“I don’t think so—or at least I’m not,” The Shelia said, still scanning the horizon. “Do we have any clue as to the size of this place?”
The Kev glanced at Gemma who giggled and then grinned from ear to ear.
“Do you think it will work?” Gemma asked with childlike excitement. “Can I do it?”
“Don’t know until you try, my beautiful one,” The Kev said to her with a wink.
“Okay you guys,” Gemma said. “I’m not exactly a pro yet, so you might want to back your asses up.”
“What is she going to do?” I asked, backing away. Fairies were insane, but that was one of the things I liked best about the creatures.
“Gonna measure the island or blow us straight into oblivion,” she said, rolling her neck and cracking her knuckles.
“Are those the only two options?” I asked dryly.
The soon to be Fairy Queen pursed her lips in thought. “Umm… yes. As far as I know, yes. I’ve never actually done this one before.”
“And you think you should work out the kinks now?” The Shelia asked, concerned.
“Do we wanna to know the lay of the land?” Gemma asked, slapping her hands on her hips and getting quite spicy.
“We do,” I said with a laugh. “There isn’t an Immortal atlas handy so we might as well trust the Queen. Get under my wings,” I instructed the others. “You’ll be safe.”
No one moved. I could tell The Shelia was tempted, but she stood her ground and supported her unbalanced Queen.
Fine. I didn’t care. I’d be fine. Them? Not so much.
Closing her eyes and chanting in a lovely language I was certain had been long forgotten, Gemma popped like a balloon and evaporated into a fine silver mist. Oddly, I was still very much aware that it was her. There were no discerning features, but simply an essence. It was a nifty trick. I was going to have to learn that one.
The Kev dropped to his knees and began to chant a staccato rhythm in compliment with Gemma’s using the same lilting tongue. It was hypnotic and I watched with wonder as the mist rose into the cloudless sky and twisted and danced. Coming apart and melding back together, the silver haze darted even higher until I was sure it had disappeared.
Glancing over at The Kev with concern, I relaxed as he simply smiled and continued to chant. I really didn’t want a several thousand year old Fairy pissed off at me because I’d forced him to come only to watch the love of his life fade away into the atmosphere. That would seriously fuck up my plans. Even wearing women’s clothes was preferable to that clusterfuck.
With a pop and a giggle, Gemma reappeared startling all except for The Kev—who simply grinned with pride.
“I did it,” she squealed and threw her arms around the man who clearly adored her. “I really did it. And no one died! I’m amazing!”
“Congratulations,” I said with an eye roll. “What did you see?”
“It’s freakin’ huge and all ice,” she said with a shiver. “The Ice Palace is on the other side, I’d estimate about three hundred miles away. And it’s definitely an island. The water surrounding us is the clearest teal blue I’ve ever seen.”
“An island makes perfect sense as far as mythology goes,” Lizard spoke up for the first time since we’d arrive.
I’d almost forgotten he was here except for the incessant sound of his gum popping.
“Sirens lured sailors with their song,” he went on. “And when they drew them close enough… BAM — they ate the stupid bastards.”
“And you really want me to save the Sirens?” I asked The Shelia with a raised brow.
“Reserving judgment,” she said, wrinkling her nose. “That BAM sounds quite unappealing.”
“Let’s get started,” I said, letting my wings expand and breathing deep. “Everyone here flies, correct?”
“Don’t move,” The Kev whispered harshly, crouching to the ground and pulling Gemma and The Shelia down with him. “Dead ahead—about five hundred feet. Do you see it?”
Lizard choked up on his bat, turned in the direction The Kev was pointing, gasped and went pale.
Pivoting on a dime, I scanned the horizon and sucked in a swift breath. What the Hell was I looking at?
“Twelve of them,” The Shelia said, tightly. “Ugliest green bastards I’ve ever seen. I’m not even sure what they are.”
“They’re not green,” Gemma whispered. “They’re blue and bleeding yellow blood.”
“No,” The Kev contradicted both of them. “They’re orange with enormous bloody tusks and hairy pink horns.”
