by E. N. Joy
“God ain’t gonna bring you this far just to leave you,” her father added. “This is just a test. He wants to see if you trust in Him to see you through all of this.”
Although God was the last person Hannah wanted to put her trust in to fix the situation she felt He had let happen to her, she did believe Elkan was worth fighting for. And the last thing she wanted was for that hussy, Peni Lampkin, to live happily ever after with her man. So to this day, as far as Hannah was concerned, she had made the right decision by forgiving Elkan and giving their marriage another chance.
“Look, Hannah.” Locksie interrupted her thoughts as she removed the cape from around Hannah’s shoulders. “You know I love Dawson to death, and he loves me. My mind is just playing tricks on me is all. It’s nothing, really. I’m just letting my aunt Mary get to me.”
“Ohhhh,” Hannah said, nodding her head. “I get it. Has your sanctified auntie been making you feel guilty about spreadin’ without weddin’?” Hannah chuckled. “Trust me. I know what it’s like. My mom and dad did the same thing with Elkan and me when we were only dating and not yet married. It got so weird that I started hearing my parents’ voices during sex. ‘Your body is your temple . . . blah blah blah.’ Pretty soon the aftermath of sex with Elkan was like the aftermath of eating an entire chocolate cake or pizza all by yourself. It was sho’ nuff good while you were eating it, but then with all the guilt and weight you had to carry around as a result, you felt miserable and it just didn’t seem worth it.”
“Hmm, not even my aunt Mary has used that analogy—fornication and gluttony.”
“Hey, they’re both sins. I’m not a huge Bible reader, but I don’t think anywhere in the Bible God puts any greater weight on one sin than He does the other. That’s society’s doing. You know how it is. We like to pick and choose our own sins. Some pick murder, some pick fornication, some pick gluttony. A sin is a sin. Anyway, I better get out of here. It’s Elkan’s son’s weekend with us. His mother will be dropping him off at the house in a little bit and I need to be there.”
“All right then, chick. Have a good weekend . . . Oh, wait. I need to ring you up.”
The two women headed over to the register. Locksie had gotten so wrapped up in Hannah’s words that she almost forgot to charge Hannah for her hair service. She wondered if it was possible, because of the life she was living with Dawson, that right now God was looking down on her with the same disgrace and disappointment as He would a murderer. Locksie hated the mere idea that God might feel like that about her. But, if He did, He’d have every right to. After all, Hannah couldn’t have put it any better; a sin is a sin.
Chapter 4
“Hey, Ma,” Locksie said through the phone receiver after looking down at the caller ID box. She had just walked in from work to a ringing phone.
“Praise the Lord,” her mother replied. “In all thine ways acknowledge Him and He will direct thy path.”
Locksie sighed and allowed her eyes to roll in her head. One day she just wished her mother would call her and have regular mother-daughter talks minus all the scripture. Thanks to her mother, Locksie would never have to read the Bible; her mother would have recited every verse after a few more phone calls.
“Hello to you too,” Locksie said with traces of sarcasm in her tone. “How are you?”
“Blessed and highly favored.”
“So how was your day?” Locksie reluctantly continued.
“This was the day that the Lord made, so I rejoiced and was glad in it.”
“Look, Ma, is there something specific you needed? My job is on the other line,” Locksie lied. She could tell that this phone call, like all the others, was going to be Bible study instead of a conversation. She didn’t mind the fact that her mother loved the Lord; she just wished she wouldn’t be so overzealous with it. Locksie believed in God. She just wasn’t as into Him as her mother was, and didn’t appreciate the fact that her mother continuously flaunted the love affair.
“Oh, no, honey. There’s nothing specific that I wanted. I just hadn’t talked to you in weeks and I don’t think you’ve been back home here to Michigan since you left for college,” her mother joked. “Just wanted to make sure you were still breathing. Although if you weren’t, I know you’d be in a better place in the comfort of our Father. You might not understand now how the Lord Jesus Christ is your Savior, but I pray to God daily that by the time He calls you, you will have accepted Him into your heart.”
