“I still think it’s Redwar,” said Danariel.
As the two of them continued to discuss the possibilities, Joe became increasingly distracted by the disturbance at the back of the vault. The rhythmic thumping had continued throughout their conversation, and Joe strained to look through the dim light to see what it was. “Is that Flarp over there?”
They all stopped to look where Joe pointed.
Heinrich nodded. “I am afraid so. The poor creature has taken Ronnie’s disappearance as hard as the rest of us. He has been banging against that wall ever since we found out she was missing.”
“Can’t you put him somewhere? He might get hurt.”
“I have tried to catch him, but he always flies away and returns to that same patch of wall. I don’t know what to do, and the noise is torture, almost as annoying as . . . Oh, dear!”
“What?”
“I forgot about Kiyoshi. He has gone silent.”
“Kiyoshi?” Joe leaned forward. “Is that the new patient?”
“Yes,” said Heinrich, struggling to lift something off a large cushion from beside his desk. “Another patient I have no idea how to help. If Ronnie were here, she would know what to do.”
Joe stared in fascination, almost revulsion, at the sight of this new creature. It looked as if someone had taken several different animals and thrown them together to create a bizarre Chimera. Its predominant feature was very much like the shell of a giant tortoise but with subtly different patterns and white hornlike extensions jutting from the edges. Heinrich was using two of these as handles as he heaved the creature toward Joe. The sticky limbs dangling from the protective case had the wet sheen of an amphibian, and each leaf-green leg ended in a webbed foot with suckers for toes. As if the combination of reptile and amphibian were not strange enough, it had a mammalian head, not unlike that of a chimpanzee.
Heinrich was doing his best to keep the head upright as he grunted beneath the creature’s weight, lowering it to the floor. At the top of the creature’s head, a fleshy flap had fallen forward to reveal an opening the size of a bathtub’s plughole. At first Joe thought it was some sort of injury, but when he saw tiny green scales around the rim, he knew it was part of the animal’s unusual anatomy. A cloudy yellow liquid oozed inside the hole, and Joe noticed that some of it had dripped down the side of the creature’s hairy head.
“What’s that thing?” Joe asked with a grimace.
“A kappa,” said Heinrich, gently tapping its cheek. “And it has been the bane of my life since it arrived.”
“Why?”
The thing’s eyes popped open. “Why?” it said with the tone of a rusty door hinge. “Why is an utterance of great import to the noble art of chrestomathy. For without it, one would flounder helplessly in a sea of ignorance.”
“That’s why,” said Heinrich.
“What did he say?” asked Joe.
“I have absolutely no idea. Even Danariel has trouble translating.”
The kappa padded around ninety degrees to face Joe and studied him with lemur-like eyes. Its next words rattled from its mouth like bullets from a machine gun. “Australopithecus? Cro-Magnon perhaps? Certainly you have the anthropological characteristics of an advanced Neanderthal at least, though I must confess, some features may be idiosyncratic.”
“Those are cavemen, aren’t they?” Joe grinned. “Are you insulting me? You’re not so good-looking yourself, you know.”
The creature popped its suckered toes up and down on the ground as if frustrated with Joe’s answer.
“Your name’s Kiyoshi, isn’t it? Are you Japanese?”
“My species is indigenous to the land mass known as Kyushu; hence, the homogenous nature of my name, and since your inclination is to confabulate in matters of nomenclature, I would make a similar transaction.”
“Wha—?”
“Yes, he comes from Japan,” said Danariel, “and he wants to know your name too.”
“Ah, right. Well, my name’s Joe.”
“Joe!” The kappa puckered its lips as if the name left a bad taste in its mouth. “A meager name reflecting a nugatory existence, no doubt. And you,” said the thing, suckering its way to Heinrich. “You demonstrate not one whit of sagacity. I charged you with a single elementary duty, and your sole achievement is near speciocide.”
“That sounded bad,” Joe said.
“Yes, Kiyoshi believes I nearly killed him.”
“Why? What did you do?”
“It is what I didn’t do that upset him.”
