“Again. You think?” She crossed her arms and tapped her toe nervously on the wood floor, glancing out the front store window every few seconds, hoping to see a flash of headlights coming to her rescue.
Rising to his feet, Ben came to the other side of the table and rested his hands against a stack of books. “To be honest—”
She snorted with attitude. “Honest? You’ve lied to me twice. That I know of.”
“I have.” Ben let out a loud sigh. “It’s not something I’m proud of. I know it’s hard to believe, but honesty is something I value. I don’t lie. I don’t cheat.”
Again, Alexis snorted. “Keeping lying to yourself, Italian.”
“My lies were selfish ways to spend more time with you. When we first met at the diner, I was enamored by you.”
“I’m not the enamoring type. Don’t add to your list of lies.” She drummed her fingers on the bookshelf and glanced out the front window, praying Mia or Hope would come back for her.
“That’s where you’re wrong and I’m right. I fell for your candidness the first time we met. When I realized you were the Le Blancs’ daughter, I worried you wouldn’t want to have dinner with me if you knew who I was. It wasn’t about the winery. It was about you.”
Ben reached across the table that separated them and she stepped back, out of his reach.
“Was it about me when you kept your girlfriend’s pregnancy from me? You knew if I knew I wouldn’t sleep with you. Typical male.”
“Don’t diminish what we had—what there is between us, Alexis. It’s so much more than sex.”
“Was it?” God, she wanted to believe him. Her head wouldn’t let her believe what her heart wanted to tell her though.
“To be honest,” he repeated, “I didn’t want the baby. I was in denial, and thought if I didn’t mention it, maybe something would happen.”
“What?” Alexis gasped. “You wished your baby dead?”
“Oh, God no. I didn’t mean it that way.” Ben scratched at his head with all ten fingers, turning his sleek style into a stylish mess. “When I was in Maine, with you, I’d forget about Felicia and the baby that would keep me connected to her forever. Not in a romantic or relationship sort of way. She’s Sophie’s mother. Well…” Ben’s beautiful eyes turned sad, his posture relaxing into a soft slouch. “I sound like an ass. I am an ass. I’ll never forgive myself for subconsciously wishing away my baby. For lying by omission to you.”
“Are you and Felicia—”
Ben’s head snapped up. “No. Never. Not since…”
Alexis wanted to believe him, to believe they weren’t anything more than parents of the same child. Even so, the jealousy that filled her veins was too much for her. After three months of being away from Ben, she’d finally slept through the night without waking from dreams of him, finally had a semblance of a life.
The winery had more tourists than this time last year, and at this rate, they’d sell out of their wines before fall. They could plant more vines, but it would take a few years until they produced high quality grapes. Making fruit wine could supplement their stock though.
Her life was finally getting back to normal, and here he was, stirring up trouble, stirring up lust, and setting her back months again.
Being with him would only be temporary. He’d fly back to his life in California, to his baby that he shouldn’t be leaving behind. What kind of father left his three month old to fly across country and with the hope to bed a woman?
Pig.
Not that he’d come onto her yet, but she could read the look in his eyes. If she stripped naked he wouldn’t go running. Alexis’s cheeks warmed with the thought of Ben’s hands on her body. His lips on her skin.
Nope. Don’t go there.
“So now your daughter has to suffer from parental neglect?”
“She is a little, but is still too young to notice changes. As long as she has someone to hold her and feed her, she’s very content.”
It pleased and saddened her that she found an unredeemable quality in Ben. What a bastard. No woman in her right mind would stand by a man who passed off his newborn because she was still too little to know better.
Having something to hate in Ben would make letting him go—again—easier.
“It’s parents like you who are the reason why so many children grow up unloved, unsupported, and turn to crime and violence. I can’t believe you’d abandon your own child.” Alexis shoved around the table and smacked his arm. “Be a man.”
Ben’s mouth dropped, his eyes narrowed in confusion. “Oh,” he said rubbing his arm. “See, here’s another example of jumping to conclusions.”
