But I am, so even as the guy is coming closer, I smile and shake my head, a gesture I had plenty of practice with in the days before I met Keegan. I’m not looking for a dance partner tonight. Or any kind of partner. His smile doesn’t falter, but he shrugs in a too bad sort of gesture, then starts scanning for someone more receptive.
Maybe once I’ve had a bit more time, I’ll consider actually meeting some new people here. It’d make Amber happy, at least.
Pressing past the dancing crowd, now more than happy to find a cooler part of the club, I arrive at the corridor into the play area. The gateway to sin, one might say. Amber suggested that tonight was good, so maybe there’s a good show going on. I haven’t been keeping up with the postings since all this began. I have no idea what’s going on anymore.
As usual, the area is crowded with excited players, in all shapes, sizes and colors. One of the things that always attracted me to this club was the enthusiastic acceptance of diversity. Your kink’s not my kink isn’t a disparaging remark here, just a way to say that we’re into different things, and that’s okay. So if you like to be tickled senseless, like the tall man strapped to the cross in the corner, and according to the sign next to him, available to anyone who wants, then that’s okay, even if the idea of it gives me the heebie jeebies. Or maybe the face sitting that those two women are doing, or the full-body rubber suits, or whatever. In this place, I’m nearly bordering on vanilla, but I don’t begrudge them their fun.
I wait for that little kinky tingle inside to kindle, but without Keegan, nothing looks interesting. Maybe I’m not really ready.
Maybe I never will be.
Turning around, I take a step, only to bump right into a brick wall of tall, masculine chest. Sense would say that he’d at least get knocked a little bit off balance, but it’s me who bounces back.
“I’m sorry,” I get out while catching my balance.
Strong hands grab my shoulders to steady me. “No, I’m sorry, I wasn’t looking where I was—”
I recognize the voice long before his words cut off in surprise.
When I look up, Keegan’s staring down at me. He’s looking good tonight. Tight charcoal gray T-shirt that’s stretched across his chest. Dark jeans cradle his ass in a way that’s impossible not to notice, held in place by a wide leather belt. His hair’s mussed in a way that automatically makes me think of sex, though to be fair, it’s difficult to look at him and not think of sex.
At first I’m at a loss for words, but then I find some and they’re not very nice. “How dare you?”
He blinks, then frowns as his face closes down. “What do you mean, how dare I?”
“You dumped me, and now you’re back at my club? It was so important to separate yourself from me, but then here you are, as if nothing ever happened. Did you even think about how that would make me feel? Jerk.” A part of me insists that maybe I’m being a little unreasonable, but I can’t quite hold it back either. I’m still mad at him, and I’d sort of assumed that I’d gotten the club in our breakup.
People around us turn to watch curiously. The tall shaved-head guy who’s usually watching the door happens to be nearby, and takes a step closer. “Everything all right here?” He glances at my opponent. “Keegan?”
They would know each other.
Keegan puts his hand up. “It’s okay, Caleb. Nothing to worry about.”
When Caleb looks at me questioningly, I nod back. “We’re fine.” He backs up, but keeps an eye on us, ready to step in if things get heated.
“Come on,” Keegan says, taking my wrist and walking towards the private rooms.
I rip my hand out of his grip. “Don’t touch me,” I hiss, trying to keep the volume down.
“Dammit, do you really want to do this here? I was just thinking that we could discuss this away from the fucking peanut gallery.”
For a moment, I glance back at Caleb, who’s standing there with his bulging arms crossed over his broad chest, watching the crowd in general, but throwing constant glances in our direction.
“Fine.” I might not trust Keegan to not break my heart, but I do trust him not to hurt me, unless I ask him to. And not even then, now. “Let’s go.”
His shoulders relax with relief. “Great. Here.”
The room he leads me to is similar to the other ones we used. Slightly different furniture in slightly different places. The spanking bench is further to the side and there’s no cross, but there’s a tall king size bed instead, with barred head and footboards, perfect for attaching cuffs or ropes to.