“Precisely.” It squeaked, “One—” The beast’s eyes suddenly closed as its head flopped forward. Some of the yellow liquid oozed over the edge of the opening, and Heinrich quickly nudged it under the chin. The eyes popped open, revealing what appeared to be mild confusion and frustration. “One . . .what was I saying?”
“Kiyoshi suffers from narcolepsy.” Heinrich sighed.
“Don’t you start,” said Joe. “What does that mean?”
Danariel fluttered forward. “It means that Kiyoshi keeps falling asleep without warning.”
“Oh.”
“Gross incompetence,” Kiyoshi grated.
“Yes,” added Heinrich, trying to ignore the creature, “and for a kappa, this is deadly. You see that ugly hole in the top of Kiyoshi’s head?”
“Couldn’t really miss it, could you?” said Joe, pulling a face.
“Well, that is called the cranial vent. It contains a fluid which is vital for his survival and endows the kappa with extraordinary strength and dexterity. Kiyoshi must avoid tipping his head forward with the flap open. Otherwise, all the fluid may leak out and his life would drain away. The trouble is, his tendency to keep falling asleep accompanies cranial incontinence, so you see, he needs constant supervision. We can’t seal the flap closed either—the pressure would make him ill.”
“Can’t you just put a pillow under his head or something?”
“I tried that at first, but Kiyoshi won’t sit still. Even inside one of the enclosures, he constantly wanders about. No, somebody has to watch him night and day. Danariel has been of some help, but even together, we are finding this difficult.”
“And that’s another reason you haven’t been able to do anything else?”
Heinrich nodded. “I’ve had very little sleep and hardly anything to eat. I need either a way to cure him or more people to help.”
“Which leaves us with a problem,” said Danariel. “There are not enough people to go around. We need somebody to take care of the animals, specifically Kiyoshi. We need to deal with Argoyle Redwar. And, if you are right, Joe, we need to check the burrows for Veronica.”
“I will go down the burrow with Cornelius to look for Ronnie. Anything to get away from him,” Heinrich said with a frown at the kappa.
“That leaves me to do something about Redwar,” said Joe.
“But what about the mansion?” said Danariel. “And who will make sure that Kiyoshi doesn’t fall asleep?”
“We’ll deal with that first,” said Joe with a sly smile. “Lilly?” he called. “I know you’re in here. It’s about time you came out of hiding. We’ll need your help.”
TWENTY
“Good luck, and be careful,” said Joe to Heinrich as they stood by the edge of the burrow. Night had descended on Ringwood Forest by the time they had worked out their plans, and the tunnel looked even less inviting than it had during the day. It smelled even worse than it looked.
“I shall be safe with Cornelius to protect me,” said Heinrich, ruffling one gnarly hand through the manticore’s red hair and shining a flashlight into the burrow with the other. “I am not so happy about leaving Kiyoshi in Lilly’s hands, though.”
“I think it’s a chance we have to take,” said Joe.
Cornelius lowered his head, gently butted the side of Heinrich’s leg, and moved toward the entrance to the deep hole. A low growl rumbled from the beast’s throat as he pawed the dirt impatiently and eyed his companion.
> Beside Joe, Danariel hovered in the breeze, trying her hardest to subdue the pulses of light shining from her body. On the other side of Joe, Flarp bobbed in the air, looking agitated.
“I think Flarp wants to go with you.” Joe smiled.
“That would not surprise me. He has not been the same since Ronnie disappeared.”
“This way,” Joe said to Flarp. “I need you to be my lookout.”
The large eyeball stared into the forest for a long moment and then drifted by Joe’s side like a deflated jellyfish as they began their trip to Redwar Industries.
It didn’t take long for them to emerge from the forest and creep toward the security gates of the huge industrial park. A road that circled the entire complex led to a floodlit gatehouse that imprisoned two zombielike security guards: one fast asleep, the other leafing mindlessly through a magazine. A huge metallic sign lit with harsh halogen lamps loomed above an enormous wire-mesh fence.
R.I.P., it said in huge embossed letters across the top. Redwar Industrial Park shone in smaller imprinting underneath.
