The issue of honoring those you love by returning to them is one that applies to both healthy and unhealthy relationships. With healthy relationships, returning is a daily event. Let’s take a closer look.
RETURNING AND THE HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP
The Bible warns us of the importance of returning to our first love—Jesus Christ. Any of us who have tried to live the Christian life know what this means. Returning to our God is as constant and necessary as breathing in and out. We have a sin nature, an innate ability to stray from the Lord. But if we recognize our need to return to God and if we do so on a daily basis, we will continue to move ahead in our relationship with him.
The same principle can be applied to our relationships with each other. Many things strain at the ties that bind us to our loved ones. Busyness, misunderstandings, distance—both physical and emotional—missed opportunities, and a host of situations specific to each of us.
Say, for example, you have a parent or parents who live far away. Your life is busy and so is theirs. Over time, busyness becomes silence, and silence can become strained. With a mentality of constantly returning to that relationship, you might make a determination to call your parent or parents once a week or once every other week. By doing this you express honor and love and a decision to not let time cut the ties.
Without making that conscious decision to keep returning to that person, your relationship will at best be mediocre, and will always carry the potential to become unhealthy. Let’s look at a few ways we can continually return to those we love.
1. Schedule occasional date time.
Realize that this will be different if the date is with a daughter or a mother or a spouse.
If you are prone to letting time slip by, make sure to mark this on a calendar or Palm Pilot. (Call Sue this afternoon to catch up.)
2. Use together time to remind the person you love why you love him or her.
Laugh and reminisce about days gone by.
Find creative ways to do a checkup on whether the memories you’re making are as memorable as those you once made.
3. List the reasons why this person is important to you.
Set aside time to jot down the reasons you love this person. Be specific.
Share this list with the person at one of your regular meeting times, either by phone or in person. This will feel like a shower of love to the person you care about, and will go a long way to making him or her feel that sense of returning that is so crucial in any relationship.
RETURNING AND THE BROKEN RELATIONSHIP
As much as God wants us to keep returning to the importance of our relationships, he has another relational truth that’s crucial not only to our dealings with one another, but also to our dealings with Christ.
Numerous stories are told through Scripture showing the importance of mending broken ties between us and the people we love. One of my favorites is the story of the man who is told not to leave his offering at the altar for God until he makes amends with his brother first.
Many of you reading this will find yourself relating to the Baxter family, grieving the loss of one of your own, one who has left the fold and ventured out on his own away from his family, his faith, and his future dreams. For you I pray an ocean of faith, rivers of patience, and a constant rain of God’s grace until the day of that loved one’s return.
Others of you have perhaps done the wandering. You’ve walked away from a relationship for one reason or another. Maybe you’ve justified it, written that person off as being too controlling or overbearing, too negative or too judgmental. In the process you’ve done what millions of people have done through the ages—you’ve cut ties with someone you love. God knows that this type of cutting wounds not only the one you’ve walked away from, but you as well. The kind of cut that won’t heal unless you do the one thing God wants you to do: return.
Here are some ways you can return to someone you’ve left behind:
1. Write a letter.
Often times what can’t be said face-to-face or even in a phone conversation, can be expressed with the written word. Writing a letter gives you a chance to edit yourself, read over what you’ve written, and make sure it’s exactly what you want to say. Also, any words of love expressed in a letter will jump out at someone you’ve cut out of your life. Once you’ve written it, don’t let anything stop you. Send it…send it now.
2. Make a phone call.
One young man I worked with had been cut off from his parents for three years. The reason? His parents didn’t agree with his career choice. In a move of independence and defiance, he moved to another state, stuck with his career choice, and went about life. After reading Redemption (the first book in the Redemption series), this young man prayed, grabbed the telephone receiver, and held his breath. Then he dialed a series of numbers he hadn’t dialed for three years. Next he did this:
3. Apologize.
Nothing mends ties faster than an apology. It is the Superglue of relationships, followed up by the next most important words.
4. Say, “I love you.”
When the young man from the example above made his life-changing phone call, he apologized first. Then he told his parents the truth. Life’s too short to keep silent about love. “I love you, Mom and Dad. I love you.” What happened next is perfect proof of why we must return to those we’ve walked away from. His parents wept. They apologized and expressed their love. A week later his father got on an airplane, flew to his home, and spent three days learning to appreciate this young man’s career choice.