Okay, now Ms. Martha Winters had fallen off her rocker and sank too far into the deep end for even Locksie to tolerate. “I gotta go, Ma. I’ll talk to you later.”
“God bless y—”
Locksie quickly hung up the phone. She grabbed her forehead and then made her way to her bedroom. “Gosh,” she said as she flopped back onto the bed, spreading out her arms. “Now I know what that poor stringy-haired white girl in the movie, Carrie, was going through.” Locksie shook her head. “And my mother wonders why I never come back home to visit her. Puhleez!”
Locksie sat up and picked up the phone by her bed to call her aunt Mary. Aunt Mary might be a Christian, but she didn’t wear it on her sleeve and try to beat Locksie upside the head with it in the same manner her mother did. Nor did she force her to commit the sin of gluttony by making her digest more Bible scriptures than she could chew by constantly shoving them down her throat. Aunt Mary had her ways about trying to get Locksie to convert from just believing in God to receiving Him, but they weren’t nearly as badgering as her mother’s ways. Aunt Mary knew when to quit.
“Hello,” Mary answered the phone, sounding out of breath.
“Hey, Auntie, it’s me,” Locksie said. “You busy or something?”
“No, I was actually getting ready to close the door behind me when I heard the phone ring, so I ran back in to get it.”
Locksie looked over at the clock and frowned. “It’s almost seven o’clock. Your show is about to come on. Since when is anything more important than your favorite television show? If I went into labor with my first born during your show, you’d ask me to wait and have the baby until after it went off.” Both women laughed.
“I know, child, but what’s going on? Did you need something?”
“Nah, just got done talking to your crazy sister.”
“Well, she’s your mother. What did Martha do now?”
“Nothing. You know how she is. I mean, I can’t even get a hello out of her without a ‘Praise the Lord! Hallelujah! ’” Locksie sounded frustrated.
Mary chuckled. “Well, I can’t knock her. I know how it is to be in love with Jesus and just want to tell the world. Kind of like when you first met Dawson. You couldn’t stop talking about that man. You wanted to walk up to strangers, tap them on the shoulder and tell them what a good man you had found. Well, once you get beyond just knowing of Jesus to really getting to know Jesus, then you can’t help but fall in love with Him. And you’ll want to tell the world about the love of your life every chance you get.”
“Come on, though, Aunt Mary. You know Martha will Rodney King somebody with scripture.” Aunt Mary burst out laughing. “But she will. She will beat you down with some Bible verses.”
“Oooh, Locksie, stop it,” Mary said, getting her laughter under control. “You a mess.”
“No, she’s a mess. You don’t know what it was like growing up with her, going from church to church. It was awful. I mean, how did she expect me to get to know God if we never stayed at His house long enough for me to be formerly introduced?”
“I know. I used to tell her about that. That’s why we had that big falling out and ain’t really been that close since. I told her she just couldn’t change churches every time God revealed to her that something wasn’t right in one church. I mean, as far as she knows, God could have been revealing things to her about the church and the people in the church so that He could use her to help correct them. I mean, your mother is a powerful woman of God, Locksie. But sometimes she just wouldn’t stand still an
d let God use her.”
“Her? Stand still? Ha.”
“Yeah, well, she’s still your mother and she’s still my sister. God knows her heart. But personally, I think there’s a little more to why she’s the way she is than just being in love with Jesus.
“Yeah?” Locksie said, curious at the sincere tone Mary had used. It was as if Mary knew something about her mother that she didn’t.
“Yeah, but, hey, I gotta get going. I’ll see you in the morning. Oh, and I have this new gourmet coffee I bought from TJ Maxx. You know how they be having all those neat little tea and coffee gift sets? The ones you would never buy for yourself but always give as gifts and appreciate when someone else buys it for you? Well, I finally broke down and bought some for myself.”
“Goodie, I can’t wait because I’ve always wanted to try those gourmet coffees, but like you said, it’s just something you never treat yourself to.”