“Nice!” whispered Joe. “Makes you feel really welcome, doesn’t it?” He took a deep breath and smiled at the seraph. “Are you ready, Danariel?”
“Just watch me.”
“And you, Flarp? You’ve got to nudge me if you see anyone coming once we’re in, right?”
Flarp seemed distracted, looking back into the forest.
“Flarp?”
“He understands, Joe.”
“Okay. Let’s do it. Go!”
Joe commando crawled through the grass toward the gatehouse. The slimy globble skirted the ground beside him, looking left to right. They stopped just before the tarmac.
Danariel flew like a tiny missile at the gatehouse, then zoomed upwards. She stopped far above the trees and hovered like a small blue sun directly in line with the fence.
A silent pandemonium broke out inside the gatehouse, bathed in sapphire brilliance, as the security guard with the magazine shook his colleague furiously by the shirt collar. Then both of them were waving their arms, pointing and grabbing for things. One of them found a mobile phone and pointed it at the UFO now darting from side to side, looking as mysterious as possible. The other guard looked like he was screaming in excitement as he pressed his hands against the glass and gawped at the shining visitor.
It was all Joe needed. While the two guards were held spellbound by Danariel, Joe darted underneath the car barriers and ran as fast as he could toward the main building. Two minutes later, Joe fell against the red granite of the enormous building, just around the corner from a set of glass doors that allowed entrance to the tower.
Panting more from exhilaration than exertion, Joe peered toward the security gates and saw Danariel performing a figure eight just above the trees.
Both guards stood outside babbling into their mobile phones.
Flarp spun round and round next to Joe, his soggy tendrils extended.
“Now all we need to do is get inside the main building. I wonder if there are any more security guards inside. Flarp, we haven’t been spotted yet, have we?”
Flarp stopped spinning and just stared.
“I’ll take that as a no.”
The glass doors burst open.
Joe pressed his back against the wall as three more men in guard uniform ran outside, pointing and whooping at the strange phenomenon in the sky.
Flarp went to follow them, but Joe grabbed one of his tendrils and yanked him back. “Let’s go,” said Joe, pulling the globble with him through the doors. “Keep watch.” He skidded along a white marble floor, leaving clumps of dirt behind him, and hurried to a direction plaque near the reception desk.
“Training Center . . . Lecture Theatre . . . Human Resources . . . Research and Development . . . Toxicology . . . Ah! Directors’ Offices, twelfth floor. That’s what we want. We should start with Redwar’s office and see if we can find any clues.”
Finding an elevator, Joe dragged the globble behind him like a frenzied helium balloon and stabbed the 12 button. The elevator hummed its way up to the offices. By the time it stopped, Joe had just about got his breath back. The doors slid open with a ping, revealing a darkened open office area. A few computers had been left on for the night, their cold electric light casting long shadows across the grey walls.
Joe edged out of the lift and whispered to Flarp, “Is anybody out there?”
The eyeball swiveled around, then butted Joe on the cheek before straining to the right.
Joe wiped Flarp’s snotty grunge from his skin. “Let’s hope Redwar’s office isn’t that way, then. Can you see where it is?”
Flarp swiveled again, splodged Joe a second time, then strained to the left.
“Good. You lead.”
They crept past several desks and into a corridor with a fax machine before seeing a series of wood-paneled doors. Redwar’s lair was at the very end, naturally the most illustrious office entrance, with double doors made from expensive mahogany and shining gold handles.
Joe nudged one of the doors inwards and peeped through the gap.
Flarp butted the other one and swooped inside.
“Flarp! Please keep watch and stop getting so excited.”
Flarp’s drippy parts jostled as if in frustration; then it waited by the doors.
The office was much longer than Joe expected, and a line of stuffed heads ranging from antelopes to zebras gazed down at him with glassy indifference. Lowlight pin spots in the ceiling projected their haunting silhouettes across the width of the room, and Joe shuddered at the thought of Redwar admiring these morbid trophies. Before the creeping fear could take hold, he tore his gaze from them and made for Redwar’s heavy desk.
