Mary was completely devoid of willpower or strength. There was only emptiness and pain right then. With exhaustion coursing through her, she lost the battle for consciousness almost immediately.
When sounds of birds chirping woke her the next morning, Mary was still in a hazy fog. She sat up slowly, rubbing her aching head. A bowl of cold broth and a full cup of tea sat atop her nightstand, bearing witness to the awful truth. She hadn’t even woken when her aunt had brought it in.
Thoughts of Beth and William flashed back before her. Beth had always been her strength in the darkest moments of her life and now that strength was gone. Now she needed her beloved friend more than ever, but she was never to return.
What would happen to her baby, and would Samuel ever learn the truth?
Sick of dwelling on the possibilities, Mary got ready, took the tray of food from her nightstand and walked into the kitchen. There she found her aunt making pancakes.
“I heard you awake. These are for you. You need to keep your strength up.”
“I don’t feel like anything.” Mary set the tray beside the sink.
“You must eat. Did you sleep?”
“I think I must’ve. I didn’t hear you bring my supper.” She sat down and stared at the three butter-covered pancakes that her aunt had placed before her. “Denke.” She cut a portion and tried to eat, but it tasted terrible and she could barely swallow. “I’ve lost my appetite.”
Her aunt sat down at the table with her. “You must eat, or you’ll fall ill after the nasty shock.”
Mary forced down a few mouthfuls. “Might I borrow the buggy to visit Samuel? I need to find out what arrangements he’s making for Lois.”
“Oh, I’m sorry. Onkel Joel already took the buggy for the day. He’ll be back around four.”
“I’ll walk. It’s not too far.”
“I’ll only let you walk if you eat those pancakes. All of them.”
Mary looked down at the full plate of food. She chewed and swallowed and, mouthful by mouthful, she got through it.
It was nearly three miles to Samuel’s house. It was still early, so the streets were silent and barren. She let out a long, drawn-out sigh when his home finally came into view. Mary brushed at her clothing, suddenly feeling shabby as she realized she had fallen asleep in those clothes. They were the same clothes she had been wearing when she learned the dreadful news, but she'd had no energy to change. Whatever ... I can't do anything about it now. She climbed the steps and knocked loudly.
After a few moments of waiting, the door swung open. In the doorway stood Samuel, his eyes puffy and red and she knew he had been crying. Sympathizing with him for the very first time, she said, “Hello.” She immediately broke into sobs. “I’m so sorry …”
“It’s okay,” he said, and then he stepped forward and the two found themselves in an awkward embrace. He stepped back. “I can’t believe it happened, but now my focus has to be on my schweschder’s little girl. Beth loved Lois more than anything, so the least I can do is see to it that she never forgets her parents, and never lacks what she needs.”
Mary watched him carefully as he spoke, his eyes brimming with tears but refusing to let them fall over his reddened cheeks. Maybe he wouldn’t be the worst person to take care of her baby. It sounded like they both had the same hopes for Lois. The difference was he had the money to raise her and she didn’t. “They would be so proud of that decision, but are you sure that you’ll be able to?”
Samuel closed his eyes and inhaled a big puff of air before looking at her once more and speaking. “I’m not sure of anything anymore, but I do know that I have no other options. That girl is all that matters now. Come, I’ll show you where her nursery will be.”
Mary tilted her head, slightly impressed by how prepared he was already. She followed him into a room at the center of the hallway. When she stepped inside, the large spacious area was perfect.
“This used to be my office, but I’m going to convert it into a nursery for her. Either here, or I might use one of the rooms upstairs.” He pointed to a crib already in the room. “She’s asleep now, but you’re welcome to see her.”
Chapter 8
Mary didn’t hesitate for a second, quickly heading to see her baby. There she was, sleeping quietly without a care in the world. “Hello, precious,” Mary whispered before she gently kissed Lois’s forehead. The baby flinched as Mary did so, but never woke.
