by Cara Carnes
“Levi’s team flew in after handling a side mission.” Intensity resonated in the man’s gaze. “None of us were sitting out on this one. You took priority.”
“Side mission?” Kristof asked. “Fatima’s father?”
Nolan nodded. His gaze swept to the woman when she approached. “We’ll debrief you when we’re secure, but your father is okay.”
Tears shimmered in Fatima’s eyes. “Thank you.”
“We’ll talk soon,” Nolan said. “Are you injured?”
“No.” The woman pointed at Kristof. “He needs help.”
“Get her above ground. The chopper should land soon,” Nolan said. “I’ll assess Lavrov and meet you all up there.”
“I’ll stay here,” Beast said.
“No. You and Thunder go with Addy and Fatima,” Nolan said.
Addy’s gaze narrowed as Beast settled a hand around her back and directed her toward the exit. Nolan’s attention shifted to him once everyone cleared the cell.
“I take it this is more than an assessment of my condition,” Kristof said.
Nolan removed his backpack and unzipped it. He set it on the cart nearby and dragged it over. He clicked a button on his headset. “Yeah, Jesse. I’m turning off my com for a minute.”
It was definitely more than a medical assessment. Kristof took a step backward, but the man followed. Nolan pulled a kit from the bag and opened it up.
“This’ll be brief. Otherwise Addy will know something’s up. Marshall and I had a chat with Edge earlier. We’re removing Addy and her team from primary position on this mission.” Intensity settled in his gaze. “She’s done with whatever this shit is. And with you.”
“Good.” Kristof forced the word out. “She needs rest. So does her team.”
“She ignored Edge’s direct order to stand down and remain in this cell,” Nolan said. “Before that, she intentionally goaded the interrogator and kept his attention on her.”
“She shouldn’t have done that,” Kristof growled. “I didn’t want her doing that.”
“It worked out but could’ve gone catastrophically wrong. It was a huge risk—one she shouldn’t have taken since she knew we were almost here,” Nolan said. “She wouldn’t have done that if you weren’t in this cell.”
“You don’t know that.”
“We both know that.” Nolan glared. “That’s not happening again. You understand what I’m saying?”
“She’s done with Russia and everyone in it. Including me.” His gut soured at the idea, but he realized the call was the right one for Addy. She could’ve been killed.
He’d thought as much earlier, hadn’t he? Sure, a part of him wanted more. He wanted time to help her heal from the past she’d likely shared with no one. He wanted her to forgive him for abandoning her.
He wanted to show her who he truly was. Would she understand why he’d done everything he’d done the past two decades?
Did it even matter?
Nolan treated the abrasions and knife wounds along his torso and redressed his previous wound, which was now bleeding once again. Pain coursed along his ribcage when the man prodded the area gently.
“She’s a good woman,” Nolan said. “Whatever history you two have should remain exactly that.”
“That’s where we’ll have to agree to disagree,” Kristof replied. Anger deepened his voice. “I admire you all for protecting her, but you have no idea what her history is.”
“We know enough.”
“Do you?” Kristof raised his eyebrows. “If you did, we wouldn’t be having this conversation.”
“Then enlighten me.”
“That’s not my business to share.” Kristof looked away and winced as the man slapped a new bandage on his old wound. “I’m glad she has all of you. She deserves that.”
“And you don’t?” Nolan asked.
“This has nothing to do with me.”
“It has everything to do with you.” The man closed the kit. “We expect her to argue with our decision. It’d help if you take our side.”
“The only side I’ll ever take is whatever’s best for Addison.”
“You aren’t what’s best for her,” Nolan said. “I trust we’re in agreement with at least that much.”
“We are,” Kristof said. “I’d appreciate a heads up before you pull her from Russia. There are a few things I want to say before she leaves—things she should know.”
“That’s not a good idea, especially if it’ll make her want to stay.”
“I very much doubt it will matter. By the time this is all done, I’ll likely be dead.” Kristof met the man’s surprised gaze. “Keep her safe. That’s all I ask.”
He turned and exited the room.
The internal war he’d fought before The Arsenal teams arrived had been pointless. He should’ve realized they’d intervene and make the decision he hadn’t managed to. Nolan was right. Addy was better off without him in her life, even if he didn’t agree.
Life hadn’t ever been simple. Not for Kristof.
Why should this be any different?
Addy ignored the tension radiating from the other side of the room where Kristof sat with Marshall, Nolan, and Gage. She studied the men clustered around her in the vacant dining room area off of the kitchen. Johnny turned the skull rings on his fingers around and around and around. Concern crackled in tiny frown lines around his face whenever he looked at her.
Beast, Thunder, Cracker, and Shep alternated concerned gazes toward her and annoyed ones to where Kristof sat. To say her team was worried was an understatement, and for the first time in a long while, she wasn’t sure how to talk them down from the ledge because she was right there with them.
“You good?” Beast asked, taking the lead as he always did whenever the team intended to confront her.
“I’m good. I’ll be better when we get those other missiles.” And make sure Kristof is okay with whatever clusterfuck he’d become buried in. “You?”
“We’ve been better,” Cracker said. “You never should’ve left that auction house without us on your six. We shouldn’t have agreed to that.”