There was only one drawer. It contained a stapler, a notepad, and a calculator—nothing incriminating. Joe scanned the office, trying to ignore the stuffed heads. Not one filing cabinet anywhere. No trays of paperwork, no piles of documents, and no secret maps revealing an underground dungeon that showed Mrs. Merrynether behind bars in a mildewed prison.
Joe shook his head and chewed at his bottom lip. “What was I thinking? What did I expect to find?” he said to himself. “Come on, Flarp. Let’s get out of here before the security guards come back.”
But Flarp had fixated on something at the other end of the office. In the center of the wall was a large oil painting of Redwar dressed in regal robes, puffing his flabby form out with a sideways pose of prideful majesty.
“Yes, ugly, isn’t he, Flarp?”
The globble bounced off the portrait, leaving a sliding lump underneath Redwar’s nose, making it look like he’d had a sneezing accident.
Joe stifled a laugh, then pulled at Flarp’s tendrils. “Come on. We’d better go.”
Flarp resisted and butted the portrait again.
“What is it?” Joe looked closer at the painting. “Is there something here I should see?”
Again Flarp threw himself at the picture.
“I can’t see anything behind all that slime. Ah! Behind. Is there something behind the painting, Flarp? I bet there’s a safe—the oldest trick in the book.”
Joe lifted Redwar’s portrait off the wall. Sure enough, a silver safe door was behind it. “Brilliant, but how do we get inside it?”
Flarp pushed to one side of the knob, drew back, and then attached himself to the wall next to the safe like a huge limpet. A second later he swiveled slowly clockwise and then stopped to focus on Joe.
“Of course! You can see right inside the lock. You can see the combination.”
Joe mimicked Flarp’s movements as he turned the knob clockwise and counterclockwise in a series of precise moves. A few turns later and the safe door swung open.
“Jackpot! Flarp, you’re amazing!”
The globble plopped away from the wall and returned to the office door to keep watch while Joe brought Argoyle Redwar’s secrets into the open. There were several packets, each containing items that looked like they belonged
in an archaeological museum, but most of the valuables were in the form of paperwork, the majority extremely old and faded and written in strange languages. As Joe hunted for anything that would provide a clue about Mrs. Merrynether’s disappearance, he became more and more convinced that Redwar had nothing to do with it. He hoped he was wrong. The thought that she had been captured by the Beast of Upton Puddle was . . . No, there had to be some other explanation.
Then something caught Joe’s eye. A cold thrill ran down his back and all the way up again—a collection of small, black felt bags. Fearing the worst, but beginning to realize the horrible truth, Joe opened one of them. The familiar multicolored sparkle of diamonds glittered within. And with the bags, a pile of letters. Joe felt faint as he picked them up. He opened one at random.
Dear Jimmy,
It is with much regret that I write to you on this occasion. I have bad news. The cluricaun found a way to escape his enclosure again, and I fear that he may ruin things for us unless I find a more secure cage for him.
To add to my woes, last week Ronnie almost discovered that I have been writing to you. In all the years we have been in communication, I have always been careful, but when trying to find Lilly, I left a letter on my desk and she almost saw it. So please understand the necessary precautions I must make from now on when I write to you.
as has become my custom, I enclose . . .
Joe could read no more. Feeling the blood rush from his cheeks, he sank to the ground. Letters from Heinrich to Argoyle Redwar. It was obvious now that the mysterious Jimmy was in fact a pseudonym for Redwar in case Mrs. Merrynether caught Heinrich red-handed. Heinrich could be forgiven if he was writing to an unknown relative, but to Argoyle Redwar? He would never be able to explain that. Joe’s mind turned into a fog of fear, doubt, and horror. He had come looking for Mrs. Merrynether but found proof that Heinrich, her closest companion, was Redwar’s secret mole, working against her all along.
But why? Not money. In fact, it seemed now that much of Redwar’s financial success may well have come from Heinrich’s continued gifts of diamonds. But where did Heinrich get those?
The Beasts of Upton Puddle Page 16