“What in the ever loving Hell are you people talking about?” I snapped, going to a squat beside them. “They’re minty green with about a hundred eye balls and more teeth than a fifty fucking T-Rexes.”
“Wait,” Gemma hissed. “What is it that you see? Not the color. What is the creature?”
“I see twelve monsters—kind of a mutation of an ape. Each about the size of a large barn,” The Shelia said.
“The Kev?” Gemma questioned.
“I see twelve snakelike fiends. Size of a large car.”
“Satan?”
“I see dead people,” I joked with a grin.
The painful zap from Gemma was no joke at all. However, I deserved it. I just couldn’t help myself.
“I see the monsters that I dreamt of as a child—twelve of them,” I admitted.
“Lizard?” Gemma asked him.
“I see puppies,” he replied with a shudder of horror.
We all turned to the idiot in confusion.
“You see fucking puppies?” I demanded.
“I hate puppies. They scare the Hell out of me,” Lizard replied, completely serious.
“You’ll behead a Troll with a baseball bat, yet you’re terrified of puppies?” I asked, squinting at him in disbelief.
“You got it, boss,” he said with a tight nod. “Terrified of them.”
Pausing in thought, I stared at the row of twelve hideous things. I smiled at them, but the smile came nowhere close to reaching my eyes. “The l’appel du vide might not be making us inflict self-harm, but I do believe it’s playing with us—bringing our greatest childhood fears to life,” I said, taking a better look at what seemed to be before me.
“I agree,” The Kev said, not taking his eyes from whatever the Hell he saw. “That’s definitely a creature from my nightmares.”
“Wait,” Gemma said, grabbing my arm. “Can you blast one from here?”
“I’m fucking Satan. I can blast one from Hell with my eyes shut,” I snapped, insulted.
“Umm… okay,” Gemma said with a giggle. “How about you do yourself when we’re done here. I just need you to blast the one on the far left.”
Closing my eyes for a brief moment, I pulled my shit together before I blasted my laughing allies.
“Why?” I asked. “Why can’t I blow all of them up?
“Just do as I say,” she snapped, reminding me of my mother right before she electrocuted me. Gemma was kind of ballsy. Who in their right mind talked to Satan like that?
“Fine,” I huffed in a pout, raising my hand and throwing a glittering black fireball at the monster on the far left end of the line.
The fire ball hit the monster square in the middle of its massive chest, but nothing happened—no explosion—no screaming—no death.
“What the Hell was that?” I asked, surprised.
“Watch,” Gemma instructed as her eyes stayed riveted to the beast I’d shot.
It was like watching eerie special effects in a movie. The beast shimmered for a brief moment and then simply faded away.
“He wasn’t really there,” Gemma said, her eye glowing with excitement. “Only five are truly there.”
“How can you tell?” The Shelia asked, looking at Gemma with impressed awe.
“Auras,” she said quietly, lest they hear us. “Only the five in the middle have auras. The rest have nothing. They’re figments of our imagination.”
“That�
�s just fucked up,” Lizard grumbled. “So you’re telling me only five of those puppies are real?”
“Umm… yes,” Gemma replied, with a wince and a small shake of her head. “Five puppies are real.”
“Five of them. Five of us. I say we bust on the real ones and get the Hell out of here,” I suggested with a wide smile, ready to take on my childhood nightmare and put it to rest—permanently.
“I’m in,” The Kev said.
“If you don’t mind, I’d like to take out all the puppies myself,” Lizard offered. “Might get me past my fear.”
“Heads up,” The Shelia shouted as she shifted into her own special kind of monster. “It’s seems they’re making the first move.
The Kev, Gemma and Lizard followed suit in the blink of an eye. Fairies could morph into other forms—monsters of their own sort. However the majestic beasts they became were a thing of beauty—glittering scales and the sharpest, largest fangs I’d ever had the pleasure of witnessing. Well, not Lizard. He looked somewhat like a freak. But then again, he was a little odd looking normally.
