by Cara Carnes
Don’t invite trouble. Not yet. Confirm your fears, then get a plan. That’s what Mary would do. That’s what Kamren would do.
“I’ll be right back,” Logan said. “I’m going to run a couple of the tests right now. The rest will have to go to a lab, so we won’t have results for a day or two.”
Great. Just what she needed to know. The wait was always the worst.
How many times had she seen Mom through a wait? Tons. None had ended well.
Logan stepped out of the small room but left the door open. Ellie stared off into the corner and wondered who cleaned all of this area. She couldn’t imagine him scrubbing it down. Huh.
“Ellie?” Concern shown on Addy’s face as she entered the small examination area and looked around. She carried herself like Jesse and the other commandoes did, like she owned the room and could take on anyone in it whenever she entered.
“Addy.” She swiped at her tears. Dammit she was an ugly crier, which meant her friend would know she’d been crying. “What are you doing here?”
“I was about to ask you the same thing. Are you okay? Where’s Jesse?”
“He’s busy. I’m good. Just getting a routine check-up.”
“You’ve been crying.” Her gaze narrowed as her lips thinned. Great, Bree always warned her Addy could read lies and bullshit from ten thousand yards. Now what?
Of all the women, why did it have to be the commando one? She knew enhanced interrogation techniques and could outshoot and out-ninja most of The Arsenal’s operatives. Not that she’d ever try any of those things with Ellie.
She was a friend. One of the best Ellie had ever made.
Tears tumbled down her cheeks again. Addy closed the distance and drew her into her arms. Ellie hugged the woman close. Maybe having someone here wasn’t such a bad idea after all. And Addy was the strong commando one. She held her own with not only the women but the operatives as well.
“What’s going on?” Addy asked when she pulled back.
“I-I haven’t been feeling well. My mom ignored all her symptoms. I tried to for the past few weeks, but they aren’t going away and I need to know.”
“Ellie.” Addy drew her close.
She wouldn’t lie and offer fake assurances. That wasn’t Addy’s style. None of the friends she’d made since coming back into Jesse’s life ever played that game because they lived in the danger zone twenty-four-seven without hesitation to keep people safe.
“Let me call Jesse.”
“No. Please. Logan tried. I need to find out first. I need to be the strong one in case…” She forced a breath and swallowed back the fear clawing in her gut. “If this is bad, promise me you’ll get him through it. Promise me you’ll all get him through it.”
Jesse admired Addy so much. Of all the operatives, she was one of his favorites—not that he’d ever admit he had favorites. Nope. That was never Jesse’s style.
“We will, but we don’t even know what this is. You’ve had a lot going on with your mom and Ariana and training the new office person and everything else you’ve been doing around here. Maybe you just need a few days off to relax.”
“Maybe.” Ellie knew that wasn’t the problem. She’d lived her life on fast-forward for too many years to be bothered by sleep deprivation. She was a doer. Always had been.
Logan entered with a knock. Tears shimmered in his eyes.
No. No. No. No.
She squeezed Addy’s hand and let the tears flow. So she was sick.
“Addy. W-what are you doing here?” Logan stammered the inquiry and cleared his throat as he looked away, likely to hide the freaking tears in his eyes. God. This was bad. Commandoes didn’t cry. Commando doctors sure as heck never cried. They say everything—way too much for a sane person to take on.
“I was coming to pick up Olaf’s prescription and saw Ellie here. Crying.” The woman’s voice broke. “Now you’re crying.”
“Can you give us a moment?”
“I’m not leaving this room. I’m not leaving her alone for whatever this is. You should’ve called Jesse.” Addy squeezed her hand. Hardness mottled her voice. Strength. Ellie sucked in that strength like it was a milkshake from Whataburger.
“She didn’t want him here. She’s the patient.”
“We don’t always get what we want. We do what’s needed.” Addy wrapped her arm around Ellie. “What’s wrong with her?”
“Nothing.” Logan swiped at his face and cleared his throat. “Sorry, I don’t usually get emotional about this stuff, but…”
“So help me God I’m going to kick your ass,” Addy growled. “Spit it out.”