“We are children of the King and we deserve it. All right then, Locksie boo, I’ll see you tomorrow. Love you.”
“Love you too, Auntie. Bye.”
Locksie hung up the phone, meaning to have asked her aunt where she was going.
The beeping of the Brinks door chime let Locksie know that Dawson had arrived home. Every time one of the doors or windows in the house opened, the chime went off.
“Hey, baby,” Dawson said to Locksie as he entered the room. He walked over and puckered his lips before planting a wet, juicy kiss on her.
Locksie stared him up and down, becoming slightly turned on by the way his sweatsuit was sticking to every muscle on his body. She then said, “Hey yourself.”
Dawson paused, noticing the once-over his woman had given him. He licked his lips and then slowly bent down toward Locksie.
She immediately put her hands up to stop him in his tracks. “Don’t even think about it with your sweaty, funky self.”
“Come on, baby,” he said, pressing against her hands, pushing her back on the bed. “You know how much I love making love to you. You gon’ deny me due to a little sweat?” He leaned in closer, pressing up against Locksie’s hands.
“Yuck! Stop it!” she exclaimed, turning her head from left to right as she let out giggles. Locksie used to wonder if Dawson really loved making love to her as much as he proclaimed, or if he just liked making love period. After all, she wasn’t the ugliest woman in the world, but she wasn’t the finest either, and she saw Dawson as the finest man in the world. So what was it about her that made him want her so much and so often? What was so special about her that made her so worthy of a man like Dawson? After a while, Locksie accepted the fact that, plain and simple, she had a good man who saw her for what she was, a good woman.
“We gon’ get sweaty anyway,” Dawson said as he kissed all over her neck after forcing his way through her resistance.
Dawson’s skin was moist and cool, forcing his nylon workout suit to stick to him. Before Locksie could even try to fight him off again, she became seduced by and indulged in Dawson’s wet, juicy kisses.
“Mmmm, you’re right,” Locksie said as she began to lift Dawson’s sweat jacket over his head. “We gon’ just get sweaty anyway.”
He smiled and then placed a kiss delicately on her soft lips. After Locksie aided Dawson in peeling off the rest of his clothing, Dawson helped Locksie out of her clothes. She laid back as she took in all the man Dawson was willing to give her. And after what felt like a trip to the moon, Locksie lay there in the bed, feeling like she had just eaten that entire chocolate cake and pizza Hannah had spoken about.
Chapter 5
It was after one in the morning, and for the life of her, Hannah couldn’t figure out who could be calling her husband on his cell phone at this hour. Her eyes hadn’t been closed for very long after just watching an episode of Cheaters, so when Elkan’s cell phone rang from the other room, it jarred her out of her light sleep.
Hannah used her cell phone for her business, for which she did advertising consulting from the home. She met with the owners of small businesses and entrepreneurs trying to get word out about their businesses and services, helping them put together feasible advertising packages. She gave them unique ideas that they could never have come up with on their own, then found companies who could bring the ideas to life. But even Hannah turned off her phone at night. She couldn’t help but think that Elkan always left his on for some particular reason, or should she say one particular person—Peni, the baby momma from hell.
Peni seemed to enjoy pulling out the baby momma card whenever she pleased, calling Elkan at all hours to discuss matters of their son. Hannah knew she only did it to try to get up under her skin . . . and it worked.
Some mambo tune blazed from the living room coffee table, where Elkan had left his phone after talking with one of the firm partners about a case. Upon hearing it, Elkan, who must have also been in a light sleep, jumped up out of the bed and raced to answer it.
“What is it? Is everything okay?” are the only words Elkan said loud enough for Hannah to hear clearly. From that point on, his voice seemed to have gotten quieter, as if he was intentionally talking low or walking farther away from the bedroom so that Hannah couldn’t hear his conversation.
Hannah could just picture Elkan pacing through their single-story ranch style home, talking sexy to his mistress in every corner of their house while his loving wife waited for him to return to bed. God, I gotta stop this, Hannah thought as she buried her head into her hands. She was tearing herself apart.
