by Cara Carnes
She wasn’t sure what to think about everything she’d learned or the conversation they’d just had. For now, none of it mattered. Everyone was safe. HERA was looking into stuff. Mary and Jesse were strategizing.
Addy closed her eyes and settled into the press of Kristof’s body against hers. How long had it been since she’d slept in a man’s arms? Had she ever?
Sex hadn’t ever been anything more than a checkbox on an assignment or a way to alleviate pent-up stress or a need fulfillment. Fear trickled in. It wouldn’t be like that with Kristof. What if she couldn’t handle whatever the hell this was between them?
What if she couldn’t walk away?
What if he didn’t want her after they had sex?
Addy locked away the questions boomeranging in her brain. They’d wait, just like everything else. She’d tackle one problem at a time like she always did. All she was in this moment was Addy.
Warmth cocooned Addy. She stretched and winced at the soreness crawling through her limbs. Numbness tingled down her right side as she blinked awake, in the same position she’d been in when she’d fallen asleep.
With Kristof at her back.
“You’re awake.” The weight around her waist shifted. Awareness arced through her as Kristof splayed his hand on her stomach, directly against her skin. The material bunched at his fingertips. “Good morning.”
Evidence of exactly how awake he was pressed along her butt and lower back. She stifled a groan and shifted within his embrace. Tingles burst along her head where he finger-combed her unruly hair.
What the hell had she gotten herself into?
A bed with Kristof.
The rightness of waking in his arms was a balm. Decades long pain and loneliness evaporated when she was with him. Protected. Cared for.
She swallowed. “What the hell are you doing?”
“Saying good morning and waiting for a response.” The rumbled words along the shell of her ear cast a shiver throughout her body. Talk about a complication she couldn’t handle.
She wasn’t a talker, never had been.
This…
What the hell was this?
They hadn’t had sex, though she sorely wished they had. Maybe then the awkward moment she was currently in wouldn’t have happened. She never let a man hang around after a romp.
But sex with Kristof wouldn’t be a simple romp.
“Talk to me. This doesn’t have to be weird. We’re both adults,” he said. “Nothing happened.”
She’d often wondered what Kristof would be like in bed. Raw, unrestrained power focused on her needs. His desires. None of her contemplations had included a chatty, cuddling man whispering in her ear and…damn. He wasn’t the snarling, oblivious guy in the morning—the one who’d roll out of bed, scratch his ass, and go about his business like nothing happened.
Nothing did happen, you idiot.
No. They hadn’t had sex, but they’d turned a corner onto an undefined path—one that left her wondering whether she should turn around and retreat or bravely forge onward in the unknown.
“I’m done hiding,” he whispered. “I’m an open book for you. Remember I told you I was waging a war for you and me? Well, this is the next phase of that war. Honesty. Communication. I’m not walking away even though I should. You’d be better off without me in your life, but I can’t do that. Not until I know what this thing is between us.”
Damn. It was worse than she imagined. He was a chatty, cuddly teddy bear in the mornings. Anticipation beaded along her stomach where he traced circles on her skin. She needed to get her head on straight and walk away from this before it got more complicated.
For both their sakes.
“They want me off this mission,” she whispered.
“I know. I want you where you’re safe. I don’t want that bastard anywhere near you.” He drew her closer. “But I can’t stand the thought of never seeing you again. If you leave now, I know you won’t ever be back. You’ll walk away for good.”
She would. It’s what she did. It’s the only thing she knew how to do.
Move forward and never look back.
“We can’t afford a distraction right now,” she said.
“Is that what I am to you? A distraction?”
“What else would you be?”
He grabbed her hand, threading his fingers through hers. “I have no idea. That’s why I’m not letting you go until I know.”
“That’s not your choice.” Addy didn’t give herself time to contemplate the emotions surging within her. She needed an exfil from whatever the hell this was. She shoved away from him and stood. Glaring down at the bed, she froze.
He was gorgeous. Sinewy flesh. Warmth. Comfort. Intensity.
No. She couldn’t do this. Not now. Not ever.
“What the hell do you think’s going to happen?” She shook her head and turned. “Did you seriously think that you manning the fuck up and finally telling me what I should’ve known years ago was going to magically make me spread my legs for you?”
“Don’t go there.” He stood. Pain rushed across his face a moment as he rolled his shoulders.
She took a step toward him, momentarily focused on her worry for him rather than the fear clawing her insides. But she forced herself to remain still as he came around the bed.
“I know you’re scared.” He grasped her waist.
She kept her gaze cast to the floor, but he strengthened his grip until she peered up into his eyes.
“Don’t run from this. You’re stronger than that. We both are. I’m fucking terrified. I’ve closed myself off from everything for years. The thought of taking a chance and…”
“And what?” Her voice rose. “This isn’t a fucking romance movie. We don’t live the kind of lives where we can skip into the sunset and live happily ever after with dancing mice and bunny rabbits scampering behind us.”
His eyebrows rose. “Mixing your Disney movies.”
“Don’t you dare make light of this. Don’t you fucking dare.”
