by Rula Sinara
It’s not perfect. I’ve never made anything like this for anyone else before. Only you, Maddie-girl.
Love, Haki.
Maddie fought back tears and put the carving back in the box, along with everything else.
Pippa had stayed in Maddie’s room during college. Had she looked through her things? Had she seen the doves and the note? Had she been keeping an eye out from the start to make sure no old feelings rekindled between them? Maddie tried to remember everything Pippa had said in the past few weeks. The fact that she’d ousted her at the dinner table her first night at Busara. The fortune reading. The questions in the tent at Camp Jamba Walker. I’ve known him all my life and understand him better than anyone else ever could. Had that been a warning long before the one when Haki had returned Maddie’s book? Had Pippa been staking her claim all along? Did it matter now? Maddie had chosen to leave Kenya long ago. Maybe if she hadn’t, things would be different. But they weren’t and they couldn’t go back.
The corner of her notebook stuck out from the soft satchel she used for her laptop and carry-on items. She pulled it out and flipped past her notes to the games she’d played with Haki during their campout. Page after page of hangmen in various stages. Loyal, deserving, beautiful...
A tap at her door had her wiping her face. She stuffed the notebook back in the satchel and set the box down near her purse. She needed to pack it and take it back with her this time. Hope cracked the door open.
“May I come in?”
“Of course.” Maddie wrapped the box in an old T-shirt, unzipped her satchel and put it safely inside. She couldn’t risk losing it if her luggage got lost in transit.
“Won’t you change your mind about leaving so soon? Stay at least one more day.”
“It’s done, Mom. The tickets are bought. I just can’t be here right now. In Kenya, I mean. I need to put this all behind me,” Maddie said, slipping her laptop into its case and zipping it up.
Mr. Levy had actually sent her an email congratulating her on helping them win their case, and he’d given her the option of spending some extra time with family rather than changing her return-ticket date. She hadn’t turned down his offer, but she’d changed her ticket regardless. Technically, family included grandparents, and a little time at their house back in Pennsylvania would be good for her. At least she’d be with family. She needed to get away from here, but she dreaded the loneliness that awaited her in her apartment. The one place that used to be her escape. For all that had happened, the past few days with her brothers and mom...even her dad...had felt warm and loving. She wished she didn’t have to leave it all behind. But facing everyone after what had happened? She couldn’t do it. She couldn’t risk facing Haki or Pippa, either. They were a part of the entire circle of family and friends. It was her duty to leave them all in peace.
“Honey, if it was time to go, I’d understand, but you still have a week before you have to be back at work. You’re running away when being alone is the last thing you need,” Hope said.
“You don’t know what I need.” Maddie scrunched her forehead. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. I’m not myself right now. You’re the best and you’re always there for me. And whatever you said to dad yesterday, before I intruded, really helped. I can’t thank you enough. But I need to focus on work. I need to go back and pray my efforts here will pay off at the law firm.”
“You’re going to bury yourself in work?”
“No. Yes. I am. What do you expect? I should never have let myself have those feelings for Haki. I knew it was wrong.”
“You mean that you let yourself fall in love? It tears me up that you found it at the wrong place and wrong time, but true love is not a crime, Maddie. It’s not something you can control.”
“It is a crime if it causes someone harm. It hurt Pippa, and I’ll never forgive myself for that.”
Hope guided her to the edge of the bed and nudged her down. She sat next to her and stroked her hair.
“Maddie, you were old enough back when we first met to remember things. You remember how I stayed with your family and fell in love with all of you. I’m betting that you remember when I left, too, and how painful it was. I know every situation is a little different, but I do understand how you’re feeling. I do know what it’s like to love with all your heart only to have it torn apart. Here, turn around and pass me your comb.”
Maddie sighed and reached for the comb at the end of the bed. Her silver bracelets chimed delicately. Hope took the comb and smiled.
“My grandmother’s bracelets. It means a lot to me that you still wear them.”
Maddie ran her fingers around them.
“I never take them off.”
“Do you remember what I told you the day I left America? You were upset and I was worried about leaving you feeling so vulnerable. But I knew how strong you were inside. I told you then that, ‘When you wear one, good things come your way. When you wear two, happy memories will stay. And the magic of three is, it sets your heart free.’”
“I don’t think it applies to this situation. Pippa, Haki and I...we were three friends. And now, none of our hearts is free. I know mine isn’t.”
“Isn’t it? Maddie, sweetheart, it takes a free heart to fall in love, and I think you did. And Pippa and Haki, no matter what happens, you freed their hearts of the expectations everyone had put on them. I had heavy expectations put on me when I was your age. It took me a while to figure out that carving my own path in life wasn’t a sin. My heart became truly free when I fell in love with your father.”
Hope began combing Maddie’s hair. She turned slightly so that Hope could braid it the way she had when Maddie was a little girl and every time she’d visited since college. Maddie closed her eyes and let the sensation soothe her. She loved Hope and missed her enormously when she wasn’t here. Hope had always been the voice of reason. The family glue.
