He smirked against my lips and I felt some of his sadness melt away. After tugging his shirt over his head, he tossed it on the floor and ground his hips against mine. “No. I just want you.” He leaned back on his calves and unsnapped my jeans. “Is that okay?” The rasp of his voice matched the sound of my zipper as he lowered it.
I had no clue what spurred the change in his mood from when he walked in, but when he hooked his thumbs into the waistband of my boxers, pulling them and my jeans down just enough to expose the crown of my cock, I didn’t care. I was more than pleased with the change.
Shane pulled me up and removed my shirt before devouring my mouth again. His lips moved along my jaw, stopping for nibbles and licks along the way. With more force than I would have expected from him, he tugged my too-long hair, angling my neck to the side as he did.
Licking a heated path to right below my earlobe, he leaned in and whispered, “You taste so fucking good.” He groaned against the outer shell of my ear, causing me to shiver in delight. In that moment, I wasn’t capable of more than a low “hmmm” in response.
He lowered me to the bed once more and ran his fingers down my rib cage. Teasing my nipples with his tongue as he licked a hot path down the center of my stomach made me writhe in pleasure. Our eyes met as he worked his way lower. I lifted my hips and he dragged my pants off with painstaking slowness. He got rid of his own pants much more quickly.
When he wrapped his strong hands around my dick, I pushed up into his hand, instinctually. “Your hand…fuck, Shane. It feels so good.” We stared at each other as he slowly, but firmly, jerked my cock. When his thumb rubbed over the tip, spreading the bead of moisture around, his name fell from my mouth in a curse.
He wasted no time taking me deep into his throat, over and over, until I felt like I was going to explode. “I want you,” he panted as he worked his tongue up and down my cock. “I want all of you.”
My body was on fire as jolts of pleasure raced everywhere. In one swift move, Shane pushed me onto my side. He moved in front of me, hooking my left leg over his hip. His finger trailed down my spine, and teased the crack of my ass. Our eyes locked once again as he grabbed my leg and pushed it higher, exposing more of where he wanted to go. “All. Of. You.” His words came out in short, raspy puffs of breath. We’d both worked ourselves up into such a frenzy, I don’t think either of us could even see straight.
“Are you sure?” I don’t know why I asked, because if he’d said no, I didn’t know if I’d recover.
He lightly grazed his fingertip over the puckered skin, prodded softly, not intending to penetrate. “I’ve never been more certain of anything in my life. I’ve never been more ready, either.” There was no way to deny the truth that vibrated in his words, the passion that shone in his eyes.
He covered my mouth with his, tenderly this time. Our tongues moved against one another in a velvety slide that made my erection bulge and pulse against his stomach. Wrapping my hand around him, I groaned against his lips, “I want all of you, too.”
“I’m yours.” He leaned his forehead against mine, a quick look of uncertainty passing between us. A touch of awkwardness filled the room. It was an awkwardness born not out of what we were about to do. No, the unease was more about talking about who would top and who would bottom. Not having gotten to this point before today, it wasn’t something we had ever talked about.
Before I could ask “how”, Shane rolled us so that he was underneath me and I was wrapped in his arms. “I want you to take me.” He held my face in both of his hands, his eyes staring somewhere deep into me. “I’ve never been happier than when I’m with you. You’ve given me a piece of myself I didn’t even know was there. I knew it existed, but I just didn’t know how to let it. I can’t ever repay that. But I can give you me. I can give you all of me because that’s all I have.”
I nodded and reached into the cheap set of plastic drawers next to my bed that worked as my nightstand. Not wanting to be unprepared, I made sure to stock up on all the essentials, just in case. I tossed the lube on the bed as I tore open the box of condoms. Shane sat up as best he could with me straddling him. He steadied my trembling hands and took the box from me. “We don’t need those,” he said calmly before chucking them on the floor.