“I’m not jumping. You’re an asshole, lowlife, deadbeat father.” She clenched her fist getting ready to punch him again but his big hand stopped her, his fingers curling over her fist.
“I may be an asshole, so I won’t argue that point. But a lowlife and deadbeat father, I am not.”
“You ditched your baby so you could fly across the country for a booty call? Who does that?” She didn’t like the heat radiating between their hands. Didn’t like the intensity in his eyes that seared right through her.
“Again. Jumping to conclusions. I’m not going to badmouth Felicia but she isn’t a part of Sophie’s life anymore.”
“What?” Alexis tried to release from his hold, Ben’s hand staying tight around her fingers. “What does that mean?”
“Let’s just say…motherhood and Felicia didn’t go hand-in-hand. I have full custody of Sophie. I told Felicia she could visit Sophie any time she wanted, even if it’s years from now. While it would be ideal for a child to be loved by both her parents, having love from one and not feeling like you’re a burden in someone’s life is more important.”
If Ben took on parenting full time when he already had a busy work life, it would mean he had soft spots. And it would mean Alexis couldn’t hate him for being a bad parent.
Unless he ditched the baby for sex. That would put him back on the asshole list and she could keep hold of her sexual urges. “Where is she now? Sophie?”
“The Millers begged to watch her tonight. I had her packed up in her stroller to come see you, and Melissa asked if she could walk her and play with her back at the inn until I returned.”
Pushing his baby in a stroller would have been the ultimate ovary crusher. Alexis didn’t have the baby itch like most women her age probably had. When they’d read a woman’s fiction novel last month Lily swooned over the baby, and Hope talked about a sister or brother for Delaney.
Having kids, heck, getting married, was never a priority. Being feminine and girly and dramatic were the absolute furthest things from her mind.
Only now, picturing Ben’s baby…hers and Ben’s baby, something unfamiliar tingled in her belly. Most likely lust. The man was sexy as sin. It couldn’t be anything other than a primal urge to jump his bones.
“That’s nice of them.”
“Yes. Yes it is.” Ben stroked the back of her hand, his fingers trailing up her arm until they rested on her shoulder.
The air grew thicker around them, her tongue stiff and unable to move. Must be the vodka kicking in.
“I have a lot I want to share with you, Alexis.” That damn Italian accent purred out her name in a totally unfair manner.
She shrugged away from him before she lost control of her heart. “We can’t. You live too far away. And you have Sophie. Our lives are so different, that’s been our problem all along.”
“What if they weren’t different?”
What if they were? For a brief second she let herself imagine what it would be like. To have him in her life every day. To go to bed every night in the warmth and comfort of his arms. To wake to his gentle caresses and sweet Italian words. To smile and laugh more simply because Ben was in her life. What if?
“I don’t play the what if game. They are. One hundred percent different. Besides, this is my busy time. Summer and fall. I don’t have time for you,” she li
ed.
Ben followed her to the front door, placing his hand over hers when she reached for the knob. “I’ll never forgive myself for hurting you, Alexis.”
The sincerity and honesty in his eyes nearly had her caving into him. She wanted so much to believe in him. In them. Only she wasn’t ready to forgive and forget. Not yet. Maybe not ever. He’d hurt her in a way no other person ever had. If she hadn’t loved him so much, the pain wouldn’t be so deep.
Her heart sent her head conflicting messages. It beat faster, smoother when he was around. It longed to be with him. No, it ached. Her heart literally hurt at being so far away, not only in miles, but emotionally as well. His eyes spoke the truth, her heart said. Trust him? Could she? He had a child. A baby. He had new responsibilities that didn’t include her, couldn’t include her.
And there were those three thousand miles. Alexis clenched her hands at her side and fought for control of her emotions.
He leaned in and she feared he would kiss her, feared he wouldn’t. “I’m going to give you time to get used to seeing me around.”
