keep it together. Don’t look at him. Don’t talk.
Slade must have gotten the point, because he didn’t say anything until they pulled into the gym parking lot.
“Where’s—”
Poppy pointed at her truck. He angled across the lot and took his truck out of gear next to a sports car parked near her truck. She busted out and made a beeline for Cardinal’s driver’s side door.
Slade cut her off. “Poppy, please. Can I at least have your phone number or some way to get a hold of you? I really want—”
“Enough!” Poppy took a breath and flexed her hands to keep from slapping him. “I see what you’re doing. I admit it, I thought you got me. I thought we had the same quirky, slightly socially awkward sense of humor. It’s not funny anymore, Slade. This isn’t a freaking high school locker room.”
“What are you—”
“Take your hidden camera or voice recording or even your funny stories about the dumb girl who totally fell for your act. High five each other and have your little laugh, but remember this: people may tell you firemen that you’re a big deal, but anyone who treats another person like this has no business calling themselves a hero.”
Poppy pushed past him, actually around him because he was as immovable as a flexing brick wall, and climbed into her truck. She hadn’t cried. She had told him off without shedding a single tear!
The satisfaction and righteous indignation made her foot heavy and Poppy left a coat of rubber in the parking lot.
Don’t look back at him.
Did that really just happen? Had she really just fallen faster than a drop ride at an amusement park? No, that wasn’t right. She had fallen for him, which only lifted her as high as a skyscraper only so she could fall again. No, it was a busted analogy. Whatever comparison described the spite
ful soul-bashing, it hurt.
Don’t look—
Poppy’s eyes went to the rearview mirror, saw him standing in the parking lot staring after her. The expression on his face was impossible to make out, but that physique. Wow. Still wow.
What had she expected from Mr. Flex and his hypnotizing eyes? What a freaking jerk. How many years back had she thought she had left all this behind? What could she do to get rid of this garbage feeling?
Find someone to fill it. It wouldn’t be that hard, even though she was carrying a few more pounds than back in college.
Stop it, Poppy. Not that again.
Almost four years ago, that kind of thinking almost cost her everything. At the end of her freshman year in veterinary school she was also at the end of a short string of one-night stands. She found herself at rock bottom when she was diagnosed with Chlamydia and brought up on Cornell’s honor code charges.
So many mistakes in her life. Each one just trying to fill the void the previous one had left.
Luckily she escaped with a round of antibiotics and a year of academic probation. It had taken the threat of losing her health and her dream job to scare her straight. For years now, she couldn’t figure out how the past Poppy could ever act like she had.
But now, after being slammed to the ground by a guy she barely knew and with nothing but emptiness and self-doubt filling her head, she felt like anything that would fill it, even poison, would be preferable to what was coursing through her veins now.
It hadn’t even taken a hint of her past to scare another guy away.
Stahhhp. That voice again, this time telling her to get over herself. Forget the guy and think about the good things in her life. Don’t focus on not being smart enough, or educated enough, or funny enough, or what was the other thing? Best smile on the planet. Heaping lot of good it did her.
Counseling had helped stabilize her life after rock bottom, but really, turning to God had given her the strength to believe in herself enough to get by. But after being cut off at the knees today, she felt like even God couldn’t love someone like her.
Two Hearts Rescue: Park City Firefighter Romance Page 5