“Ellie, honey. You’re pregnant.” Logan blinked his watery eyes and smiled, the kind of smile that lit up his entire face. She’d only seen it a couple of times.
“What?” Ellie’s voice rose. “How? I can’t be pregnant!”
Addy laughed. Tears streamed down her face. She hugged Ellie tight.
“I don’t understand,” Ellie whispered.
Pregnant. She touched her belly and recalled the symptoms. Okay, so maybe a normal person her age with a husband would’ve jumped to the pregnancy train first, but she had a genetic predisposition to cancer. That’s what one of her previous doctors said.
And Jesse….
Oh. My. God. I’m pregnant!
“Thinking you know how this happened,” Logan whispered. “If not, I’ll let Jesse explain.”
Ellie laughed and leaped off the table. She jumped into Logan’s arms. “Are you sure?”
The man took a step backward and wrapped his arms around her. Gently, as though she was precious cargo he was taking care of because she, like a crazy woman, had come to him alone and terrified.
“Positive. We’ll run a few more tests if you want, but all we need right now is for you to take a deep breath and go share the news with the daddy.”
“He’s busy.”
“I’ve got this,” Addy said. She took Ellie’s hand and pulled. “Come on, Momma. Let’s go give your man the good news.”
She smiled as Ellie picked up Ariana’s carrier. Addy shouldered the diaper bag and navigated her friend out of the examination room.
“Shouldn’t I wait? Don’t people wait to tell anyone? What if it’s a false positive?” Ellie froze. “What if he’s angry?”
“Why would he be angry?” Logan asked, his voice gentle as he followed them out of the room. “You’ve had sex.”
“I-we…” Ellie forced another breath. “I don’t talk about our sex life. That’s private.”
Sexual gratification wasn’t a focal point with their marriage. Their love went far deeper than the baser needs. Jesse wouldn’t ever want people to know what they did and didn’t do because it was private.
He’d gone through so much and suffered horrors no one should ever experience. Too many people knew about that. Jesse wanted nothing more than move past that part of his life and live for her and Ariana.
But she was pregnant.
Everyone would know.
They’d ask questions. Really private ones they shouldn’t expect answers to. They didn’t need to know that she and Jesse had worked their way up to having sex once a week. It’d been an emotional uphill challenge for them both because he wasn’t the only one with intimacy issues. She’d brought a truckload of her own to their marriage.
“Addy, wait. I’ll talk to him later. I can’t blurt this out while he’s working.”
“Ellie, I love you like a sister. Everyone here at The Arsenal does because we watched you wage war for Jesse in a way no one else could have.” Addy touched her shoulder. “I get why you’re scared. Maybe. All I know is he’d want to know—just like he would’ve wanted to be here for you.”
“She’s right.”
“But—”
“But nothing. Love isn’t a one-way road where you can navigate around the scares and the pains. You’re supposed to do that together and you and Jesse are the living, breathing example of that. Every. Single. Day.”
Admiration filled Addy’s voice.
God. She was right.
“You were scared and wanted to protect him from that,” Addy whispered. “That’s exactly why you need to give him this news. Now. We’ve got so much shit flying around us at every turn that we can’t hit pause on celebrating the good, especially not when it’s this huge.”
“She’s not telling you to scream it to the entire compound, Ellie,” Logan said. “Go. You need him. I can tell you’re worried.”
“Of course I am. He hates when people ask him about…” She looked at them both. “He’s a private person. We both are. Everyone assumes we don’t…that he can’t…”
“Trust me,” Addy said, her voice steely like Jesse’s sometimes got. “I’ll handle everyone else, especially the women.”
“I just don’t want things to be awkward for Jesse. He’s so private about this stuff and we’ve come so far. I—”
“I’ve got this,” Addy promised.
Ellie nodded. Relief filled her as she smiled. “We’re going to have a baby.”
Everyone was assembled for a meeting she should’ve shown up to fifteen minutes ago. Addy shoved the almost-forgotten medicine into her pocket and kept Ellie close to her side. The woman was on an emotional rollercoaster and on the verge of losing it altogether.