He was right and I’d thought the same, but I didn’t want to assume anything. “I don’t want there to be anything between us.” He snaked one arm around my neck and the other my waist, pulling me down to him. I grabbed the lube, pushed his legs up so that his knees were bent, exposing his ass. I let the liquid drip between his cheeks before rubbing it in with my fingers. Working slowly, I pushed barely a centimeter at a time. I felt him tighten and then relax around the thick digit. Moving in an out slowly, massaging and readying him, I jerked him with my other hand, enjoying the tangled look of pleasure and pain that worked across his face.
Shane’s cock throbbed in my hand and when I pulled my finger out of his ass, he shot me a concerned look. Before he could utter a word, I sank back into him with two fingers. Careful not to go too fast, I took my time, scissoring my fingers, stretching him so that there was no pain.
“Holy fuck!” he called out as I fucked him with my fingers. Reaching under his knees, he pulled his legs up even closer to his chest. “Dylan…you…I want you…” His words matched the rhythm of my hand.
When I removed my fingers, he reached for my hand, tried to move it back to where it had just been. Hovering over him, I grabbed for the bottle of lube on the bed next to us.
I coated myself with it and rubbed the wide crown of my cock over his already-slick hole. His breathing became erratic as I slowly eased myself into him. “God, Dylan. Ahhh…”
Despite my best efforts to go slow, whatever control I thought I’d have was lost the second I felt the heat of his body. It enveloped me, swallowed me whole, washed over every inch of my body. Moving again and again in shallow movements, I wanted to be sure I felt him open to me completely.
Hurting him was not an option. It would never be an option.
Reaching between us, I stroked the length of his cock in time to my movements, knowing that I couldn’t possibly last much longer. “I can’t…Shane…I’m…oh fuck…”
His cock swelled in my hand and my orgasm ripped through me. “Dylan,” he shouted my name as the first jets of his orgasm landed on his stomach. Wide-eyed and out of breath we simply stared at each other.
There were no words and it seemed as if none were necessary. Anything that needed to be said could just be felt.
My arms were shaking and I could barely keep myself up. Shane’s fingers dug into my biceps as he pulled me to him. We rolled to our sides, our breathing finally calming down enough to make speech possible.
I ran my hand through his hair, stroked my fingers along his jawline, and stared into his eyes. He leaned into my touch as a contented sigh escaped his lips.
“Thank you,” I whispered, afraid that any words spoken at a normal volume would somehow break the moment.
Shane’s fingers stilled on my chest. “For what?” he asked, genuinely confused, or offended; I couldn’t tell.
I swiped my thumb across his lower lip, which was swollen from our hard kisses. “For you. For everything. For this.”
His lips pulled up into that smile that I knew was reserved just for me. “I’ve been waiting for this forever. So, thank you.” He brushed his lips against mine.
We laid there for a few minutes before getting up to clean up. The rest of the night passed in pretty much the same way that many of our nights as friends had passed as well. We ordered a pizza, watched a ball game, talked about nothing and everything.
But in the most amazing way possible, the one major difference in the night, in my life, was falling asleep in Shane’s arms.
I spooned up behind him and he brought our joined hands flush against his chest. My bed faced the one window in the room and we looked out at the stars flickering in the sky.
Their glow was just
for us that night.
The next morning, I caught a glimpse of the clock flashing next to John’s bed. The sun was only partially up in the sky and it was mostly still dark. Shane snored lightly next to me, barely moving as I brushed some hair out of his face.
As the sun lit the room, I trailed my fingers lazily up and down his back. Anger boiled inside of me when I saw a deep purple bruise on his lower back. Looking at it more closely, I could see the yellow and faded marks of a few other bruises. It was in the perfect spot for me to have missed yesterday, but I still couldn’t believe he didn’t mention anything about it afterward.
Shane stirred at my side; the shift in my mood must have been obvious even though he slept soundly no more than a minute ago. He rolled over and faced me, a sleepy grin lazily spreading across his relaxed face.
