I thanked him and promised to do just that.
****
I couldn't find Ella anywhere. She wasn't in her chambers and she wasn't in any of the training rooms. The palace bell had just tolled eleven, and after ten minutes I decided to go find my twin instead. Alex was missing as well. Well, I had told her to talk to him…
I considered searching for Lynn and Loren, but the first would inevitably be found with Ian, and the latter… well, as friendly as he and I were, it was always around others and we had never had that much to talk about on our own.
Fine, I'll just go to bed early! I shut my door and collapsed on my four-poster bed – dress and all - and then proceeded to stare at the ceiling.
I wanted to sleep.
But I was too restless.
I tossed and I turned but it was no use. An hour passed by and it wasn't getting any better. Scouring my nightstand I found one of the small vials I kept packed in my bag. A sleeping draught. It wasn't the ideal solution – usually Alchemy's potions left me queasy - but I did not want to spend the next day falling off my horse on the long trek to Ishir because I hadn't gotten enough rest.
I swallowed the bitter liquid in one long gulp and then lay back down on my bed as I waited for it to take effect.
Everything became quiet, heavy, rhythmic. My eyelids fluttered shut and I was only vaguely aware that I was still wearing my dress…
The loud clatter of a fallen sconce jerked me awake.
I sat up, suddenly dizzy. Someone in the hallway outside was cursing. Had they no respect for the sleeping? I tried to lay back down, only to be awaken again by a second clatter as the person tried to replace the sconce and dropped it again.
I stumbled out of my room with a purpose. The chamber door spun as I swung it open and tottered out into the hallway. The Academy's illustrious blue fire torches lit up the passage enough to see door panels, but I still had to squint to see in the darkness.
"Get some decency!" I scolded the shadow. "Some of us are trying to-" I yawned. "-Sleep in peace."
"Ryiah, is that you?"
"What of it?" I grumbled. The contents of my stomach came riding up. Oh no. I clutched my ribs. I should have known better than to take a sleeping draught on an empty stomach.
I quickly sat down. My head was spinning. Everything was spinning. I did not feel good.
"Are you sick?" The shadow approached and I saw hazel-green eyes. It was all I needed. I burst into hysterical laughter and then immediately regretted it. Could this night get any worse?
"Where's Lynn?"
Ian started and then shook his head, frowning. "You should go to bed, Ryiah."
A wave of nausea hit me and I swallowed hard. I needed to say something first. "I should have fought you outright," I croaked. "I'm sorry for that day in the desert."
Ian sighed, and the next thing I knew he was sitting down next to me on the cold marble floor. There was silence for a moment - just the sound of quiet hearts beating as we leaned against the wall, shoulder-to-shoulder in shadows.
"I've been acting like a jealous fool," he said abruptly. "You have nothing to apologize for Ryiah."
"But I-"
"You did what needed to be done."
Wait. Did he say…? I turned to face the third-year. "Did you say jealous?"
The mentor regarded me grimly. "We are Combat mages, Ry. You wanted to win, and I understand why you did what you did." He exhaled softly. "When we were in that cave… I guess I just thought things had changed between us." He played with a button on his sleeve. "But then I realized it was just a part of your plan, and that you had let him talk you into it. I wasn't mad that you had done it but…"
The third-year swallowed. My eyes fell involuntarily to his well-tanned hands, so big and strong. I remembered when he had reached out to touch my face.
"I guess it just felt like you were choosing Darren over me… Which is silly because I always knew you liked him best."
"I don't!"
Ian put a finger to my lips to quiet me. An explosion of warmth ran down my spine, making me lighter than the draught had ever made me feel. My sickness was instantly forgotten.
"You do, though." Ian reached down to brush a strand of hair that had fallen in front of my face. I held my breath.
"Someday, Ry, you are going to realize who Darren really is. He's a prince, and he's only going to break your heart."
"But I don't want a prince!" I protested, suddenly panicked.