Pregnant.
Addy fought back her own tears.
No one deserved this more than Ellie and Jesse. She had to admit she had more than a few questions of her own, but her friend was right. They were both private people and no one deserved answers to slake their curiosity.
Addy’s hand trembled when she swiped the door open. She steered Ellie toward the whiteboard room and silently willed the tears pooled in her eyes away. No one would give a damn if she cried, but she didn’t need the fallout of an overreaction by anyone in the room because Jesse deserved this happy news.
They all did once the couple decided to tell anyone.
A baby.
Addy hadn’t ever considered having children until everyone around her started to have them. Seeing Kamren’s boys and Jessie and Ariana and Destiny, though…
God.
Would Kristof want children?
He’d be a great dad. Addy had zero doubt.
She swallowed the lump in her throat and paused outside the door. She drew Ellie into another hug. Addy hadn’t ever been a hugger until she’d met Zoey and Ellie. And Riley. That woman hugged anyone whenever.
“Thank you,” Ellie whispered. “I’m glad you were there.”
“Next time don’t do this alone. We’re here for one another, remember?” Addy pulled back. Ellie nodded. “Good. Now let’s go in there so you can tell Jesse.”
The buzz of conversation struck her as it always did when she entered the meeting room. An awkward silence settled in the room as everyone’s attention shifted to where she and Ellie stood. She battled her urge to step in front of her friend and hide her presence from everyone watching.
“Ellie? What’s wrong?” Concern filled Jesse’s voice as he rounded the table to stand in front of Ellie, who flung herself into his arms and wrapped her legs around his waist.
Tension struck the room as Jesse’s brothers all stood. Ellie whispered into Jesse’s ear.
Addy battled a new stream of emotion as she watched the man’s face. Shock. Pure joy so emotionally charged it struck the entire room as he gripped his wife tighter and sank to his knees.
Tears streamed down his face. Ellie settled her head in the crook of his neck and sobbed.
“W-what the hell?” Nolan stood closest. Jesse’s other brothers hovered.
Levi had somehow navigated his way on Jesse’s other side, across from the other men. Addy caught the man’s gaze and didn’t bother hiding the tears filling her eyes. He more than anyone would understand.
“I love you,” Jesse said, his voice raw with emotion. He stood and firmed his grip on his wife. “Debrief me later.”
He headed toward the door. Laughter tumbled from Addy before she could stop it. Nolan moved to follow, but Levi intercepted.
“Stand back,” Nolan ordered.
“He clearly wants time alone with his wife.”
“He was crying,” Dallas said.
“What’s going on? Addy?” Mary asked.
“It’s not my place to say, but I’m wading in and setting the rules now so neither of them have to.” Addy swept her gaze to everyone in the room. “They’ll decide what we know or don’t know. There won’t be any questions because Ellie worried herself sick about how everyone on this compound would react.”
“Addy. You’re kind of scaring us,” Bree said. “If there’s trouble, I want to know. I can cancel my flight and stay here.”
Addy couldn’t chance Bree backing down from taking the time off she needed. “She’s pregnant.”
Startled gasps rose in the room, followed by excited screams from Rhea and Bree and Riley. Levi looked down at the ground, hand across his eyes. His shoulders shook.
Jesse’s brothers did the same. Nolan and Dallas didn’t hide their tears as they hugged.
“I-I didn’t think that they….” Riley swallowed. “I guess that’s one of the rules you’re setting, huh? We can’t ask for details.”
“No. I’ll crawl down throats and up your asses if y’all make her uncomfortable. Or Jesse. You know how fiercely protective she is of him.” Fuck. She thought she had cancer. Addy kept that part to herself. No one in the room needed to know how terrified she’d been, how resolute her love for Jesse was.
She’d wanted to carry that burden alone to protect him as long as she could.
“For the record, I found out by accident. I went to get Olaf’s pills and saw her there. Alone.” Okay, so maybe she’d give them enough to read between the lines. They were the most brilliant people she’d ever met. More importantly, they were Ellie’s friends and would be hurt by the fact she hadn’t trusted them with it. That was their road to travel, not Ellie’s. Sure as fuck not Jesse’s.