The screams of the beasts were deafening. All of them came charging at us, but I kept my focus on the five in the center. Letting my body go to its most natural state, I grew three times my size and became a blazing inferno of death. It was time to end the beasts and find my beauty.
And no man is an island…
I would have never known that only five were real. Elle’s hints were golden and Gemma’s powers were necessary. I would forever be in debt to the four Fairies with me. I seriously hoped I’d never have to admit this appalling fact aloud, but I would.
For Elle… I would do anything.
Anything.
Chapter Sixteen
The puppies didn’t stand a chance against Lizard and his bat. However, the short but bloody battle was definitely no picnic. The monsters fought with a vicious and soulless rage. I’d sustained more blows in the twenty minutes that it took to take them out than I had in centuries.
“Die, you heinous green son of a bitch,” The Shelia bellowed as her golden tusks pierced the monster that was gunning for her.
The Shelia was a shimmering gold death machine. If I wasn’t completely besotted and committed to my Siren, I’d definitely have given The Shelia a spin. Her unbridled savageness was invigorating. She gored her foe and split the bastard clean in two. The high-pitched shrieks of the abominations were not something I would be able to forget anytime soon. Hell, if these were the creatures that protected the barren ice plains, what exactly were we going to be up against when we reached the Ice Palace?
“No more,” The Kev shouted as he decapitated his nightmare.
The Kev moved so fast I wasn’t even sure he’d moved at all. However, the enormous head of his foe separated from its grotesque body was proof the Fairy had indeed moved with deadly precision.
The Kev was an incredible sight—twice the size of his sister and Gemma. He was a mesmerizing bronze with sparkling golden horns and claws as sharp as daggers. Gemma was no slouch in the Fairy monster department either. The Fairy Queen was magnificent. She glowed an iridescent silver and became the size of a large SUV. Her fangs were positively obscene and silver and golden scales covered her bulky frame.
Gemma and Lizard had dispensed of their targets with precise and lethal blows. Of course I was the winner. My motherfucking nightmare had perished first. Even though my creature had taken a chunk out of my leg and chest, I’d incinerated him to a goopy pile of guts and ash within moments of his attack. My body would mend quickly. My sweater? That was another story.
The blueberry cashmere sweater didn’t make it through the melee. I was more terrified of conjuring up a new outfit than I was of destroying another monster. There was simply no telling what I would end up wearing.
“I’m going shirtless,” I announced to my battered crew as I took back my gorgeous form. “I think it’s a tad more manly.”
“You gonna wipe off the lipstick?” Gemma asked as she shifted back.
“No. It matches my pants,” I said before I could stop myself.
Letting my head fall back, I groaned in agony. I needed to get my own fucking soul back very soon or I was going to have to turn in my man card.
“Do the finger suck,” The Kev advised with a smirk. “You’ve got some on your teeth.”
Raising an eyebrow, and reminding myself it would be a horribly counterproductive move to cremate The Kev, I did as instructed. I really didn’t understand how women did this all the time. There were so many fucking things to worry about.
“That felt great!” The Shelia announced as she too shifted back. “I’m no longer afraid of those things.”
“I still have an aversion to puppies,” Lizard commented as he wiped his bat clean and shoved a few more pieces of gum into his already full mouth. “But I think I might get a kitten when I get home. It will show my glorious concubines, Martha and Jane, a softer side of me.”
I had nothing for that, so I simply stayed silent. It was difficult but doable. However, if the idiot continued to wax poetic about his love life, I’d be forced to castrate him—or at the very least electrocute him. He’d live, but it wouldn’t be pleasant.
“What exactly are they?” Gemma said eyeing the dead heap of monsters.
“Trolls,” I said, taking a closer look. “Mutated Trolls. My guess is that Fate has fucked with the fate of the Trolls—amongst other species. It appears they’ve been spelled to draw out intruders greatest fears.”
“Crafty,” The Shelia commented.
“Shitty,” Gemma added in disgust.
Running my hand through my hair, I was ready to put this little part of our excursion behind me. “I believe we’re all in agreement here. Shall we move on?”
