"Alright, Alex, that's quite enough." Ella pulled on my brother's arm with an apologetic look to me. "Later," she mouthed as she escorted my twin firmly out of the room.
"So," I said weakly to my last remaining visitor, "he's mad at me again."
Derrick guffawed. "Alex is always mad. Just because the rest of us live exciting lives is no reason for that grouch to bring you down." He paused. "Besides you and Prince Darren-"
"He's alive too?" I couldn't keep the relief from my tone.
"Of course he is, silly," Derrick chided. "You two are the talk of the north right now. All the local regiments heard about how the two of you risked your lives to save the keep's knights! I wouldn't be surprised if they made a song about it!"
I cringed. The last thing I wanted was to hear my "deeds" memorialized in song. Especially when the only thing I had done was almost die… "Eve," I asked suddenly, "did she-"
"She's dead, Ryiah." Derrick's voice has lost its humor. "It was quick, if that helps. Stabbed herself in the chest. I overheard Master Byron telling someone it was a 'mage's last stand,' whatever that means."
I swallowed. When someone willingly brought on his own death to exert an extreme pain casting, it was known as "the mage's last stand." "She was a hero," I said softly; "without her magic, Darren and I would have died."
"Probably why the prince is in Devon."
"Darren left the apprenticeship!" I sat up with a start and then regretted it immediately. My whole body roared in protest. "Why would he…?" Why wouldn't he after what had happened?
"Are you mad? Of course he didn't leave."
"But you said-"
"He's visiting that girl's father. Eve. He said it was something that couldn't be put in a letter." Derrick looked sideways at me. "The prince is nice, actually. I don't understand why Alex hates him so much."
"He was here?"
"He was here for the first four days. Granted, two of them he was recovering in the cot next to yours, but then he kept coming back. That girl you hate? Priscilla. She caused a huge scene when she saw him in here."
"How…" I cleared my throat and tried again. "How am I…?"
"Alive?" Derrick was amused. "Ryiah, you were never dead. No matter what our charming brother might claim, Restoration is not that good… The prince gave a full account to Commander Nyx. The two of you were fighting that last Caltothian when you pulled that dagger out of your stomach – madness, really - and caught the man off-guard by slashing at his leg." He grinned. "You lost consciousness right after but the prince was able to finish the job. He wasn't faring much better, but he still managed to carry you halfway back before the regiment arrived. They brought you two to the keep while the rest of the mages put out that fire you started. In case you are wondering, Ry, a quarter of the northern forest is now gone. It's going to take years to grow back..."
The whole time my brother was talking, I couldn't help but remember the one thing that had been bothering me since I awoke: the dreams I'd had. The ones where I kept hearing Darren's voice. He'd been saying my name. Over and over. Had that been real?
What does it matter? Nothing has changed.
"Ryiah? Are you still listening?" Derrick looked concerned. "You probably need rest," he surmised, "I should leave... All of the factions were delayed by the fire but now that you are better, I expect the masters will want to set out tomorrow."
Almost as soon as he spoke a wave of lethargy reared its head in rebuttal. I barely had time to say my goodbye before my head hit the pillow, overcome with sleep.
****
"Apprentice Ryiah?"
My eyes flew open and I found the commander of Ferren's Keep standing over me, her steel gray irises studying my face. My skin jumped and I found myself sitting up with a start. This time with much less pain than before. "C-commander Nyx?"
"I am sorry to wake you, apprentice, but I have a matter that cannot wait."
I waited for her to continue.
The woman pulled a chair to the side of my cot and leaned forward. "I have already spoken with the prince, but I need to know if you saw anything strange – anything at all that might merit questions - that day in the forest?"
The confusion must have shown on my face because she tried again.
"Anything odd, Ryiah. Anything that struck you as contrary?"
I shook my head. "I'm not sure I understand what you are asking."
The woman sighed and stood up, pressing the chair legs back with a loud squeak. "If you think of anything, no matter how silly or minute the detail might seem, please send for me."
I nodded and promised to do just that. The woman left the room with a wish for my speedy recovery and then I was left once again with an overwhelming fatigue. I drifted off quite quickly, but as I did one question pressed at my thoughts:
What was that about?
****
On the second week after we arrived at the Academy, Darren finally returned from his visit to Devon. I was at odds with his arrival. I couldn't hate him like before, not after what had happened. I didn't know what to think.
I spent the next couple of days lost in my own dance of drills and meals with my friends. At one point I turned around to ask Eve her opinion – and then caught myself. I had a sickening moment where that day in the forest came rushing back and I decided to retire early that night.
It was as I was turning the corridor to my room on the Academy's second floor that I finally came across the prince. He was not alone, however.
"Now is not the time to discuss our wedding!" I entered the hall just in time to see Darren slam a chamber door in Priscilla's face.
The girl let out a loud shriek and picked up a nearby vase and threw it against the wall. It shattered into a mass of tiny shards, wilted flowers and water flooding the floor. Then she turned around and caught me staring.
"He wasn't just visiting her father," she sniffed. "He was with her. My friends in the palace tell me everything."