But I’m not here to play, so it really doesn’t matter what the furnishings are. As soon as he closes the door behind us I whirl on him. “What the hell are you doing here?”
“What do you mean? Amber specifically told me to be here tonight.” He looks genuinely confused.
Amber… Oh, I’m going to have a chat with that girl later.
“Well, then maybe she’s the one you should be talking to.”
“Fuck, I knew this was a bad idea.” He looks frustrated, but still so handsome it kills me not to reach out and touch him. “I thought you knew I was coming. If you’re not ready, I’ll go.” His brilliant green eyes stare at me intently. “I would never have come if I knew it would make you unhappy, Miranda. Have a good night.”
Keegan turns to leave, tearing the hole in my heart wider by the step.
“Wait.”
He stops, hand on the door.
“I… I have to know. Have you missed me? At all?” my voice cracks on the last question.
“Have I—” He chokes out a bitter laugh. “Not a second has gone by where I didn’t question what I did. All of it, but even if it makes me a bastard, I can’t find it in myself to regret meeting you.” Keegan turns, his expression so raw it should bleed. “I didn’t walk away because I didn’t care, I walked away because I cared too much. Three months won’t change that. I’m not sure three lifetimes would. This was about you, not me.”
“Bullshit,” I spit.
“Excuse me?”
I ignore his angering tone, barreling on. “Ending our professional relationship was for the best. I know that now, but not answering my email? Pulling away from me like I meant nothing and not even sending an occasional snooty text to see how I was doing? That’s just because you were too chickenshit to find out if I’d changed my mind about you.”
“Jesus Christ, that’s not how it is. I’ve checked up with Amber and talked with Wendy. Obviously, she hasn’t told me anything of your sessions, but I know you’re working together.” He crosses his arms in front of his chest, like the gesture can help him keep his distance. “She’s good. You picked well, and my texts are not snooty.”
They totally are. “Whatever.”
“You think I was too scared to talk to you? I fucking love you.” Keegan steps forwards with an intensity in his hard gaze that’s almost scary. His big hands wrap around my upper arms, holding me in place. “I love you. Of course I’m scared. And that’s exactly why I’m doing this the way I am, because even if it kills me, I want you to be safe, and not stuck with someone who… well, someone like me.”
He hurts. It’s so obvious in his voice and his expression. It tears at my heart, because if it weren’t for this whole dropping me for my own good bullshit, maybe we could’ve figured this whole thing out. Or if things did go to hell, at least we’d go there together.
Now we’re stuck in our own private hells. Alone.
“Keegan…” I sigh. His grip on my arms is tight, but it’s comforting, not painful. I meet his gaze, and it’s like staring into a green sun. “I don’t even know what you mean by someone like you. It’s someone like you who helped me find myself. It’s someone like you who gave me the strength to stand up to my mother. And as much as I hate the thought, it’s someone like you who made me go see someone else when I wasn’t thinking clearly enough to do it myself.”
He swallows thickly, his jaw still set pugnaciously, but something softens aroun
d his eyes.
“It’s someone like you I fell in love with.”
He blinks, eyes shining. “Fuck,” he breathes and then pulls me close so quickly I yelp.
But when he mashes his lips against mine, the urge to fight melts right away.
28
Miranda
He’s hot to the touch, burning me up, and yet I can’t get enough of him. Sliding my hands up into his hair and making tight fists, I make sure he has nowhere to go but to stay with me. The way his hands run roughly down my back until he can clutch my ass and pull me against him shows we’re two of a thought.
Eventually, we have to breathe. “Miranda,” he whispers.
“This doesn’t change anything, just so you know,” I force out between heavy breaths. “I’m still mad at you.”
“I know. Should I go?” He raises his eyebrows in question, but his grip on my ass is as tight as ever.
God, I shouldn’t do this.
I should push him away and make him realize that he’ll never again have what he so stupidly rejected.
I should do a lot of things.