"You say that but I see how you look at him."
"Well then you are a fool for not seeing how I look at you!"
Ian was silent. The third-year's eyes met mine and I could see the small flecks of gold that dotted his irises. He looked wistful.
"Alex, Alex, be quiet!" Ella's loud giggling voice carried across the dark passage.
My head jerked in the direction of my friend, and Ian abruptly stood. "Goodnight, Ryiah," he told me.
"Wait, Ian-"
He just shook his head sadly. Then the third-year disappeared into the dark hall, intent on his room.
Moments later I saw my twin and friend stumble into the light of a nearby flame, the two of them laughing with their eyes aglow. Neither of them had seen or heard me. I watched in silence as Ella attempted to pull away to enter her chamber two doors away. Alex grabbed her, chuckling, and kissed her like he had all the time in the world.
My jaw dropped and I let out an inadvertent gasp.
****
"What was that?"
"A mistake."
"No." I eyed her skeptically. "That did not look like a 'mistake.' That kiss lasted at least ten minutes."
Ella blushed. "Ryiah, I really wish you hadn't been there."
"It wasn't my intention." I yawned loudly. My head pounded awfully: the draught had been a terrible idea. I would be feeling sick the entire ride out and this time we would be in snow for at least three days before we passed into warmer climate.
Looking out at the freezing landscape I shivered and wrapped myself tighter in my furs. At least in our morning practice we'd been able to stay warm by activity; now there was nothing to keep my blood flowing as I sat astride my mare for ten hours at a time.
I hated being cold. I considered casting a small fire in my hand to keep warm, but I knew if Byron caught me he'd be livid. I needed to learn to deal with the elements the same as everyone else. When I was serving in a regiment someday I'd be asked to conserve my powers for battle. "Wasting magic on mundane comforts" could be the difference between victory and defeat.
The irony was that Ella hated the cold even more than me – yet she seemed blissfully ignorant, undoubtedly brought on by her happy daydreams regarding my twin.
"Why were you in that corridor anyway?"
Ella's question brought me back to focus, but I blanched at responding so close to the others. We were riding out in a two-columned formation and the icy winds made it easier for people to listen than talk. I didn't want the whole faction hearing about my strange run-in with Ian, or how I had come so close to begging him to leave Lynn… Or how he had insinuated I still had feelings for Darren. That would be the worst humiliation of all.
"I cast a sound barrier," Ella told me quickly, "why else do you think I would have been willing to discuss Alex?"
I glanced around our surroundings. I couldn't see anything. "Where? How?"
"It's something I taught myself years ago," she explained, "you can't see it because it's intended to deflect noise, not sight." She grinned. "Watch this!" The girl leaned back in her saddle and clapped loudly behind her.
Nothing. There wasn't a sound. But there should have been – especially when Priscilla turned around from her saddle and opened her mouth to make a crude remark to Ella for interrupting her quiet.
I made a mental note to ask Ella how to cast that barrier in the future. That skill would be very valuable – especially if it meant that private conversations would actually stay private, and that I'd be able to block out Byron and Prisc
illa's insult.
I took a deep breath, and then proceeded to detail the rest of the previous night – not sparing myself as I described what had been said between Ian and I. When I was finished she didn't look surprised.
"You can't blame him. He's afraid of getting hurt."
"I would never hurt him!"
Ella shook her head smiling sadly. "Ryiah, you can lie to him but not to me. You still like Darren."
I swallowed, a lump stuck to the bottom of my throat. "But I don't want to," I finally said. "And I do care for Ian. I don't fancy myself naïve, it's Ian that I want."
"But that's not enough. You need to show him." Her eyes were somber. "He might be weak enough to listen to your words, but he won't believe them until you put his fear to rest."
"But he is avoiding me!"
"Find a way, Ryiah. If you really want Ian, you will find a way."
"Is that what you told Alex?" I stared at her wonderingly.