With those simple thoughts in mind, answer the following study questions and take stock of your own relationships. Until next time, know that we pray for each of you and believe that God will continue to use this series to make a life-changing impact on your relationships.
For more information about how the concepts in the Redemption Series can save or improve your relationships, contact us at:
The Smalley Relationship Center
1482 Lakeshore Drive
Branson, MO 65616
Phone: 800-84TODAY (848-6329)
Fax: 417-336-3515
E-mail: [email protected]
Web site: www.smalleyonline.com
Discussion Questions
Use these questions for individual reflection or for discussion with a book club or other small group. They will help you not only understand some of the issues in Return but also integrate some of the book’s messages into your own relationships.
1. What caused Luke to leave his family?
2. How did fear play a part in his departure?
3. How did pride play a part?
4. What was his father’s reaction to Luke’s departure?
5. Recall the scene when John Baxter was at his son’s apartment, confronting him about his girlfriend. How could you identify with John’s feelings?
6. How did you identify with Luke’s feelings?
7. What did John say to Luke before he left? Do you think he meant the things he said? Why or why not?
8. Have you ever had a time when you left someone you loved?
9. Why did you leave?
10. What emotions played a part in your leaving? How did you feel after you left?
11. If you have now returned to that person, how did you go about returning?
12. Did that person you left express words of unconditional love the way John did to Luke? If not, what did that person say to you?
13. Did someone you love ever leave you? Why?
14. What emotions did you feel when that person left? What did you do about those feelings?
15. Did that person return to you? If so, why? What were your feelings when he or she returned?
16. Luke’s mother told him about the Hound of Heaven. Explain who that term refers to, and how God worked that way in Luke’s life throughout this story.
17. How did God work that way in Landon’s life?
18. How did God work that way in Reagan’s life?
/> 19. How have you seen the Hound of Heaven working in your life or the life of someone you love?
20. Besides the situation with Luke, what other aspects of this story dealt with returning to people you love?
21. Give three definitions of return as it applies to relationships.
22. Which most relates to your life? Explain.
23. Identify one person who either needs to return to you, or whom you need to return to. Make a plan to carry out that return sometime soon.
24. Identify a relationship that is suffering from busyness, time, or distance. Make a plan to return to that person on a regular basis as a way of honoring him or her.
25. List three things you have learned about relationships by reading Return.
Also in the Redemption Series…
R E D E M P T I O N
R E M E M B E R
R E T U R N
R E J O I C E
R E U N I O N
Other Relationship Books by Gary Smalley
Food and Love
One Flame
Love Is a Decision (with John Trent)
Bound by Honor (with Greg Smalley)
Joy That Lasts (with Al Janssen)
Love That Lasts Forever
The Language of Love (with John Trent)
The Blessing (with John Trent)
The Two Sides of Love (with John Trent)
Other Emotionally Gripping Fiction Titles
by Karen Kingsbury
Where Yesterday Lives • Waiting for Morning
A Moment of Weakness • When Joy Came to Stay
A Time to Dance • On Every Side
Halfway to Forever • A Time to Embrace
Gideon’s Gift—A Christmas Novella
The
R E D E M P T I O N
Series by Karen Kingsbury and Gary Smalley
Novelist Karen Kingsbury and relationship expert Gary Smalley team up to bring you the Redemption Series, which explores the relationship principles Gary has been teaching for more than thirty years and applies them to one family in particular—the Baxters. In the crucible of their tragedies and triumphs, the Baxter family learns about commitment, forgiveness, faith, and the redeeming hand of God.
Check out the first two novels in the
Redemption Series today!
Redemption is a story of love at all costs. Kari Baxter Jacob’s husband is having an affair with one of his students. Stunned, Kari returns home to the Baxter family to sort things out. But when an old flame shows up, Kari is more confused than ever. How can Kari forgive her husband for the hurt he has caused? And what about her own revived feelings for Ryan, a man she knows she should avoid? Only as she turns to God can Kari find healing and redemption.
Remember follows Ashley Baxter on a journey from tragedy to healing. Ashley has locked up her heart, convinced that no one—including God—could love her. Then comes the nightmare of September 11, which forever changes the lives of the Baxter family, leading them to make decisions that are both heartbreaking and hope-filled.
eBook Info
Identifier:1-4143-0403-X
Title:Return
Creator:KarenKingsbury
Date:JANAUARY 2005
Copyrights:2003 by The Smalley Publishing Group, LLC, and Karen Kingsbury.
Publisher:Tyndale House Publishers.
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