I didn't know what to say. Once again my chest was being ripped at the seams. I felt torn between three states: pity for myself who loved such a capricious person, pity for Priscilla who spent her whole life fighting girls like Shinako and me to keep the prince and her position in court, and then frustration at Darren for saving my life and being so heartless and power-hungry in the same breath. Why couldn't a person just be good or evil? Why couldn't Darren pick a side? I was tired of trying to guess which one he was, and it was beyond aggravating when my heart was involved.
"The day I am crowned princess will be the best day of my life," Priscilla continued. "Believe me when I say you are lucky to be lowborn, Ryiah; a highborn's struggles are more tiresome than you could ever know."
There. That was the reason I didn't pity her. Not truly. "One. My status as apprentice means I am no longer 'lowborn,'" I snapped. "And two. My struggles are just as relevant as yours."
The girl rolled her eyes.
"I find great pleasure in knowing that it is one of your own that is stealing him away," I told her flatly.
"And here I was trying to be polite!"
"You are wasting your breath. You are just as cold-hearted as Darren. Any pity I feel at your situation vanishes every time you open your big mouth."
The girl stopped smirking. "You have grown vain in light of your magic, Ryiah. Were we friends, I might use my influence to have Byron give you a high rank at our ascension - but let me assure you, even if you were the best apprentice of our year, you will be ranked last without my help."
"I'd rather be last than align myself with you."
The girl glared at me. "You are making a mistake."
"Her only mistake is talking to you. Why don't you find some other hallway to haunt with your presence?"
I grinned as Ella appeared next to me on the stair. Priscilla spun off to find better company and I turned to Ella. "Thanks. That girl spends half her time trying to belittle me and the rest of it trying to convince me to join her little army of minions."
"She is afraid of you. Priscilla knows you have power and it scares her. Last thing she wants to do is make enemies with the future Black Mage."
I snorted. "I find that highly unlikely."
Ella looked thoughtful. "Maybe. And maybe not."
****
The rest of our time at the Academy seemed to pass by even faster. Suddenly the solstice had arrived and the castle grounds were covered in snow. Most of my time leading up to the ball was spent with Alex, who had calmed down since his temper tantrum in the keep's infirmary.
When it was time to dance, I left my friend to my twin and headed outside after a quick visit with Sir Piers. It was strange to be surrounded by so many eager-faced first-years and know that I had been one of them, enthusiastically sharing in drinks and laughs, just four years ago. I still had five more months at Ferren's Keep, but the ascension took place in Devon, not Sjeka. Tonight would be my final night within the Academy walls.
"Feeling nostalgic?" Darren appeared beside me, peering over the balcony rails at the white landscape beneath. I started. I hadn't even noticed him enter.
"I spent so much time dreaming about becoming a mage." My words were barely a whisper. "I don't think I'll know what to do with myself when it becomes real."
"I doubt that." The prince's expression was wry. "I think the second you are ranked, the commanders will all be scrambling to give you a spot in their regiment."
That was the second time someone had told me that. I still didn't believe it. "I hardly think that will be the case."
"I do."
An awkward silence followed and then Darren cleared his throat. "I never got a chance to ask," he said quietly, "how you were faring. After the battle."
"Are you asking me now?"
"I am."
"I'm fine." I couldn't think of what else to say. Anything else felt like a betrayal.
"I'm glad." I made the mistake of meeting his eyes and saw… I'm not sure what I saw. My emotions were running so wild I couldn't trust myself. Every inch of me was screaming at his proximity and my skin was fighting to make contact.
"Thank you…" I swallowed. "For coming back for me that day. I'm sorry about Eve… I know she meant a lot to you."
"She..." I could hear the break in his voice as he said it. "She didn't deserve to die. Not for me."
"I'm sorry."
"So am I." Now he sounded angry and his eyes were flaring crimson. "Her death will not go unpunished."
"What are you going to do?"
"When I returned to Devon, I met with my father. The Council and his advisors have been adverse to take action but this time it's different. The Caltothians have grown bold – sending that many men to attack our key northern post. Our men and women depend on that forest for lumber and now a quarter of it is burned to the ground. The daughter of the Crown's Army command is dead. Several of the regiment? Dead. You and I were almost killed." He clenched his fist. "I admit the nobles could look the other way while half of Jerar is destroyed – they are that opposed to war - but they can do little to ignore Father after he found out his own son was almost murdered."
I bit my lip. "So we are going to war?" The Great Compromise had been in place for almost a century. It seemed impossible.
Darren looked away. "As soon as my brother and I secure our marriage dowries to finance his army."
Oh. How could I have forgotten? It must have been because he was standing so close to me, eyes burning like fire. Robbing me of the last year and a half. Darren was still Darren. Just because he was kind did not mean he loved me, or that he wasn't a prince. It didn't matter how he looked at me. Nothing had changed.
****
That same night I arrived at my chambers and shut the door softly behind me. It was only after I heard the lock click into place that I let myself breathe. I felt myself slip to the floor, fingers tracing the wooden panels above as my heart pounded traitorously hard in my chest.