She sure did look peaceful as she slept. The only thing now that bothered Mary was the fact that Lois wouldn’t have a mother to raise her. She faced Samuel, and said, “I don’t mean to pry, but might I ask what you plan to do with her while you’re at work?”
He rubbed his neck. “That’s the only thing I’m struggling with right now. I’ve decided that I won’t return to work until I’ve found a trustworthy woman to care for her, but who knows when that will be?” Samuel walked out of the room.
Mary followed him back to the front of the house. “I could watch her for you while you’re at work. I was helping Beth with her, so we already know each other. I also know her routine.”
Samuel froze in place. “Are you certain? That would be an answer to prayer. Like you said, she already knows you, and you probably know her better than I do. I wasn’t able to visit often.”
“Jah, I’m sure,” she said.
“Okay, but it will have to be a live-in position. I’ll pay you well, of course. With my line of work, it’s imperative I sleep through the night without being woken by her cries. Last night was the first, and let me tell you, it wasn’t pretty.” Without waiting for Mary’s response, he turned around and headed to the front door.
“I can live here. I can even move in right away.” She hoped her aunt wouldn’t mind her leaving so suddenly.
“Good,” Samuel said, as he pushed open the door and called out a name that she couldn’t hear clearly.
Moments later, a young man ran up to the porch. Mary had seen him at the meetings, but didn’t know his name. His clothes were a bit dirty, but he seemed anything but destitute. The boy put his hand on the railing and breathed heavily before glancing up at the pair. “Jah, Samuel?”
“Would you please take Miss Mary back to her place of residence to retrieve her belongings? She’s just accepted the position as nursemaid for Lois,” Samuel said, a hint of happiness in his voice.
“Jah. I’ll take her at once. Come this way, Miss Mary,” the boy said, pointing toward a buggy next to the stables.
The boy helped her into the buggy, and then they set off with Samuel watching from the porch. Mary wasn’t sure how she would break the news to her aunt. Maybe they’d be pleased she was leaving. “What’s your name?”
“Sorry, Miss. I’m Luke.”
“Hello, Luke.”
He looked over at her and smiled. “Hello.”
“Just call me Mary. I feel like a teacher when you call me Miss Mary.”
“I will, but do you mind if I call you Miss Mary around Samuel?”
Mary nodded, amusement touching her lips. “Whatever you’d like.”
They pulled up to the property and headed to the door. Luke stopped on the porch. “I’ll wait here.”
Mary knocked on the door as Luke found a seat on one of the old, wooden chairs that her uncle kept on the porch for when he wanted a quiet moment.
When the door opened, her aunt greeted her with a sincere, but subdued smile. “You don’t need to knock, Mary.”
“Well, I have something to tell you.”
Her aunt frowned, and then looked at the young man sitting on the porch chair. “How is everything?” she said once she looked back at Mary.
“Lois is well, and Beth’s bruder is handling everything. I have some news. Samuel has asked me to look after Lois while he’s at work. It’s to be a live-in nursemaid position. I hope you’ll understand that I can’t say ‘no.’ I know I should have spoken to you first, but I couldn’t …”
Her aunt interrupted her. “Now stop apologiz
ing. Don’t you be sorry, at all.” Aunt Gretel gave her a warm hug. “You must do what’s best for you and your friend’s family. You’re welcome to come back whenever you’d like, though. Even if it’s just to visit a couple of silly old fools.”
“Thank you so much,” Mary said. “And you’re nothing like silly old fools.” Mary managed a little laugh. “I’m glad you’re being so understanding. Denke for having me here all this time.”
“That’s fine. Come, I’ll help you pack your things.”
For the first time, Mary was happy she didn’t have too many possessions to lug around. After her aunt had helped her collect her things, they headed outside. When they got to the doorway, Luke was already standing there with open arms.
“Let me get those for you,” he said, quickly taking the heavy items from Mary and her aunt.
“Thank you,” Mary said, as the pair walked to the buggy.
As Luke loaded her things in the back, she gave her aunt a hug. “Tell Onkel Joel goodbye and denke for me.”