"Yes. But like you, I'm not sure your brother will know how. It's an easy thing to want someone, it's another to love them."
CHAPTER SIX
"When we reach the barracks I expect each one of you to brush down your steed and put your tacks away prior to settling into your meal." Master Byron's voice rang out clearly in the frigid desert air.
I rubbed my numb hands, teeth chattering. So much for a warm desert – the plains we had passed through had been better. Who would expect the hot sands of Ishir to be so cold in January? Glancing around I saw the rest of the factions giving out small puffs of warm breath: the only source of heat for miles.
We had just passed through the Red Desert Gate and we had ten more miles before we would reach the city's outpost. The giant gate was the only manmade barrier in the entire bluff wall separating Red Desert from the rest of Jerar.
The sudden thundering of hooves drew me from my thoughts. I stared out into the darkness – searching for the source of the noise, half-wondering if we were being attacked - when I spotted one of the Ishir Regiment riders galloping toward us.
"Master Byron, Master Joan, Master Perry!" the man practically fell out of his saddle as he pulled to a sudden halt in front of us.
"What is it, soldier?" The Master of Alchemy nudged her horse forward to peer down at the breathless young man. "Is something wrong?"
"Ma'am, we've just received new orders. Commander Ama asked me to come find you right away. The Red Dune bandits have taken over the Mahj salt mines again. The local infantry couldn't hold them off – we suspect they're using magic - and our whole regiment has been ordered to help!"
Perry sighed loudly. "Well there's goes any semblance of sleep."
Master Byron informed the soldier that we would join the commander and her men at once – just as soon as we exchanged our mounts for fresh ones at the nearest village. When the soldier departed the Master of Combat turned to all three factions to remind us that we were now serving as an extension of the local regiment.
"I had hoped we would have a couple of days to rest up before your first patrol – but it appears you will be starting right away."
It was a two-day journey, Byron added, but it wouldn't be too hard as we had enough supplies to last us the rest of the way there. Once we reached Mahj we would be housed with the rest of the regiment in makeshift tents since the town was already inhabited by local miners and a small handful of desert farmers. We would need to treat our orders with extreme prudence. Salt was a vital trade between Jerar and its easterly neighbors, the Borea Isles and Pythus. We could not afford to lose such a valuable resource.
"The bandits will be less skilled than an enemy knight," he concluded, "but it worries me that the locals suspect magic at play. Exercise extreme caution and make sure to obey all of Commander Ama's orders. This is not a mock battle. The masters and I don't want to lose any apprentices in this deployment."
****
I dug my shovel into the dusty earth, scattering sand and rocks as I tossed its contents behind me. I wiped my brow, shivering and hot at the same time as I continued digging the women's trenches for the Ishir and Mahj regiment. It was hard, dirty work.
It didn't surprise me that while everyone else was setting up camp I was the one servicing the tasks no one wanted. Master Byron's dislike had no end to its unpleasant consequences. I longed to be with the other Combat apprentices taking care of the horses, cleaning the weapons, counting the inventory, prepping the cots… but instead I was stuck here. Digging trenches.
Alex had been put to work with the rest of Restoration – there were already casualties to the battle of the Mahj salt flats – and he was busy learning and using his magic to make a difference. Alchemy was busy prepping various restorative and fighting drafts to help with the efforts as well. Both factions were behind the scenes, so to speak, so their masters had let them actively participate in the local efforts.
Master Byron, on the other hand, was keeping Combat as far from battle as possible. "They have enough warriors," he'd chastised our group for complaining, "what the regiment needs is swift hands to help with their camp's upkeep since their Combat mages will be too busy to do it themselves. I am not going to lose my apprentices because they are too big for their britches." The locals, of course, couldn't help us because half of them had been barricaded in the mines, and the few farmers that the Mahj oasis held were busy preparing meals for the whole camp.
