The Beasts of Upton Puddle

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The Beasts of Upton Puddle Page 34

by Simon West-Bulford


  “But how?” asked Heinrich as they made their way from the ship to the mansion. “He is too powerful.”

  They were lost in thought as they walked through the fields and into Merrynether Mansion’s enormous garden, searching for an idea of how to stop Redwar. Unsurprisingly, Joe noticed Lilly had disappeared minutes after they had disembarked, even though the mischievous cluricaun appeared to have walked down the ramp with the rest of them. Joe stopped for a moment, first looking for Lilly, then surveying the untended garden, the trees, and the sky. Something was different, but he wasn’t sure what.

  “Dorty, rotten, stinkin’, short-arsed, smelly, fat boggers,” yelled Lilly.

  The cry came from the entrance of the mansion.

  Joe whirled around, surprised that the tiny man had decided to reveal himself. It took a moment for Joe to register what Lilly had found. The cluricaun held a note, jumping with fury on a huge pile of glimmering jewels next to three emptied linen sacks.

  “Oh my stars,” said Aunt Rose with her hands smacked to her mouth. “Those are diamonds, they are. Great big sparklers, make no mistake.”

  Lilly screwed the note up and threw it as far away as he could, still cursing and jumping. Grinning, Joe rushed over, picked up the note, and read it out loud.

  Dear Maximus Lilly,

  You said there’d be booze if we helped you. There wasn’t a drop on that whole miserable island. We’ll give you ten days to build the brewery you promised. The fat bloke’s diamonds will help if you need to buy a lit tle help.

  Fond regards,

  The Clans

  The others spent several minutes laughing, and Joe guessed Lilly would have burst several blood vessels if he’d stuck around for the ridicule, but the cluricaun had vanished, leaving Redwar’s spoils behind.

  “Well, that’s Redwar’s finances dealt with,” said Mrs. Merrynether, “but we still need a way to stop him. I think we should pop inside. I’ll make each of us a nice cup of tea, and we can work something out. Agreed?”

  The others nodded, but Joe squinted at the tree line again, the puzzlement returning as he wondered why it looked so different. Then it hit him like an arrow between the eyes. “Where’s the tower?”

  “What?” said Mrs. Merrynether.

  “The tower. Redwar’s tower. That great big eyesore. Where is it? It’s usually just over there.”

  Mrs. Merrynether frowned, Heinrich scratched his head, and Aunt Rose crossed her arms.

  “I think we’d better take a look, don’t you?” said Mrs. Merrynether. “Let’s get everything sorted out here, and we can be on our way.”

  Three hours passed while they secured the animals comfortably in the vault with fresh bedding and food. Joe had called his mum on her mobile, reassuring her that all was well but that he and Aunt Rose had quite a tale to tell when she returned home next week.

  The rest of the time, they speculated on Redwar’s tower, and none of them had been able to think of a satisfactory reason for its disappearance. They considered everything from secret dragon attacks to convenient asteroid showers, until eventually the time came to find out the real reason.

  Reluctantly, Heinrich stayed at the mansion to make sure the animals were settled, with Aunt Rose more than happy to keep him company.

  Mrs. Merrynether and Joe headed to Redwar Industrial Park.

  “It feels like ages since we were here last,” said Joe as they started along the footpath next to Ringwood Forest, “but it’s only been a few days. I wonder if any-thing’s happened while we’ve been away. Apart from the tower disappearing, I mean.”

  “Well, what about that, for a start?” she replied, pointing ahead.

  The entrance to the woods that Joe knew so well had been taped off. Signs with bright red warnings had been mounted on boards either side, and traffic cones had been lined up to dissuade inquisitive people from venturing inside.

  “Of course,” said Joe with dawning realization. “I suppose it was only a matter of time before they cordoned off the whole of the forest. With everything else that’s been happening, I’d completely forgotten about the Beast of Upton Puddle.”

  Mrs. Merrynether stroked her wrinkly chin and peered over the top of her spectacles at the forbidden entrance. “Do you think the police would mind if an old animal surgeon like me had a look around?”

  “Is it safe?” Joe asked, grasping Mrs. Merrynether’s elbow and staring into the shade of the forest.

  “Safe? Goodness me, no, but we haven’t exactly worried much about that in the last few days, have we?”

  They crept between the trees, watching closely for signs of movement, and it was then that Joe realized there was no movement at all, save the slight jostling of leaves above them in the breeze. It was an eerie thing to walk through a forest and hear no birdsong. Usually the cheery chirping of an occasional blackbird or wren would call out and a casual walker trudging through the woods might not even notice, but when the sound of wildlife had gone completely, the silence felt horribly unnatural. Joe had noticed this when the Beast first started to appear, straight after its escape from Redwar’s vault, but now the silence seemed to have filled the entire forest.