He gently pushed her hair aside, his eyes searing in on her exposed neck. Ben licked his lips, a predator stalking his prey, and clenched his jaw before returning his gaze back to her face.
“Goodnight, Amore mio,” he said quietly before walking away.
Walking away from Alexis was the second hardest thing he’d ever done in his life. He could tell she was aroused by the way her eyes turned into liquid syrup, and how her cupid’s bow mouth plumped in anticipation of a kiss. It often hung open in a cute and annoyed manner when she didn’t know how to react, when words were hard to form.
When she was angry, Alexis fired words faster than a hail storm ruins a crop. When she was aroused or emotional, her lower lip dropped, and her eyes grew round with anxiety. There were times when he took advantage and covered her mouth with his, slipping his tongue to meet hers and bringing her to a climatic release.
And there were other times when he knew she’d return the kiss initially, but would regret it later. Tonight he’d read the confusion, the mixed emotions and fear of what could happen between them.
So he didn’t push, teasing her a little, and hoping she’d slowly—only not too slowly—open up to him, forgive him, and accept him into her life.
Dialing Hope on his way back to the inn, he thanked her for giving them privacy, and asked if someone was available to give Alexis a ride. He’d watched Hope take Alexis’s keys from her bag on her way out, tossing a wink at him before she left. He appreciated her support.
She sent a quick reply that Mia was on her way back to get Alexis.
When he returned to the inn, Melissa was on the floor playing peek-a-boo with Sophie. His little girl giggled at the attention, and when she spotted Ben, her chubby legs kicked and her arms shook in excitement.
Every time Sophie saw Ben she greeted him in the same manner, as if she hadn’t seen him in ages. His heart grew more and more in love with his daughter every day. He’d watched his niece and nephew transition from baby to toddler to young child, but it wasn’t the same as watching his own grow and develop.
Her wiggly body came close to rolling over, and he couldn’t wait for the day when she crawled, took her first steps, said “Dada.” All in due time. He’d savor and cherish these moments.
“Looks like someone is happy to see her daddy.” Melissa picked up Sophie and handed the squirmy baby to him.
Sophie opened her mouth and gnawed on his chin with her gums while he kissed her soft cheeks. She slobbered him, covering him in drool and he laughed. “Don’t tell me you’re getting ready for teeth. I’m rather partial to this smile just as it is.”
“Brandon drooled for months before he cut his first tooth.” Melissa picked up the blanket from the floor, folding it and draping it over the diaper bag.
When he heard Brandon’s name, turmoil and jealousy didn’t stir in him. He was beyond worrying about his and Alexis’s past; it was time to focus on their future.
“I appreciate you looking after her tonight, Melissa.”
“Oh, anytime. I hope Brandon finds a girl to settle down with and brings me grandbabies as adorable as this one.” She gave Sophie’s legs a gentle squeeze. “Please let me know if you need anything tonight. Sleep well.”
Alone in the sitting room, Ben cradled his daughter in the crook of his elbow and tossed her diaper bag over his other shoulder.
“It’s you and me, kid, for the moment, but Daddy’s working on changing that. I think you’re going to like it here.”
He blew raspberries on her cheek and carried her up to his room where he gave her a bath, changed her into her footie pajamas, and tucked them both into his bed. Once Sophie started rolling over it wouldn’t be safe to have her in bed with him anymore.
And depending on the books and articles he’d read, co-sleeping with his daughter was either the best way to bond, or the worst thing in the world to do. He took his parenting articles in stride, doing his research but making his decisions based on what he thought was best for his daughter.
Thankful she was too young to feel the abandonment by her mother, Ben worked overtime to make sure Sophie felt loved by him and anyone caring for her. Which also meant he had to work less.
Between his mother, father, and sister, he had decent day care coverage while he worked. Biting the bullet, Ben had hired two employees to run the California division of Martelli Designs while he undertook his new project.
Leaving his home and his family wasn’t as hard as he thought it would be. He’d miss working at Martevino on the weekends, spending time with his parents and brother and sisters, but over the past few years, life had evolved.
