by Giselle Fox
"Nothing. She just irritated me last night."
"Irritated you?" Alice said. "Is that why you went home early?"
"Partially."
"Did you tell her off?"
"No."
"Maybe you should."
Cate looked at the doors of the kitchen again. "Maybe I will."
Alice sat back in her seat and stirred the ice around in her glass. "Tell me how it goes."
Cate stood up and walked toward the kitchen but Yolanda was behind the bar and she didn't feel right about just walking through. Instead, she went outside to where she knew the back door would be open. And sure enough, there was Lexi standing in her apron with her foot against the wall.
“You’re avoiding me,” Cate hissed.
“No, I’m staying away from you, it’s not the same thing.”
Cate gave her a look. “How is it not the same thing?”
“I would be avoiding you if I was ashamed. I’m staying away from you because... I have a good reason, I’m just not at liberty to say what it is presently.”
“Presently?! Why did you leave? We weren’t even close to being finished.”
“Look, I’m just trying to practice a little restraint here, for both our sakes.” Lexi looked away.
“Nuh uh! No, no, no, no, no,” Cate said. “I don’t buy it. You’ve been laying on the charm big time for the last three days. You climb down the roof to meet me at my window, you say and do all the right things. You’re brave and gorgeous. You made me climb a tree higher than I ever thought I could so you could show me a sunset and feed me dinner. We spooned all night for God’s sake and almost…!” Cate stopped talking suddenly as she realized the extent of her attraction. “Don’t pretend you haven’t been trying to get in my pants since the first day I got here.”
“Not the first day...” Lexi said softly. “But maybe the second.
Cate stared back at her.
“I wanted you to enjoy your vacation,” Lexi said softly.
“You kissed me… in the rain, while you were wearing that costume...” Cate said as she looked up at her. “That may have been the single most erotic event of my life.”
Lexi nodded. “It was a pretty fantastic kiss.”
“Then why did you disappear?”
“Believe me, if I hadn’t left...”
Cate shot her a look that could have fried an egg.
Lexi sighed and leaned back against the wall. She thumped her head softly against the stones.
“Are you married or something?” Cate asked.
“No.”
“Engaged?”
“Cate, I’m not with anyone.”
“Then what is it?”
“I can’t… tell you. I just can’t. You have to believe me, I want this,” she kicked herself off the wall and threw her head back. “God! I want this, but I just can’t.”
“I give up,” Cate said and threw up her hands. “I don’t even know why I’m arguing with you. I already have an uncommitted boyfriend, the last thing I need is a woman that can’t make up her mind.” She took a deep breath and tried to think logically about the whole thing. “Besides, I’ll be gone in a few days.”
“Cate, “ Lexi sighed, “I really like you. But… I made a mistake,” she said quietly. “Forgive me. Last night was incredible, but it’s better this way, for you.” She held out her hand.
“For me,” Cate said dryly. She took one look at Lexi’s outstretched hand and turned on her heel.
***
That afternoon, it rained again. The humidity in Cate’s room was almost unbearable but she refused to open her balcony door. No, she told herself. I will not give Lexi the satisfaction. Alice had been delighted at her sudden attitude shift.
“You don’t need a new friend, you have me. Forget about her,” Alice said over dinner. They’d cycled down to a little beach to avoid the restaurant since Alice was still feeling bitter about Ambrose. They picnicked on a blanket and commiserated about the suckiness of life.
“Everything sucks,” grumbled Alice.
“Tell me about it,” Cate said. They lay on their backs looking up at the clear blue sky. An orange and purple sunset erupted the sky into blazing colors. It couldn’t have been a prettier night and yet there she was, grumbling. She rolled onto her stomach and lay her head on her arms. The smell of her suntan lotion and warm skin was comforting. She aimed to feel indignant for the rest of the night if only to keep her mind off the more pressing issue of her persistent attraction. She felt as if she’d bitten into a delicious fruit and then been forced to spit it out.
She sighed into her arm and a little puff of sand flew up in front of her.
“Want more wine?” offered Alice.
Cate reached for her cup and held it in the air. “Hit me.”
“I was thinking, we could take a drive tomorrow,” Alice said.
Cate raised her head. “You hate driving.”
“It’s not that bad. Maybe we could go up to the mountains. It’s pretty up there, and cool. It might be nice to get away from the heat for the day.”
“That sounds nice. Thanks.”
“I realize I’ve not been myself lately and I probably haven’t been very fun. It’s Todd. I don’t know what I’m doing.”
“If you’re not happy...”
“I mean, I’m fine. He’s fine. But...”
Cate looked skeptical. “You said he cheats on you. That doesn’t sound fine.”
“Well...” Alice said and looked up into the sky. “I’m no angel.”
Cate stopped. “Wait a second, what do you mean you’re no angel?”
Alice shrugged. “I’ve had my indiscretions.”
“With who?” Alice didn’t say a word but the look on her face was the same one Cate had seen many times that day. “Ambrose?”
“Seriously, I can’t hide anything from you for long.”
Cate sat up. “I can’t believe I didn’t see it before. It makes so much sense.”