“Morning,” he yawned as he stretched his arms above his head.
“What happened?” My words were clipped, angry. Not at him. At his asshole father. God, what I wouldn’t give to beat the crap out of that man.
It took him a minute to realize what I was talking about. He sat up, pulled the blanket over his lap, and scrubbed a hand over his face. “Look, can we not talk about this?” He made no effort to hide his frustration.
“No. I’m done ignoring this. He’s abusing you. He’s been abusing you and Reid for years. It’s wrong, so fucking wrong, Shane.” I was begging for him to talk to me about it. He had to see it in my eyes, hear it in my voice.
“Fine. Then what do you want to know?” He folded his arms across his chest, glaring at me.
“Why?” I knew there was no logical explanation, no excusable reason for anyone to lay their hands on another person, especially a parent, but I had to know what happened.
“You really want to know?” There was an edge of meanness to that question, one that I chose to ignore. I nodded, wordlessly telling him to continue.
“Because of you,” he said as his face morphed into a twisted, shameful look.
All the air in my lungs was gone. “How?”
“I waited until the last minute to spring this trip on him. I knew he’d want to come and meet the coach or some shit like that. So I said it was an impromptu thing and that I’d just crash with you.” His earlier frustration now shifted into sorrow. “He said he had some suspicions about you. Called you some choice words.” Shane’s tone was so full of apology. My heart sank knowing he’d suffered because he’d defended me. “I tried to shut him up. It was the first time in my entire life that I ever fought back, but I wasn’t strong enough, or fast enough. He knocked me down to the floor and shoved his knee in my back. He made his feelings perfectly clear, so as far as he’s concerned, I’m staying with another guy on the team. I’m actually surprised he didn’t call the coach and drive me here himself.”
I sat there listening to that whole story with my mouth open in disbelief. He’d actually defended me. No wonder coming out was never going to be an option to him. Suddenly, all of his fears from when we were sneaking around before I left for school came barreling into me, made me feel like an asshole for even trying to push him into something for which he wasn’t ready.
“Come here.” I tugged his hand until he scooted next to me. “Please tell me from now on. I know you feel powerless, but maybe talking about it will help. I wish you’d tell someone, but I won’t push you. Just know that I’m here.” We exchanged a sad smile before he agreed to call me if things got too out of control.
I wanted to ask him about why he had gotten so thin, why he looked so haggard, but after that story, the answer was pretty clear.
I’d never felt so powerless. Even though I was silently vowing to try to help him, I felt completely useless because I just didn’t know how.
We lingered in bed the rest of the day, alternating between talking and fooling around, stopping only for a meal or a quick shower.
After waking from a late afternoon nap, our bubble had to burst.
“We should get ready. My roommate wants to meet you. I said we’d join him and his girlfriend for dinner.” I felt Shane’s body stiffen in nervousness. “Relax, Shane. They’re good people and there’s no need to hide our relationship while you’re here. We’re safe; I promise.”
I hated that I even had to say those kinds of things to him, but I knew he needed the reassurance. “You’re right, Dyl. I’m sorry.” He gave me a quick peck and I felt him relax. “It’ll just take some getting used to; that’s all.” Smiling lamely, I stood from the bed.
He followed behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist, and pressing his cheek against my shoulder. “It’ll be good for you to see that we’ve got nothing to hide.” Covering his hands with mine was a lame attempt at reassurance because as soon as the words were out there, I regretted them. I looked at his face in the mirror that hung above my dresser after I pulled a shirt out.
He rolled his eyes and pulled away from me. “Don’t start in on me about the coming out shit again.” His defensiveness was unmistakable. I was an asshole. Tonight was definitely not the night to push the issue, especially after what he’d revealed to me earlier.
I reached for his hand, but he pulled it away. “Fine.” I changed tactics. Holding my hands up, palms out, in front of me, I surrendered. “I was wrong. I’m an asshole.” He chuckled and allowed me to step closer to him.
