Maybe it was a good thing I ran into Matt. It woke me the fuck up. I don’t want to be like my father, but I am starting to be more like him. How on earth did I get to this point? It’s pissing me off.
Then I think about how she looked last night, right before we quit talking. Her face fell. She looked as if her heart broke. I never intended to do that. Not to beautiful, sexy, smart, funny, amazing Jade. I put my coffee cup down slowly and stare incredulously out of the window.
Oh! Jesus! I’m in love with her.
There is no doubt about it.
I’m in love with Jade Emerson.
What happens when I take her back and people find out I’m dating my assistant?
The knives will be out for her. They are going to say that she gets special privileges because we are together. I can weather the storm, but it’ll destroy her reputation. I think about my mom and how her friends all acted like she had some disease. It wasn’t her fault that my dad couldn’t keep his dick in his pants. I don’t want Jade to go through what my mom had to go through. No one deserves that kind of torment. No one.
People are going to talk. It’s what they fucking do. They’re lives are so goddamn boring, they search for any kind of drama to gossip about. They don’t know how to mind their own damn business. I don’t want our relationship to hurt Jade in any way. I need to sit down and talk with her.
I stand up to go back upstairs and run into Mr. Hatanaka, one of the Japanese businessmen.
“Remington San. Just the man I was looking for.” He holds his hand out to me.
I firmly grip his hand and shake it.
“Mr. Hatanaka, it’s good to see you. I hope you’re not here to deliver bad news.”
I laugh. He laughs, too, but I think more out of courtesy than because he actually found my joke funny.
I’m a little nervous that he is here in my hotel looking for me. I did not expect him, or anyone from his company, to reach out to me so soon. I don’t know whether to take it as a good or a bad sign. I’ve been so consumed with thoughts of Jade and what I should be doing with her, for the first time in my life, I’ve actually put my business on the back burner.
“I would like to discuss with you the opportunity you presented us with the other night,” he says, nodding gravely.
Discuss the opportunity? I thought it was a done deal. I keep my expression neutral and interested. “I was just leaving, but if you would care to sit down, I’ll be happy to go through any details that you are still unclear about.”
“Please. That would be excellent,” he replies.
With a smile, I indicate the chair across from me. He sits, clasps his hands on the table surface, and looks expectantly at me.
It’s hard to read him when he isn’t smashed. The other night he was slapping my back and regaling me with dirty jokes that he would tell, then immediately apologize to Jade for telling them. This morning, his mouth is set in a straight line and his lips are pressed firmly together. His facial expression screams that he is in work mode.
“Can I get you something to drink? Coffee?” I offer.
“No. Thank you.”
“Right. What is it that you wanted to discuss?”
“We are happy with the figures you drew up for us. They are perfect, and your company sounds like the kind of company that we would like to develop a partnership with.”
This sounds like good news, but I don’t want to count my chickens just yet. If they are so happy with my figures what the hell is he doing here? I don’t want to be disappointed.
Like I’ve disappointed Jade.
The thought comes out of nowhere and causes me pain. I push down the strong urge to simply leave this blathering idiot here and go up to apologize to Jade. I’ve been so caught up with my own drama, I’ve hurt her. I force myself to concentrate on what Mr. Hatanaka has to say.
“So…we want to sign with your financial company,” he continues with a big smile. “We think that by going with your company, you can lead us in a newer, more innovative direction. A direction that we can see our company thriving in. Yours as well, of course.”
“That’s great news.” I plaster a big, happy smile on my face. I’m still waiting for the catch. For the ‘but’ with some added stipulations.
“Yes,” he says. “I’m excited to be working with you and your company. I know you’ll bring great things to us.”
“Oh, I will. You don’t have a thing to worry about.” I know I sound cocky. But I hope he takes it as confidence. “I’ll have my lawyers send over the paperwork to you.”
“I look forward to hearing from them,” he says with a polite nod.