Alice laughed. “It makes no sense.”
“Does Todd know?”
“I think so. We’ve talked about having an open relationship before. We just don’t get into the details.”
“Did you do it to spite him?”
“No, I did it because there was nothing else to do.”
Cate took a look around her, at the beach, at the water, at the beautiful lush trees behind them, and then at the rocky hillside where the little colonial town was built. From where she sat it seemed there was a world of things to do.
“I guess it’s all relative. I was bored too, that’s why I came here. I was so utterly and miserably bored. I’d look in the mirror and I’d get bored. I’d looked at Peter and he was bored too. And, God! having sex with him was probably the most boring thing of all. And not because it was bad because it really wasn’t. It was just... nothing. I realized when we were discussing this vacation that I didn’t actually care. I mean I care about him as a human being, but... nothing happens when I look at him, there’s no spark and I know it’s the same for him. Don’t you think there’s something wrong with that?”
Alice laughed again though it sounded more sarcastic.
“Nothing is supposed to happen! You look at him, you see him, that’s all. All that other stuff they tell you is hooey. There’s no fairytale happy ending. You get married and you spend the rest of your lives paying bills together, that’s it.”
“What bills? You have a trust fund.”
“It doesn’t mean I don’t get bills like everyone else.”
Cate rolled over onto the sand and propped her head on her hand. She looked at her friend through one eye and tried to feel sorry for her. “I always thought you and Todd were a poster couple.”
Alice laughed again. “Right.”
“You have the perfect life. Look at where you live.”
“It’s true, it’s pretty nice.”
“Todd is like a total specimen of a man.”
“Every twenty-year-old in a bikini
would agree with you,” Alice said as she poured herself more wine.
“He’s so adventurous. He does all these amazing things.”
Alice looked at her and laughed again. “You are so funny. Don’t believe everything you read.”
“What about all the photos and videos?”
“I went on one of Todd’s shoots before. Never again, I told myself.”
“Why? What happened.”
“He’s a model, Cate, not an adventurer. He’s the face of Rugged Magazine, the masculine, virile, man’s man that every man wants to be. He can’t sail a boat any better than I can or climb without someone to carry his pack and pull him up the mountain. He doesn’t even write his own books. He’s a good looking prop, that’s all.”
“This is the most depressing conversation of my life,” Cate groaned. “I’ve been living vicariously through you two since we finished college.”
“They paid him not to get married so it wouldn’t ruin his reputation.”
“No!”
“Yes.”
“Doesn’t that… bother you?”
“It did at first... but now? No.”
“You’re sleeping with Ambrose. Do you love him?”
Alice shrugged.
Cate looked at her friend seriously. “Alice, do you love him?”
“Sometimes.”
“How about today?”
Alice rolled over on her back again. “No, definitely not today. But last night…”
Alice gasped. “You slept with him last night??”
“No. When I found out you were home and awake, I told him to leave.”
“He was out there?”
Alice nodded
Cate shook her head. “Wow, we both missed out on some action last night.”
Alice frowned. “Who did you...” then her mouth dropped. “No!”
“Nothing happened.”
“No!”
“We kissed, that’s all.”
“No!”
“Yes! Okay!” Cate sat up.
Alice stared back at her. “Was it nice?”
“It was - “ Cate tried to block the flashes from her mind but couldn’t, “so good.”
“I just never knew you were into girls.”
“Well, I didn’t either until last night. That’s not true. I guess I knew a few days ago.” She thought back to her time in the tree house.
Alice stared at her friend. “Remember that night in college? We played spin the bottle at Nadia’s birthday party.”
“Ugh, yes.”
“We kissed, remember?”
Cate looked at her. “Yes, of course, I remember.”
“Did you feel like a lesbian then?”
“No!”
“I didn’t either,” Alice said flatly.
“Tell me honestly, why do you hate Lexi so much?”
Alice sighed. “I don’t hate her. I just...”
“What?”
“Fine! I made an ass of myself one night and -”
“And what?”
“And I made a pass at her. I don’t know, I was bored I guess! Todd was in the Galapagos fucking sea turtles or something and I was here wasting away. I thought a little girl-on-girl might spice things up.”
“So what happened?”
“I went up to her apartment…” She stopped and shook her head. “Shit, I can’t believe I’m telling you this.”
“Go on,” Cate said.
“I went up there and knocked on her door and when she opened it...” she paused and shook her head again. “I was quite drunk that night I have to tell you.”
“Finish the story!”
“When she opened the door, I was standing there naked. She didn’t even bat an eye.”
“Did you... sleep with her?”
“God no! I was too drunk to even make it back down the stairs. The worse part was, I’d locked myself out of the apartment. Lexi had to climb in the window in your room to let me back in. I didn’t remember anything until the next morning and let me tell you, I was mortified.”
“So you resent her because you made a pass at her and she turned you down? That’s it?”
Alice nodded her head. “I know, I’m an asshole.”
“She never told me, you know? We’ve been talking all week and she never said anything about it.”