Three months ago I would’ve thrown myself at him without a second thought, two months ago I would’ve spit in his face, but today? I look him right in the eyes and search inside myself to figure out how I really feel.
Alive, for the first time since he walked away, I feel alive.
But still… “Just so you know, you’re a jerk, and I hope you’re going to regret pushing me away for the rest of your life.”
He nods, and this time his grip slackens.
“Don’t you dare let go,” I hiss. If this is it, we’re ending it with a bang. Maybe that way we’ll be even, and I’ll be stuck under his skin just like he is under mine. And if that’s the way of it, then I want something good to remember him by. “Take me. Make it the best you can, because this is the last time.”
He swallows and wets his lips. “Are you sure?” The muscles in his arms twitch, as if he’s torn between letting go and throwing me onto the bed. “Fuck, we’re just repeating our mistakes.”
“Then it’s a good thing I have a new therapist, isn’t it? Not your problem anymore,” I snap, feeling a little guilty at the flash of pain in his eyes.”
“I might not be your therapist, but I still care about you, damn it.”
“Oh get over yourself, Keegan. I’ve been through a lot worse stuff in my life than a little kinky sex.” I glare him right in the eyes. “Besides, I’m stronger now, and it’s not just because of Wendy. You were the push I needed to take control of my desires.”
“And then I abused them,” he snaps right back at me.
I shake my head. “You fell in love. Just like I did. There’s nothing wrong with that, but it made things complicated. I can talk to my new therapist without wanting to tear off my clothes, which is good.” I run a hand over his shoulder, wanting to memorize the feel of him. “But it’s not the same. She makes me cry sometimes, but she’ll never make me scream.”
He swallows hard and looks away, unable to meet my gaze. “Do you even understand how hard it was for me to stay away? I had to. Otherwise I would’ve caved the first time I saw you.”
“So do it. I dare you.”
“What?”
“Cave. One more time. Do me right, do me hard, do me however you want. I know what my triggers are now. If it happens again, I’ll safeword, and let you take care of me. You. Not Amber, or my Mom or whoever. But you, because you’re the only one who’s been able to make me feel the way I do. So I dare you. Make me feel you one more time.”
Maybe this is stupid, and maybe I just want some closure. Or maybe I just want to feel him in me once more before he leaves for good. And maybe, just maybe, I’m hoping that he’ll realize what he’d be missing out on.
His grip tightens, and his jaw sets. Willpower and desire war in his eyes.
“I’ll do anything you want me to.” I lick my lips and dare to smile, just a little. Like waving steak under a dragon’s nose. “Sir.”
He growls, burying his face in my neck, his teeth biting at my skin while his hands drop from my ass long enough to find their way underneath my skirt before they get reacquainted. Then he physically lifts me, making me gasp in surprise as his powerful arms pull me close.
With my fingers entwined in his dark locks, I wrap my legs around him as he carries me to the back of the room. He drops me heavily on the bed, then looms over me with fiery lust in his smoldering eyes. He grips the hems of his shirt and pulls it up to reveal his muscled torso. The only moment he breaks eye contact is when the shirt goes over his head, and the intensity is already making me go gooey inside.
I raise myself up on my elbows to better watch him, licking my lips as he unbuckles his belt and pulls it loose with a crack. He tosses it on the bed next to me, like a warning. My core heats like a nuclear reactor as I imagine what he intends to do with it.
Next, he unbuttons and unzips his pants, then kicks his shoes off before pushing his jeans down over his strong thighs. When they hit the floor, he’s standing there in nothing but his black boxer briefs, which are pressed out by the kind of bulge that takes a girl’s breath away. As if they have a mind of their own, my knees part slowly.
“Fuck, the things you do to me,” he groans, his keen eyes not having missed the slight movement. Then he hooks his thumbs in his underwear and slides them down. By bending, he covers himself, but when he stands back up, I’m treated to the most amazing view of him, all of him, and right at the center, the thick, rock hard proof of his intentions.