“Are we flying to the Ice Palace?” The Kev inquired.
Looking to Gemma, I waited. My instinct was to fly, but I hadn’t seen the lay of the land.
“We fly until we get about twenty miles out and then I’d suggest we make the rest of the journey on foot. No need to announce our arrival,” she said.
“We may have already done so,” I replied glancing at the carnage surrounding us. “However, I think it’s a sound plan.”
It was definitely odd for me to take orders from anyone. I gave orders. Period. Although, if I had to admit it—which I never would—it was almost a relief to be working with intelligent creatures who could fight almost as well as I could.
“On three,” I commanded as I called to my wings and felt the delightful sensation of the onyx feathers unfurling and bursting from my skin.
The Fairies followed suit and we took to the air. We were getting closer, but winning felt a million miles away. It was a somber flight over the diamond like glaciers, but we were headed toward our destiny.
Or perhaps the end of the world…
“I like the name John,” Lizard said after thirty minutes of silent walking. “Do you guys like that name?”
“For what?” Gemma asked kindly.
“My kitten. I think a kitten named John would be quite nice,” he replied.
“What if it’s a girl?” The Shelia inquired as she fell into step beside my strange Demon.
“Well, I would name it Gemma then—after my Queen,” he said, sheepishly while chomping on his wad of gum a mile a minute.
Gemma’s laugh rang out through the desolate, ice covered terrain. “That would be lovely. I think you should most definitely get a female kitten. I would be honored.”
Lizard nodded and grinned like the dumbass that he was. Why wasn’t he naming his damned fur ball after me? The lack of respect I was having to endure was ridiculous. A cat named Beelzebub would be fabulous.
“I can see the Ice Palace,” The Kev said finally, putting up his hand and halting our forward motion. “How do you want to proceed?”
Scanning the horizon, I spotted the Palace. It was as stunning and as cold as the rest of Kismet. I had a difficult time picturing my Siren living within tho
se frozen walls.
“Do you see Trolls?” The Shelia asked, levitating to get a better look.
“No, but there’s no way in Hell the Ice Palace has been left unprotected,” I warned.
“Are we just seriously gonna walk right into the Ice Palace?” Lizard asked, rolling his bat in his hands and looking a little crazier than usual.
“Yes, we are. We’ll wait here for a bit to see if there is any movement around the Palace and then we’ll go in.”
“Together?” The Shelia inquired, sitting down on the ice to regroup.
“No man—or woman—is an island,” I said with a small smile. “We will go together.”
“Kind of profound coming from the most egotistical man in existence,” The Kev commented with a laugh.
“Yes, well, I can’t actually take credit for that one. Elle told me that in a dream.”
“Wait one freakin’ minute. Elle’s a Dream Walker?” Gemma asked, getting excited.
I nodded my answer. Gemma danced around like an idiot. She was reminding me more and more of my mother…
“Go to sleep, Satan. Go find Elle and tell her we’re here. See if she’ll give you any more clues,” she insisted and leaned against a pillar of ice preening with victory.
“I do believe you shall make a very fine Fairy Queen,” I said meaning every word. I was not an island. Maybe needing help wasn’t a weakness.
No. Fuck that friendship shit. After we were done here, I was going back to working solo.
As much as these Fairies were helpful, if I had to spend too much time with them it would end in dismemberment. I would always cut my losses before they bit me on my very fine ass.
“Oh my God,” Gemma gasped and jumped away from the pillar in horror. “I thought that was a tree.”
“Holy shit on fire,” Lizard hissed, raising his bat and scanning the area for danger then gaping at the pillar of ice.
It wasn’t a tree—not even close. It was a frozen Siren. Her mouth was open in a silent scream of terror and her eyes were unseeing. Her fists were clenched tightly at her immobile sides and her once lovely skin had turned greyish blue. It was awful to gaze upon. Fate was not the punisher of evil. I was. She had no right to incapacitate an entire species—her own species to be more specific.
Fashionably Forever After The Hot Damned Series 10 Page 12