“We should’ve split into two groups and left Gage and his guys with Yesim’s crew,” Shep commented. “That won’t happen again. We won’t allow it.”
“It was the right call,” Addy said.
“Anything that leaves you alone and at risk is never the right call,” Johnny said. “It was amateur hour bullshit that never should’ve gone down.”
“We all know that’s horse shit.” She met each man’s gaze, then continued. “First, it’s a lot easier to see what went wrong after it’s already gone down. We were in an armored transport with active coms and less than twenty miles from our target destination when we were hit at the same time the missiles were. No one could’ve mitigated that. Second, I wasn’t alone.”
“Lavrov isn’t an operative,” Beast said.
“Maybe you should go take a look at his injuries and then come back and say that shit.” Addy pointed to where he sat. “I’ve heard the interrogation they did. I made Edge play it for me after I showered and changed because I wanted to know what I’d missed while I was passed out. He got the com out of my ear and had Fatima hide it because he had his shit together enough to not only keep his mouth shut during a rough interrogation session but to spin that around and give Edge what she needed to triangulate our exact position. He’s why you found us. I get that none of you like him, but I’ll be damned if I sit here and let you all disrespect what he went through.”
The guys regarded one another as the silence unfolded.
“He’s not one of us, Red. He won’t ever be,” Cracker said quietly.
“Never said he was.”
The admission stung. Anger seeped into her. She deserved more. So did Kristof. Walking away from him simply because they’d chosen two different paths was unfair. No. Neither of them had chosen their lives. They’d been forced on them both.
She wanted more. With Kristof
.
“Why won’t you tell us about the ops you worked with him? Or about the camp you were at?” Johnny asked.
“You know why, dipshit,” Shep said. “Thought we’d all agreed to leave that be.”
“The only thing that bastard deserves is a bullet in his brainstem,” Beast muttered. “We should’ve found another way to get those missiles that didn’t involve him.”
Her stomach soured as the men she trusted more than anyone else to have her back bonded over their hatred for Kristof—the one person she once trusted more than anyone else. The man he’d become might not deserve her defense, but the boy he’d once been had earned it with blood, broken bones, and unimaginable pain the three years they’d endured that camp together.
She’d never intended to share details from that time with anyone, but her silence was adding unnecessary tension to an already precarious situation.
“I was seven when Peter took me there the day after we buried my parents,” Addy said into the silence. “I was thrown into a small and dark cabin in the dead of winter with no heat or food. The spigot that dripped water was frozen over. This hag would come in and spew things at me in Russian, which I didn’t know. I learned quick, though. I wasn’t allowed to speak English. Only Russian. Punishments were severe. Or, my seven-year-old self thought they were.”
“Shit,” Beast said. “Don’t go through that shit for us, Red.”
“You wanted it. Shut up and listen,” Addy growled, her voice low. “I wasn’t obedient, not even back then. I had my mom’s brains and my dad’s stubbornness, and I clung to both with a determination that dared everyone in that hellhole to try and break. You want the details, I’ll give them to you. But that shit isn’t happening while this com in my ear is on and everyone else in this fucking room is forced to listen.”
“Red…” Shep said, his voice gentle.
“I was ten when Lavrov arrived at the camp. He was fourteen. I was facing another punishment for refusing to kill a rabbit that was caged in the corner of the room.” Addy looked down as emotion clogged her throat. “He didn’t know English, but my Russian was pretty fucking spectacular by then. Misha was going to make an example out of me to scare him straight his first day there. My choice was simple—kill the rabbit or remain standing with one foot atop a skinny post with my arms extended and my other leg drawn behind me, the bottom of my foot exposed. She’d come in routinely and whip me. Bottoms of my feet. Backs of my legs. Anywhere that’d make it hard to stay on that post. If I fell, my time started all over again. No food. No water.”
“Fuck,” Cracker said.
“She messed up that day,” Addy whispered. “She didn’t scare him straight. He fed me the food they’d left for him and dug a hole in the bottom of the cabin with the whip handle. He set the rabbit free.”
“Shit.” Beast looked at Addy. “When Misha came back?”
“He took full blame and offered to kill an animal worthier of her than a small rabbit.” She swallowed. “For three years he was my shadow and I was his. In a hell like that, it was the closest thing to a friend that I’d ever had. Think whatever you want about him, but I’ll be damned if I sit here while you find him guilty before we even know what the fuck is going on.”
“He’s not a good man,” Johnny whispered.
He was. He’d once been the most protective and caring person in her world. So what if he wasn’t that boy anymore? She wasn’t that girl. They’d both changed. Circumstances dragged them into perilous lives where there was no clear right or wrong. Sometimes the only way out was through immoral actions.
She hadn’t ever led a life where “doing the good thing” was always a possibility. Was that what’d happened to him?
“You think we’re any better?” Addy asked. “We’ve danced across that moral line almost more than anyone else. Again and again. You think the shit we did off the books for Peter was any better than what Lavrov does?”
“Look, I get what you’re saying, Red. We all do.” Thunder spoke for the first time as he took her hand. “But we were talking with Jesse earlier. He thinks Marshall and his team should take point to find the other missiles. We agree.”