“Well, don’t get too excited, there’s still something funny about her.”
“Oh please!”
“No, seriously. I can’t put my finger on it but there’s something going on there. You’re better off keeping your distance.”
“I think she’s really...” Cate sighed. “Never mind it doesn’t matter anyway,” she said quietly.
“I know what will cheer us up, Let’s go for a swim,” Alice suggested suddenly.
“Now?”
“Yes, now. Let’s do it.”
“Okay.”
***
By the time they got back to the apartment, the sky had begun to cloud over.
“I’m beginning to think it rains here every night,” Cate said.
“Not every night, but most, that’s for sure. It helps to cool things off.”
“I wouldn’t know. It’s stifling either way.”
Alice squinted at her. “Are you complaining about your accommodations?”
“I love my room, actually. You get the breeze on this side, that’s all.”
“You could sleep with me. Todd’s not here and I have a queen-sized bed.”
“No thanks.”
Alice eyed her suspiciously. “Stop thinking about her.”
“I’m not thinking about her.”
“You are too.”
“Well, you’re probably thinking of Ambrose.”
Alice went back to her magazine and began to flip through it absently. “Maybe that’s it.”
Cate thought about Ambrose for a moment. “Is he... a good lover?”
Alice was taken aback. “Why do you ask?”
“I don’t know. It’s not so much about looks as he doesn’t really strike me as a ladies’ man. He always talks about himself.”
Alice chuckled. “What you don’t know.”
“I take it I’m wrong?”
“Ambrose loves going downtown, as it were. He’ll even talk about it for days.”
Cate held up her hand. “Okay stop. Too much information!”
“I’m serious. The man would happily spend a whole night on his knees if I asked him to.”
“Ohhh-kay, I’m sorry I brought it up. Let’s move on.”
Alice shrugged and sat back in her chair.
They sat on Alice’s snug balcony in lounge chairs. Alice seemed occupied in their own private thoughts. Cate sighed and flipped pages and pages of magazines she didn’t read. She glanced up at the attic windows she could see from her chair but decided to ignore them for her own good.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
When Alice called it a night, Cate lingered at the rail of the balcony. She looked up for a sign that Lexi was home. A light was on in the upstairs windows. It could have been any room, she didn’t know which, but she was sure it wasn’t on before.
When she returned to her bedroom, the humidity felt more intense than any other night. She considered opening the balcony door to let in some air. She did so for a brief moment until she realized there was no air, not even outside, only a humidity so dense it could have been spread with a knife. So she kept the door closed as punishment for being so smitten by the beautiful, dark-haired woman in the apartment above her.
I’ll sweat her out of my system, Cate thought to herself.
Thoughts of Lexi’s lips, Lexi’s body, and then, of course, the Batgirl suit, slipped silently through her consciousness and surfaced like a shark. For a moment or two, she stood there wavering at the balcony door as she was pulled under.
Enough! She told herself and went swiftly to her bed. She lay sweating. Sleep in that heat wasn’t really sleep at all. She felt feverish and damp. Her sheets clung
to her body. Her thin cotton t-shirt twisted around her as she tossed and turned. At some point in the middle of the night, she ripped her shirt from her body and flung it at the locked balcony door. Then she heard the soft sounds of rain as it began to tap at her windows.
She rose from her bed and opened the doors again. She was met with a rush of cool air and a cool, forgiving breeze. She stood in the dark shadow of the doorway and let the air wash over her. Lightning flashed and illuminated her form for a split second until she was blanketed in darkness again. Thunder rolled through the clouds on the hills. She stood there a while longer and then lay back down on her bed to watch the rain. Within minutes, she fell asleep.
A crash of thunder woke her. Lightening flashed through the room. The balcony door banged against the corner of the desk beside it. Cate rose and closed one of the doors. The other, she pushed open all the way to the wall. When she turned around, she stifled a scream.
Lexi crossed the room. Her shorts and t-shirt were soaked through.
“How long have you been standing there?” Cate asked.
“Not long,” Lexi said.
Cate looked down at her naked body and then reached for the t-shirt on the floor. It wasn’t there.
“Here,” Lexi said and offered it to her.
Cate took it in her hand, but then caught Lexi’s eye. The look stopped her from reaching for her shirt, from even caring about her nakedness, from breathing. Everything just stopped.
Lexi broke the silence. “I had to see you.”
“Why?”
“You know why,” she said softly.
It took a monumental effort to pull her eyes away. Cate stared instead at the carpet between them. “You’ve seen me now,” she said and reached for her t-shirt again.
Lexi took a step closer. “Don’t.” She held up her hand and took another step.
Cate felt her frustration rise. “You hand me my shirt but you don’t want me to put it on! You kiss me but you don’t want to -”
Lexi took the final step and pulled Cate into her arms. There was no grace to it all. Cate understood the urgency since it matched her own.
Lexi pressed her forehead to Cate's. "I know this is wrong."
"You broke into my room," Cate breathed.
"I've been waiting for you to open the door all night."
"I was so hot, I wanted you to come" Cate moaned as she stared at Lexi’s lips.