A waitress approaches our table and asks if we need anything. Mr. Hatanaka dismisses her politely, telling her that he’s just getting ready to leave. I wave my hand to indicate I’m fine, and she walks away.
Mr. Hatanaka stands up. “I’ll be sending a gift over to your room soon, to honor our newly formed business relationship,” he says.
I stand to shake his hand one more time. “You don’t need to do that, Sir,” I say. I flash my ‘I’m-a-good-guy’ grin. I’m weird about receiving gifts.
“In Japanese culture, we do not deny our friends the pleasure of giving,” he says this with a smile.
I nod my head. “It’s a good practice. Thank you. It’s very kind of you. I’ll be looking forward to your generous gift.”
We say our goodbyes, and I watch him leave. Then my brain immediately switches back to Jade. I want to tell her about the impromptu meeting I just had with Mr. Hatanaka. She was crucial in landing this deal, so I know she’ll be over the moon. But the way things are right now, she’ll probably slap me in the face before I can even open my mouth.
I get up and head back upstairs. A group of smiling, chatting conference attendees wait by the elevators. The last thing I want is to be stuck in a confined space with them while they try to strike up a conversation with me.
I hang back then get into the next free elevator. The doors close, and I’m thankful to be alone inside the elevator car. The elevator comes to a stop on my floor. I get out and go straight to her door. I rap on it. There is no sound from inside. I turn the handle and step into her room. She’s not in it.
This is driving me insane. I want to talk to her. I want to kiss her. I want to tell her I know I acted like an ass last night. I want to tell her that I’ve never felt this way before and it scared the shit out of me. I want to tell her how sorry I am for hurting her. Then I want to tell her I love her and want to be with her. No matter what, we’ll work it out.
I pull out my phone and call her, but her’s is switched off.
I pace the floor. Well, she has to come back. All her things are still here. I decide to get started on my talk for the following day. I sit down on my bed with my laptop, but I can’t concentrate. My inspiration is gone. Jade isn’t here to help inspire me. And it hurts.
At that moment there’s a knock on my door.
“Finally,” I mutter. Thank God, Jade has more sense than me. She’s making the first move to crack the icy wall between us. I rush through the lounge and pull the door open.
“You’re not Jade,” I say, a frown creasing my brow.
Chapter 19
Jade
Luke and I haven’t spoken since last night, but he is speaking at the conference tomorrow, and I still have a job to do. So I woke up at four am and I’ve spent all this time arranging and preparing for that. It didn’t help keep my mind off of Luke, though. I’ve thought about him non-stop.
I wonder what he’s doing. Is he thinking about me? Does he feel bad? Probably not. Why would he, after the way he treated me? You don’t treat people that way if you care about them. It’s obvious he doesn’t give a damn about me.
I want to talk with him and work something out.
I walk into the elevator and ride up to our floor. I step out, and as I’m walking down the hall the door to our suite opens and a local girl with long black hair and a pink mini s
kirt steps out. Her heels are at least six inches high. She’s tarted up like she’s going to a club, but it’s the middle of the fucking morning. My insides burn with jealous rage at just the sight of her.
What the fuck is going on?
She closes the door softly and starts walking towards me in her high heels. She’s got that cat got the cream look on her face. The look I see in the mirror after Luke has fucked me good. She would have passed me by without even a glance if I had not stopped in front of her.
“Who the hell are you?” I’m aware that my voice is hard and cold and I’m being mean, but I can’t help it. I hate her.
Her dark eyes flash. “Who are you?” she asks me cockily.
“Did you just have sex with him?” I ask her.
She gives me a sly smile. “Which guy?”
“The guy in that suite? Did you fuck him?” I don’t want to play games. I just want to get to the bottom of everything. If she says yes, then I’m fucking done with Luke Remington. The moment I get back to New York, I’ll walk away and never see him again.
“It’s none of your business.”