He stroked her hair. “Waking up in that cell, seeing you cuffed to that wall in those chains fucking terrified me. I would’ve done anything in that moment to get you out of there. Anything.”
“Kristof,” she whispered. He placed a thumb on her lips and shook his head.
“I let that fear for you take over. When Nolan said they wanted you away from Russia. Away from me. Yeah, I thought that was exactly what you needed.”
“You don’t get to decide what’s best for me,” she growled.
“No. And neither do they.” He leaned down and kissed her. “And don’t ever cheapen whatever this is between us again. You know I could’ve fucked you senseless months ago if that’s all I wanted.”
Addy tightened in his embrace. “We aren’t talking about that night.”
“No. One day you’ll figure out why I said no.” He peered into her eyes. “We’ve both been fighting internal wars between hell no and what if. My final battle was when I spilled all the vile shit I’d kept from everyone and you didn’t destroy me with it. You didn’t walk away or vilify me. I won that war when you stretched out with me on this bed and fell asleep in my arms. What if won, Addy. I know this thing between us is worth exploring, and I know we can if we both man up and try.”
“This is nuts. We don’t have time for this…” Addy growled and swiped her face as she turned away from him. How could she make him understand when she didn’t even know what she wanted? “You’re right. I do swing back and forth between there’s no way in hell this is going to happen to what if it did. But none of that matters. Our lives collide every now and then, but after this shit is sorted, we’re both on different paths.”
“I’m not asking for forever. We’ve lived our lives one day at a time, mission to mission. That’s in our blood, our DNA. You’re running scared from a maybe for the same reason I am.”
“And what’s that?”
“Maybe I’ll finally find someone who might give a da
mn whether I lived or died because I’m the most important person in their life.” He turned her to face him and touched her shoulder. “I’m finally ready to take that chance. I’ve clawed myself far enough out of hell to try. That person may not be you, but I can’t walk away until I know for sure because you’re the reason I survived.”
Damn.
Addy’s eyes burned. The words resonated within her, burrowed deep into the chasms created by Peter. The camp. The missions.
“We’re too much alike,” he said.
“How?”
“We’re both so wounded by the loss of a loved one that we’re terrified of letting someone be that important to us again. I’ve been so determined to never feel the loss I did with Mama again that I didn’t want to take a chance.”
Addy’s breath halted. “Why now?”
“Because of that cell. We could’ve died. You could’ve died. That almost sent me scurrying fully into the hell no, but you dragged me back and so far into the what if I can’t even see the hell no anymore.”
“That doesn’t make any sense,” Addy argued. “You’re crazy.”
“You fought because of me. Didn’t you?”
Addy shook her head. “No. We had to get out. The team…”
“Was close. How many times have you been captive? How many interrogations have you gone through?” His gaze narrowed as he gripped her hair. “Lie to me if it’s what you need, but at least admit the truth to yourself. You were worried I’d be killed. You were so determined to keep me breathing that you risked your life to get us safe until your team got to us.”
She had. But she hadn’t intended for anyone to realize. Hell, she hadn’t even fully admitted it to herself. Running away from the attraction and chemistry she had with Kristof was the easiest solution. She’d move on and survive because she had a huge new family at The Arsenal. They had her back.
Who did Kristof have?
He’d moved past the fear—one she had as well—and stood his ground. Here.
He’d made a stand for the what if.
“I’m not an easy person to be with,” she admitted. “You should know that up front. I’ve never had a serious relationship.”
“Me either. Scratching the itch kept it away and kept me focused on what mattered.”
He got it. Damn him.
“I’m not a morning person. This chatter box shit wouldn’t fly.”
He grinned. “I’m figuring that out.” He drew her closer and brushed his mouth across hers.
Heat trickled through her. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and licked the seam of his mouth, careful not to hurt his lip. They were a banged-up mess of bruises, cuts, and injuries.
She pulled back. “I’ve never run from a fight. All I can promise is I won’t start now.”
“That’s all I need for now.”
“The mission comes first. This…whatever it is…has to wait until everything is settled.” She swallowed. “It won’t be easy. None of it will.”
“I know.”
A pounding sounded from the door. Addy stepped away from Kristof as the entry opened and Beast entered. His gaze narrowed as it swept across them both.
“Meeting starts in ten.” He turned and left.
Addy went to the dresser and picked up the com. Kristof grasped her wrist.
“I liked waking with you in my arms,” he whispered.
“I liked it too, minus the chatter.”
He chuckled as she put the com in and flicked it on. Reality had dragged her away before she got lost in the emotions rioting for control within her.
For now, all that mattered was the mission.
Find the missiles.
Take down the bad guys.
16
Kristof pushed too hard. The realization came to him as he sat on the ground in the living room beside Addy and noted the wariness in her expression as her gaze tracked to everyone around her. Guilt assailed him a moment. She’d gone through enough the past several weeks. He shouldn’t compound it.
But he couldn’t ignore what had happened between them. He’d shared his darkest secrets and the shame he’d buried decades ago. She hadn’t responded with the anger and hatred and accusations he’d expected.