Hope began braiding three locks of hair. Maddie closed her eyes even tighter, trying to keep the tears behind her lids. Three locks. Three hearts. Three lives braided together, only now, she’d effectively taken sharp scissors and cut the braid off at her nape.
“How will I ever face Uncle Jack and Auntie Anna again?” The fear of someone visiting and asking her about what happened was part of the reason she needed to leave. “They probably hate me more than Pippa does. And Haki...he lives there. This whole mess has put him in an unimaginable position. I’ve messed up his life in every way. Dad denied it yesterday, but maybe he was right to worry and question me all these years. He must have known that someday I’d screw up again.”
Hope stopped braiding.
“Don’t you dare talk like that.”
Maddie knew she’d struck a nerve. She’d crossed a line. If there was one thing Hope had been adamant about since Maddie first broke her silence after her birth mother’s death all those years ago, it was that Maddie not blame herself for what happened. Nonetheless, Maddie had always thought that it was why her dad didn’t have confidence in her. And every so often, when her emotions got the best of her, she could feel herself turn to the past and fall into old thought patterns.
“Your father is hard on himself,” Hope said, as she resumed braiding. “He’s had to be tough in his life. It’s how he survived war, the violent images burned in his mind...and personal loss. But he loves just as deeply. For him, to worry and protect is to love, and he loves you. He loves all of his children.”
“I know. I do. He loves you, too. You’re both incredible parents. I mean that.”
“Well, you’re pretty incredible yourself.”
Hope wrapped a band at the end of the French braid and gave Maddie a kiss on the cheek.
“There you go. Beautiful as ever,” she said.
“Thank you.” Maddie reached back and ran her fingertips along the perfect braid. “For everything.
” She turned, wrapped her arms around Hope and gave her a hug. “I miss you already.”
“I won’t stand in your way because I do respect your choices. But always remember, this is your second home. You don’t have to leave. Stay as long as you feel comfortable. And give things time. I know ‘time heals’ sounds like a cliché, but it became a saying for a reason. Pippa will come around, too. I have no doubt.”
Maddie swiped at a stray tear. If time healed, then maybe leaving was indeed the answer. Maybe given time—and her absence—whatever Pippa and Haki once had between them would heal. It was the only way to make things right again and maybe, just maybe, someday she’d earn their forgiveness.
* * *
THE PLAN HAD been for Uncle Mac to fly Ben and Haki to an airstrip in his choppe; then the two of them would get on a charter plane to Nairobi. Just Ben and Haki. Talk about plans changing.
Haki turned around in the front seat of Dr. Alwanga’s minivan. None of the guys had been able to resist coming along. His entourage gave him four thumbs-ups and an equal number of grins. He turned back around and wiped the side of his face.
His father, Ben, Jack, Mac and now, even Maddie’s uncle Simba—aka Dr. Alwanga—whom they had called in need of a ride since Jamal was scheduled to pick up Philip and Ryan from school, were all packed in the van. Haki had already been worried about rejection, and now he had an audience. God help him.
“I hope you all know that I really appreciate this, but I can’t talk to her with all of you watching,” Haki said.
“Why not?” Ben asked.
Haki looked back at Ben, then gave Kamau a wide-eyed plead for help. His father slapped Ben on the knee and laughed.
“He’s just giving you a hard time, Haki.”
“Am I?” Ben asked. He seemed disconcertingly serious.
“Down, boy,” Jack said. Ben shot him a don’t-mess-with-me look. Jack shook his head. “What can I say? You can be scary even when you don’t mean to be. You’re like a giant bullmastiff standing in front of his human family and daring anyone to come near.”
Ben’s shoulders sagged a bit.
“I am not. Besides, I like bullmastiffs. Good dogs. I should get one.”
“I hear they’re teddy bears at heart,” Mac called from the third row. He flipped his cap backward and nestled it in place. “Don’t worry, Haki. We’re all just here for moral support. We’ll keep old Ben here on a leash and give you some privacy. Say...two minutes? Not sure we can hold on to him longer than that.”
Haki was absolutely not getting in the middle of the dog analogy.
“Try calling Hope again,” Kamau suggested. She hadn’t picked up when Ben called from the airport. Ben pulled out his cell and tried again.
“Nope,” he said.
“Try texting,” Jack said. “Sometimes they go through when calls don’t.”
He texted and there was a welcome few minutes of silence as Simba tried to maneuver through the heavy traffic.
“We’re almost at the house anyway,” Simba called out.
“Wait. She texted. She was on the phone with a patient earlier. Oh, no. She says she’s picking up the boys at school and that Maddie already left with Jamal for the airport.” Ben held his cell at arm’s length so he could focus on the words.
“Are you serious? We could have waited there. We’ll never make it back in time,” Haki said.
“Not in this traffic,” Simba added. “Unless maybe they get stuck in it, too.” He stepped on the gas and slipped ahead of the car on his right, then made a sharp U-turn.
“Ask her what time they left,” Kamau said.
“Hold your horses, everyone. I already asked,” Ben said. Haki glanced back impatiently when the cell beeped. Ben had his arm stretched in front of him again—he really needed to give in and get reading glasses. The others were craning their necks to try to see the screen.