I’m so angry I feel like punching her smug face. I’ve never wanted to punch anyone before. She’s smaller than me. I can take her. I grab her hand. “If you don’t tell me, I’ll report you to the hotel. How would you like that?”
A flash of fear passes her eyes before she masks it. “Yes, I did,” she admits defiantly. “Happy now?”
It’s the exact opposite of how I feel.
“Let go of me. It’s not me you have to be angry with. It’s just my job,” she says quietly. And suddenly, I feel ashamed of myself. She’s such a small thing. Even in her ridiculously high shoes, she only comes up to my chin. It’s a wonder to think that Luke’s big cock could possibly fit inside her. The thought sickens and disgusts me and I immediately release her.
She straightens her top and walks away without a care in the world.
I’m still staring at the empty space where she was standing when I hear the elevator doors close behind her. Only then, I realize I haven’t moved since she said she had sex with him. I don’t know what I expected, but it wasn’t to hear her actually say yes, but she did.
She has no reason to lie to me.
But I don’t get it. Luke and I have a fight and he buries his cock in a fucking prostitute?
My heart feels like it is shattering in that hallway. The pain runs deep and sharp. This kind of misery in my heart is new to me. I’ve never experienced it before and I don’t want to feel this way. I don’t want to think any more about Luke fucking her. I don’t want to think about him anymore at all.
I honestly feel like I could punch a wall. Or maybe his face. I want to go into our suite and confront him. I want to look into his eyes and ask him what makes him think it’s okay to fuck a hooker after last night. What makes him think it’s okay to sleep with anyone after the way we’ve been with each other? But just the thought of the ensuing arguments makes me feel exhausted. I’m so done right now. I’m so angry and hurt. I wonder if I can find a new job before I get back to the states. Would it even matter?
What I need is a drink.
Yes, if I just get a drink in me, or several, I’ll be able to make it through the rest of this miserable trip until we head back to the states. I’m so over Luke, this trip, and this whole fucking country right now.
I turn around and head for the elevator. My mind is so scrambled I don’t register the ride down or the walk to the bar. Suddenly, I find myself sitting down at the bar and ordering a vodka with a finger of tonic. The bartender fixes it up and sets it in front of me. I drink it and order a second one. He doesn’t so much as raise an eyebrow. I drink that down and hit him up for another. I don’t want to think anymore. I want to feel completely and totally numb.
“Hey, Jade,” a deep, masculine voice says from behind me.
I turn to see Carl Magnus in all his Viking glory. His long blond hair drags over the shoulders of his suit jacket, and he looks like a fusion of ancient and modern man.
I’m surprised. I really didn’t think I was going to see him again. Especially after the way Luke had acted toward him the other day. “Hey, Carl,” I say glumly. “What brings you here?”
He sits down on the bar stool next to me. “I’m day drinking today,” he replies with a laugh. “I don’t think I can make it through another boring speech unless I get a little buzzed. What’s your excuse?”
“You know, I’m not usually a day drinker.” I finish my third drink.
The bartender points, and I nod my head. He gets to pouring me a fourth one.
I haven’t eaten much today, and I know I need to pace myself. I need to make sure that I don’t go over my limit and totally embarrass myself. I’m still on a business trip, whether or not I’m with Luke. I still need to be professional.
Carl nods. “What happened, if you don’t mind me asking?”
The bartender serves me my drink, and Carl orders himself a straight Jack Daniels.
Should I tell him? Does he really need to know what’s going on between Luke and me? I bet he would love to hear that we aren’t working out. That Luke is off fucking everything that walks while my heart breaks more and more. I imagine myself taking Carl up to my room just as Luke is leaving his. He’ll get mad, and I’ll say, “If you can fuck whoever you want, so can I.” I almost burst into a mad giggle. I’m starting to feel quite light-headed. Maybe a bit crazy too.
“Well, I’ve realized something that I think might actually be pretty awful,” I say.
“What’s that?” Carl asks.