  As they moved deeper in, signs of the Beast grew in number. First they stumbled across the familiar burrows the creature had been digging. Then they saw fallen trees and wide areas of sunken ground. Two oak trees had fallen against each other to form a crooked arch. But the real shock came when three pairs of emerald eyes shone at them from inside a dark hole between them. To Joe’s horror, Mrs. Merrynether crouched and held out a hand toward them and began to make soft clicking noises at whatever was hiding in the blackness.

  “Come on,” she said gently.

  “What are you doing?” Joe whispered, alarmed.

  “It’s all right. Watch.”

  Joe stood perfectly still and dared not blink as he watched the hole. First a furry snout appeared, twitching and wet; then, like a frightened child dipping a toe into a swimming pool for the first time, a creature wobbled into the light. It stood on a pair of short, fluffy legs with a pair of enormous claws held close to its breast. It shuffled a little closer, its gleaming eyes bright with curiosity. Two more creatures, slightly smaller than the first but identical in every other respect, slunk up behind the first, trembling with either cold or fear; Joe couldn’t be sure.

  “Come on,” she coaxed them again. To Mrs. Merrynether’s disappointment they chose not to come any closer but darted into the safety of their hole and vanished.

  “What were they?” Joe asked.

  “I had my suspicions but couldn’t be sure until just now. When I first heard a description of the Beast, I believed it to be a Sasquatch but couldn’t work out what it could be doing here in Upton Puddle.”

  “A Sasquatch? But aren’t they from America?”

  “Most of the sightings have been in Canada, actually, but their true home is one of the smaller islands close to Pyronesia. When I heard that the Beast had become violent, I began to doubt my original idea. The Sasquatch is a gentle creature and very solitary, so it didn’t seem likely that it was one of those. Of course, at that time, I had no idea Redwar had been taking creatures from those islands, and I knew we didn’t have a Sasquatch, so I concluded it must be something completely different, especially after it had attacked me.”

  “But it is a Sasquatch, right? And those were baby Sasquatches we just saw?” Joe smiled and nodded at the hole.

  “Exactly, and that’s why the Beast became violent. She was pregnant and reacting according to her protective instincts. She must have gone almost insane, trapped inside Redwar’s vault, but she managed to escape and then ended up hiding in Ringwood Forest.”

  “So where is she now? Shouldn’t she be with her babies?”

  “From what I’ve learned, the Sasquatch is a prolific breeder and they have huge litters—up to thirty cubs, Danariel told me once. There could be little Sasquatches digging around all over the forest, and the mother could be ab
solutely anywhere, probably out gathering food.”

  “Won’t they be in danger, though, especially with the area cordoned off? The authorities probably want to track it down because it has attacked people.”

  “Well, we’ll just have to get them to safety before anyone finds them, won’t we?”

  “How? We don’t know how many there are, and they could be anywhere.”

  Mrs. Merrynether tapped the side of her nose. “You leave that to me. It won’t be hard now that I know what we’re dealing with, and I’ve been in this line of work for a very long time. You just have to look for the right information in the right places and have the right tools at the ready.”

  Still eager to find out what had happened to the tower, they continued through the forest until eventually they reached the perimeter of Redwar Industrial Park. The sight that greeted them was as shocking as it was welcome. Among a throng of busy crowds stood the pitiful remains of a business park in ruins. Joe thought the whole site had been bulldozed, but a closer look at the ground surrounding the rubble revealed an enormous dip in the earth. It looked as though something had scooped up Redwar’s entire building, crumpled it like a piece of waste paper, punched a gaping hole in the dirt, and used it as a humongous trash bin.

  “I think our hairy friends have been busy,” said Mrs. Merrynether.

  A plethora of people bustled around the edge of the enormous crater like termites vacated from their nest. Some were police trying to round people up, some were council workers in hardhats and bright orange coats, others looked like government agents in sharp suits hiding behind dark glasses, but the majority appeared to be employees of Redwar Industries.

  Joe hurried to three men who were in hot debate. Mrs. Merrynether followed.

  “What happened here?” Joe asked when one of the men paused for breath.

  “You’re kidding, right?”

  “Yeah, where have you been?” said his friend.

  “Sorry,” Joe answered. “It’s just that we’ve been away for a few days, so we haven’t a clue what’s been going on.”

  “Scandal. That’s what’s been going on,” one of them said with a slow nod. “See over there?” He pointed through the crowd. “That’s Mr. Redwar. He did a vanishing act just about the same day the whole building collapsed. They reckon it was the Beast that did most of the damage but that he did the rest to claim on the insurance.”

  “Yeah,” said another, “he’s not getting away with it, though. Just about the whole of the county was waiting for him, I reckon. The moment he turned up this morning, the police came; then the health and safety mob; then those government blokes; and after that, most of the village showed up to have a good look.”

  The first one laughed. “They’ve been grilling old Redwar and taking statements and evidence from people for at least three hours. The old fart’s been going mental. I thought his head was going to blow off a minute ago.” He pointed and laughed even harder. “Look at him go.”