“Are we all on the same page?” Addy asked.
“Yeah,” Marshall said, his eyes watery. “We are. Thanks for having her back. And Jesse’s. You’re right. We would’ve pried.”
“Hard not to,” Dylan commented. “He’ll share when he’s ready.”
“I’m thinking we need to table this meeting until the morning. It’ll wait,” Mary said. She smirked and looked over at Dylan. “I hope they have a boy since we sort of stole his thunder and named our girl after him.”
The entire room broke out in laughter. Addy shook her head and exited the room. As much as she’d love to celebrate the news with everyone, she needed time alone with Kristof.
Seeing Ellie’s happiness. Jesse’s unadulterated joy. Yeah, she couldn’t deny she wanted that with Kristof. She also couldn’t deny that she loved him. Without hesitation.
Because she would’ve done exactly what Ellie had if it’d been her with Kristof. She would’ve protected him from the pain as long as she could.
Just like she’d wanted to protect him when they’d gotten captured.
Love.
Addy froze and leaned against the wall. She was in love with Kristof.
“Addy.”
She turned. Mary stood there. Concern reflected in her face. “Are you okay?”
Was she? “Yeah. I just… Yeah. What’s up?”
“We haven’t gotten a chance to talk since you’ve been back. I was thinking we could do that.”
They’d spoken on several occasions, but Addy knew what her friend meant. They hadn’t been alone and chatted about Peter. Addy’s guilt over what Mary endured.
Right. “I shouldn’t have blurted what I did during the op. You don’t need to worry about sorting my head. I’ll get through it.”
“What Peter did wasn’t your fault. None of what he did was on you.” Mary took a step closer. “I love you like a sister and it hurts me to see you blaming yourself.”
Wow. The Mary she’d known at the Hive never
would’ve said something that outright, so personal. She’d been entirely focused on the missions. Doctor Sinclair had done a good job with her.
But it’d taken more than that to heal Mary. Dylan and everyone at The Arsenal had helped. They’d given her the family she’d never had. They’d done the same for Addy, but she’d always forced herself to remain apart because protecting Mary, Vi, Rhea, and Bree had been the most important thing to her when they’d arrived.
“I’ve kept myself detached from this place. I’ve seen what it did for you and Vi, then Rhea. I wanted all of you safe and happy. Even though I knew you were, I still couldn’t commit myself to fully vesting myself into this place. The people.”
“You were scared,” Mary whispered. “Amanda says I shouldn’t ever be afraid to voice my fears. Sometimes we can’t fix a problem by ourselves. I think it’s time you talk to her and work through some of your past. I’m worried about what will happen if you don’t because we can’t keep living for our work, the missions. There’s more to life than that, and I’m scared that you aren’t ever going to allow yourself to have more than that because of that bastard.”
“I’m trying. Or, I’m going to try,” Addy admitted. “Things are complicated right now.”
“Kristof?”
Addy nodded. “I know he’s not exactly the most liked person around, but…”
Mary touched her arm. “Your team respects him. They’ve said as much to anyone who asks. Jud’s thrown down for him. Gage, Raul, and Medina all want him on their teams. Gage has seniority, so that’s likely where he’d go if he’s interested in taking that route. But Jud wants him working with him and Riley. He thinks that’s a better fit, one that’d keep his work life separate enough from yours.”
She should’ve realized Jud would throw down for Kristof. “They’d be good together.”
“They would. Dylan and his brothers aren’t fully on board with that idea yet. Kristof and Jud aren’t exactly known for being conservative with their methods and Riley is pretty out there already.”
“They’re worried he’d be a bad influence.”
“Not exactly.” Mary chuckled. “He’d be a great asset to their investigative business. But, yeah. Kristof’s an unknown in a lot of ways. Riley’s very impressionable right now as she finds her own style and is pretty vocal with the fact she’s not the little sister anymore. She wants her own identity.”