I take a sip of my drink. This one tastes more like tonic than it does vodka. I make a face. The bartender must think I’m a lightweight and can’t handle my alcohol. I finish the drink, fully aware I left Carl just hanging. I turn back to him. “I’m in love with Luke.”
“I’m well aware. It was the reason I hit on you. I like you. And I could see that a good dose of jealousy would do Luke good.”
“What? You knew I was in love with Luke that day?”
“Of course. I saw it a mile off.”
“How?”
“The way you were looking at him, but I know Luke is a tough nut to crack. He was fighting it, so I decided to help you by giving him a little push.” He grins. “I figured he’ll owe me, then.”
“No, you don’t get it. We aren’t together. I’m in love with him. He couldn’t give a shit about me.”
Hearing the words aloud is a kind of a revelation that I cannot ignore anymore. They couldn’t be truer if I pulled them out of a law book. We aren’t together. We never have been. And I shouldn’t be letting him get to me, and drinking my woes away at a hotel bar. I should be out sight-seeing and enjoying myself. I’ve finished everything I had to do for today. But even the thought of going sightseeing on my own makes me feel depressed.
“You still aren’t together?” Carl asks, surprised.
Chapter 20
Jade
I shake my head glumly while he slips the bartender money. I’m pretty sure he just bought me a drink, and I wonder what Luke would think if he saw it. Actually, I know exactly what he would think. He would think that Carl is trying to take me away from him. In the past, he would have got mad, but now I guess, he won’t give a shit.
“No, we aren’t together,” I say with a heavy sigh.
He frowns. ‘Why not?”
“It’s a long and pathetic story.”
“It can’t be worse than the lecture I should be listening to.”
I suppose it can’t hurt to talk to him. For some weird reason, he seems to be on my side. “First of all, thank you for trying to help me.” I wrinkle my nose. “By pretending to hit on me.”
He nods to acknowledge my gratitude.
“As you guessed, I’ve been secretly lusting after Luke for months now. Anyway, it all kicked off during this trip and we kinda started sleeping together. We went to a beach, and he asked me out on a real date last night, an
d I thought we were getting on really well. So he takes me to this really nice restaurant, and then in the middle of it, he wants to leave. So, we leave and when I force him to tell me why he was being such a dick, he told me this awful story about—”
I realize I’m rambling and stop before I tell Carl too much. As mad as I am with Luke, what he told me about his father is an intensely personal secret. Luke may have betrayed me by fucking someone else, but I won’t betray him. I skip over that part.
“Anyway,’ I continue, staring down at my drink. “He basically told me it’s hard for him to be with me. I told him if he doesn’t know what he wants, then I can’t do this. So we haven’t spoken since then. I left to do some last-minute things for a speech he is giving tomorrow. I come back to the suite and there’s a hooker leaving his room.” I say the word “hooker” way too loud, and it makes me cringe with shame. I look around to make sure no one heard me.
Carl chuckles.
“What?” I ask. “I don’t really see what’s so funny. My heart is broken. I’m sitting at a bar, day drinking with a guy who almost got his shit rocked for pretending to hit on me. There’s no humor in any of this.”
“You really love this man, don’t you?” he asks quietly.
I nod my head.
He looks at me and really studies my face. His eyes are so green and piercing they make me feel nervous and uncomfortable. Like an insect struggling on a pin.
“Well, you need to give him a chance,” he states casually. Like it is the most natural thing in the world for me to simply gloss about last night’s fiasco and forget about the hooker.
I stare at him in shock. “You do realize I said he just fucked a whore, right?”
He laughs again.
“I’m glad you find it hilarious, because my heart feels like it’s been shredded to ribbons,” I snap.
“You need to let that go,” Carl says with a shrug of his massive shoulders. “You said you weren’t together. So technically he didn’t cheat on you. Sometimes when a man is scared of something that he knows is good for him he turns to what’s familiar instead.”
Single Dad Page 26