“I will. I’ll pray you do well, Mary. Are you sure you’re okay?”
Mary nodded and then climbed into the buggy and looked back. Life was changing, and now she’d be closer to her daughter.
The ride back seemed to take longer than it had to get there, but maybe that was because Mary’s mind was littered with worrying thoughts. Why couldn’t she have had a proper life? Most women marry and have children. Why had she made such a silly mistake by marrying a man raised in the outside world? It wasn’t completely her fault, but there was no use blaming everything on Damian; she had to take responsibility for her decisions.
She thought about Samuel and how he had seemed a bit more like a human being this morning, and his demeanor had been much softer and kinder. Sometimes tragedies caused people to change and improve, but was that the case with Samuel? Or was it temporary? Either way, she was delighted she would be able to spend every day with her daughter.
When they got back to Samuel’s house, Luke turned to Mary. “I’ll bring in your belongings as soon as I get this horse back into the stables. Don’t worry about bringing them in yourself.”
“Okay,” she said, nodding all the while. “Denke.”
“Anytime!” the boy said, parking over near the stables again.
As he tended to the horse, Mary looked up at the front door to see that it was open for some reason. Instead of waiting for him to lead her in, she figured she might as well go and see Samuel to discuss where she’d be staying, along with anything else surrounding her new position as nursemaid.
The moment Mary walked inside, a loud voice startled her, almost causing her to lose her balance. When she turned, she saw Samuel glaring at her.
“What are you doing?”
“Um, just trying to find you to see where I’ll be staying. Will I be staying in the main haus, or …”
“You can stay in the main haus because we won’t be here alone. The housekeeper and Luke live here too, but they both use the other entrance.” His dark eyes bore through her and she knew he wanted her to use the back door, too.
“Oh, that’s fine. I didn’t know what was expected.” Since four people were now to live in the house it was only fair to give him some privacy. She assumed her bedroom might be closer to the back of the house. “I’ll go around the back.”
“Oh, one more thing. I moved Lois into one of the upstairs rooms.”
“Which one?”
“You’ll find it.” He took a nervous look over his shoulder back into the house and Mary looked past him and noticed the legs of a woman in the sitting room.
The woman’s body and face were obstructed, but Mary could see clean and shiny black boots peeping out from a yellow dress. Who was that, and was she the reason Samuel was acting less friendly?
She had thought she’d be sleeping in the room next to Lois. Right now, she didn’t know where her room would be.
Swallowing hard, Mary followed the house around to the back, where she saw a small wooden door. As she pulled it open and walked in, all Mary could think about was the mysterious woman in yellow. If Samuel had been courting a woman, Beth would have mentioned it since she always told Mary everything. Had Samuel been courting someone without telling Beth?
What if Samuel got married? Would the woman be cruel and insensitive toward Mary’s daughter, or would she take care of her and be kind? Mary sighed loudly, realizing that either option would not be good. Just as well she was close by because if ever Lois’s welfare was in danger, Mary would tell everyone the truth and take Lois back.
Chapter 9
A dark hallway loomed before her with only the flickering light from a lone gas lantern lighting her way. The creepy atmosphere made her feel even more uneasy when she pulled open a door that led to a narrow staircase.
Mary made her way upstairs to find the baby’s nursery, but as she walked the hallway, she noticed a closed door with a note stuck to it. She was apprehensive about reading it at first, but the word ‘Nursemaid’ was scribbled in bold letters at the top. Leaning closer to read the small writing, she read it out loud to herself.
Mary, this is your room, Freda. (Good luck).
Good luck? It was rare an Amish person used that term. It was clear Freda found her boss not so easy to work for if she’d wished Mary such a thing. Mary crumpled the paper in her hand and put it in her pocket. She pushed the door open and was surprised to see a nearly bare room. The walls were dark. There was nothing besides a plain bed and an old wooden dresser, and the lack of natural light gave the room a dull atmosphere. It was nicer than some of the bedrooms she’d had as a child, but she’d expected better from such a big nice house. She decided she didn’t care where she slept as long as she could see Lois daily. She turned and headed back into the hallway to find the baby’s room.