“He’s opening up wounds on you we can’t heal because you won’t let them alone,” Johnny said. “You’re in the corner alone and chewing at them.”
He wasn’t wrong. “I don’t dump on people. Talking out the crap in my head hasn’t ever been me. It won’t ever be.”
“We know that,” Cracker said. “That’s why we’ve got to drag you out of the zone and get you safe from whatever he’s screwing up inside you.”
“He’s not screwing up anything. We all have things we closeted. We don’t always get to decide when it falls out.” Addy pulled away from the contact. “I’m not blind. I see what Lavrov is, what he’s become. That doesn’t negate what he once was to me. Not yet.”
“That’s what we’re afraid of, Red,” Beast said. “You take risks for him.”
“I take risks anytime I’m on a mission. That’s what we all do.”
“You know it’s more than that with him,” Shep said. He tightened when his gaze moved up.
Addy tensed as Kristof appeared in her line of vision.
“Whatever this shit is, you’re done.” He glared down at the men around her.
“You don’t get to decide that,” Cracker said as he rose.
“Enough,” Addy said as she glanced up at Kristof. “This is a team meeting. We’ll be there to start the debrief in a few minutes.”
Kristof clenched his fists and continued glaring at the five men who now stood near her. He’d somehow put himself between her and the team. “Whatever you want to know, you come to me. Not her. She’s done with whatever this is.”
She stood and let the anger fuel her movements as she got between Kristof and her team. “This doesn’t concern you.”
“Doesn’t it?” His eyebrows rose. “Not sure anything else except me could make everyone in this room tense. Didn’t take much to put two and two together and figure out. Don’t defend me. I’m not worth the effort. I never was.”
He was. The argument lodged in her throat as he turned around and headed back to where Nolan, Marshall, and Gage stood. Zoey’s wide, expressive gaze latched on to Addy from across the room.
Talk about a mess.
She ran her hand down her face and expended a weary breath. The only thing she wanted was a soft bed and ten hours of solid sleep, but she wouldn’t get either anytime soon. There were missiles to locate and assholes to take down.
Assuming they had a clue who they were up against.
“He’s right,” Shep said as he stood. “We shouldn’t have cornered you with this. Not now.” The man drew her into his arms and hugged her tight. “Glad you’re safe.”
“I’m okay. I swear I’m okay.”
“I know. I just hope to hell we can keep you that way until we get home,” the man commented. “Come on. Let’s get the debrief started before you go comatose.”
“I’m sorry. I should’ve realized they were going to do this,” Mary said in the com. “I got so wrapped up in the intel we were gathering that I didn’t stop long enough to think about the fallout on the ground. That’s usually Vi’s department.”
“I’m okay,” she said as the team headed into the living room. “Thank you for helping with all this. Though, just saying. You should be with baby Jessie and Dylan right now.”
“I am. She’s asleep in the new Operations nursery with Ariana,” the woman said, her voice bright and strong. “Dylan’s here watching them sleep.”
Love. Addy often wondered if it was truly the magic elixir to cure anything. From what she’d seen with Mary after her ordeal, it was.
“I’m here. Whenever you’re ready to talk, I’m here. We all are.” The woman paused. “No judgment.”
“Thank you.” She wouldn’t ever take Mary up on that offer. The woman had suffered enough because of Peter. Addy had failed to protect her from that psychopath.
She wasn’t about to share any of the hell he’d unleashed on his own sister.
No one deserved to hear that shit.
“We didn’t get a chance to chat about this before the auction, but we’re taking your coms down at night for a minimum of eight hours,” Mary said. “We should’ve realized prolonged use would lead to headaches. Any other symptoms we should know about?”
“It wasn’t worth mentioning.” Yet another concern Kristof had addressed that’d made the people around Addy worry. Damn him for interfering and noticing details no one else did. Her body heated at the realization as she watched him from across the room.
“Don’t hide anything like that from us. I know you don’t want us to worry, but we’d rather address those problems now than discover them down the road if another operative is deep cover for an extended period.”
Like Marcus.
He’d been entrenched within a Mexican drug cartel for months now. Other than check-ins once a week, he and his team were on their own. Addy couldn’t help but worry about him and wonder how it was going.
“I’ll type something up for you,” Addy offered.
“There’s not enough time to go through the details right now, but I found more information about Kristof’s history before the underground started,” Mary said. Addy’s gut tightened. “I’m going to hold a sidebar meeting without your team after this debrief is done. It’s up to you whether we include Kristof.”
“If it’s about him, he should be there,” she said. “Though, to clarify, his life from back then isn’t our business.”
“We’re pretty sure it’s the why. Why his father is trying to kill him. Why he’s trying to overthrow him.”
Did she want to hear that from Mary? She’d rather have the why come from Kristof—and only if he wanted to share. Privacy was something she worked hard to protect, and she hated the idea of violating his when she safeguarded hers.
“Can we table that? I want to give him the chance to fill us in. I…”
“Jesse thought as much,” Mary said. “It can wait, but if his father is involved in these recent events, it’s a discussion we need to have.”