  Joe thanked them. He took Mrs. Merrynether’s hand, and they pushed their way through the heaving crowd to get a closer look at their nemesis. He and Ms. Burrowdown stood at the center of a ring of people still dressed in their camouflage gear, covered with bruises, scratches, and dirt from the ordeal on Pyronesia.

  Joe realized he must look equally bedraggled, which was probably why everyone gave him a wide berth. Worrying what other people thought was the last thing on Joe’s mind, though, as he watched the fiasco unfolding before him.

  Every possible vein throbbed at the sides of Argoyle Redwar’s overripe head as he stamped, cursed, and throttled invisible necks and screamed his fury at the officious group. “You cannot do this. I know my rights. I—”

  “According to section fifteen, paragraph eight of the Public Declarations Act, you don’t have any rights at all, Mr. Merson. Redwar Industries was covered contractually under the name Argoyle Roderick Redwar, and you are not that man.”

  “But I . . . Who are you, young man?” He turned on Ms. Burrowdown. “Who is he?”

  “Graham Chatterly,” she said.

  “Chatterly? Didn’t we fire him?”

  “Yes, you did,” said Chatterly, “and I got a job with the Home Office. Much better there, I have to say.”

  “How dare you—?”

  “You are also under suspicion of several allegations of cruelty to animals,” said a smartly dressed woman handing him a brown envelope. Gumble, the twice-fired animal keeper, stood next to her, holding Redwar with a smug sneer.

  “Piffle,” Redwar puffed. “I’ll have you for slander, Gumble.” He threw the envelope to the mud and ground his heel into it, provoking some noisy abuse from the surrounding crowd.

  “You’ll be doing nothing of the sort,” said another familiar voice. Mr. Huffney, a man who—judging by the huge bags under his eyes—still found it hard to sleep at night for fear of nightmares about cluricauns firing balls of rancid dung at him, pushed his way into the circle. He wore a smile almost as smug as Gumble’s. “Remember me, Mr. Redwar? I took a job as a health and safety inspector for the government after you fired me, and I’m very curious to know what sort of chemical compounds you’ve been dumping into the forest since you’ve been here.”

  “That’s another slanderous lie. I’ll not hear any more of this. I’ll have my head of security escort you off”—he passed a defeated glance at the rubble where his site used to be—“my land.”

  “Your head of security? Him, you mean?” Huffney pointed at Scott and Kurt Duggan as they were led away into a police van, screaming and swatting invisible things away from their heads.

  Catching Kurt’s eye as the bully was thrown inside, Joe gave him a wink.

  “But this is ridiculous. I don’t have any toxic waste.”

  “Really?” Huffney flared his nostrils and gestured to the ground. Puddles of filthy water bubbled around Redwar’s feet, as though a bog had suddenly risen to spoil his shoes.

  “What the—?” Redwar squawked and stepped away from the sludge. He waved his arms, moving from rage to near hysteria. “Would anybody else like to join in? I’m sure there are plenty more laws I’ve broken.”

  “How about treason?” said a gruff voice.

  “Treason?” Redwar left his hysteria and slipped into horror.

  A tall man in a dark blue uniform with a stern face and a short haircut to match strode into view. “Sure. Conspiring to bribe, to threaten, and to falsify documents to secure your own private army and steal a ship belonging to the Royal Navy, which you then managed to sink. I’d say that would put you behind bars for good.”

  No sound came from Redwar this time as his jaw dropped like a puppet’s mouthpiece. He looked at Ms. Burrowdown, who tossed her notepad into the dirt and walked off without another word.

  Redwar was led away to a police van, handcuffed and shell-shocked.

  With everyone watching, Joe was the only one to notice the dirty puddle Huffney had referred to as toxins. A sludgy face formed at its center, lifted slightly, then winked before dissolving into the slime.

  An hour later, Joe stepped into the vault of Merrynether Mansion and beamed as the reality of their success began to wake up within him.

  Archy the pig trotted forward to greet Mrs. Merrynether when she came in, and she smiled at Joe with a victorious look in her eyes that told Joe there was no longer anything to worry about.

  Kiyoshi sat at the center of a beanbag munching on a cucumber, staring intently at Lilly, who had decided to stay for some whiskey before drawing up his plans for the construction of Ringwood Brewery.

  Cornelius sat sphinxlike in the center, using Flarp for poison barb target practice as the frolicsome globble zipped and bounced in front of him. Snappel crouched next to the manticore with her long tail stretched affectionately over his back as he fired his shots, and Joe relished the deep throaty sound of purring that alternated between the pair of them as they enjoyed each other’s company.

  But perhaps the sight that warmed
Joe most was the other couple in the room, grinning with carefree contentment. Heinrich sat at his desk, with Aunt Rose standing behind him, her huge arms resting gently on his shoulders.

  Joe spun around, taking in the whole familiar space. “So,” he said, rubbing his hands together, “what will our next patient be?”

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