She found it was the room next door to her own. Mary peeked in to see that Lois was still fast asleep. Her baby almost looked like a doll, peaceful and adorable. What was to stop her from taking her daughter and the two of them running away? They could live on their own and she would never have to worry about losing her again, but would that make things any better?
Mary closed the door and headed back to the adjacent room. She saw Luke disappearing down the stairs at the end of the hall. When she walked into her room, she saw her two bags on the bed, filled with every possession she owned. She unpacked her things and then sat on the bed to consider her options.
The room felt as though it was spinning as she focused on putting a plan together. If she did take her daughter away somewhere, how would they live? Mary knew she would have to find employment and then who would watch Lois? If she found someone to look after her, of course she’d have to pay that person, and that would take her full wage leaving no money for food or rent. The entire reason she and Beth had come to their agreement was because she couldn’t raise Lois by herself. It seemed like everything was coming full-circle. Once again, she had a chance to keep Lois. All she’d have to do was tell everyone. And figure out how to survive.
Mary drifted in and out of sleep. Visions of her poverty-filled childhood came back to her, where sometimes there'd been barely enough food. She would cry herself to sleep from the hunger pains. The days of her youth hadn’t been kind, leading her to a similar life to that of her own mother. It was a troubling cycle, which she wanted to end. No matter what it took, she wanted a better life for her daughter; she no longer cared about a better life for herself.
Most women in her position found an easy way out in the form of marriage, but how could she marry and still stay close to Lois? It wouldn’t only be difficult it would be downright impossible. Unless she found an eligible man, who would be tolerant of the truth about her child. A kind, understanding man might not hesitate to overlook such a thing, but where would she find one of those?
The sound of horse’s hooves outside drew Mary’s attention. She looked out her small window making sure to stand back so she wouldn’t be seen if someone happened
to glance up. It was a buggy, which wasn’t uncommon. Still, she was curious to see who was coming or going. Moments later, Samuel walked into view with the woman in the yellow dress beside him. Mary leaned closer in hopes of seeing what she looked like, but the woman turned her head as a shield from prying eyes.
The one thing she could see was the wide grin that refused to leave Samuel’s lips until after the buggy had taken off. He looked sad and lonely after she had gone. Why did he seem so fond of this mysterious lady, and did she threaten Mary’s place in Lois’s life? The uncertainty of the situation was too much, and Mary was glad she heard Lois cry.
She hurried into Lois’s room and lifted her up. “Hello there. Are you hungry?” Mary hugged her to herself for a moment, but Lois’s continued cries prompted Mary to hurry downstairs to find the kitchen. She hoped she wouldn’t run into Samuel. She soon learned the kitchen was at the back of the house.
Mary found that someone had been organized enough to label Lois’s food in small packages. She placed the baby down in a highchair while she lit the stove to heat both the dinner and Lois’s bottle. There was also a dinner labeled ‘Mary.’ Mary smiled to herself knowing at once that she’d get on well with the housekeeper. Maybe I’ll heat up something for myself later when Lois is asleep.
Mary headed back to Lois’s room after she’d been fed. She changed Lois's diaper and her clothes so she'd be ready for bed. Knowing she always fell asleep in the crib after a big meal, Mary kissed Lois on her warm cheek and then placed her onto the soft mattress. When Mary opened the door of her own room, she heard gentle mumbling noises of her daughter coming from the nursery. Mary smiled at the sound. “Gut nacht, my sweet boppli,” she whispered.
Mary wrapped herself up in blankets as tears flooded down her cheeks in full force. She was fearful of her future and the future of her daughter. “Why can’t things ever be simple?” Her puffy, swollen eyes stung as she attempted to wipe away the sadness. It was hours before she fell asleep and she only did so after she’d prayed and, as best she could, left everything in God’s hands. She'd forgotten dinner entirely.
The Amish Woman And Her Secret Baby: Amish Women of Pleasant Valley Page 4