Why did I do this to myself? Why did he have to be kind? Why couldn't he be cruel? It wasn't fair. Darren had broken my heart. And he was continuing to shatter it every time he looked at me.
We couldn't be friends. We couldn't be enemies.
So what were we?
****
It was the worst winter I could remember. We could see every breath we took. Thick, dense white frost took over our sight. Ella and I were beyond miserable.
Then we were deployed in one of the keep's regular patrols.
"What do you mean, we have to camp in the snow?" my friend whispered, outraged. She was smart enough not to speak in Master Byron's presence, of course.
"For this next week I want you to go completely without using your magic," the training master had said. "Absolutely no casting. Unless we come across a raid, I want you to learn how to survive a harsh winter climate without using your powers. The soldiers and knights do it all of the time. This will help prepare you for a position in the northern regiment. Your magic will be needed for battle, not comfort, and as such I expect the next seven days to reflect this. Afterward, we will resume our regular lessons."
"Madness," I told her, grinning, "absolute madness."
She elbowed me. "Don't mock me, Ry. By the second night you, too, will be wishing for summer."
"Not as much as my dear brother, I expect."
Ella blushed. "Yes," she admitted ruefully, "I suppose I'm not the only one."
"He wants to marry you, you know."
"I know." Her face was in flames. "I'd be a fool to say anything but yes. I love the both of you more than what is healthy, I am sure. My parents will undoubtedly consider me a traitor to my heritage."
****
"Commander Nyx!"
The woman paused. "Yes, apprentice?"
"You asked me to find you if I remembered anything strange?"
The commander's hurried expression quickly changed into one of keen interest. "Yes, Ryiah, I am so sorry. Please forgive me, my mind was elsewhere."
I shifted from one foot to the next. "I'm sure it is nothing of importance," I stammered, "but my friend said something…'" I was sure I looked foolish. I felt like a fool, that was for certain. But when Ella had called herself a traitor, I'd been plagued with nightmares of that battle. Every night for the next month I'd been unable to dream of anything else.
And then I'd remembered.
"She called herself a traitor. She didn't mean it, of course. But it reminded me of that day. One of the mages said something very similar. He was arguing with his leader whether or not to take me as a hostage, and she asked him if he really wanted to defy their orders. She said 'two times a traitor would only bring a slow and painful death.' I didn't think it then, but now it struck me as an odd thing to say… What did she mean? Why would a Caltothian be 'two times a traitor?'"
The commander smiled. She never smiled. It made every inch of my skin crawl. "Have you ever considered a position up north?" the woman wanted to know. "Ferren's Keep, perhaps?"
My ill ease was immediately forgotten. Was she offering me a position? Before my ascension ceremony? "I have thought about it." I tried to keep the excitement from my response.
"Well, if you decide that answer is yes, you would be guaranteed a place in my regiment."
I couldn't breathe. "Really? But you don't even know my rank yet, and Byron…"
"I judge a person by their merits, not hearsay," the woman interrupted. "And you, my dear, have impressed me far more than any of your factionmates. You passed an initial test half your year failed, and then you saved my regiment. If I were to go by hearsay then I must tell you the northerners are singing you nothing but praise. Either way, you will always have a place in my keep." She reached out to grasp my arm firmly. "We need more fighters like you, Ryiah."
"And Darren," I said weakly. "He helped save your regiment too."
The commander's gaze seemed far away. "Yes," she said, "I suppose he did." Then her focus cleared. "Nonetheless, I am sure he will be stationed close to the palace. Darren mig
ht be a mage, but he is still a prince. I believe the king has been generous in allowing him to spend so much time abroad."
I nodded, feeling silly I had forgotten. Of course he would not accept. The prince would serve a much higher rank close to home in the Crown's Army.
I didn't understand why I had felt it necessary to remind her of his prowess. The whole country knew. Was I so desperate to spend the rest of my life fighting alongside him? I should have been happy to finally free myself after spending so much together. Why in the name of the gods was I trying to keep him here?
****
"If I wanted to be saddle sore," Alex griped, "I would have joined Combat. Not Restoration."
"Calm down, big brother," Derrick teased, "you'll have plenty of time to grow fat and old after your ascension."
I snickered as Alex glowered at Derrick over his meal. "You might think yourself wise because you've enjoyed two winters in this gods' forsaken place," he said brusquely, "but there is nothing wrong with choosing a comfortable life."
"A shame you fell in love with a Combat mage."
"A shame indeed." Alex looked wistful.
"You know Ella wants to be stationed up here, right? She hates the cold but she still wants the glory." Nothing was more fun than teasing my twin. Especially in the recent months. It was obvious to everyone except him how deep he had fallen. The poor sap didn't stand a chance.
Alex made a face. "I will make it my mission to talk her around."
"You only have a couple more weeks," I replied snidely, "and then we will be in the capital."
"You grow more insolent every day." Alex threw a piece of his toast in my direction. I dodged it easily. "Must be your inflated sense of pride. You and Derrick are one in the same. Nothing but a bunch of overfed peacocks."
The Black Mage: Apprentice Page 29