And then he’s over me on the bed, so suddenly that I let myself fall backwards for a little distance. Instinctively, I put my hands up, pressing against his chest as if I could make him move if he really decided to give me his full weight. The fiery heat of his skin scalds my palms.
Keegan settles in, forcing my thighs apart until his thickness is pressing right against me, driving me crazy, even through my skirt and panties. With a grin, he whispers, “You’re a little overdressed, aren’t you?”
“You didn’t really give me time.”
“You had time. You were just too busy gawking.”
A blush warms my face. “It’s not like you weren’t putting on a show.”
He spreads his knees, pressing them in behind my thighs, effectively forcing my legs up in the air on either side of him. My skirt flips towards me, giving me the obscene view of his big cock pressing against my panties. “And you loved every fucking second.”
No denying that.
“Here, grab your ankles.” He offers me my own legs, nearly bending me over double. “I’ll be right back. Don’t you dare move.” Then he pushes off the bed, leaving me to watch his muscles coil under his naked skin as he walks over to the lengths of black rope hanging on the wall. Picking several of them, he glances back at me over his shoulder and grins. “Good girl.”
His praise warms me up inside, which I hate because I’m still mad at him, but all he has to do is give me a look and a command and I’m back to being putty in his hands. And I asked for it. Am I weak for wanting this? I want him to show me how much he’s missed me, and it’s a lot, from the way his hardness juts out as he comes back to the bed.
He drops the ropes next to me, where they hit the sheets with heavy thumps. With practiced efficiency, he straightens one, folding it double to make a wide cuff around my left wrist. The rest of the length he winds around my ankle, until it and my wrist are bound tightly together. A few moments later, he’s done the same to the right side with his expert touch. Trussed up like this, I’m helpless to keep him from doing whatever he wants with my body.
He smirks and swats my pussy a couple of times, each whack resonating in my clit through the thin cotton. “Looking good. Let’s just get you in place.”
I let out a gasp as he lifts me like I weigh nothing, dropping me right in the middle of the bed. Then, quickly wrapping a new length of rope around the back of my left knee and attaching it to the headboard
, he draws it tight until my foot’s pointing straight up and out. Same thing on my right side. I feel like a sexy turtle, stuck on my back with my legs spread wide and nowhere to go.
A quick struggle reveals the obvious. I don’t have a chance at getting free on my own. My glance flicks to my ankles, to the headboard, and then finally settles on his face. “I think you forgot to undress me first.”
“Maybe.”
“You’re not planning on cutting my clothes off, are you?”
He gets a thoughtful expression on his face. “Would you let me?”
I consider it for a moment, because it would be kinda hot, but I just bought this skirt last week, and I’m wearing one of my good bras. “In these clothes? I’d safeword so hard before you even got close to me with the scissors. Maybe nex—” My mouth snaps shut before I can say it.
Something dark flashes over his face, and while he’s smiling, the way his eyes change gives the smile a regretful quality. “Right...”
“You made your decision, okay? Let’s not make this into more than it is.”
He leans down and kisses my chin while his hands grab my breasts through my shirt, teasing my nipples into hard points with his thumbs. “I hate that I hurt you, but baby, we can’t make it into more than it is. It’s already everything.”
A sharp pinch of my nipple makes me yelp in surprise. Then he nibbles at my jaw, the softness of his lips contrasting to the bite of his teeth as he works his way down my throat. I want to wrap my arms around him, grab his hair and pull him to where I want, but I’m at his mercy. I groan in frustration.
Laughing at the sound, he passes by my shirt strap and continues down my bare arm. His hands caress my sides and even through the fabric of my shirt it sends electricity arcing over my skin and raises my hairs on end.
Then he gets to the shawl still tied around my waist like a sash. “I like this. A little piratey.” He laughs.
“It was cool out today.”
“And you expected this to help?” He unties and holds up the silky cloth, shaking it tauntingly. “I think I can find a better use for it.”
Trust Me: A BDSM Romance Page 17