His gut clenched when Nolan and Marshall both locked gazes with him. Yeah, they wouldn’t be happy if he didn’t back their plan to send Addy to Texas. But she was a fearless, capable woman who could decide for herself if she wanted to remain. She fought her own battles.
Addy leaned toward him. Awareness fired within his blood and surged southward as her breath heated the skin along his neck and behind his ear. Focusing on anything beyond his need for her was proving harder every day.
“Are you ready for this?” Concern filled her voice.
“I am.” He trailed his knuckles downward along her forearm and rested his hand atop hers. “Are you? Seeing the surveillance of my father’s compound is going to be hard. He tore down all the buildings but…” Worry filled his stomach when her gaze turned turbulent. Haunted.
“Was it hard? Going back there? Remembering?”
“At first,” he admitted. “Each return fortified my determination, though. It reminded me what I was fighting for.”
“Vengeance for your mother and cousin.”
“And you,” he admitted. Her eyes widened. “He may not have been part of what we endured there daily, but he needs to pay for his role in what you endured.”
“He will.” She turned her hand beneath his and interlaced their fingers.
The com chimed three times. He shifted his attention to the three televisions sat beside one another against the wall. Addy squeezed his hand. Awareness arced through him as the rightness of her at his side fortified his resolve. Father would pay for everything he’d done.
“We’ve got a lot to go over, so let’s get to work,” Jesse said via the com. “Gage, run through what your team and Marshall’s found at the target location.”
“Our teams dispatched drones along the entire perimeter,” Gage said as he stood and approached the screens. A large map of the compound appeared on the center television. Red circles appeared around the encampment. “Crawlers were sent out and programmed to work eight different grids.”
“Crawlers?” Kristof asked. He’d always considered himself tech savvy until he’d been around The Arsenal a few days. The slick weapons and equipment they had were unlike anything he’d seen—which was saying a lot since his primary business within the underworld was illegal arms.
“They’re like worm or bug robots. They can crawl under the dirt or along the ground,” Shep said.
Impressive. They’d prove useful on an encampment this large.
“That’s a lot larger than I expected,” Nolan said. “No wonder you all were gone all night.”
“Our teams are still there,” Marshall said. “Only Gage and I pulled out. Initial recon indicates at least two hundred heavily armed combatants, but traffic back and forth swelled that number to as high as two hundred and fifty at some points.”
“That’s way more men than my father would have,” Kristof said. “I’ve never seen more than one hundred there.”
Not that he’d been allowed there more than once a month, his appointed time with his cousin. Father would occasionally summon him, but that was rare.
“Which confirms our initial findings. We expect about two-thirds of that group to be Mandrake operatives or contract mercs they’ve hired to join their group,” Gage said.
Damn. How long had Father been conspiring with Mandrake? If The Arsenal hadn’t debriefed Kristof on Mandrake, his planned strike later on would’ve been a disaster, much like the one Olaf had tried. He and Maksim had trained the men they’d recruited to their cause but they weren’t prepared to handle professional mercenaries. He could’ve gotten them all killed if he’d struck too soon.
Addy unlaced their fingers and set her hand atop his. The silent comfort eased the turmoil rolling in him.
“Facial reco
gnition from HERA has identified eleven former Mandrake operatives. They were all terminated after Cuba,” Zoey said. “These are the ones we missed.”
“And the others? Mercs like Gage suspects?” Thunder asked.
“Some, yes. Others were in Mandrake’s databases as rejected applicants,” Jesse said. “We project about one half of the targets are highly trained.”
“And the missiles?” Addy asked.
Images appeared on the other two screens. One was a larger building. Three missiles were in the center of the interior. Kristof cursed. Why the hell had his father gotten involved with biochemical weapons?
“The weapons are in a large storage facility in the northwestern corner of the compound,” Gage said. “The crawlers found a large catacomb beneath the entire facility. Prisoners are amassed beneath the northeastern area, but we did find one male in a smaller southern area.”
The catacombs. He and Addy had spent hours exploring them, chasing one another in mock battles long into the night while everyone else slept. Nighttime had always been theirs, a small taste of pseudo freedom they stole whenever they could. He glanced over at Addy, who smiled at him.
She remembered the times they’d spent down there. The fact glimmered in her gorgeous eyes and bright smile.
“Prisoners? As in multiple?” Nolan asked.
“Olaf will be alone,” Kristof said. “He’s moved often.”
“He was moved while the crawler was in the cell. He’s now on the eastern side, two levels beneath this building.” Gage pointed at a building Kristof recognized immediately. His gaze returned to Addy as he massaged her hand with his.
Pale, she gawked at the screen. “The cabin was there. The punishment cabin.”
“It was torn down and replaced with this. It’s an interrogation facility.” Kristof’s fists clenched. “Olaf told me about it. If he’s there, he’ll be in bad shape.”
Or he’ll be executed soon.
Addy shifted closer. Her low voice sliced through his worry. “We’ll get him out. We’ve extracted a lot of people, some in extremely bad shape. Every team has a medic, and we’re all trained on stabilizing injuries.”