I groaned. The regiment mages were getting all of the glory while the Combat apprentices were stuck playing house. This was not the life of a warrior I had imagined. I knew it was wrong to be jealous – especially when I had seen the injuries of Mahj's local command - but it was impossible not to resent the others after months of preparing for battle.
"You would get a lot further if you stomped your shovel blade along the surface before digging."
I paused to look up from my labor and see Darren, holding a water skin in one hand as he leaned against a nearby palm. The non-heir had been one of the lucky ones to guard the oasis instead of performing menial tasks.
I swallowed, remembering the way our last conversation had transpired. I had managed to put it out of my mind until now, but I couldn't help remembering how Ian had said I'd been right to do what I did in that canyon. I had yelled at the prince for helping me win, and I thought I had been justified. But the only reason Ian had been upset with me was because he thought it meant I liked the prince better, not because I had been a bad friend.
Which meant Darren had been right all along. And I had been a bad friend – only not to the person I'd thought.
Following the non-heir's advice I loosened the topsoil first and was surprised how much easier it was to dig. Right again. Sighing, I set down the shovel and approached the fig tree Darren was residing under.
I opened my mouth to speak but Darren spoke first. "I'm sorry."
I shook my head. "No, it's me who should be apologizing."
"Ryiah." Darren's garnet eyes met mine and he smiled. It was the first time I had seen him smile without the trace of sarcasm I was so accustomed. I lost my breath. "Just let me apologize."
I started to say he didn't need to, but the way he was looking at me made the words get lost in my throat.
"I was right to tell you to trick Ian. Any Combat mage would have pressed the same advantage-"
I should have known he wasn't going to apologize. The tightening in my chest deflated, just a little.
"-And while I know I was right, I still find myself thinking I was wrong. Because of you, Ryiah." His gaze fell away and he was staring at the back of his hands. "I hurt you by hurting him, and for that I'm sorry."
My jaw dropped.
"You want to know something ironic?" Darren's lips were twisted in a grimace. "Until you, I'd never really had a friend. Not really."
"But Priscilla and the others-"
"Priscilla? Our lives are forever bound because of her parent's wealth and the fact that my father covets it. I understand her, but I don't respect her. Most of the high
borns are like that." He laughed, but it was bitter. "Eve is different. Her father is the commander of the Crown's Army and we grew up to similar expectations. We aren't close, but…" Darren exhaled slowly. "But I'm close to you. Or I want to be, but I keep making a mess of things every time I'm around you. I respect you, Ryiah. I told you last year you were the one good thing about the Academy and I meant it. You aren't like anyone else here, or any person I've ever met. You've overcome so much and yet at the end of it you are still kind. You still care." He ran a fist up his jaw and through his hair. "I'm not like you. I've never cared about keeping relationships or sparing people's feelings. All I've ever cared about is power: how to get it, and how to keep it. I told you as much when we met."
"Darren," I said softly, "you don't have to explain yourself."
"But I do." His jaw clenched. "See, Ryiah, I didn't care that Ian was your friend. I knew what I was suggesting. I knew it would make things difficult for you and I'd be lying if I said there wasn't more than one motivation in mind. Even after you did it I was happy. We'd won. I'd got what I wanted."
Darren's eyes locked on mine. "I was fine right up until you stopped talking to me. All of sudden I cared what someone thought of me. Because we are friends. And making you miserable and angry makes me miserable and angry. I don't want to be the person to make you mad or cry, Ryiah. I want to make you laugh. I want you to make me laugh, because gods know you are the only one who can. So, yes, I am sorry, I am sorry because even if I was right, I was also wrong. And I'd rather lose a silly battle than your friendship."
"It would take more than that to lose me." It was the only thing I could think to say. I'd never seen this side of Darren before. For all the time I'd known him he had kept his feelings bottled up under a layer of sarcasm and wit. I'd never heard him speak so openly. I knew I cared for him – probably more than I would ever admit - but to hear what I meant to him – even if it wasn't what I wished - still touched me.
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