“You really can be sometimes.” He rolled his eyes again before hooking his thumbs into the front pockets of my jeans.
“I guess I’ll just have to make it up to you later,” I whispered seductively against his neck as I nuzzled close to him.
He laughed once more. “That sounds like an excellent plan.”
Choking back the rising emotion that was in a race with the bile was pointless. It was Monday morning and since neither of us had a morning class, we still had another hour left before I had to leave to head back home.
Something changed in me this weekend. It was more than just what happened between Dylan and me. I felt like there was an ominous cloud hanging overhead, threatening to open up and rain down on me at any moment. Panic rose in my chest and I tried my best to bury it down, but there was no use. Drowning in my own depression, this weekend was a false reprieve at best. The thought of walking away from Dylan and not seeing him again for another month was pretty much unbearable, especially knowing what was waiting for me back at home.
Some days, I thought about how much easier it would be if I just didn’t have to deal with it all. Lying about being gay was difficult enough before this weekend. Now, it felt like it would be impossible to hide. And with Dad’s cold, hard malice weighing me down, breaking free from this sadness became an even dimmer hope.
“Hey, where’d you go?” Dylan tapped on the small café table at the campus coffee shop where we stopped to grab breakfast before I hit the road.
I shook away my bleak thoughts and took a sip of my coffee. “Sorry, just distracted I guess.” It was a lame cop-out, but so much easier than getting into all the shit swirling around in my head.
“The fall training season is over in two weeks, but with mid-terms and all that, I’m not sure if I can make it home before Thanksgiving. Any chance you can get back out here?” There was a child-like hope in his eyes as he waited for my answer. It was a hope I didn’t have the energy to mimic.
“Uh, yeah. I mean, I’ll try.” Dylan reached across the table and squeezed my hand.
“You sure you’re okay?” I actually surprised myself by not pulling my hand away from him. It was crazy to think that even in three short days of being with him out in public, I had grown so much more comfortable with small displays of affection.
None of that mattered now, though. I was going home. Alone. I’d still have to hide who I was there, and I’d have no one to hold my hand through that.
Luckily, John walked up to us, breaking the stilted silence. “Hey, man.” He extended his hand to me. “Glad I didn’t miss you.”
I looked down at my watch as I stood from the table. “
I was actually just about to head out.” Dylan stood too and I could see my sadness mirrored in his face.
“It was really great to meet you. Dylan had so many great things to say about you. I was beginning to think he’d made you up.”
Knowing that Dylan thought about me probably just as much as I thought about him while we were apart caused a smile to spread across my face. “Thanks again for everything. I’ll see you soon.” I shook John’s hand again; truly thankful he’d done everything in his power to make me feel welcome.
Dylan walked me to my car. He leaned against the front door as I tossed my bag in the back seat. “Text me when you get home. I just want to know you got there safe. Okay?”
I jammed my hands into my back pockets and rocked on my heels as I nodded at him. He pulled me into his arms and placed a soft, lingering kiss in the crook of my neck. Without moving his lips, he spoke against my skin. “It’ll get better, Shane. I promise.” He held me tighter, and I tried my best to pull some strength from him.
It was futile, because as I slid into my seat and drove away, watching him get smaller and smaller in my rearview mirror, I knew that what I was driving toward was anything but better than what I was driving away from.
Rain started pouring down in sheets within minutes of starting to drive. The grey and gloomy weather outside was an appropriate match for how I was feeling on the inside. Sure, I told Dylan about part of the fight I had with my father, but I held back the most hurtful parts – the parts I knew would push him over the edge.
“I better not find out that you’re still friends with that fag,” my father sneered, poking his finger at my chest.
My jaw was clenched so tightly, I thought I might crack a tooth. “Yes, sir,” I gritted out, keeping my eyes glued to the floor.
Let Love Live Page 10