His parents spent more time in Italy, Adrianna spent more time with her husband and kids—as should be—Eamon worked like a horse, and Nora, well, they kept up with her through Facebook.
It was time for Ben to make a life for himself and his new family. And the life he wanted was in Maine.
* * *
The following morning while Sophie lay in his arms drinking her bottle, Ben sent work emails, confirmed his morning meeting, and picked at his blueberry pancakes.
“You’re gonna spill food on your baby eating that way.” Priscilla refilled his coffee and set the pot on the table. “I’ll take that precious baby for you.” Without waiting for a response, she lifted Sophie out of his arms and walked around the diner with her like a pro.
“I appreciate the help, Priscilla, but you’re working.”
“She’ll get me better tips.” The waitress hummed and rocked Sophie as she picked up dishes expertly with her other hand.
Since the diner was practically empty, Ben let Priscilla have a few moments of baby snuggles while he typed on his laptop with two hands. Much more efficient.
Time sped by whenever he was given a few moments alone. When he closed his laptop and looked around the room in search of his daughter and was unable to find her, his chest tightened. She was the world to him.
Loud laughter and a startled cry from the kitchen had Ben on his feet, bolting through the swinging doors.
“Sophie? Where is she?” He spotted her, draped over Priscilla’s shoulder, being comforted and hugged.
“I’m so sorry. I think my laugh scared her.”
“You have a tendency to be loud and obnoxious,” Roger, the head cook, teased.
Priscilla handed the crying baby over to Ben. As soon as she curled against his chest, she whimpered and settled down.
“That baby loves her daddy.”
He beamed with pride. “The feeling’s mutual.”
“That girl of yours is a chick magnet. Ladies love a fella with a baby.” She patted Sophie’s back. “Even ladies who don’t think they’re after a family.”
There was only one lady he was interested in, and he prayed to God she took to Sophie as well as the rest of the town had.
“Thank you for looking after her.”
“Ya know, Alexis is a
green. Hard working and striving for perfection, that girl. She needs a solid red in her life.”
Ben didn’t have a clue what she was talking about. “Um. Okay.”
“Color auras don’t lie.”
“Sure.” He patted Sophie’s back and inched his way backward towards the door.
“Any time you need a babysitter so you can take your lady friend out for a romantic night, you give me a call.”
“I’m no—”
“Alexis doesn’t come in as much anymore. See her at book club when I make it. Mostly, I go for the drinks. Your girl used to come for brunch on Tuesdays twice a month. Haven’t seen her in here since…guess the last time you were in town. The woman could use a good brunch. Or even breakfast in bed.” Priscilla hummed and left him standing in the kitchen with an amused Roger and a now sleeping Sophie.
“Uh, thanks for breakfast. Your blueberry pancakes are the best I’ve ever had.” Even with the odd characters and the nosy townspeople, Ben loved it here. And he knew it would be the perfect place to raise his daughter.
“See you around, son.”
Once he had his and Sophie’s things packed up, he drove the familiar route to Coastal Vines. Between the expansion and the missing snowbanks, the parking lot was twice the size it was in the winter.
He strapped on the front carrier, and unbuckling his sleeping daughter, tucked her into the pocket, making sure her legs came through the right holes and her arms weren’t bent out of shape. It had taken him twenty minutes to figure out how to put on the carrier two months ago, now he could do it in seconds.
Fatherhood freaked him the hell out, but his daughter was incredibly forgiving, giving him time to learn how to be a dad. They walked around the edge of the property, Sophie snug and sleeping, while Ben took in the changes from winter to summer.
The ocean was harder to see from atop the hill now that the trees had leaves on them, the vineyard full and green, as were the blueberry bushes and the orchard across the road. He could see why Alexis never wanted to leave. After taking in the view, he made his way back around to the function hall.
At First Blush (A Well Paired Novel Book 1) Page 27