Hannah had forgiven Elkan for his single act of adultery, but she sure hadn’t forgotten about it. Although she never threw it up in his face, it stayed on her mind constantly, eating away at her like a cancer, sometimes making her physically sick with stomach pains and headaches. When people complimented her for going from a size ten to a size eight, she just smiled and nodded, not wanting to take credit for the exercise and sacrifice most thought she had subjected herself to when she knew it was worry and stress alone that had suppressed her appetite.
“What do you mean it’s not fair to you, Peni?” Hannah thought she heard Elkan say.
Hannah looked back over at the clock that read 1:19 A.M. There was no way Peni could be calling about their son at that hour unless something was wrong with him. Hannah got out of the bed and crept over to the door to see if she could hear a little better.
“Will you stop yelling before you wake up my son?” she heard Elkan grit.
Hannah had witnessed more than her share of her husband arguing with Peni on the other line. And she knew that their five-year-old love child, Elkan Junior, had heard enough one-sided phone arguments between his mother and father to last him a lifetime as well. Hannah knew that the last thing her husband wanted was for his son to be awakened in the middle of the night by his mother ranting and raving. Hannah couldn’t believe all the times Peni had yelled and cursed Elkan out only for him to hear his son’s small voice finally chime in in the background and ask his mother to stop.
“You mean you’ve been talking like this in front of my son?” Hannah would hear Elkan ask Peni. “You’ve been cursing and calling me out of my name with my child sitting right there? What kind of mother are you?”
Peni always took Elkan’s query as the worst insult ever—someone questioning her parenting skills—and it would only fire her up even more. Any curse words or derogatory names she hadn’t thrown at Elkan were surely balled up in her fist, about to be released. Eventually Elkan got to the point where he’d let the conversation go Peni’s way if it meant his son wouldn’t be subjected to that kind of talk. So, he refused to argue back at Peni.
Of course Hannah didn’t see it the way Elkan tried to explain it to her. From what she could tell, her husband was weak when it came to Peni. Throughout their entire relationship, Elkan never had a problem standing up to Hannah and saying what was on his mind, so why didn’t he show the same aggressiveness toward Peni?
Hannah was, in fact, a very passive person, but she would o
ften wonder if the way Elkan stood up to her but not Peni had anything to do with the difference in their skin colors. Hannah had heard it as many times as the next black woman about their so-called dominating attitudes, always trying to put their men in check. She had been told by brothas that this was why some black men turned to white women. But Hannah didn’t yell, point her finger or do the bobble head when she talked, and she was just as black as any other black woman. This meant to her that not all black women should be stereotyped as acting a certain way. But Hannah had to admit, when it came to Elkan, she wasn’t so sure if these stereotypical characteristics that Peni displayed made him feel as though he was dealing with the so-called real black woman.
So many thoughts went through Hannah’s mind as she stood in the doorway and listened to her husband soft-talk to the woman he had cheated with.
“Look, sweetie, we’ll talk about it tomorrow at a decent hour. Kiss my son for me. Good-bye,” Elkan said.
Hannah quickly ran back into the bed with her heart beating a mile a minute. She hoped Elkan hadn’t seen her or sensed that she had been eavesdropping. When she heard him enter the room, she tried to hold her breath. That little jog back to the bed was like a mini marathon, and she didn’t want him to notice her breathing so heavily. She knew she couldn’t play possum for long because she wanted so badly to ask Elkan about the phone call. Unless she called him on it, she wouldn’t have been able to sleep. So, when he tried to slowly and softly climb back into the bed without waking her, she pretended that he had interrupted her sleep with his movement.
“What are you doing?” she asked.
“Oh, nothing. I didn’t mean to wake you. Go back to sleep, sweetie.”
No this fool did not just call me the same thing he called that heifer, Hannah thought. “Was that your cell phone I heard ringing?” There, I said it. Now what you got to say? And you better come correct. Hannah perhaps didn’t talk with a whole lot of attitude, but she thought with it.