“Do you mind?” Ben glared over his shoulder. They all sat back. “Okay. She said they left about fifteen minutes ago.”
“That would put them just ahead of us on the route back to the airport. We might be able to catch up, since I’m driving,” Simba said.
“The idea is for me to reach her alive,” Haki added.
Simba stepped on the gas.
“I have to agree with him there. You mind driving a little more carefully?” Ben gripped the back of the driver’s seat when Simba had to brake hard for denser traffic ahead. Haki had seen Ben handle a jeep like a stunt driver when he went through KWS training in the field. But grassland wasn’t the same as populated Nairobi, and everyone in the van knew that Ben’s first wife had been killed in a car accident.
Simba slowed down a little.
“Is that them? Right there, just beyond the silver Peugeot.” Jack leaned forward and pointed at a black sedan. Haki didn’t see Jamal’s car often enough to recognize the license plate, but the make and model looked right. But Ben would know for sure.
“That’s them,” Ben confirmed. “Can you get behind him, or next to him? Safely?”
“Just call Jamal’s cell phone, for crying out loud,” Mac suggested.
“Wait. He shouldn’t talk on his cell while driving. Especially in this traffic and with Maddie in the car,” Haki said.
Ben gave him a nod of approval. “It’s okay, Haki. He has an earpiece. Hands-free,” he said, as he dialed. “Hey, Jamal. Listen, we’re a few cars behind you. I have Haki here and he needs to speak to Mads. If we lose you, just don’t let her through security until we get to the airport. Or wait, can she just get on the phone? Or put it on speaker?”
Haki’s palms began to sweat. She was right there...so close that he could see the back of her head. But the idea of apologizing to her over a speaker was enough to twist his brain in knots. He saw her flip around and look through the back window of the sedan. Her eyes widened when she spotted them. She spun back around and shook her head at Jamal.
There was a pause.
“She doesn’t want to talk. I think the best we can do is just follow them,” Ben said. “Worst case, she flies out and you end up having to book a ticket to America.”
“That would take months. I don’t have any paperwork ready.”
“Hang in there, Hak-man,” Jack said. “We’ll get you to the airport.”
Haki’s stomach suddenly felt like he’d eaten rocks. He glanced back, but the looks of regret and pity the guys gave him didn’t help. She didn’t want to speak to him. He rubbed at his chest and stared straight ahead. What difference would it make if he caught her at the airport? She had her mind set.
He caught her glimpsing over her shoulder again, only this time, there was something he couldn’t put his finger on. A feeling. A sense that she was trying to tell him something. That—
“That’s it. I should have known.” Haki opened the glove compartment, then the side console. Nothing. “I need something to write on. Something big if you have it. And can you try to get around the guy in front of us so we’re right behind them?”
Simba furrowed his brow, but seemed to catch on.
“Hey, Jack. Check the pocket behind my seat. Chuki keeps drawing pads and car games there for the kids. Is there something he can use?”
Jack reached in.
“This should work.” He handed a pad and a red crayon up to Haki.
“He’s a smart kid. I trained him,” Ben said, thumbing toward Haki.
“I raised him,” Kamau countered.
“Yeah, but we’re his uncles,” Jack said.
“And everyone knows kids listen to their aunts and uncles over their parents,” Mac added.
“I think that’s right. I can’t get my kids to listen to their parents,” Simba acknowledged.
Haki ignored them and tried to clear his head. He should have known that seeing everyone
in the car, including her father, would freak Maddie out. It freaked him out. He needed to get through to her, but doing so in front of both of their dads and a full-blown audience was a bit...uncomfortable. He flipped to a clean sheet, tilted the pad for privacy, wrote what he hoped would make a difference...then pressed the paper against the windshield and waited.
* * *
MADDIE YANKED A tissue out of her purse and dried her eyes.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” Jamal asked, eyeing her in the rearview mirror.
“I’m fine, thank you. I just don’t understand. Why would he bring an entire village with him if he wants to talk? My father. He has my father and uncles back there. Jamal, that’s embarrassing.”
“But you can’t be embarrassed if you don’t even know what he wants to say. Why don’t you hear the poor guy out?”
“Given what happened and how we left things—trust me, there’s nothing we need to say to each other let alone in front of...everyone.”
“When I was a young man, I wanted the world to hear how much I loved Delila. I wanted to shout it from the rooftops.”
“This is different. He’s not professing anything. He already professed his love for Pippa. He probably just wants to make things okay between us. He needs closure so he can move on.” With Pippa.
“You don’t know that.”
“Did you end up shouting from the rooftops?”
“Me? No. I was much too afraid of her father.” Jamal laughed, then motioned with his head. “We’re almost at the terminal, but I think perhaps you should look behind you.”
Maddie frowned, but turned slowly. Simba’s minivan was keeping pace through the slow traffic. And Haki had a big, white piece of paper pressed to the windshield with three words on it.
You’re my world
Maddie swallowed hard and tears stung her eyes. Why was he doing this? What about Pippa? He took it down, flipped a sheet and quickly put it back up for her to see.
